GF's PMS rage causing problems *long*

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Brian May, Sep 2, 2006.

  1. Brian May

    Brian May New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2002
    Messages:
    18,774
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Pa
    Quick info: I'm 26, she's 25. Been dating for 8 months, we get along great other than this. We're highly compatible and communicate very well. I know how I want to the handle this shit, but I needed to vent

    Cliffs are in bold

    We took a trip to Atlantic City with her mother and father. After a 4 hour ride in the car, we get to our hotel when her father just leaves us in the lobby to go to the room after we checked in. This furiates my GF because the 3 of us were left to carry all the bags up to the room from the parking garage. I didn't complain and took most of the bags up, it didn't bother me at all.

    The whole time walking back to the hotel room, she's cursing and bitching up a shit storm to her mother because of her father ditching us. While this is going on, I'm trying to calm her down as was her mother. This went on for 15-20 minutes. We get back to the room and it turns out her father had to take his insulin injection and wasn't feeling well. She calms down somewhat but doesn't apologize for how she was acting. I let it go.

    FF to later on, she's at the slots and I need to call my grandparents. I tell her this and walk towards the front doors as I pull out a pack of cigs and start packing them. Just as I approach the front lobby, she comes up to me and starts getting real nasty. I told her (I didnt promise) that I would quit smoking the night before so I could see her being upset that I was smoking, just not THAT upset. She often says the same thing and starts back up again so I didn't understand why she was throwing a fit. I threw the cigs in the garbage can next to us and told her to drop it already. She refused to move from where she was standing until I went into the garbage can and got them out. I told her to keep fucking dreaming and we could stand there like idiots the whole rest of the day, I didn't care. She's continuing her raging and bitching for a few minutes until I walked up and got them from the garbage can and then I ditched her for an hour. I couldn't take her shit anymore. I was starting to feel an anxiety attack coming on and I've only had 1 before that incident, ever.

    Later on she gets plastered and apologized to me several times in the car as we headed over to another casino. I wasn't happy with her and kept my distance from her. She apologized again later on after having a panic episode in the casino we were at. We had a long talk later on in the night in our hotel room about what had happened. Basically I told her she acted like childish brat and she needs to learn how to control herself. Also, there was no excuse for acting like that. I let it be known that she was disrespectful towards not only me but her parents as well and that she should sincerely apologize to them. She agreed and did so.

    Last night we talked about what happened that day after having sex. She was afraid that I was going to leave her because of all this, I told her she had no reason to worry but in the past few days I was seriously considering it. I dont know how to handle her fits when she gets like this, it's very difficult to get through to her and calm her down. It only happens when she is PMS'ing and we get along fine any other time of the month, seriously. The mood swings and fits are getting out of hand, I'm getting tired of dealing with this shit at the end of every month.

    She ruined our vacation, put me and her family in a bad mood for the rest of the 2 short days were away. I love this woman, but this shit is getting old. I don't want to end things with her, but I will if she keeps this shit up and she knows this. We made up and are back to normal, but it's made me re-evaluate my relationship with this woman and I could see this being a problem later on down the road. I made it clear that if this happens again, I'm gone.
     
  2. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    110,609
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland
    Have you mentioned to her about seeing her doctor about this? I believe there's medication out there for females that have pms "rage" :dunno:
     
  3. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    There is and she should definetly see her doctor about it. There is no reason either of you should have to deal with that.
     
  4. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

    Joined:
    May 29, 2000
    Messages:
    49,189
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    Is she on any type of birth control? She may want to either start BC or switch to a different type because that may help.

    As far as how to handle it, I would let her know that if she acts like that again that you are going to just going to go home/take her home/leave and that she shouldn't talk to you again until she can act normal. She may not be able to control how shitty she feels but she can control whether or not she puts other people through it.
     
  5. Brian May

    Brian May New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2002
    Messages:
    18,774
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Pa
    She is not on birth control at this time and she doesn't plan on going on it anytime soon. Long explanation, I dont want to get into it.

    I made it very clear that I will not tolerate this behavior from her again. But the truth is, I know that this is going to happen again and I really don't want to be with her anymore. This is the second time that she's blown up like this. I have lost a lot of the respect that I had for her. I dont know what to do.
     
  6. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yes you do, you said it right there.
     
  7. big 1

    big 1 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2006
    Messages:
    971
    Likes Received:
    0
    um, i dont think her "problem" is HER hormones, rather they are problems that have been caused and could have been avoided by your behavior. She probably felt alienated when you werent sympathetic towards her and her mom when you had to carry the suitcases.
    This started her gettting ticked off. Second, when you start smoking, it triggers a deep reaciton in her becasue of her dad's own health problems. And most girls find smoking to be unattractive, fyi..thats why she wants you to quit..top it off with your broken promise of quitting...:ugh:
    calling her a childish brat is no way to get to an end of an arugement. If any man of mine called me any names, hed see the door. put downs are a no-no. And youre not exactly perfect, either, considering you just were caught smoking.
    This problem wont go away with "hormone pills." rather, your gf just needs you to treat her differently. Stop putting her down and start looking at her as apartner. She needs your comfort and support when PMSing, its not a comfortable time of the month.
    Oh ya, and quit smoking already!!
     
  8. Brian May

    Brian May New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2002
    Messages:
    18,774
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Pa
    Wow, reading comprehension > you :ugh:

    I carried the heaviest of the bags, they carried smaller and lighter shit. Why the hell should I be sympathetic to her? She was upsetting her mother a great deal by cursing and carrying on like an idiot in the casino lobby in front of hundreds of people who stared at us.

    Again, reading comprehension > you. Since you missed it the first time...

    She smokes too :hsugh: She always tells me she wants to quit and then lights up as soon as we pull away from her house. I dont scream, yell or throw tantrums at her. It doesn't bother me in the least bit, but when I do it all hell breaks loose. All of a sudden I'm getting an earful of cursing and swearing. Keep in mind I NEVER talked to her or any past GF like that. I expect the same in return, it's not asking for much.

    When she's in a mood like this, there's no getting through to her. I tried the calm and relaxed approach in the past when this happened before, it got me nowhere. Also, later on after the shit storm cleared and we had our long talk about what happened (you missed that part of the post I take it?) she admitted to me that she was acting "childish and foolish."

    Hey, when the cramps are kicking in and she's feeling like shit, I'm always there to comfort her and do whatever I can to make sure I can accomodate her. When she's blowing up at everybody and throwing a shit fit for no reason or something minor, then guess what? I'm not going to be so nice to her. Mood swings brought on by PMS is not an excuse. I told her all this during our long talk. I also told her that I have my shitty days at work and that my family brings on a lot of aggrevation but I refrain from taking it out on her. I know how to vent and direct my anger at those who I am upset at.

    She was mad at her father because he left to take his insulin shot, although he should have said this before taking off. She just flipped the fuck out at everybody, cursing at her mother nonstop for several minutes and causing a scene. Once we were able to get up to our room, her father told us what happened. He was getting dizzy and tired, he needed his shot. She didn't apologize to her mother or her father at all. That bothered me as well.
     
  9. big 1

    big 1 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2006
    Messages:
    971
    Likes Received:
    0
    im just telilng you things from the female perspective. Obviously you have never had PMS because your not a woman. You cant sit there and say you sympathize with her, becasue if you did, you wouldnt be here creating this thread. Its not your job to run her family, you dont have control over anything but yourself.
    The best things for you to do is to comfort her and understand her, and quit smoking. It seems like shed be better off without you if you cant change these things.however if you can change those things it would help improve your relationhip.
     
  10. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

  11. lauren

    lauren Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    38,880
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Palo Alto, CA
    so, youre excusing her actions, and think he should just not be bothered by it? if someone if treating me like shit, i wouldnt put up with it, no excuse.

    he shouldnt have to quit smoking to be treated well by his gf.
     
  12. Brian May

    Brian May New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2002
    Messages:
    18,774
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Pa
    thank you lauren :bowdown:

    Hey, any other time of the month, we get along great. You'd think we were newlyweds for Christ's sake. But when the last few days of the month come around, I'm walking on eggshells. She becomes a ticking time bomb and the slightest infraction will set her off on a tantrum.

    I was raised on the golden rule and strongly believe in it. I always treat others as I would want to be treated. I have never treated her or any past girlfriend in such a manner yet it seems every GF I've had does this to me. They become enraged and take every problem they have out on me then when the cloud passes over, all I get is "oh, I've had a lot on my mind, sorry."

    I dont *hate* women, I'm not a misogynst. But this shit is becoming tiresome and annoying. Maybe I should start pulling this shit on her? Let her see how it feels to be on the receiving end. :dunno: Nah, I wouldn't really do that.

    For the record, we both smoke. She's been smoking way before I met her. We often tell each other we're going to quit, only to buy a pack after we go at it like jackrabbits. She tells me all the time she is going to quit, only to light up in my car as we pull away from her house because she had an argument with her douche nozzle of a father. But that's ok...when I do it, I'm the asshole.
     
  13. Brian May

    Brian May New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2002
    Messages:
    18,774
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Pa
  14. big 1

    big 1 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2006
    Messages:
    971
    Likes Received:
    0
    you called her dad a douch nozzle?? lets hope shes not reading this forum...
     
  15. Brian May

    Brian May New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2002
    Messages:
    18,774
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Pa
    No, I just refer to him as douche nozzle on random internet forums whenever I disclose my relationship problems with total strangers. God, you are DENSE :ugh:
     
  16. notsousual

    notsousual New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2006
    Messages:
    24,227
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    WA
    Wow...holy shit. Acting like that is NOT cool, and gives all us girls a bad name.

    Sure I get irritated, and am not as easy to be around as normal, but I usually dont say most things that come to my mind. I can feel the hate and anger and evilness build up insde then I just think 'Wow. I don't want to say that, that would be bad.'

    She needs to work on some self CONTROL.
     
  17. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2004
    Messages:
    4,608
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Melbourne
    I certainly couldn't take a relationship like that, I'd be out of there asap.

    The only issue on your side that I can see is the smoking one. I don't care whether you do or don't smoke, but I don't see why you'd say you will quit when you don't intend too. If you told her (whether or not it was a promise, it amounts to the same thing unless you said "i might", "maybe", etc) that you would then you made a mistake there.

    Apart from that though, she sounds a little crazy. Losing control in front of shitloads of people would make me :ugh:
     
  18. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,650
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Charleston, SC
    Are you done yet? :ugh:


    To the threadstarter:
    You need to tell your gf about taking something for her rage. That is totally unacceptable in a relationship and you definitely shouldnt have to take it. She needs a literal chill pill. Its not right for you to have to worry and step very carefully with everything you want to say / do, even if its those few days.

    As for the smoking thing, I dont believe she should make a huge deal about you not quitting, if she has the same habit. The easiest would be to quit together, especially since one being around the other while they tried to quit and the other continued smoking, it'd probably be near-impossible. If shes not interested in doing the same, then theres no reason for you to try except for yourself.
     
  19. 94civicEX

    94civicEX New Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2003
    Messages:
    4,778
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Utah
    Whatever you come up with, I do not suggest treating it with a pill :rolleyes:. Might want to look into anger management or couples therapy.
     
  20. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2002
    Messages:
    14,243
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    NYC

    :werd: screw that. control yourself woman. if you are that out of control, don't put yourself in situations that are going to upset you. stay home and watch TV by yourself if thats what its gonna take. But repeatedly putting other people through bitch fits because you cant controll yourself is childish.


    oh, and big 1, you are half retarded at least. That kind of behavior is never ok. I don't care if you arn't feeling well. if you are an adult, act like it.
     
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2006
  21. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2004
    Messages:
    7,705
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Another reality apparently
    All women arent like that. Find one that can control themselves. There is nothing wrong with a woman seeking help for that though, many times they can be put on an SSRI, or other anti-depressant, and that will really help any symptoms of PMS.

    Sometimes a woman is going to act like that, we all have our days, even us guys. It is when they start using PMS as an excuse for their actions, like it is some sort of justification for acting like a complete idiot. Women like that need to be branded to men know to stay away from them. Some women don't want to be like that, and instead of making excuses they go to a doc and seek some help. Chemical imbalances happen, fix them, dont excuse them...
     
  22. BrokenHalo

    BrokenHalo New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2003
    Messages:
    9,621
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    The Nether Regions
    I don't think that its totally fair for some of you to be saying that she's doing this on purpose, that she needs to be branded, etc.

    PMDD is a serious disorder. It can cause serious mental problems as well. And its not something that can be easily dealt with without medication.

    Sometimes when I'm PMSing, I'm very depressed and moody. I can't help it, I just am. The slightest things can send me into tears.

    And I'm sure that some of you guys aren't peaches to deal with either. You're feeling sick or you had a bad day and you're an asshole, yet you expect everyone to cater to your every need and not question anything just because you had a bad day. Thats bullshit.
     
  23. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2004
    Messages:
    7,705
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Another reality apparently
    Then obviously you are part of the problem, not the solution. :hsugh:

    Also you seem to misunderstand. No one said it is intentional that she acts this way really (atleast i dont think so?, i could have missed it, but since you brought up my branding comment i assumed it was in response to my post). It is intentional of her to not seek help when there is a problem. Like I said, it is understandable to get in moods like that...it is not understandable, nor should it be tolerable, for a woman to continually act like that...blame it on PMS...and then not seek or accept medical help or psychological counseling to prevent the frequency of such outbursts.
     
  24. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2004
    Messages:
    7,705
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Another reality apparently
    A little defensive?? :rofl:

    We arent talking about a bad day now and then, the thread started is talking about an ongoing psychological problem.
     
  25. BrokenHalo

    BrokenHalo New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2003
    Messages:
    9,621
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    The Nether Regions
    that being the point.

    people's reactions to the problem at hand are less than understanding.

    she's not just being a bitch because she can be, she has a problem that needs to be addressed with something other than "she's just a bitch".

    and yes, i am slightly defensive. and thats not really something to laugh about. psychological disorders aren't fucking funny. and they can be very hard to deal with, especially when people don't understand.
     

Share This Page