GF was sexually abused

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by haargerman, Feb 27, 2007.

  1. haargerman

    haargerman ayuh.

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2005
    Messages:
    4,748
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Boston
    This is my first post here, but here's the story:

    Been seeing this girl for over 4 months now, and for awhile nothing really happened. She is still a virgin. I was okay with that. However lately she's been letting me begin to finger her, play around a little more and she's been opening up to me. But she WON'T orgasm. She'll get to a point and completly shut down and push me off of her.

    She's only had 1 partner, and that partner forced sex onto her. From what she tells me the prick wouldn't stop even when she wanted him too. He would get pissed off and leave when she didn't let him do anything.

    She has told me she had orgasmed, but it was forced and it was hell. She equates it to being in a car accident.

    Naturally, I am trying to be as sensitive to the situation as possible. I try not to cross any lines, but it is very difficult - because she knows how to get me incredibly heated. This is still really difficult because I know she wants to have some fun - but she can't because she says she has flashbacks and it doesn't feel right.

    A little background on myself:
    I've had 3 sexual partners, and all 2 of them were great. I had a lot of fun and consider myself pretty expierienced.

    How can I help her?
    How can I get her to open up and feel more comfortable?

    All I can think of is to stop initiating anything, or at least going very far, (which is incredibly difficult), and hopefully one day she'll want it enough that she'll forget what happened in the past.

    Thanks
     
  2. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

    Joined:
    May 29, 2000
    Messages:
    49,189
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    She needs professional help to deal with it.
     
  3. audrey

    audrey New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2005
    Messages:
    2,542
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Down Under
    ohhhh :(

    Have you asked her what you can do to help?
     
  4. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2004
    Messages:
    1,101
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ,,,_(õ_Ô)_,,,
    Dawt!
     
  5. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Dude, run away. If you stick around it is going to take forever and she is always going to be a little off.
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    :hsugh: yes, run away from anything/anyone you care about because they are not perfect
     
  7. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    No guy at an early age wants to deal with a girl thats going to start to cry as soon as you try to sex her up. Any guy who has been with a girl who has emotional problems of the like will tell you to run away and let them fix their problems.
     
  8. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    This song sums it up.
     
  9. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    But you have tons of emotional baggage. How would you feel if the girls you tried dating felt this way about you?
     
  10. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    It would be too hard for a guy with a ton of problems to even get a girl in the first place with a ton of problems. It is easy for a hot girl to get a guy and have him stick around for the problems then the other way around.
     
  11. julia!

    julia! New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2007
    Messages:
    205
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think you should just try to talk to her about it. And realisticly she more than likely does need to talk to a therapist but I doubt she is going to let you tell her that. maybe you could offer to go with her.
     
  12. haargerman

    haargerman ayuh.

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2005
    Messages:
    4,748
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Boston
    Personally I don't believe it was severe enough that she needs to seek professional help.

    Oh, and I don't consider myself a prick - so I won't be leaving her on grounds that she's had a rough life. Thanks though. :ugh:
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Yeah, from the sounds of it she just had a really pushy ex and she is young and just nervous now. I don't think she needs therapy, just a caring boyfriend who will be patient with her. If you think that is you then awesome. I commend you on not dropping her like she's nothing.
     
  14. ArthurPewty

    ArthurPewty New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2006
    Messages:
    916
    Likes Received:
    0
    Don't think you're a prick, but figuring out whether she would benefit from seeing a professional shouldn't be your job. If she is having flashbacks and has difficulty with physical intimacy, seeing a professional counselor may help. Maybe, like Lady Goodman said, being patient and sensitive will be helpful.

    On the other hand, don't be too focused on her. You also don't want to become her therapist. If she's getting you aroused, but isn't willing to have intercourse, either set some boundaries so with her so you aren't getting aroused or find another way to get satisfied.
     
  15. lauren

    lauren Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    38,880
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Palo Alto, CA
    werd.
     
  16. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2006
    Messages:
    562
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    I think you should sit her down maybe at dinner or something and try to get her to open about alittle about the situation! If you get her to open up by doing so then just try to listen and be very very open to what she has to say!

    Some men would run and some would stay. If you like her and see something coming from this then stay with her for a bti and see how things go.

    If you don't see something coming out of this then maybe you should say hey I think we should maybe be firneds for now and see where it goes from there.
     
  17. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    And all the men that stayed will tell you how they got fucked over.
     
  18. robb817

    robb817 New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2007
    Messages:
    1,275
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    407
    how can she still be a virgin if she had sex forced upon her?
     
  19. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    It was forced... So it didn't count. Or she got drunk and fucked some guy, so it didn't count. It only counts when you are sober, duh..
     
  20. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    he probably just meant that the ex tried to force sex on her.
     
  21. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    I am failing to see how that would cause problems with her new boyfriend and needs to check her baggage with her old one at the door.
     
  22. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Yeah, that's why I was saying I don't think she needs help from a psychiatrist or anything. She just sounds like a young girl who is experienced and is scared now from a dick of an ex boyfriend who didn't respect her boundaries. Which is why if he does really like her I'm sure all he has to do is be a little patient with her and everything should be fine. And if not? Fuck it, move on.
     
  23. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    But it has been 4 months... I say if you must go on, give her 6 months, you have to draw the line somewhere.
     
  24. haargerman

    haargerman ayuh.

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2005
    Messages:
    4,748
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Boston
    First of all, she IS a virgin.

    Her ex tried to force sex on her. But he would also finger and keep fingering her until she came even after she told him to stop.

    She's been opening up to me a lot lately and it seems to be making a huge difference.
     
  25. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Then she should have moved away from him if she really wanted him to stop.
     

Share This Page