gf overly critical of my life

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by craigl33, May 30, 2007.

  1. craigl33

    craigl33 New Member

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    she's this really busy person with loads to do in school and in life and i'm graduating this quarter. i'm 21, she's 19. i'm really chill and all i want to do is relax and i get belittled for this. she says i'm always too free and i'm lazy. she also criticizes the friends i have, particularly this one girl.

    i think she's jealous or scared or something to that extent. she always says i talk to her on aim and she's always asking me questions about stuff. what's wrong with helping a friend with stuff? they're usually techy questions. and besides i'm not the one with a million guys IMing her and hitting on her at work and school. i don't say a thing. AND she always has dreams of me cheating on her.

    there's this girl she doesn't really like and i just happen to be in her statistics class and we talk on aim about statistics stuff. what's wrong with having a contact in class to get help on homework and stuff for? today she said "i think it's weird you're friends with her". wtf.

    this makes it sound like i have a bunch of girl friends, but i'm seriously just an asian fat dorky loser.
     
  2. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Are you lazy (no ambition?), or are you lazy (likes to relax a bit)?

    Possibly. In college I had a gf who was jealous/bitter about the fact that I had a pretty easy semester. But it wasn't a recurring issue.

    If she thinks you're lazy, like no ambition, then she might be worried. Chicks like guys to have ambition because they want them to become a CEO and make a ton of money so they can spend it and be trophy wives.

    (or: money comes with power, and chicks like powerful dudes from an evolution standpoint)

    Girls think it's ok and normal for them to be hit on, but you're not allowed to put yourself in a situation where a girl could even possibly think about hitting on you.

    That's relatively normal sometimes.

    Jealousy.

    She's still jealous.
     
  3. DarkAngel19

    DarkAngel19 New Member

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    Hey, she can't relate to you, man. Part of finding the 'right' person is having the same value system. I used to have a bf who did nothing when i was really busy all the time... and it drove me crazy. We just didn't have the same values.

    My advice is to have a more casual relationship with her, or break it off. She will come to resent you for it, if she hasn't already. I couldn't talk to my ex about anything in his life because it drove me up the wall... recipe for disaster.

    Focus more on that chill girl in stats:)

    You guys don't match up, find someone who is more like you!

    DA
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    She just sounds like your run of the mill young insecure girlfriend....:dunno:
     
  5. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Do you trust her? It seems the people who are doing shady stuff they shouldn't be are the ones who always seem to suspect others of doing shady stuff.
     
  6. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    and the nagging will only get worse with time :run:


    what happens when shes climbing the corporate ladder and you're playing xbox? will she ever be satisfied with you working fewer than 60 hours a week? :noes:
     
  7. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Just read the thread title, not your post.

    If it's too much of a problem, dump her. If it's not too much, talk to her about it and try to get her to lighten up.
     
  8. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    i mean jus tell her that u care about her and that you would NEVER even consider cheating on her as far as ur friends go it shouldnt really matter ther ur friends if she says ur too free and too lazy jus tell her mayb thats who u are
     
  9. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    you can't think like this

    never, ever, engage in "negative self-talk"

    you've got to love yourself
     
  10. Kalypso

    Kalypso New Member

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    You honestly give some of the best advice that people hear and don't take for granted.

    Respect yourself, if you think you suck then you do suck and everyone else will think and act accordingly, you have to love yourself for other people to do the same in most cases.

    Do not enter into a relationship because you feel you need to, or because you think you have some hole in your life a relationship will fill. End result: failed relationship, or 2 co-dependant people living with and hating each other for an extended period of time.
     
  11. Hawkal

    Hawkal dammit,wtf? OT Supporter

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    Yail, you b smart. :bowdown: Wanna help me with my problem? :noes:

    There is an Asian thing though, called false humility. We don't like to talk ourselves up, because it's being "proud" and humility is a virtue. Needless to say, this often leads to a number of self-esteem/recognition problems, where we actually believe we're not that good, or we think we're good, but no one else does, because we cannot "toot our horn."

    Yay for Asian parents. :hs:
     
  12. Kalypso

    Kalypso New Member

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    You don't have to act like your genes tell you to. There's an enormous difference between acting proud of yourself and bragging about how amazing you are. It's honestly not even something you say, it's mostly body language.

    2 people.

    Person A walks around hunched over, staring at the floor, not recognizing other people that much, avoids eye contact, in his own world, frowning and generally acting depressed.

    Person B walks around in a proud manner, engaging or acknowledging other people as he walks by, acknowledging and exchanging eye contact, smiling and being happy/personable.

    Person B will ALWAYS attract more people, both for friendships and relationships. People seek what they want, and if they see you happy and confident that will make you more attractive. The only exception is people who have given up on life, misery loves company and often miserable people are attracted to one another.

    Just realize how good you are, that you don't need to feel bad about shit that doesn't matter. You are great, and if other people don't think so that's largely their problem. Treat people with respect, as well as yourself. The more you love yourself and your life, the happier you become, and it shows in the way you engage others. I'm not very attractive either, but I've attracted several women just by acting extremely happy and optimistic, which I tend to be.

    It's not about tooting your own horn, it's about loving yourself.
     
  13. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    I'm not telling you to be cocky like me.

    You are the only person who controls what goes on in your head.

    You are the only person who knows what goes on in your head.

    In the future, never allow yourself to have negative thoughts about yourself.

    When you catch yourself doing this, immediately correct it.

    This is one of the biggest changes I have made, and it has made a huge difference in my life.

    I understand what you mean with the false humility. You can still do that in person with others, but in your mind you have to draw the line and understand why you are saying it, and realize that it is not true.
     
  14. Hawkal

    Hawkal dammit,wtf? OT Supporter

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    Mis-understood me.

    I've gotten over the false humility hurdle. PM ftw?
     
  15. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    She's testing you. You're supposed to (1) remain calm and (2) not throw it in her face and (3) not accuse her of her similar situation in a way that belittles her. It's a trust issue.

    If she's rude about it, tell her she's being rude - "That was rude" should suffice. If she's nagging, don't get sucked into it or reinforce it or make it worse by getting angry.

    Just keep your cool.

    Personally, I'd try to respond in a mocking/joking way like "Are you JEALOUS?!?!? You're not JEALOUS are you? My god, you're jealous of the smart chick!" She'll likely get pissed off, but don't back down ... keep at it. The point is to make light of the situation in a way that she knows you are obviously joking.
     
  16. ass_kicker32

    ass_kicker32 New Member

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    insecure control freak who is projecting her own guilt onto you. RUN
     

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