SRS GF wants me to hang out with her family

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by spencedawg82, Apr 25, 2007.

  1. spencedawg82

    spencedawg82 New Member

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    My girlfriend and I have be dating for a little over a month now, and she is constantly hounding me about hanging out at her house with her family. I live on my own and don't even visit my family that often. I am not that family oriented. Most of my family lives in other states, but my dad lives only about a 20 min car ride from my house and I haven't seen him in almost a year. I guess it's due to my family being fucked up!!

    Well her family is really close. Her dad said that even after she moves out he still wants her to come home every Sunday for family dinner. She keeps bothering me about going over to her house to hang out with her family. (mom dad and 7 yld sister). Don't get me wrong they are a cool family, and seem to get along almost to well. I don't even like to hang out with my friends family. I have been invited to spend holidays with my roommates family several times, and I would rather spend the time alone at the house. How do I explain to her that I would rather be alone than hang out with her family with out her getting pissed off? I know there are some assholes on OT that is going to flame me about this, but I really do care about her and would like some advice!

    Thanks,
    Spencedawg​
     
  2. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    Ummmmm.......
    You need to stop being an asshole.
    "I would rather be alone then hang out with your family.".

    I know you don't want to be flamed, but if my wife ever said that to me I would have ended our relationship on the spot.

    It is an asshole thing to say and you might need to get your head on straight about it.

    That doesn't mean you don't have ground to stand on though. On contraire. You have plenty of ground to stand on.

    But before you go staking out that ground, you need to get a grip on what you have here.
    Okay, on one hand you have no history of being close to your family.
    That is fine. I have no issue with that. SHE clearly has no issue with it... I mean she IS dating you.

    But she does.
    And here is the thing. Family is something that is really, really, really important to people. It IS a deal breaker. She is being upfront with you.
    If you really think that you can have a long term relationship with this woman and be rid of the family YOU ARE WRONG.
    If you think that then end the relationship NOW. You are waisting your time and hers.

    You need to accept the fact that a long term relationship involves family dinner on Sundays.

    If you want to keep the relationship then you might as well begin to know these people.

    Okay here is your ground.

    The relationship is still very new. You are still learning about each other - dumping the parents in is just going to be overkill.
    Tell her that you need to take the parents thing slowly. Make a deal with her that over the next couple of months you won't spend more then an evening every two weeks there or something to that affect. But tell her you love her but you find meeting parents intimidating.
    She will find it cute.
    Tell her that if you guys can keep it down to like one night every two weeks then you will put on your best clothes and your best attitude.

    Or dump her.
     
  3. spencedawg82

    spencedawg82 New Member

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    She has apparently made plans for us on Sunday, to spend some time alone together. So I'll talk to her about it then. Hopefully things don't blow up before then. Thanks for the advice!
     
  4. spencedawg82

    spencedawg82 New Member

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    I don't want her to be rid of her family at all!! That is perfectly fine that she want's to spend time with her family. I have no problem with that at all. I actually think that it's nice that her family is so close. The thing is we have only been together for about a month.. I think that it is way too early for me to start hanging out with her parents. The first time she came over and hung out at my house, I had to meet the parents. I had no problem with that. The next week she wanted me to come to her house and having dinner with them for her dad's birthday. I had no problem with that either, but now she just wants me to hang out.
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Wow, this sounds exactly like my situation when me and my bf started dating. I'm super close with my fam, see them once a week as well (they wouldn't have it any other way). He is pretty distant from his family-he lives with his brother, and his parents only live 40 mins away but they've all just never been very emotionally attached....When we first started dating I want him to come hang out at my parents house with me every so often and he would get really stressed out and didn't like the idea.

    Basically I backed off of him though and started to give him the option and would ask if he'd like to come. But it was hard for me to understand at first just because my family is super open and comfortable to hang with (all my friends love them). So just sit her down and tell her why it makes you uncomfortable man.
     
  6. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    I didn't mean to be harsh on you. I understand your feelings on this, believe me I understand.
    It is just that your statement... that is nothing but trouble.

    My perspective is that your statement and hanging out with her family were two different things.
     
  7. spencedawg82

    spencedawg82 New Member

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    I also believe that hanging out with the family on a regular basis is a big commitment. Like I said we have only been together for like a month, neither one of us are ready to be in a "serious I love you relationship" I was burned really bad in my last relationship. My ex best friend and my ex are now engaged to be married!! That hurt! And her last relationship lasted for almost 2 years, and ended very badly.
     
  8. ChosenTestament

    ChosenTestament New Member

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    You should talk to her and let her know up front how you were raised and how you feel and not wait to tell her. I'm exactly the same way as you in that aspect but I told my ex I was just shy.
     
  9. spencedawg82

    spencedawg82 New Member

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    We have talked and she understands how I feel. Thanks for all the advised guys!! It was a big help
     
  10. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    you need to realize that, in a relationship, its not just about how you feel. You need to compromise here and give her some time with you AND her family, because she wants to bring you into it. It's a give and take, you need to take care of what she wants sa well as what you want
     
  11. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    I have lurking this thread and I'm sure everyone else has told you to quit thinking about yourself and just go.

    So thats that!
     
  12. spencedawg82

    spencedawg82 New Member

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    Like i said earlier we have talked and she knows that I'll go visit her family when I think it's approperate. We have not been dating long enough for me to try and be part of her family!
     
  13. spencedawg82

    spencedawg82 New Member

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    As far as me getting snipped, it is not her decision. I personally do not want to have any children! I hope that we do work out, but even if we do not stay together I will still not want to have children. I've wanted to get snipped prior to us being together.
     
  14. JemmaX

    JemmaX New Member

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    how old are you guys?
     
  15. The Saggin' Nutz

    The Saggin' Nutz New Member

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    a month is kinda short for her wanting that, but IDK if you really like her and think it will go somewhere give it a shot
     
  16. MikeTheVike1

    MikeTheVike1 OT Supporter

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    I kind of have a jacked up family, and I used to love how family oriented my ex-gf was. She had a great family and I actually liked hanging out with them. I think because of my jacked up family, that I look for girls with good family values...
     
  17. mrchina

    mrchina Guest

    Bro, you said yourself your family is fucked up... how do you know you won't enjoy spending time with a family that is actually a family?
     
  18. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    Great point.
     
  19. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    i agree with all of that
     

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