GF was cool about me keeping our relationship under wraps...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by M.A. Malone Esq., May 11, 2008.

  1. M.A. Malone Esq.

    M.A. Malone Esq. OT Supporter

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    This thought popped into my head about my ex-GF just today, and I just wanted to know if anybody had any thoughts on it.

    Basically, I wanted to keep my relationship with her under wraps (which we did for about a year). Part of the reason was that she did not get along with my friends the first few times they met. The I had other reasons that are less consequential and not known by her.

    Anyway, she was totally cool with it though. I would even make jokes, like "oh, we can't go there. So-and-so might see us." And she would respond in something like, "yeah, you're right." But the relationship didn't reciprocate in the same way. She wanted me to meet her friends, hang out with her friends, meet her family, etc. She, herself, would even make those same kind of jokes (we might be seen together) without me even bringing it up.

    Any thoughts?
     
  2. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Don't hide shit from people. If you're in a relationship, why hide it?

    As for her not getting along with your friends...how is hiding it going to solve the problem? All you're doing is stalling...eventually the issue would have to be resolved.
     
  3. bjonesy77

    bjonesy77 New Member

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    why would you need to hide it? Thats kind of dumb to begin with. Im not trying to bash you, but a normal relationship shouldnt be like that. Of course she wants you to meet her friends and stuff, thats normal
     
  4. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Most girls would probably be hurt by that.

    As you've described it, it sounds like this girl was an exception to the rule.

    Okay.

    It also doesn't sound like you were in love, or know what that feels like. She was more of a sexual accessory who only fit into your life insofar as she was convenient. I have 30 yr old male friends who still feel that way about women. I used to think that was sad and horribly pathetic, but I've come to realize that usually it's sad and horribly pathetic, but sometimes it's just a different focus in life.
     
  5. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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    I don't think your friends care.

    And if they did, they should mind their own fucking business.

    My friends didn't like my ex. We all had a good time, though. They were adults about it.
     
  6. bobbarker70

    bobbarker70 New Member

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    Date someone and keep it udner wraps? How old are you?

    If it's under wraps your not really dating and she's just a fuckbuddy.
     
  7. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    not sure what the benefit is of quibbling over labels in this instance :dunno:
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. So your friends don't like her...so you hide that you are together for a year? Sounds real healthy and loving :hsugh:

    Why'd you break up after all?
     
  9. M.A. Malone Esq.

    M.A. Malone Esq. OT Supporter

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    Well, the intention of this thread was not to explore the reasons why, but I was just curious on what you guys might think of what was going on in her head in regards to this. Also, it should be noted that I am a fairly private person, even among my friends. So, keeping it from my friends wasn't (at the time) abnormal for me as I have done it before. And please, let's not get into the details. I know I have issues and I know that is not particularly normal, but I have my reasons for it. This is not the part of the issue I wanted/needed to discuss.

    As far as why we broke up. It was for numerous reasons I suppose. But let's just say I couldn't stand her being constantly selfish and constantly complaining.

    I guess if I could boil this thread into one question: why would she not care to be part of my social circle or deep into my life as much as I have been in her's?
     
  10. M.A. Malone Esq.

    M.A. Malone Esq. OT Supporter

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    And this definently was not a FWB type of deal
     
  11. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    before we respond, can you clarify something?

    - you expected her to want to be part of your social circle
    - you asked her not to be part of your social circle

    these are both true?
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Because she also didn't care about you very much? :dunno:
     
  13. M.A. Malone Esq.

    M.A. Malone Esq. OT Supporter

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    1. No. But it didn't hit me until today (months after breaking up), that she didn't care to be part of it either. And in some ways, endorsed it.

    2. Yes and no, I suppose. I'm sure I've said something in the beginning of our relationship, and then it just became normal that she wasn't going to hang out with my friends. Or even have them know that we are still dating.
     
  14. M.A. Malone Esq.

    M.A. Malone Esq. OT Supporter

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    The thing is, she wanted me to meet her friends. Her family. One time her best friend from high school (whom she still says is her best friend) came to visit her. They went to go have lunch and she asked me to join them. I told her I didn't really care to (wow.... I'm kind of a jerk :o) but she pretty much begged and/or made me go have lunch with her to meet her friend.

    This could mean one of two things to me:
    a.) She genuinely wanted me to meet her friends
    b.) She wanted to show me off to her friends. It should be noted that I am significantly more attractive than her.
     
  15. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    If a girl I was dating told me she wanted to keep the relationship secret, I would think:

    She's cheating on someone with me.

    She's got a stalker.

    She's not really looking for a relationship, is just using me and trying to string me along.

    None of those reasons would justify me staying with her and keeping it a secret.

    "why would she not care to be part of my social circle or deep into my life as much as I have been in her's?" Easy. She didn't care, and you told her you didn't want her involved in your life (by saying you wanted to keep it secret). You allowed her to make you put work into the relationship, without asking her to put work into it as well.

    You weren't bf and gf. You were her bf, but she was just your fuckbuddy.
     
  16. M.A. Malone Esq.

    M.A. Malone Esq. OT Supporter

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    No. I disagree. To get into another story about how stupid I am. She wanted me to be her BF, but I told her that I just didn't want that. (I don't know, the labels bother me for some reason). I told her that we can be exclusive and not have the labels, but the labels was like "security" for her. But for all intents and purposes, we were BF/GF. I've even broken up with her many times (10+). But she always worked really hard to get back into the relationship (one that I didn't really want to be in). There was only one time where she didn't try too hard to get back together with me, and that was the last time. (actually, now that I think about it, she did. But I was fed up with her and I walked away from the relationship for good)
     
  17. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    She wanted you for a sense of security, simple as that.
     
  18. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    OK...so what?

    You're broken up with her, she's really clingy and you don't want her...so why dwell on it?

    Tip of advice though: If you're in a relationship, you should never feel that you need to hide it. And if the girl asks to keep it secret, it's usually a sign that something is up.
     
  19. M.A. Malone Esq.

    M.A. Malone Esq. OT Supporter

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    Can't doubt that.
     
  20. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    why didn't you want the label of bf-gf? or why didn't the label fit?
     
  21. skych

    skych New Member

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    that's a shitty way to treat a gf, i'm surprised she'd date you for a year
     
  22. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Probably just didnt want to be alone and has low self-esteem, maybe thinks she either deserves that treatment or didn't think anyone else would date her :dunno:
     

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