SRS GF issues ( yea this might be a long one)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Avenger97, Mar 19, 2007.

  1. Avenger97

    Avenger97 New Member

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    ok..well this might be a lil long , but maybe somone can offer some advice. Basically me and my GF have been going out for bit over a year , in that time we have done pretty good , but like every couple have had a few ups and downs.. she is 28 3 kids (and yea im cool with that i knew it going in) , im 27 no kids (thankfully) and we have gotten a place together...

    now is where the fun comes in.. i helped her get this place to get in a better school district , and a better town than where she was, the agreement being im not able to move in right away and she would handle it on her own for a few months till i was able to move in.. we signed the lease, stating who can live there ( me , her , and her kids ) and general rules ( are allowed to have 2 cats, parking spots , non smoking inside ) so she moves in ... and im stopping by pretty often.. spending most of the weekends there.

    problem is becoming one of her lil friends , a 15 year old kid, he was a friend of her sons from her old apartment , and used to hang out with the downstairs neighbors kids, and i never really questioned his family life or anything, as my GF wasnt taking care of him and it wasnt my problem/business. Over time it grew into he was watching the kids while she was working during school vacation week, and it was seeming that he was at the house all the time. Now its where this kid is basically living with my GF in the place we got, his mother doesnt care, she doesnt make/ tell him to go to school and he pretty much has no responsibilities at the house, though he will watch 1 or 2 of the boys when we want to go out

    issues are basically my GF smokes weed and i was pretty cool with that going into the relationship , as i wasnt seeing her do it all the time.. it was a occasional thing and no big deal.. the longer it goes on the more i am seeing her smoke , now after telling her due to my job having a drug testing policy i dont want it around me , and i dont want to smell like smoke all the time, its still going on , i was hopeful that moving would lessen her smoking , as its a social thing with her , but now with her lil friend over all the time.. they are smokin like 6 joints a day.. and she is pretty much letting him do what he wants.. smokin weed. smokin cigs , and drink if he wants..

    now she is breakin the rules of the lease, breakin more than a few laws, and im starting to have an issue with not being able to have any alone time with my GF since this kid is always around..

    am i being irrational here , i dont care if this kid is waching my girls kids after school , or hell even on the weekends if we are going out.. but he has to go home at night.. and doesnt need to be sitting here all the time , especially if the kids arn't around ( she has shared custody with the father, and they spend the weekends there every other weekend).. i was shooting to move in with her in april , but the more i think of it , the less i like it i dont want all this illegal shit going on in my place, i like to lead a pretty quiet life during the week. i work hard and i dont need other people in my house all the time.. not to mention its another mouth to feed and take care of / entertain , our money is tight enough , without adding that to it

    i have brought it up to her , and she says she is trying to help the 15 year old from a bad home enviroment.. i dont see how sitting here and smokin/drinkin/ not goin to school is really helping him at all

    so am i outta line here or am i just being selfish????

    PS and no i dont think she is cheating on me with some 15 year old.. i keep a pretty close eye on whats goin on in that house.. and have keys.. i have stopped by a few times late at night after work ( unannounced) and nothing was goin on
     
  2. ledzep73

    ledzep73 New Member

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    Having that kid around is a bad idea. It could cause alot of legal drama for you and your girl, smoking up a minor and letting him stay at your place is no small offense.
     
  3. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    So....

    Why are you still with this woman? She smokes weed a lot, is overly dependent on this 15 year old for childcare, is BREAKING A FEW LAWS along with violating terms of the lease...

    Seriously, let her go, go find a quality woman.
     
  4. HipHopHead

    HipHopHead Well-Known Member

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    How old are her kids just out of curiosity?
     
  5. LudaMan

    LudaMan New Member

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    I'm assuming, unless I read wrong, that you are part owner/rentee of that place. That means that you have a say in what goes on in that place. She is violating the terms of the lease by smoking in the house, and the landlord isn't going to care who pays, but will hold both of you responsible.

    Not to mention, I may be reading a bit too far in between the lines, but how does a mother have time to smoke 6 joints a day and still take care of her children? I dont have kids, but I know that there is a certain level of responsibility that one has to accept when being a parent, and smoking pot does not fly in my book.

    Just sit both you lady and her 15 year old friend down, calmly explain your concerns and see how they react. You have a lot of say in what goes on, and technically that 15 year old needs to live partly by your rules as well, seeing as you are paying for that place too.

    Good luck to you.
     
  6. Avenger97

    Avenger97 New Member

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    to answer .. the kids are 4,7,10 .. though the 4 year old isnt with us at the moment , trying to get her issues worked out ( not related to this problem at all)

    and yes my name is on the lease.. and i do pay my part of the bills/rent....

    as for the smoking thing.. from what i see on the weekends.. and the occasional weekday im there.. ususally 1st thing in the morning/ on the way to work.. maybe at lunch.. definititly when she gets home.. and usually after the kids are in bed..are the usual times.. also if any of her other friends comes over thats automatic.. time to smoke... on the weekends add another one or 2 in there...

    lately it feels like im a prisoner or " outsider" in my own house.. as i have to be aware of whats goin on and move when they want to smoke. as i dont want to be part of it.. i dont really enjoy hearin everyone happy and laughing.. when im sittin there.. just aggrivates me

    my GF knows it bothers me.. and she gets a lil upset when i just get up and walk out of the room.. but doesnt make any changes, and continues what she is doin

    example this weekend.. my gf was out for a few hours with her mom.. i left to do a lil OT at the office and came back.. i walk into my house there is the 15 year old with 2 of his friends just chillin in the house.. watchin her 10 year old.. no idea what was goin on before i got there.....so i just got what i was gettin.. hopped back in my car.. and left
     
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2007
  7. Elfling

    Elfling New Member

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    I'd say gtfo now :dunno: she doesn't sound like someone who is going to improve your life, ever.
     
  8. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    JUST SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT, man but My Cousin was in a similar situation as the 15yr old in your place.

    My cousin and his fam moved to a new place, he was like 15 too. He made friends with the next door neigbor's son who was like 14. The family next door was the boy, his sister and his parents. My cousin was spending all of his free time their hangin out. My cousin's mom thought he was just hangin with the kid. My cousin and the kid became good friends.

    Anyway, to make a long story short, a year goes by and the kid's parents end up getting a divorce. Everyone is wondering why because supposely they had a great marriage but in the end it was because my cousin was having an affair with the mom! The father found out and got pissed and bailed out on the whole situation. After that, my cousin basically took the father's place and is runnin the family like his own.

    Now 5yrs later, they are still together. My cousin is 21 and the woman is 37 and they all live together in the house with her daughter and the kid that started out as my cousins friend.

    Just something to think about man....don't trust that 15yr old man...sucka sounds like a punk and one day he might just try to get with your girl, i wouldn't trust him.
     
  9. 53k1a8

    53k1a8 the effects of the ugly stick are irreversible

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    totally agree
     
  10. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    So why are you in this relationship? I don't really see where you are getting anything good out of it. If you don't :420: then it doesn't make much sense to date someone who does it 5 times a day. You are never going to be able to change her.
     

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