SRS gf possibly/probably can't have kids

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Pepe, Apr 10, 2010.

  1. Pepe

    Pepe New Member

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    put this in here because hopefully i won't get smart ass replies (even though i have been guilty of that as well ::rofl:)

    anyways, i have been seeing this girl for about 5 months now. she is pretty much perfect for me and i care for her a lot. i am not the "relationship type of guy" but as soon as i got to know her we just clicked and have hit it off ever since. the kicker of it is (which could complicate things as well) is that we work together, so we see each other every day during the week, as well as outside of work when we are together, which is often.

    so, last year she had her appendix burst and basically ignored it (i'm not sure how) until she nearly died. i don't know all the details, but from what she has told me, the doctors originally thought it was something to do with cysts on her uterus, so they entered below her waist line and basically had to go in, pull stuff out, clean her all out, and put it all back in. she has a big scar, but you would never know unless you are down there for the business. it is a very touchy subject for her, and last week she mentioned to me that she may never be able to have kids. i don't know if she knows for sure and isn't really confirming it for me, or if it is up in the air still.

    now to me, i am absolutely not ready to have kids, nor have i even thought about marrying this girl, or anything like that. i take it one day at a time, but since this was brought up it has been bothering me. i honestly don't think i could marry a girl who couldn't have kids, as i come from a big family, and want to have one of my own (when the time is right). i don't really want to have a conversation with her about this simply because like i said, it is a very touchy subject, and i also don't want her to get the wrong idea and that i'm getting all serious and shit (thinking about kids after 5 months :rofl:). just not sure how to approach it, anyone have similar experiences?

    cliff notes:
    dating this girl, really awesome
    she may not be able to have kids
    i could never marry someone who can't have kids
    too early to even worry about this, but still an issue nonetheless
     
  2. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    adoption wouldn't be a choice in your mind ?
     
  3. Pepe

    Pepe New Member

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    i would absolutely adopt a kid/kids

    but, i want children of my own as well. just something i have always wanted
     
  4. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    The reality of the situation is that your desire to have children the natural way isn't likely to go away. That's not really the way people work ... the older you get the more urgent it feels.

    I decided not to have kids (I'm female.) a long time ago. Now that I'm a couple years away from 30 ... I'm starting to grasp at the options. It IS a risk to my health and I don't know how likely I am to have a healthy kid, but ... wow. I know it's wiser to forgo the process, but the physiology puts forth an argument.

    I imagine it's the same for both sexes ... the desire to have a child will likely grow over time, however, the health concerns/risks are going to remain constant or may grow as well.
     
  5. dazed

    dazed New Member

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    adopt. they are children of your own.

    are you really ready to give up the one person who you are really supposed to be with?

    that's the question you need to ask yourself.

    adoption is a possibility. so is surrogacy.
     
  6. Pepe

    Pepe New Member

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    if adoption was going to be pursued, i would absolutely believe they are children of my own, something has just always been instilled in me about having my own kids, passing on my genes, shit like that (not to sound like some emotional douche).

    i have friends who are adopted and they have great families, perhaps i will get past this, i just really feel like i want/need to have children of my own. as far as her being "the one", that is still far from being determined. that question never would have been brought up at this point if it weren't for this situation, which is fucked up to me.

    as far as surrogacy is concerned, i pretty much know nothing about that. could it be a child from both of us (assuming she still has the vital parts to produce her stuff), then just implanted into another woman to carry the child?
     
  7. CalicoJackie

    CalicoJackie New Member

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    They take your sperm and you lady's egg and stick it in the surrogate womb.
     
  8. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Look at it from the positive perspective. She won't get stretch marks or saggy boobs from kids sucking the bounce out of them. She won't have a stretched out vag cuz some pineapple just came through there.....AND....adoption is always an option.

    I heard someone say, "Kids find the parents they are supposed to have." Now that's not always true but it sure makes adoption more appealing to me. There are all kinds of kids from shitty homes that would just love to have caring, loving parents adopt them and raise them. It may not be your own DNA but they would most definitely take your teachings with them throughout life. That IMO is a much bigger deal than the DNA part.
     
  9. dazed

    dazed New Member

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    yep. the surrogate serves as the vessel. The child is made of you and your wife's genes, but carried to term by someone else.
     
  10. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    I've heard more women say "I'm not sure if I can ever have kids" who later went on to have more than one.

    If it's a concern of hers, she should see a doctor.
     
  11. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :rofl: People like you blow my mind.

    You've been dating the chick 5 months and are 25 years old. Now isn't the time to dump her because you think she might not be able to produce kids in the future.

    My sister was told she would never have kids. Two children later the doctors have eaten their words.
     
  12. lick wid nit wit

    lick wid nit wit Official OT Oracle

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    :rofl: I know, right?

    Also, people who are absolutely insistent that the kid be of their own DNA blow my mind as well. Who fucking cares? Does that mean the kid is any less special if their DNA doesn't match their parents'? Is it that damned important that the kid resemble their parents'?

    Jesus. The important thing should be that the OP will be able to provide for a kid, and most importantly love it.

    DNA shouldn't matter!!!!!!
     
  13. Pepe

    Pepe New Member

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    really? because where did i ever say i was going to dump her? asking for advice or opinions from others who may have insight on a topic is never a bad thing, at least in my opinion. you seem to be jumping to conclusions and generalizing, and quite frankly i could give two shits about your "sister" because she isn't the rule, she probably is the exception.

    are you saying i'm wrong for having feelings one way or the other, and asking others how they think is the best way to deal with it? i mean i guess in a perfect world we would all know what is best and not "blow your mind" due to our idiotic questions about life events :bowdown:

    i care, it is my personal preference. i never said a kid was any less special because they weren't my DNA, but i would prefer to pass mine on, and if adopted kids are in my future then so be it. i will give them the same love and direction as i would my own, but my first preference is to have my own children. i don't see any problem in having a preference for this :dunno:
     
  14. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    Just ignore her :rolleyes:

    Do you know the extent of the infertility? If she still produces eggs then surrogacy is an option. If she can' produce eggs but has a working uterus, then you can always use a donor egg.
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    The fact that they feel obsessed to pass their own DNA on is what makes it worse. They're usually the people who shouldn't be having kids in the first place, but "hey, I'm awesome and want to have awesome babies."

    Not to mention the worse part is it's all "me me me!" No sympathy for what she must be going through emotinally, essentially being told she won't be able to conceive a child, but simply "what will I do now? This is the same kind of guy who unknowingly puts guilt and pressure on the woman to have a kid, who then feels like a failure if she can't.

    So let me make sure I have this right...you're asking the thread just to ask it...but dumping her hasn't crossed your mind? I don't believe that. If dumping her over this hadn't crossed your mind at all you wouldn't even bother going through all the "she's so perfect for me, buuuutttt."

    And the example of my sister having kids after the doctors told her she'd be barren doesn't mean shit to you as an example?

    Then what is the thread for?

    The best way to "deal" with it? You aren't the one who might not be able to have a child. The fact is you've been dating this girl for only 5 months. I'm all for looking forward to a future if you really care about her, but if your first reaction is being more upset your precious seed might not be passed on I hate to be a wake up call, but you must not really love this girl. Not only is it way too early to stress yourself out with the "never," but you two could break up over something ridiculous in 3 months for all we know, so why would you stress about this now? Not to mention there ARE options.

    Cool, ever hear of surrogacy?
     
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2010
  16. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    I knew someone who was told due to cysts and all that she wouldn't be able to have kids. She ended up pregnant, doctors called it a miracle. Seven years later she got knocked up again.

    Sometimes they're not always right.
     
  17. lick wid nit wit

    lick wid nit wit Official OT Oracle

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    Sure, it might be your personal preference but why are you wasting time and cranking up your blood pressure worrying about something that might not even be in your future anyways? Don't even stress out about it until you put a ring on this girl's future.

    Anyways, fertility treatments, surrogates and shit are $$$$ and not covered by insurance, nor should they be. Children are a lifestyle choice, and iwishyouwerebeer is right, if it matters so much that the kid has your DNA, your priorities are a little fucked up.

    A good parent isn't going to care first and foremost whether his kid's DNA matches. :rolleyes:

    the most loved, well adjusted kids I knew in school were adopted. :)
     
  18. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    Define children of your own...

    Because you and her can still make a baby in a surrogate.
     
  19. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    It also doesn't stop you from trying really hard to have kids.

    Its not about the results, its the journey.
     
  20. Pepe

    Pepe New Member

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    who the hell shit in your wheaties?

    i'm pretty sure i know why you are insisting on posting in this thread, but i'm not going to play into your game. criticize me all you want for asking a question and trying to get some other perspectives on a situation in life that is important to me. thanks for throwing in the "surrogacy" part at the end, even though it has already been discussed :rofl:

    i realize you don't know me, so believe me when i say this. i am absolutely not wasting my time or cranking up my blood pressure worrying about this. i am quite carefree, it is just something that has been on my mind since it was brought up. i really don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to have kids of your own, but nonetheless i respect and appreciate your opinion.

    as for your experience with adopted kids in school with you, that is great. i also have had experience with people who were adopted, some were great people, some were absolute train wrecks, so the fact remains that even though your experience was good, it does not set the rule for all to follow

    one conceived from my sperm and my wife's egg
     
  21. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Wow beer, you're really assuming the form of your AV. Hurry up and get married will ya? :p

    Give the dude a break. You're jumping to all sorts of conclusions....he's just asking if anyone has been here and what were there experiences. No reason to slam the dude just cuz you've got a raging case of the wedding weirds.
     
  22. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    Yep.

    And you wont have to deal with 9mo of crazy and the no sex after.

    As a matter of fact, if I am in a financial position and I want kids and I have a wife I will offer it to her so she doesn't have to go through pregnancy. The problem would be finding a surrogate mother that would do it with out my wife being infertile.
     
  23. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :uh: :rofl: I honestly have no fucking clue what you are talking about. You post a thread, I post my opinion in it, that's how it works last time I checked.

    But I enjoy how you've completely bypassed the valid points made and instead just said figure I'm being a bitch and am somehow game playing :ugh:? I'm sure your relationship will do very well with your lack of compassion for her and what she's feeling.

    Seriously, what kind of advice are you looking for in this thread?

    This doesn't stress you out or upset you in the least...so you made a thread about it?

    First of all, why would me getting married have anything to do with my response :hsugh:? I'm not cranky at all :dunno:

    Secondly, I gave my opinion, that's what you do in here last I checked. If some 25 year old guy makes a thread that he's worried because the girl he's been dating for 5 months (that he admits he isn't totally serious with) might not be able to get pregnant in the future and isn't sure how to "handle it" I'm going to tell him to take a step back, assess the fact that they are nowhere near ready to be thinking about children, and live in the now.

    He's freaking out because he wants to pass his seed on, and god forbid he fall deeply in love with this girl and that's her one flaw :hsugh: My point is he's not thinking about her at all. All he's thinking about is him, his sperm, and his possible future children. He's most likely the kind of guy that will make the girl feel worse about the fact she might not be able to have a kid, as if it's her fault. All I'm saying is take a step back and realize how ridiculous it is to even worry about this matter right now, 5 months in.
     
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2010
  24. Pepe

    Pepe New Member

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    thank you for your input and your assumptions :bowdown:
     
  25. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Clearly you have nothing to say for yourself and that's why you just brush it off as if I'm in the wrong.

    Good luck.
     

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