SRS GF of 6 months ended it because of lies..

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by OhHai, Apr 17, 2008.

  1. OhHai

    OhHai New Member

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    I guess I just need to vent.. Advice would be welcome

    So I had been dating my ex gf for almost 6months, and yesterday she dumped me.

    A little backstory: We met through a mutual friend, who is a girl, who I had hooked up with once or twice in the past. Now, when I met my SO through her, she knew of my past with her friend. She would occasionally get jealous if I talked to her because of what happened before, so I gradually stopped talking to her. Now, whenever the three of us hung out, it was always trouble, as the mutual friend loved to start drama, and would always push me or my SO buttons jsut to get us to start a fight (because I had the suspicion that she did not like us being together because she lost us both as friends). The mutual friend also admitted to starting to have feelings for me when I started dating my SO, but only because she wanted what she couldn't have. My SO knew this and dropped her as a friend, as did I.

    During this time, my ex from a long time ago started texting me, who I thought I had feelings for but realised I didn't. She asked me to get back together, but I told her I had a new SO and was happy. She would occasionally text me, and one time I met her for coffee and she tried to kiss me, but I turned away. I never told my SO about the coffee, and later she found out and felt betrayed and felt she lost my trust. We got into a big fight, but agreed to work it out.

    So the other day, my SO was asked to coffee by our mutual friend from a long time ago, and I knew it was going to be trouble. She asked me if I would mind if she went, and I said no, so she went. When she got back, I found out that the mutual friend had fed her some of the most bullshit stories, such as (me sending her flirty texts, always texting her *I only texted her once*, and apparently inviting her back to my house to "catch up"). Now, NONE of this was said, and I told my SO this, but because of the lack of trust we had, she believed the mutual friend over me. She told me she couldn't take me lying, and that she couldn't do this anymore. I was crushed, and so angry at our mutual friend for telling my SO those blatent lies, but there was no way I could win because she wasn't listening to my explanation.

    I screwed myself over because I lied to my SO a long time ago and it ended up biting me in the ass. My SO claimed she felt like I was always doing something behind her back, which I never was. I am never talking to the mutual friend again, because I knew we would get into a fight if my SO went to coffee with her, because the friend likes to manipulate people and cause drama. I guess I should just walk away, but I want to try to prove to my SO that I can be trustworthy. Is it possible she will realise she made a mistake (Highly unlikely I know)? I guess I jsut need advice
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    It's a good thing you guys broke up. From an outsiders perspective I know you really liked your gf, but you weren't in love with her. If you were really in love with her you wouldn't have ever thought you might still be into your old ex and certainly wouldn't have gone to get coffee with her when you knew good and well she wanted you. Doesn't matter that you turned your cheek when she tried to kiss you, you shoulnt have been there in the first place.

    That chick you both knew that set you up is trouble. Honestly you are better off ending it just for the fact that her pathetic ass would constantly try to get you two to break up. The fact that she was able to convince your gf that you had been sending her flirty texts only proves your girlfriend just didn't really trust you. Without trust you have no relationshp.

    Moral of the story, don't lie-especially not off the bat. Move on and learn from this. Leave your now ex alone, she'll never be truly happy with you because she'll never truly trust you. Find a new girl and definitely never talk to that bitch of a friend again.
     
  3. Hellcat

    Hellcat New Member

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    in a way, it sounds like you two have some serious personality differences. she sounds a little paranoid/insecure - thinking you were constantly up to things behind her back.

    and like the above poster said, either you were feeling the "grass is greener" thing or something or you never would have met up with her.

    it is possibly for the better for you - consider it a learning lesson for your own behavior and also the type of people you want to have in your life. you should really analyze how you feel about your now ex-SO, and figure out what it was you liked/disliked, etc about her. don't just try to get her back because you want to keep the benefits of being in a relationship. if you are going to go for it, make sure you have good solid reasons behind it.

    also, she did not necessarily make a mistake in ending it - maybe in her eyes you two are not compatible. you also "made a mistake" in lying to her, so don't forget you had a role as well. if you value someone, you will tell them the truth, no matter what the consequences.
     
  4. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    it sucks that this other girl was willing to convince your gf of anything, but the fact that your gf so easily believed says a lot. if she was never going to re-gain trust in you, then it was never going to work out

    just learn from the experience.

    if going to coffee with your ex was as innocent as you want to make it sound, you would have been honest with your current gf from the start....
     
  5. katt_85

    katt_85 OT Supporter

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    Too much drama. She trusts her friend more than you/wants to keep that relationship more than she does yours. She's not very interested if she's using this as a way out without hearing your side of things, imo.

    Just out of curiosity, in what way did your ex find out about your innocent coffee date with the older ex?
     
  6. Redbeard

    Redbeard OT Supporter

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    Per your own words these quotes arent true. You were thinking about the mutual friend and another ex during your relationship. It sounds like a shitty triangle with your girlfriend winning both her friends and your attention(bad or good). Id run from the two of them and never look back.
     
  7. OhHai

    OhHai New Member

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    Your advice is so solid, it hurts to read. I think for a while I was suffering from "grass is greener" syndrome and thought I could have my cake and eat it. Inevitably, I fucked up. I realized I had strong feelings for the current SO and that I wanted nothing to do with the ex, but by the time I realized it, it was too late. She claims I am the guy she could picture herself marrying, but it sucks because she can not trust me.. And it sucks even more that the world is a lot smaller than we think :hs:
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :hug: Everyone goes through it, anyone who says different is naive or in denial. The real test is how we handle it. Many do what you do, tempt themselves and crack, even if only so slightly...others hold back. IMHO, whether you realize it now or later I think this is a good thing because if you were feeling temptations elsewhere at only 6 months in it probably would've only gotten worse had you stayed with her. Not necessarily with your ex, but any girl a new girl.

    The good news is you really learned a lot from this relationship and that's always beneficial. Now you know to be honest from the get-go and to communicate, communicate, communicate. If someone doesn't trust you it's either because you've given them a reason to not trust or because they've been hurt in the past. If it's either and you care about them enough you've got to ease their fears.
     
  9. OhHai

    OhHai New Member

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    I wish I could here. The sad thing is this girl is everything I always told myself I wanted. She was the most honest, loyal, trustworthy girl, and I have doubts I will find another one like her. Having lost her, I realize what a great thing I had. Its hard, especially knowing I am the reason it ended, and having been in her position before I know exactly how it feels :wtc:.
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Think about it in a positive light. Now, hopefully the next time you find a girl who fits the mold of exactly what you want you will know what to do and what not to do. Cherish what you have.
     
  11. OhHai

    OhHai New Member

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    Damn, I was expecting an "Don't worry, she will realize you deserve another chance and come back to you and you too will live happily ever after because you are perfect for each other and you have learned your lesson."

    Why does that never happen :wtc:
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Because if you were perfect for each other than she would have trusted you, you would have told her the truth from the beginning and never even considered being with your ex again.

    This is supposed to teach you. And please, for the love of god do not do what a lot of guys do in your situation, which is from this point on toss aside great girls because now you are obsessed with the standard your ex fit. There is no such thing as the perfect girl. Now you can understand and learn from the phrase "don't know what you got, til it's gone."

    You shouldn't mope, you should realize what you did wrong and recognize that it should never happen again. That never again will you throw away a great relationship over temptation. There are plenty of girls like her that you can start fresh with. You can't dwell on what is already over. Just look forward.
     
  13. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    because this is real life?
     
  14. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    :ugh: Because she deserves better than a bf who lies to her. Why should she believe that you have learned your lesson and won't do it to her again? You've already shown her that you can lie to her with no remorse so there's no reason she should believe that you won't do it again. Part of learning your lesson is accepting that you messed up and hurt someone and because of that you don't get to have her anymore. Everything you do has a consequence and this is the consequence of you lying to her.
     
  15. OhHai

    OhHai New Member

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    Is it not possible for people to change..?
     
  16. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Maybe you will now for the better.
     
  17. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Sure, hopefully now you won't lie/cheat on your next partner (I would pretty much consider what you did to be cheating since you had feelings for the ex and then went out on a date with her). There's no reason for this recent girl to believe that you have changed so soon though. You sound pretty young from your posts and people just don't change that quickly. For you to really change you need to understand that lying to a partner is just not acceptable. Not because she found out and got mad at you but because it's just not right to lie to people you care about. If you had really wanted to be with this girl then you wouldn't have been talking to an ex that you still had feelings for. Use this as a lesson about how to treat future SOs and don't sit around moping because you think she made a "mistake" (SHE didn't make a mistake, you did). If you hadn't already proven to her that you were not trustworthy then she wouldn't have believed what the mutal friend told you.
     
  18. OhHai

    OhHai New Member

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    The mistake part was a joke. By no means do I think that she made any kind of mistake, and I realize I am fully responsible. I am pretty young, 21, but I guess I have to use this experience to learn. I was an idiot and fucked up, and now I lost someone who really cared about me :hs:
     
  19. Exiled

    Exiled New Member

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    :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
     
  20. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    What's so funny?
     
  21. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    IWYWB hit the nail on the head.

    What the hell is your first name? I refer / talk to you too much to keep initialing :o
     
  22. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You can call me "beer" for short ;) It's Nicole, but no one knows that, so "beer" might work better.
     
  23. OhHai

    OhHai New Member

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    Was wondering the same thing :squint:
     
  24. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Don't mind Crowbar, he's a lil :nuts:

    :mamoru:
     
  25. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    Trust is one of those things that once it gets messed up, it's near impossible to get back.

    For her, the relationship was still fairly new, and these were BIG lies so it was probably easier to just cut her loses and move on. Hopefully you'll learn something from this.. Talking to ex girlfriends when youre starting a new relationship is never a good idea. :hs:
     

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