SRS GF's Ex won't stop calling/texting. Do I interfere?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by OhHai, Aug 24, 2008.

  1. OhHai

    OhHai New Member

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    Little bit of backstory : Been with my GF almost a year. She and her ex broke up almost 2 years ago after she found out he cheated on her. She moved on easily and never spoke with him again.

    Lately, he keeps texting her. She has been 100% honest with me throughout our relationship and tells me everytime he texts, and she never replies. He will send her things like "hey, we should get down tonight" or "hey wanna meet up " and just obnoxious things like that. He has even gotten his friends to text her "Do you think *EX's Name" is hot? You too should hook up." Its getting rather annoying, and also is extremely childish.

    Now, its getting to the point where its happening every two weeks or so, and I am becoming bothered. She has not written him back once, except once to say she has a boyfriend and has moved on. Now my question is, should I interfere and confront the guy? She tells me that will jsut cause drama and to keep quiet, and has offered to change her number, but has not followed through with it. It is becoming very irritating, but would me confronting the guy just cause more drama? Guess I'm just looking for the mature thing to do here, because I want it to stop.

    Thanks
     
  2. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    I think you're both doing the right thing by ignoring it. She texted him back once and said that she's not interested, has a bf, etc and thats all she needs to do.
    Like you said, doing anything else like replying or getting you involved will only cause more drama that you dont need. Hopefully eventually he'll get the picture and move on. I can understand how annoying this is, but you've gotta just suck it up and wait for it to end.

    Oh, and you said "lately" he's been texting her...how long has this been going on and how long has it been since she told him she wasnt interested?
     
  3. OhHai

    OhHai New Member

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    Lately as in like the last 5 months. She told him she had moved on about 3 months ago because we both got sick of it, and it seems that jsut intensified the problem. She has been ignoring him ever since, and I must admit it is extremely childish on his part to keep texting her stupid obnoxious things, but it is getting annoying. I guess the best thing to do is keep ignoring it until it dies out.
     
  4. Bennybenguin

    Bennybenguin Active Member

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    I would try to find out how to block the texts or tell him you'll go to the cops if the harrassment gets really bad. :dunno:
     
  5. Arkaybee

    Arkaybee New Member

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    good luck blocking the texts...cell phone companies can't do that. They are restricted by law "in case there is something urgent" they say. A friend of mine had the same problem with an ex. He would call her constantly so I changed her voicemail to say Dr. Jenson (or something) and made it sound like he got a new personal phone/pager.

    I would change her VM to something different (even a different language if you know someone that speaks spanish, french, russian etc) and then reply to the text ONCE that says "I think you are trying to contact the wrong person"

    If worse comes to worse, change her number.
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Not your business. If after 5 months he is still doing it your gf would be wise to actually warn him to leave her alone or she'll get the polive involved. She doesn't actually have to get them invoved (since it's apparently non-threatening and just annoying), but it could scare him off. She also needs to tell him once more that she has moved on and he needs to as well. She told him 2 months ago and she needs to tell him again.

    You saying or trying to do something will only fuel him more.
     
  7. iny0urfav0r

    iny0urfav0r New Member

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    My ex actually used to do that after I had already been with my boyfriend for some time. He really wanted to interfere and tell him to go away, but I told him not to. If your girlfriend doesnt want to change her number even though it annoys her, you might want to make sure that she doesnt just like the attention that her ex is giving her.

    I'm in no way implying anything, but I know a couple girls like that. It doesnt make sense that she wouldnt want to change her number if its that annoying and that big of a deal.
     
  8. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    Correct answer.
     
  9. wagonproject

    wagonproject New Member

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    Agreed 100%. My girl actually had the same thing happen to her a while ago. They hadn't talked in 2 plus years and out of the blue he starts calling, texting, etc. Even after her telling him numerous times to stop. It finally got to the point where he was driving by her house numerous times a day, her work, going into her working, parking at the end of driveway, following her in her car, etc after she had changed her number numerous times. We both finally had enough of it and took it to the authorities which she had advised him of many times. Now she has like a "restraining order" on him. I'm not saying take it to that level, but she needs to tell him to stop, maybe more than that one time. But you don't need to get involved. It will only cause more trouble for both you in the long run. Best of luck!
     
  10. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    I disagree, threatening to get the police involved may engage him (like he wants). He's trying to get under her skin, that will be admitting that he has. It also gives me fuel to create stupid drama if they have mutual friends.
     
  11. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

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    If she wanted to get rid of him she'd change her phone number or call the phone company to block him.

    Shouldn't be much of an issue from that point.
     
  12. Mr. Pelham

    Mr. Pelham Guest

    Change the phone number.
     
  13. GreatDeceiver

    GreatDeceiver OT Supporter

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    Damn, you're all so passive in here its laughable sometimes. 'Don't get involved' or 'not your business'. You guys could just have an auto reply.

    It's his girlfriend, how is it not his business? The ex obviously doesn't care that she is ignoring him, doesn't care that she tells him she's in another relationship, and still harasses her...

    The same exact shit happened with my gf, this guy she used to date on and off started texting her and calling her about a year into our relationship, being a real fucking creep even though she told him to fuck off the first few times and then just ignored him after that. It didn't stop him. She was talking about changing her number, etc. just like this.

    I convinced her to give he his number. She didn't want to at first, saying that it would create more problems, etc. In the end I convinced her and when she went off to work I called the guy. I calmly told him who I was and asked if he knew that I was dating her. Immediately this dude's tone changed, he got defensive and even apologetic giving me excuses like she never told him she was dating someone else (total lie I saw her texts back to him) and giving me all these excuses. I cut the guy off and told him to delete her number from his phone, and to never contact her again. She will never talk to him, never see him, and that I will always be with her if he tries to reach her. The fucker never called or texted her again. Go figure :hsugh:

    My point is that guys often feel that they can do whatever they want when it comes to women, but when they see that someone else is fighting for them, protecting them, their whole attitude changes. I never want her to be a victim if I can help it, why should she get a new number, deal with the police, etc while some guy who just refuses to let go sits back and finds another way to get to her? I'm not saying go fight him or something, but another man's presence can do wonders.

    Take whatever advice you want in here man, I'm just providing the other perspective.
     
  14. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :rofl: It has nothing to do about being passive :hsugh:

    It's called being a mature individual who knows when it's not his fight to start. Yes, it's his gf, but he should have told his gf to fix this shit months ago, whether she told him off or changed numbers.
     
  15. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    This isn't prehistoric times. I want to be with a woman who is willing and able to deal with her problems. Asking for suggestions on how to deal with a situation is one thing, but actually going as far as talking to the guy? No.

    She's an adult woman, not his daughter. He's not there to solve her problems for her.

    Any adult in this day and age (man or woman) should be able to deal with problems like this...change your number, have the phone company block it, legal action whatever.

    But calling some guy you don't know to tell him to back off your gf? Please, this isn't a high school TV show. All that does is show the ex that you're worried about him, thus giving him more incentive to communicate with her and maybe even try to split you two up.
     
  16. Mr. Pelham

    Mr. Pelham Guest

    I didn't read teh part where he started a fight. What I read was:
    I calmly told him who I was...
     
  17. GreatDeceiver

    GreatDeceiver OT Supporter

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    Yeah, me too. But it's much easier to make assumptions and ignore certain points to make your pov seem more correct. :hsughno:
     
  18. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    Change the number or turn off text messaging, I know for a fact you can't block texts from a certain number
     
  19. GreatDeceiver

    GreatDeceiver OT Supporter

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    So his role as the man in the relationship is to tell his girlfriend to 'fix this shit'? As if it's her fault that some guy refuses to let her be and live a happy life in her new relationship. Honestly you guys are acting like any involvement from him will undoubtedly cause drama and a fight, like its an absolute certainty :hsugh:

    All I'm saying is that right now the ex sees the TS as just a name, for all he knows she could be making him up, and that he can make his presence known to this guy by being a calm and mature man. Guys like this are pretty much spineless and only act tough with the girl, but when they realize that someone is actually looking out for her they immediately lose that facade. I have seen it first hand. And if it does nothing and the ex doesn't budge, then the girl can change numbers and addresses and call the cops and whatever else you guys advise.

    Like I said I'm just providing the other pov. Call it whatever you will and try to discredit me and my experience, I see it as being a man and standing up for those you care about. Maybe next time I'm at the bar and some guy is harassing my gf I'll sit by and tell her to handle it lol.
     
  20. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    update?
     
  21. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :hsugh: A guy harassing your gf in public in front of you is different than an ex boyfriend sending text messages to his now taken ex girlfriend who wont tell him to fuck himself and take care of it herself easily.
     
  22. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    I could NOT agree more.

    Calmly confronting the guy can have a huge impact on him. Now the one drawback is that her ex really is a psycho. I know a guy who's like this. ANY and I mean ANY form of aggression and this guy will escalate. He was once pissed at his brother when they got in an argument. The brother climbed a tree to get away and this guy lit the damned tree on fire! Yeah....he spent time in prison and I would not want to ever fuck with this guy. He literally loves the sensation of pain.

    The problem with most people is, they think that guys like this are quite common. They aren't....in fact, I've only known one guy like this my whole life. I mean there are guys that talk tough and many that really are tough...this guy was insane. Most guys aren't tho.

    Most guys that harass/stalk don't want to be confronted. They are weasels that like to hide in the shadows and get a kick out of scaring someone. Letting them know you're there and aren't scared can diffuse the situation.

    The first step is calm, rational and controlled confrontation. If that isn't going well and the guy wants to escalate then you can involve the authorities or change her number or do other things to make her feel safe.
     

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