SRS GF of 7 years...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by seismic, Sep 9, 2005.

  1. seismic

    seismic New Member

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    I've been dating a girl for basically the last seven years. It started because we were both wasted at a party, and ended up having sex. First time for both of us, and literally about half an hour later I asked her to be my girlfriend.

    The first three months of the relationship were great, we were having sex all the time. After that, for literally the next 5 years, it was off and on. I would basically be unhappy sexually for 3 months or so, then I would complain and everything would be okay for a week or two. I felt like she never wanted to do anything, mainly because it was who I am, and it wasn't that there was anything wrong with her, she just wasn't really attracted to me.

    After our first year, she got drunk and slept with somebody she worked with. I told her if she ever cheated on me, that it was over. I broke up with her and immediately took her back, because of how upset she was over the whole thing. I regretted it for a short period of time, but then everything started to get better. A year after that, I cheated on her. Didn't sleep with the girl, but I told myself I was doing it because my GF wasn't very attracted to me physically, but then I found someone who was, someone who I had messed around with before I got in the relationship. My GF forgave me for it and both of us were faithful.

    I ended up cheating again--no sex--and the second time I did it, I honestly didn't think about my GF. I was just attracted to the other girl, and didn't regret it until after stuff happened. I told my GF a day or two later, and we broke up. We remained seperated for about a year, in which we were both really depressed. She lost a lot of weight, drank a lot (turns out she's a raging alcoholic and is going to treatment soon), and slept with about 4 people while we were broken up. I tease her about the people she was with, but I don't know if it honestly bugs me or not. Most of the time it doesn't, but every once and awhile my feelings end up getting hurt thinking about it. I just keep telling myself that we were seperated and she had the right to do everything she wanted to do, but I also still feel like I missed out because most of the time the only girl I spent time with was her.

    When we were seperated I lived by myself. After HS I lived at home for 3 years going to a local CC, then I moved out with the GF for two years. This was my first time living alone, and I loved it. The house wasn't messy, I did everything I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. We got back together after that year, even though i think part of me still didn't want to. I don't know if I just never wanted to get back together, or I thought we should have stayed apart longer. Now that we're living together again, I'm pissed off all the time. I hate how messy our room is, I hate that there's shit all over the bed. I would classify myself as being partially OCD; I have to have things organized or I get physically anxious. I tense up and get really irritable.

    For anybody that actually read this, thanks. I kinda felt like I had to say it outloud to somebody. I keep thinking when is the point you realize someone is not for you? When are problems big enough that they warrant trying to find someone else? I kinda feel like I have my own problems; being depressed all the time, not being motivated in college, etc... why should I have to deal with someone else at the same time?

    Cliffs: together 1 year, she cheated, 1 year, I cheated, 4 years later I cheat again and we seperate a year. Now we're back together and I'm wondering if it's right. On and off again sex life, leaving me unhappy most of the time, plus I'm depressed and get angry over a lot of little things she does. Should I keep trying to get her to change the little things or is it just not worth it?
     
  2. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    "
    Cliffs: together 1 year, she cheated, 1 year, I cheated, 4 years later I cheat again and we seperate a year. Now we're back together and I'm wondering if it's right. On and off again sex life, leaving me unhappy most of the time, plus I'm depressed and get angry over a lot of little things she does. Should I keep trying to get her to change the little things or is it just not worth it?"

    Your cliffs really say it all. It sounds (to me) as if this woman is not the right one for you. Maybe it's time to move on?
    Besides, you should never stay with your SO expecting to change (them) very much IMO.
     
  3. seismic

    seismic New Member

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    I think I keep hoping that it's just things that are wrong with me, like it's bad for me to think that I can change the little things, and if I were right in the head that I wouldn't want those things to be changed ... ?

    I wish it were as easy to deal with your own problems as it is to give input to somebody else :hs:
     
  4. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Life wouldn't be as interesting if it was easy ;)
    I don't think you're 'wrong' in the head for wanting things to change.. just maybe unrealistic.
     
  5. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    That's alot of cheating on both your parts... I'm somehow feeling that you two weren't meant to be... but for some odd reason because you two lost your virginity to one another you two somehow stay together because of that.

    Not sure why you're dragging it on for.
     
  6. AshLee

    AshLee New Member

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    Let me first off say, I have never dated a person for 7 years..but i know what its like to feel depressed in and out of relationships. with my last ex i was depressed because he wasnt there emotionally at all..and then when we broke up it only got worse. he dated one of my friends. that hurt. but, what im basically trying to say..is that with all the cheating and everything else underlying here you guys most likely arent meant to be. and you stay together because you are afraid of life apart. and i think that if you guys broke up and didnt talk for a month or so..just time to clear your head and figure out if you really want to be together. because if you guys just stay together it is only dragging out the inevitable at this point. but you never know :) just keep your head up..things do get better. i promise.
     
  7. MikeYOX

    MikeYOX May 2000 account: DELETED :(

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    This is all too typical, and I see it way too much. You 2 got with eachother because you broke eachothers' virginity. Then you stayed together because you were so familiar with eachother.

    You just told a short story. The beginning was bad (drunk sex on first meeting?), the middle was bad (cheating, complete lack of respect, self-respect, and disloyalty), and the ending was bad.

    If this were a book I had purchased, I would be asking for a refund. This girl is not your wife, and your relationship has been marred with disrespectful and dispicable acts. Not to mention that raging alchoholics who get drunk and spread their legs on command rarely have healthy relationships. It's real cute that she is getting help, but until she actually changes, it is going to be bad.

    Your situation is almost a mirror of the other thread I responded to.

    A long relationship of alchohol abuse, disloyalty, disrespect, and no trust.

    You need to get out fo this relationship. You are depressed, your self esteem is low, and you need to get yourself back together before you will be ready for another relationship, and this time, use a better method of choosing your mate.
     

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