SRS GF/Money/Job Issues

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Avenger97, Dec 12, 2006.

  1. Avenger97

    Avenger97 New Member

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    well yea im a super lurker and usually just hang out in the main forum and laugh at dumb jokes , but i need a lil bit more advice than usual, my friends and co-workers have given me a lil but i still need other opinions.. so here we go might be a lil long...

    Ok met a girl (she 27 at the time ,3 kids and im cool with all of that) at my job about a year or so ago, and had an immediate attraction and started casually dating , not thinking anything was going to come of it , but we got really close and things are good.. this is not the problem , things are still great a year later ,we communicate , have fun , no arguments awesome sex life, but money is an issue and thats where the problems come in , we dont live together , im still at home ( yea i know 27 at at home ,this is my issue and im working on it) , and she has a small apartment a few miles away.

    after about 3 months of us dating , she lost her job where we worked (and it was probably a good thing , as working together and dating is hard) and i assumed since she has others to support she would bust her ass and find something new pretty quick , and it wasn't a problem with me , time goes on , she finally gets something about 3 months later.. waitressing at a pizza place, not good money and not a lot of hours , but its something, she now has no car due to it dying and not having the money to get it fixed , but she is walking , and i'll take her to and pick her up when i can. its all still pretty good but she ended up losing the pizza place job after an argument with the boss ( both sides were at fault , and i was there to see it all ) so she is jobless again , but still makin ends meet. we still go out all the time and im paying all the time, not a huge deal since i can afford it for the time being..

    brings us to around October of this year , dating for 9 months things really good still , she has a vacation coming up ( her mom got her a cruise for Christmas the previous year ,im not invited as we weren't really an item at that time) money is really tight i start giving her some money here and there like $20 or $40.. still i can afford it.. she goes on the 14-day trip despite not having anything as far as income coming in for when she gets back..

    money is now really tight and im starting to support her more and more.. In the past month or so i have been gettin on her more and more lookin for a job , and try to get something goin, tho she has applied for a few places i don't see her really bustin her ass out there, thought admittedly its hard to get a job with no car and no way around , i was able to get her a cheap $200 car and get it insured for her , with the understanding that she will get it registered, which still is not done, as back taxes were owed on her old car , and she cant afford to pay them

    brings me to current time.. its close to Christmas and she is about to cancel Christmas for her kids , as she is finally seeing that its just not working out and the money is not there.. at the same time , we have a trip to NYC that i have planned for her birthday this weekend , i told her if she doesnt at least try for her kids to get somthing goin for Christmas , NYC is out , i cant take her there and know her kids would get nothing on Christmas morning.. she went shopping tonight with money her mom gave her for Christmas for the kids.. and NYC looks like it will happen...

    real problem will be about a week after Christmas.. rent is due for her and the money is not there .. i dont see anything really coming up on the job side of things, she had an interview at a temp agency and we are still waiting for them to call back with a job, and im really worried about whats gonna happen come January 1st.. i know i cant pay her bills .. and i dont want to .. in the same time i dont want to lose her at all.. love the girl to death , and beside the money issue things are still great with us...

    whew that was a lot.

    anyway i dont know where to go from here.. i do take some responsibility for giving her so much , and that ends now.. no more just giving her money and gifts ( over the year i have paid for her to go to bartending school , bought her a laptop , given her money many times , bought her a nice ring, bought and insured the car, and other things im sure )
    i dont mind helping , as long as i see she is trying , and right now i dont see that at all

    now dont get me wrong she is a great girl , has done nice things for me as well , but i just dont see the motivation there to go out and get it done, it concerns me , and i dont know where to go from here.. i dont want to leave her at all , but at the same time , im not a bank for her..

    so any advice ??? mostly everyone i have talked to has pretty much told me to cut off her financially and let her deal with it , and see what happens , or to just end the relationship...
    i dont want to end it.. but i cant keep going like this.....

    sorry for the long read hope somone has some good advice for me......:x:
     
  2. whatever

    whatever OT Supporter

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    Im not sure how she can have 3 kids and go without a job for 3 monthes... but thats just detail stuff.

    You gotta realize that the more you give and less she works for it the less likely she's gona be to try to improve herself...
     
  3. Create

    Create :free at last:

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    Bartending school? It can't be *that* hard to find a bartending/bar waitress position for the holidays.
     
  4. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    You need to communicate these thoughts to her. Your relationship won't last long without it.
     
  5. Avenger97

    Avenger97 New Member

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    they have been communicated .. she knows how i feel , but at the same time , does not want to drag me down with her , and really wants me to let her handle it ..

    i think the only real option i have right now is to cut off the giving her money and bailing her out when times get rough , and she will have to find a way to get through it and support her morally and emotionally , but not financially

    i know she is a good person , but several poor choices have finally caught up to her , and she needs to find a way out of it on her own
     
  6. blackgrrl23

    blackgrrl23 If the game ain't money, then I ain't playing.

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  7. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    Quit foolin yourself man. This is going to be a bigger problem if you don't do something. SOON, and you know it. It starts off not being a big deal, as you look past it, but over time it grows... and grows.. and grows into a bigger ball of irritation and eventually you'll blow. Everyone has their boiling point. You will get there, only a matter of time.

    Handle it now, cut her off, or whatever you decide, and if she trys to pull the BS card out you need to follow through. Let her get herself out of the hole she put herself in. You've helped her enough IMO.
     
  8. kristin

    kristin my dog > *

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    Unfortunately, it seems as though she's grown very fond of the fact that you will bail her out whenever she needs a little extra here and there. Because of that, she will probably be very upset with you if you decide to cut off all financial aid all the sudden. She needs to understand your iritation and know that it has more to do with her best interest, than yours, but it'll take a lot for her to understand that.

    I'm not trying to judge, but I have a feeling that as soon as you cut off the finances, she'll be gone...Trying to find someone else to take care of her and the kids financially :hs:
     
  9. Avenger97

    Avenger97 New Member

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    thanks for the help yall.. well as of today she was able to get a job thru her temp agency and will be there for at least 2 months with a good shot at goin full time if it all works out..

    but for the time being this crisis seems to have past.. there are hard financial times for her ahead, its just a matter for her of bucklng down , and taking care of what she need to take care of, and not blowin money on things that are not important...

    as for me bailin her out.. thats done, now that she has income coming in , its not the same as me knowing if i dont pay for it, the kids go without.. if it happens like that now , its due to her not being able to budget her money and i dont feel bad about that, she needs to keep her head in the right spot and keep lookin for jobs , and keep her name out there afterall temp jobs are just that temporary... a real full time 40 hr a week job will do her good and get the bills paid

    not saying we wont be a couple , go out to dinner /movie that kinda thing.. and as the man , more often i pay.. but that was not the issue to begin with... we shall see how this goes......
     
  10. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    My understanding is bartending school ftl. Find a job as a barback and work your way up.
     

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