SRS GF refuses to stop wearing Ex BF ring

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by smokeater270, Mar 12, 2009.

  1. smokeater270

    smokeater270 New Member

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    I've been dating this girl, we'll call her Ali, for about 2 months now, and we seriously have fallen deeply in love with one another. We've known each other for about 3 years now, and just started dating early February.

    Before we started dating, I was a douche bag...the fucking guy your mother warned you about. I drank alot, fucked around, and basically used girls for sex. What they wanted to hear, I had for them, and they heard it. Then after I used them, i never talked to them again. I wanted nothing to do with a relationship at all.

    The girl i'm dating now was one of my victims. I "used her" for sex 2 years ago and after a few years of us not talking, something happened, both of us are unsure of what, but we started talking again (now before we started talking again, I had decided that at 23, i was done being a douchebag and wanted to start settleing down). From talking led into the two of us hanging out constantly over our winter break, which led to us leaving for our seperate schools, i'm in FL and shes home in NY, and then it led into a long distance relationship, which i'm actually going to her school tomorrow to visit her for spring break.

    Now durring our stint when we first had sex, she had just taken a break with her then boyfriend. This boyfriend, we'll call him Ben, was with her on and off for 2 years. During the two year time span, she took a break from him, and had sex with me. Aparently she liked me back when we first had sex, and like all the others, i completely blew her off, because i just didn't care. So after devestating her, and ruining what i thought was ever a chance for a relationship, she got back together with him. During this time, Ben gave her a ring on her birthday, that is of her favorite color, and birthstone. Now this ring apparently doesnt fit on any other finger then her left ring finger.

    Fast forward until last month since nothing else really happened.

    I'm talking with Ali on Skype video chat, and notice that she is wearing a ring on her left ring finger. Being the inquisitive type, and old fashion, expecially with a "wedding ring finger," I asked why she had a ring on there. Her inital response was, because I like it. So then I asked, where did you get it from...to which she replied, dont worry about it. So of course i pressed the issue, and finally she said Ben gave it to her on her birthday a while back.

    Now I dont know about you, but I think that a ring, that fits only on your left middle finger, that was given as a gift of your long time bf, has alot of meaning behind it. Ali, does not agree.

    I asked her why she would wear something like that expecially after we've started dating. She says that the ring has no meaning behind it, and she just likes the way it looks. She wears other rings from time to time, but mostly this one. I've expressed my disliking towards the ring, and today we got in a fight about it. She still refuses to not wear it. Then we got into the fact that she still is really close with Ben, and that she still goes to him for help with some small stuff (she says after shes already talked to me about it).

    Am i way out of line for arguing over this ring, or does she still have feelings for this Ben guy? I am losing my mind over this.
     
  2. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    Don't use the ring as a hint of anything. It's just an object.

    Focus more on what she's saying about "Ben" and watch closely, because this really sounds fishy. If she still has feelings for him and is going back to him for "help with little things", that can develop into more really fast.
     
  3. johan

    johan Active Member

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    It is significant. You know it, and so does she.
     
  4. GanglyGoodness

    GanglyGoodness .

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    I could see the lack of meaning in it if she no longer had any contact with the ex, but if she's going to him with personal issues, then that ring is a definite reminder of what they had/have every single time she wears it.
     
  5. smokeater270

    smokeater270 New Member

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    She has expressed greatly that she has no feelings for "Ben", but is just really good friends with him still. She doesnt love at all, just wants to remain friends...dont want to confuse the two.

    you and I both know that as a guy, getting out of a 2 yr relationship, there is no such thing as just friends
     
  6. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    it would piss me the fuck off
     
  7. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    take the ring out of the equation and worry more about the fact that shes still close with her ex.

    i still have earrings that my ex bought me that i wore for 4 years of my new relationship, up until my husband bought me new ones. i wore them because they were pretty and i liked them, not because my ex bought them for me.
     
  8. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    and as a girl, there is no such thing as just being "friends."
     
  9. Joybang

    Joybang New Member

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    She used you once before when Ben wasn't there, or when she got bored. I know you thought your actions were shitty but don't down play her actions. She could ver well being going to him like she went to you at one point.

    Btw, yea, I would be pissed if my current GF wore any kind of jewelry from an ex. The fact she acts like its no big deal should be a red flag immediately.
     
  10. Lindsay Loo

    Lindsay Loo ミ★ Mikel's POZ Partner ミ★

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    in respect for my current bf i stopped wearing a ring that was significant to me from my ex-husband.

    i think it's a respect issue honestly.
     
  11. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    Depending on your values, having a ring on that finger can mean a lot. To me having a ring on your "wedding finger" would raise hell if the the ring was from another guy.

    In fact I think I would breakup with her over it.
     
  12. tsi90

    tsi90 _____

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    I had an ex buy me a watch once that I really liked. I think it was a birthday gift or something like that. I kept wearing it long after we broke up and when the current gf found out where I got it she was not happy. I tried to explain that it was just a nice watch and I like it. No emotional attachment to it at all.

    So we had a fight over this watch and finally I gave in and told her if she wants me to stop wearing it then she should buy me a nice watch to replace it. And thats the story of how I got my new watch
     
  13. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

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    Would piss me off knowing she still talks to him. :wiggle:
     
  14. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    Sounds like a fair compromise to me, I hope it was of equal value. I would hate to go from a $400 watch to a $20 one.
     
  15. smokeater270

    smokeater270 New Member

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    :wtc:
     
  16. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    But a watch is actually practical. Idk, the ring thing is fishy to me but wearing the watch I completely understand.

    I bought my ex a computer monitor and bought this guy a new TV. I don't/didn't expect either of them to trash the gifts when/if things go sour.
     
  17. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    :werd:

    To me why toss out useful things like tools, tvs, computers, etc... but straight up jewelry, stuffed animals, etc... I can understand wanting to toss out.
     
  18. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    Or at least box up and hide in the closet.

    I still have hte ring and teddy bears that my ex gave me but I would NEVER wear the ring in front of my current boyfriend, or at all actually. That ring meant "hey let's be together til I want to marry you" kinda thing (promise ring), but the TV I got for my boy meant "hey I hate your shitty remote control so I bought you a whole new set!"

    The meanings behind the gifts are completely different. :dunno:
     
  19. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    i agree, it is all about the meaning behind the gifts. But why did you hide a ring + teddy bear in the closet? hoping your ex comes back?
     
  20. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    I'm not a guy and I can agree with you on that one. I think her great experessions of having no feelings for "Ben" are probably her trying really hard to convince herself that she doesn't, when she really does.

    You get really close to a person after two years and even having a strong enough friendship after the breakup to confide in the person means that something is still there.

    yeah I had an ex that I hated when I broke up with him. he was verbally and emotionally abusive. Even with a horrible situation like that, I still have some feelings for the guy and I haven't even seen him since the breakup. We were together a little over two years.

    I can only imagine if the breakup wasn't bad or I had some doubts, that I would have some temptations, so it's best to break off all contact.

    She is not only in contact with him, she is confiding him. I'd be concerned.
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2009
  21. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    If she truly refuses to stop wearing it then that is a red flag. I've had jewelry from important ex's that I kept because I loved the jewelry....but if so soon after the breakup I had a new boyfriend (who knew me with the old boyfriend) who felt that insecure about the ring I'd at least explain I loved the ring and would wear it on occasion.
     
  22. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    I wear a hoodie and some boots still that my ex bought me. current girl does not care about those.
     
  23. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    It's possible she still has feelings for the guy, but other factors make it impossible for them to have a meaningful relationship at this point. It's also possible she's wearing it to remind you there are other guys out there she can date if you decide to treat her like shit. It's probably a good reminder too, given what you've said about your past.

    Don't turn back into the douchebag you used to be, over an issue as small as this. It's just a ring, and you may have noticed that girls like jewelry.
     
  24. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Get her a ring like it, but better and have her wear IT instead. Problem solved. If she refuses, then you know there is more behind it and you can dump her.
     
  25. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    buy her a similar ring. if she still refuses to take the other one off then youve got your answer.

    ooops..... just noticed that you had the same suggestion.
     

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