SRS GF's 6 year old brother died...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by xtreme99, Sep 11, 2006.

  1. xtreme99

    xtreme99 New Member

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    Last week, my girlfriend's 6 year old brother passed away in a car accident. He and her parents were on vacation in another state when it happened.

    I was always there for my girl during all of this. I always tried to give her everything she needed, and made sure she was as comfortable as possible, given the situation. Hell, when she went to the hospital to see her parents the next day, she wanted me to come, and I drove halfway there before her mom decided she didn't want me there.

    So they get back, and I see my girlfriend the night she gets back. For the most part, she's fine. She has her moments, but I've been able to help her talk through her feelings.

    So yesterday, I woke up, and texted her to see how she was doing. No answer. Later that afternoon, I texted her again. No answer. Finally later on, I called her from a number she didn't know, and she answered the phone. I asked her what was up and she said everything was fine and she was just busy. She promised me she would call me later that evening and we would go do something together.

    That night, I never heard from her. Not once. I even called her a couple times, and have heard nothing. So basically, I havent talked to her, and she's been ignoring me. I haven't even heard from her today.

    So today, her cousin sends me a text message saying that she just needs to be with family right now and that's why she's ignoring me.

    WTF? I have to hear this from her cousin? Why couldn't she just call me and tell me herself? I would have understood.

    I've never lost anyone close to me, so I have no idea what it would be like. Is this a normal behavior for someone dealing with a big loss in their family?

    **EDIT** She's 18 and I'm 19
     
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2006
  2. ChrisOT

    ChrisOT New Member

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    Well, speaking from myself that's not what I did.
    I needed my GF to be there for me when my mother passed, 3months ago :(
     
  3. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    How old is she, and how old are you? For some it is normal behavior, some people just shut down when they go though something like this. You have to remember, it just happened last week, it's a bit early to be pushing her to go out and that type of thing.

    Give her the time she needs, the death of a young child is one of the worst to deal with. Leave her a message saying if she needs anything, or just someone to talk to, that she can give you a call 24/7. She'll call you in time.
     
  4. Chris90210

    Chris90210 New Member

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    Only problem is it seems like he as called too much as is. I would just let her call because she will in time.
     
  5. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    everyone grieves differently. as long as they're not causing themselves significant damage (such as cutting) it's best to let them grieve how they want. she might be feeling that she can't handle anything else right now and all relationships are complicated right? it's like wanting to take a break from work or school. just give her some space.
     
  6. Kortiz-DZ

    Kortiz-DZ Resident Nigerian Lipper OT Supporter

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    right now....she's not making decisions for herself.

    her parents are her main focus....because she has them there, that is her focus. they are directly affected by what happened....you are not.

    don't let it get to you....it's natural....
     
  7. xtreme99

    xtreme99 New Member

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    Thanks for the excellent replies everyone. I sent her a text and apologized and made it sound as sincere as it could being that it was a text message. She never replied, but I understand. I'll give her the time she needs, and hopefully she will come back to me when she has started to move past this.
     
  8. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Its like this , if the mom displays that she doesn't want you to be there, then the dislikement comes from her. What i would do if i where you is 'phonecall' her, with another phone, and not ask for her but for her mother. And offer your condoleances thru the phone. Saying something like ,hello mrs.(x) i just wanted to offer my sincere condoleances and prayers for you and your family during these difficult moments, and ask if your allowed to bring some flowers to personally bring your condoleances to the family.

    You see, if the mother will accept you, its most likely that the daughter will be allowed to accept you too. Your gf probably needs you right now,but is closed up because the emotional state of her mother has dissallowed any strangers into her life into that personal moment. This is where you have to show an act of kindness, that your more family then a stranger to these people.
     
  9. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    Has their been a funeral yet?

    If not, go to the funeral. It might help put her family at ease with you. Could also send flowers to the service or send them a card.
     
  10. OoOlAlA

    OoOlAlA New Member

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    I would say this is normal, two people passed away in my family when i was younger. My sister pushed everyone away that she loved, i kept it to myself. People react in different ways. Just make sure she knows your there when she needs you and are ready to continue the way you were when she is ready. She probly had her cousin do it because she was upset and even more upset thinking about you getting mad about her ignoring you so she had her cousin deal with it because she is already overwhelmed. When things like this some people get really close with family and thats what she is doing, I wouldnt worry about anything, things will heal with time.
     
  11. xtreme99

    xtreme99 New Member

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    I can't thank everyone enough for all the advice given. I think I know what I have to do, even though it's hard. You guys are some good people!
     

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