GF's ex-best friend returns. Advice?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by minkus962, Aug 7, 2008.

  1. minkus962

    minkus962 New Member

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    So I'm the new guy, most of you probably haven't seen me post at all, as I used to be a main forum lurker until my sub got killed etc. etc.

    But onto the problem:

    I've been dating my current gf for about 8 or 9 months now, both of us attend the same college, which is where we met. She's pretty much the coolest person I've ever been friends with, and have no plans on breaking up with her anytime soon.

    So today, we were texting, and the topic of discussion was returning to school, and how it sucks that we're leaving our various friends from our hometowns are returning back to school, when she mentioned that she's friends again with her high school best friend, who is a guy.

    This is the same guy she lost her V-card to, and had sex at least twice with (never cared to actually get a number). The reason why she stopped being friends with him is because he stopped caring about the friendship and just wanted to get into her pants constantly.

    This bothers me, because, for at least the next few weeks, she's going to be hanging out with him, and I really don't want some guy trying to get into my girls pants.

    How do I communicate this to her without seeming overbearing or overprotective?

    I just feel really weird about this whole situation, especially considering I'm generally the opposite of a jealous boyfriend. One of the reasons why my GF is so awesome is that I don't even need to think about if she's going to cheat on me, but its the guy I'm more worried about than her.

    Sorry for the long read. Halp?
     
  2. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    This really is one of those cases where you just have to trust her. If the guy tries to make a move on her, she'll reject him if she values the relationship.

    Telling her it makes you uncomfortable will tell her you don't trust her to respect the relationship.

    Now if he starts majorly flirting, and she doesn't reject the advances, then you can say "hey, this guy is hitting on you constantly, you haven't told him to knock it off, that's starting to upset me".

    Besides, for all you know, said guy could be in a loving committed relationship.

    You can't really do anything until you know what he is doing.

    Oh, and DON'T SNOOP! That will kill the relationship instantly.
     
  3. minkus962

    minkus962 New Member

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    Yeah, I've always been very anti-snooping. I constantly steal her phone from her (playfully), but not once have I gone through texts/voicemails or anything like that.

    I don't think that I mentioned that me and her live in different cities when we're at school. We're only an hour away, so we get to see each other, but I have no idea what this guy is doing or how he's doing it.

    Yeah, my plan of action right now is to do nothing, I'm seeing her on Friday to go to Darien Lake (mother fucking woot!) and I'll probably ask about how they became friends again, but I'm not planning on saying anything about me being uncomfortable with it.
     
  4. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Don't.

    So she made friends with someone, no big deal.

    Yes, it's a really small thing, but better to not even start down the road of observation/suspicion until you have to.

    Right now, you don't have to.
     
  5. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    With 8-9 months you should have quite a bit of trust for her by now.

    You need hold off on interrogating her and let her see how things go. Ask her about her night, but don't probe questions like "So did he still seemed attracted to you?".

    I've slept with a girl who I still hang out with every couple of weeks and there has never been any real spark between us since things happened.


    Most guys aren't worth trusting but maybe this guy is. If she truly values your relationship as Matt pointed out she would know whether or not it is still appropriate to see this guy on occassion.
     
  6. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    If she is planning to spend time alone with him, be aware that she is allowing you to spend time alone with females.

    In my experience, this can turn into a case of "she can dish it out, but she can't take it."

    If you spend as much time alone with a girl as she does with this guy, its gonna drive her nuts.
     
  7. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    He was trying to get in her pants constantly before and supposedly that is why the friendship "ended."

    Why would you expect this to have changed? He's still gonna try to get some.
     
  8. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Oh, you mean her ex is also her best friend?

    I thought you meant her "ex-best friend", like the person who used to be her best friend (I assumed a female).

    Honestly, I'd be super concerned if my gf wanted to hang out with one of her exes. That would be a pretty big red flag for me.

    I don't want to hang out with any of my exes. I expect the same from a gf.
     
  9. Timer

    Timer Guest

    It depends on how you phrase it. Saying, "You with him makes me uncomfortable" is different then, "It isn't you, I don't trust what he may try to do". BUT, you can't tell her no - tell her that you trust her, to have fun, and if there is an issue, you'll be around.

    Now what would ideally be done? YOu tell her you dn't like she i s hanging ot with anex.
     
  10. minkus962

    minkus962 New Member

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    This is my concern. She's not going to spend alone time with him, but they're both in a group of friends and will probably end up at the same party, and I don't really trust the dude to not try to get into her pants. While I know she wouldn't cheat, I don't want her getting hit on by some dude she's fucked in the past.

    And since I worded it badly, they never dated, they were just best friends throughout high school, and somehow ended up sleeping together, but then all he wanted was pussy so she stopped talking to him.
     
  11. dan7532

    dan7532 New Member

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    Why are you so worried about some guy hitting on her? It's bound to happen anywhere she goes, she's a female.

    I'd be MUCH more worried about WHY she wants to hang out with a guy she previously didn't like because all he wanted was sex from her.
     
  12. Boudreaux

    Boudreaux Active Member

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    .
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Attention? Maybe she misses the friendship?
     
  14. Boudreaux

    Boudreaux Active Member

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    Sounds to me like that "friendship" they once had turned into a something else, just playing devils advocate.
     
  15. dan7532

    dan7532 New Member

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    I'd ask her personally "you left this guy before because all he wanted was sex. what changed?"
     
  16. fray

    fray New Member

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    I'd probably ask her what she's going to do if it turns out he's just trying to get in her pants again.
     
  17. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    .
     
  18. dan7532

    dan7532 New Member

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    Holy mother of multi-quote.
     
  19. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    lol.

    I was just emphasizing the fact that the issue is that she wants to hang out with an ex/fuckbuddy/whatever, and not what he should actually do about it. That point seems to have been missed so I quoted it a bunch so maybe they will notice it now :big grin:
     
  20. dan7532

    dan7532 New Member

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    I knew where you were going with it.

    I like your style ;)
     
  21. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    i would wait to see where she goes with this. if she actually hangs out with him, if she mentions him in conversation, or if she tries to cover up the fact that he was around, etc. her actions will tell you all you need to know
     
  22. minkus962

    minkus962 New Member

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    Falconer, you should try being more direct, you're pretty bad at it.

    Just gonna see where everything goes over the next week or so. I'm not expecting anything bad to happen, but I've always thought he sounded like a douchebag.
     

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