SRS GF Trys to start fights

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by hd600s, Oct 1, 2007.

  1. hd600s

    hd600s New Member

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    Ok, lets see if anyone can help me here might be a tad long. Ive been dating the girl of my dreams for over 6 months now. Everything has been great, we didnt fight for the first 4...i mean ever which from what I understand is unhealthy.

    Anyways about 2 months ago we had a massive fight reguarding her blowing up completly over being really stressed and stuck in traffic on her way home and whatever else she could think of. Well i tryed to make her completly unstressed i mean anything and everything, told her its going to be fine, its no big deal blah blah blah I was the nicest I have ever been to anyone. She completly blows up at me cussing and freaking me out so I hung up on her and she got even worse. Well I left for a friends house wasnt about to hear any more shit and ignored all 3 of her calls and get a text that says were broken up. So I called her back told her to explain everything I have done wrong to her and put it in an email becuase I wanted her to really REALLY think about it all first. Well I basically raised my voice at the situation explaining everything I did and everything she didnt do and she was aware of it all and said sorry. We talked more that night about it all and basically she tells me that she has a very bad problem of trying to push peoples buttons and say things that will cause a fight just to see the reaction.

    So we got over it all and were good for a month and now just a few days ago she does the same thing again to me. Gets pissed over some shit her brother says and takes it out on me because I am the one she talks to consistantly throught the day. Boiled down to she needed time to see if she could see herself with me in 3 year 5 years whatever. We figured it all out and worked on it and here I stand. She hasnt quit causing fights because she did it to her parents last night, and it looks as if she wont stop. Is there anything ie counseling or does anyone have any first hand experience with anything close to this? I need some help guys its killing my relationship with the woman of my dreams.

    Can anyone help me with this? Thanks for taking the time to read this bigass cry for help

    cliffs: girlfriend trys to start fights to see how people will react including me

    Chris
     
  2. bowrofl

    bowrofl New Member

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    There isn't much you can do about it, from what I can see. I wouldn't date someone so immature though... causing fights for the hell of it? :ugh2: wtf
     
  3. hd600s

    hd600s New Member

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    Completly understandable...its definatly immature but there has to be something I can do about it. She has done it since she was a little kid. I know there has to be a way to resolve it without me leaving her, I couldnt do that. She realises that she didnt mean to say it within 2 mins but is far to pissed to admit it...hmmm
     
  4. hd600s

    hd600s New Member

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    She tells me time and time again, that I am in fact the one. She gets so upset at herself immediatly after it occurs. I can tell when its going to happen and we have come to the conclusion if it does occur again, that Im going to just let her know to relax and take a minute to think and have her call me back. I dont really know if it will work, but lord knows I hope so.
     
  5. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    How old are you both?
     
  6. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    She needs to help herself, or go get help for herself. There's not much you can do here except support her in that. If she can't or won't do this for herself and this is a dealbreaker for you, then she is in fact NOT the girl for you even though she may display many of the qualities you enoy in a woman.
     
  7. Ickyarkman

    Ickyarkman New Member

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    smack her up....no just wait it out itll resolve itself.
     
  8. hd600s

    hd600s New Member

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    I am 22 and she is 20
     
  9. hd600s

    hd600s New Member

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    I like what you say here, this is what we need to do but I just dont know about how to do so. She is willing to do what it takes to correct it but we just arent sure how. Thank you alot.
     
  10. GRocks10

    GRocks10 New Member

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    I will warn you right now.. she will not change. She got comfortable with you and now you're seeing the "real her".. knowing full well that you've been in this with her for 6 months, no problems for 4 but the last 2 she has been starting fights for no reason and little child acts of breaking up without communication in person but doing via text message, reeks of immaturity galore.. and you think this can become a potential relationship for the long haul? it won't and I can almost assure you of that.

    It will be hard to make the final jump to getting out of this relationship since to you shes your "dream girl", tell me something, does your dream girl should treat you in the manner she has lately? NO, thats because this isn't the way you thought she was when things were going well, her family says it as well that she usto do these things when she was a kid.. push peoples buttons and you think you will be able to change that? No, she needs to change because she wants to.. she will tell you to give her a second chance, and you will.. and 2 weeks from now when it all boils over, she will explode on you again into a vicious cycle that will become a pattern.. the question is, can you handle seeing this relationship that way and for a minute realize this decision knowing full well that she WILL NOT change? If so, stick it out.. but if its causing problems now it WILL drain you over a period of time where you'll reflect a small but steady hate for this person.. she needs consuling.. to better aid with her anger problems.. yes, ANGER PROBLEMS.

    Until she doesn't get the help she needs.. be out of her life. And even when she gets the help she needs if you two continue having problems you will need to step outside the box and look without being in denial.. realize if this is what you want in your life.. if she changes, great! Very few do.. and that can grow a closer bond between you two but this is just the start, trust that you will continue to have problems.. you need to stay on top of your communication with her and let her know you will NOT tolerate her treating you with disrespect.

    A solid relationship is built on trust, communication and honesty.. always remember that. Fighting on a reguler basis is not normal. Fighting here and there is normal.. but becoming a pattern of it on a daily basis is NOT normal and will start to become a dreaded tiredsome relationship that will only make you second guess your status with her.
     
  11. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    Ha..

    There's really three ways you can handle it.

    A) You can ignore it entirely;
    B) You can fuck with her right back, feeding into it and spinning everything around on her;
    or C) Cut that bullshit and run.

    Personally, I'm a bit of an asshole, and I'd make her look foolish for starting a ridiculous fight with me.

    But you may want the road with less drama, so in that case C would be your best bet. I don't know.

    However, in re-reading the post, it seems as though it's pretty typical. She's causing fights because she's done with the relationship. You said it yourself, she needs "time". That shouldn't be something that's factored into a relationship so young. That means either a) she thinks you're too nice, or b) she's too fickle, and despite "knowing what she wants", she really doesn't.

    No offense, but you really shouldn't be considering counselling for a relationship of such a short time. But that's just my .02...
     
  12. hd600s

    hd600s New Member

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    I get what your saying, and i would like to make this situation grow into a closer bond because we COULD get throguh something so serious. I have mixed emotions about everything right now. Thank you
     
  13. hd600s

    hd600s New Member

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    I am quite the asshole not even gonna lie aswell, but with my girlfriend is completly different. Maybe i need to suck it up and give her a taste of her own hatred, maybe i need to let it play out or maybe i will confront her today about the whole needing "time"
     
  14. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Not true. What is unhealthy is being afraid to speak up if you disagree over something. You shouldn't be walking on eggshells all the time to try to keep from fighting. There is a big difference between having a disagreement and discussing it like adults and fighting though. Fighting really is not necessary. People end up fighting because they let their emotions take over instead of having rational discussions. If neither of you can control your emotional reaction then you should both step away from the situation until you are able to discuss things without fighting.
     
  15. wetwillie

    wetwillie New Member

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    Life is too short to be in a relationship where you fight all the time. I would move on.
     
  16. GRocks10

    GRocks10 New Member

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    When you're back here again 2 months from now from trying to "fix things" with her I want you to re-read my reply and then second question your status with her..

    At this point, only you can come up with the decision on what you want to do... I won't tell you what I think after the first post I made. You can either take it for what its worth or ride out the storm and hope you get a positive light at the end of the tunnel.. but only a dream coming true like that isn't always what we expect.
     
  17. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    Well...either way, you need to address it somehow. Sitting around and taking it because she's your "dream girl" won't get you anywhere.
     
  18. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Your girlfriend is immature and flaky. She needs time to see if she can be with you? in the next couple of years... How about GET THE FUCK OUT! before she drives you INSANE. Sounds like you're just starting to realize what a NUT she is... Run my friend, RUN
     
  19. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    She needs to go to counselling on her own volition. She needs to a. accept that there is a problem, b. want to fix it now and not later, and c. accept that counselling may help her fix it or at least identify the root of the problem. You can tell her this, but it's up to her to act. If you can't deal with this type of behavior in the long term, you need to tell her that. But only say it if you mean it, and be prepared to walk away if she's not willing to change.

    Personally, I think she probably needs to be dumped over this before she'll get a clue that this childish behaviour that her family is enabling her to continue doesn't fly in adulthood. I think you'll figure it out after you threaten to break up with her a few times and she cries and promises that she'll change and then never does (because that's what she does to her family and they always forgive her without requiring her to change her behavior). But, that's just my opinion.
     
  20. TheRemains

    TheRemains If I sound disrespectful, it's only because you're

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    Sounds like she just needs someone who knows how to see through her bullshit and stand up to her. When she tries to start a fight, you should see that as a cue to pull your emotions out of the situation and look at it as if she's trying to get attention or that she's trying to say something else, but can only communicate with angry words. You're going to have to figure out how she needs to be handled, but the last thing you should do is respond as the sensitive boyfriend who thinks the relationship is in jeopardy. She wants you to be strong and respond maturely to her immature outbursts. Remember, after 50 years of womans liberation, they still want to be the subordinate one in the relationship
     
  21. Brian May

    Brian May New Member

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    I have been in (short) relationships with women like that. I hate people who go out of their way to start fights and push buttons. I go through great lengths to avoid these kinds of people.

    If it were me in your shoes, I'd end it and move on. You're too young to be held down by someone so immature and hot headed.

    Good luck
     
  22. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    Absolutely. I agree.

    The sensitive shit = pushover = more bullshit to deal with.
     
  23. hd600s

    hd600s New Member

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    well we had a pretty big talk a few hours ago about the whole situation. I realise that I should probably just duck and run in this situation, but I do love her and I DO want to help her with it. She has accepted the fact that its something she has to do to ever have a relationship. I basically told her straight up that it cant continue or there will be no "you and I" shes explained to me more why she said she needed time to see if she could see herself being with me in the future and it was part of her little fighting gimick and she was tryign to piss me off. Well i believe her in most aspects of what she says, and I truely do think she can get help, but I want to be there if and when she does decide to get it fixed. I think now she realises that there isnt going to be another chance and she wants to get help.
     
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2007
  24. GRocks10

    GRocks10 New Member

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    Read my PM.
     
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2007

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