SRS GF issues (possible break-up)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Avenger97, Aug 26, 2007.

  1. Avenger97

    Avenger97 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2002
    Messages:
    601
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Johnston , RI
    well this will be a long one, just kinda confused where to go from here. A lil bit of background , we are both 28 , she has 3 kids, we waited a lil over a year , and decided to get an apartment together , she went through some rough times with her daughter having a mental illness , and consequently lost her job, seeing this , i pushed harder and managed to pay all the bills for the apartment , and her car , my car, insurance and all that , all while trying to keep living the lifestyle we were used to , this put me majorly in debt , credit cards out of control.

    It got to the point where once her daughter was ok , she needed to get back to work ASAP to make us living together still possible , at the Beginning of August , she had a couple opportunities , One being at Home Depot , she aced the interview , and they offered her the job , based on her passing a drug and background check , well 3 days later ,the lab calls to tell her she failed the drug test for marijuana, now yes i knew that she did smoke , but she had told me that she quit approx 7 weeks earlier. At this point we had a pretty good fight , and i ended up going back to my parents place for a few days, i was just totally distraught with her , and the total lack of personal responsibility. After a couple days we decided to give it another shot , as she had gotten another job , and we should have been ok .

    the next weekend was my Birthday , now i knew that she didn't have the money for a big gift,and that wasn't really unexpected.. id rather just spend a lil time with her and relax , then try to spend the few extra dollars she had, there are other ways to make me happy that dont involve spending money. She had wanted to take me to dinner at a favorite restaurant of ours, but couldn't afford it unless i kicked in a lil bit , At the same time my Parents had a lil BBQ at their house and had some of my family over, My GF didn't feel the same way and really didn't want to go , tellin me her 11 year old son would be bored and she just didn't want to sit there.. i told her thats fine , but its MY day and she should try to be accommodating , and us going would get me some birthday money , and we'd be able to go out to dinner after. We did end up going , but she was just miserable , and really ignored my family the whole time, until she wasn't feeling well and i ended taking her home , and went back to my party. During this time , she took her son out to eat . When i got home around 9 pm , she was just watchin TV and that was the end of the night.. no gift.. no lovin .. nothin...

    i was kinda in a bad mood the rest of the week , bills are getting further behind , just waiting for her 1st paycheck , and trying to make ends meet.. she is pretty distant from me most of the week.

    the weekend again comes around , and on friday night, her friends call and they want want to go out with her , im not really feelin it , as we really have no extra money , but she ends up going anyway , says she would be home by 12-1 AM the latest, as her son's birthday party is the next day ( which BTW i was not invited to , as his dad isn't comfortable around me ). at 2:45 i text her , asking what was up , and if she was planning on coming home , knowing that the bars in the area close at 1 am , she calls back, soundin pissed , sayin she didn't think she needed to check in with me, i was like you don't, but its just polite to let me know whats up when your runnin really late.. she came home and we went to bed.

    Next day was her son's b-day party , now i gave her the remaining 80 bucks i had, so she could get him a gift for the party , she left at about 10 am , and was there till around 7 pm or so , when on the way home , she calls to tell me , she will be comin home for a few , before headin to her girl friends house to spend some time with her , as her husband is out for the night , she comes home, knows im not pleased with this decision , as i have been home all day . no money.. cant do shit , and my car is still in the shop , and she thinks she can go out whenever she wants. before she goes out , she gets naked and we have sex , just cause she knows im not thrilled with her choices, anyway, she leaves and about 2 am calls to tell me she is over her other friends taking care of her friends as they ended up going to the bar and the other 2 got trashed, and she will be home soon.. she calls again at 4:45 am , and is on her way.. she comes home , and thats it right to bed.

    next problem pop's up on Monday when she decides that is just taking herself and her kids camping over labor day weekend , doing this with her pay, and some of the kids child support check, i was just like you have to be fucking kidding me , we have no money.. are 60 days behind in every bill , 3 insanely high credit cards , and all that , and you want to spend money to go camping, she tries to justify it by telling me its something her and her kids do every year, which i can understand , but if you cant afford something , you just don't do it , thats how i was raised anyway. Monday night , back at the bar with her friend who is going through a possible divorce ( same friend from fri and sat nights) and comes home at 12 am ..

    so we argue a lil more about it , and i finally decide i need to leave this situation , go back to my parents and get my life back in order, i cant figure out what is going through her head and why she is makin these crazy bad choices.

    anyway here i am on Sat night, she is once again out with her friend , and just calls me at 2 am on her way home. On one hand i want to just run from her , but since i do love her , its hard to just walk away ...

    any advice / ideas/ rationale for her recent actions...
     
  2. mg

    mg OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2005
    Messages:
    8,350
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    North America
    leave. get your shit back in check. you're allowing her to walk all over you. your birthday family bbq was pretty fucked up. and she continues to go out to bars with her friends? :wtf:

    if you do walk away, will you be able to man up and tell this beezy off? it sounds like she would call you over and over trying to use the whole sad puppy dog skit. and it sounds like it would work on you :sad2:
     
  3. daneeyah

    daneeyah Guest

    :werd:
    I don't even know what to tell you.
    I'm sorry but she's totally taking advantage of you. Thinking your always gona bail her out.
    You sound like a great person, and its such a waste that your degrading yourself to her.

    Think with your head not your heart right now. This is NOT love.
     
  4. mg

    mg OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2005
    Messages:
    8,350
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    North America
    werd. ^^^^

    think with your head and not your heart right now.
     
  5. whale_hunter

    whale_hunter Mensa Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2007
    Messages:
    7,714
    Likes Received:
    13
    I am 32 and have been in 2 loooong relationships. One really good, one really bad.
    Yours sounds like the bad one.
    I've had many friends also go through the same thing you are.
    A girl comes along and just twists your life in knots. She makes you feel good though, so that's ok.
    As you grow up though, the good starts out weighing the bad.
    This girl sounds like a cool girl to date when you're 22 or 23. Great sex, you laugh alot, good times.
    You are approaching the time in your life now when things start to become permanant.
    Don't let this be the way you live the rest of your life.

    I'm not even say YOU HAVE TO LEAVE HER. I'm just saying you need to start doing what's right for your life. Let her know that you want to be with her, but that you need her to start making good decisions.
    If she doesn't want to do that for you, you kind of know what time it is.

    Seriously, I wish you good luck bro.
     
  6. Fachh

    Fachh New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2006
    Messages:
    1,961
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    BC, Canada
    .
     
  7. mg

    mg OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2005
    Messages:
    8,350
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    North America
    fixed???
     
  8. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    So this girl is constantly ditching you and taking all your money.

    Why are you staying with her?
     
  9. Avenger97

    Avenger97 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2002
    Messages:
    601
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Johnston , RI
    let me just try to clarify this a bit , for the times when she needed to be there for her daughter , and she lost her job.. yea i was all about helping out ,at the time it was the right thing to do , how can i make someone choose between their lil girl living in a mental institution , and having a job.

    its just the past few weeks that have been driving me nuts.. almost like she has just had it with everything , and wants to do what she wants to now.. regardless of the outcome , thats why i am where i am now. i cant be a part of something like that , i have given so much to her , and given her every chance to excel in life ,and she has blown just about each one, while still seeing herself as the Victim in each situation, its more about mentality than anything in this case , she thinks that everyone is out to get her , and doesn't want to put the effort into it to make it all happen.. that is what will ultimately decide weather or not i want to continue to keep her in my life....

    also if it wasnt clear in my 1st post , i am back at my parents now.. and i dont see myself leaving anytime soon.. yea it sucks to be back here, but i need to get my finances back under control, i also have the PC back here , and looking through her AIM logs, i didnt see anything indicating cheating.. she had the chances, but said no both times ( this was within the last week). we still talk on the phone every day , but for the time being we arent really seeing each other .. if we decide to at some point , thats fine we'll see where it heads from there.. maybe me not being there is good for her...
     
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2007
  10. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

    Joined:
    May 29, 2000
    Messages:
    49,189
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    Take a long hard look at this thread and the other 4 you've made about her in the past few months. WHY ARE YOU STILL IN THIS RELATIONSHIP???

    Seriously, what does this girl have to do to you to get you to man up and leave? You make excuses for her actions every time and don't listen to any advice that people give you. You are not in a healthy relationship, this girl is completely using you and you're letting her walk all over you. This is not how someone who loves you would treat you.

    If this relationship was really worth it and truly made you happy then you would not have needed to make 5 different threads about how unhappy you are with certain things. You know what you need to do, it's time to grab your balls back from her and do it.
     
  11. whale_hunter

    whale_hunter Mensa Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2007
    Messages:
    7,714
    Likes Received:
    13
    :o:o:o


    Posting at 4 in the morning has it's downside.One of which is that you sound like an idiot sometimes.



    Thanks for the fix.:)
     
  12. mg

    mg OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2005
    Messages:
    8,350
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    North America
    :wavey:
     
  13. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Don't get too angry with her, i understand your anger , both of you two are stressed out. Rationally you are right in all fronts and aspects. But woman are emotional creatures, under the load of stress she probably smoked to get rid of some tentions, she has 3 kids. And just doing nothing with the kids means they didn't get a good childhood, which makes her feel immensly guilty. What im asking is not approval of her decisions but an understanding that these are made based on her emotions.

    Im going against the others peoples advice that you should leave her. I just think that you should be the one who's in charge of the finances ,because you have a far more superior rational view on what is supposed to happen. The reasons why i believe you should stay with her are.

    -She has been loyal to you.
    -She sacrifices herself for the ones she loves.
    -She is willing to work.

    Now all these things show me that she is a contributor to the family. However human, a farmer can only take up so much load before it becomes to heavy and he falls. The whole odeal has brought a heavy toll on the relationship. Now i know its private ,but i advice you to put the amount of debt you have on each credit card and in general and the amount of income the two of you are gaining along with expenditures and post it here in order for us to make a financial plan for you two to get rid of your debt.
     
  14. Avenger97

    Avenger97 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2002
    Messages:
    601
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Johnston , RI
    thanks for some of the advice.. the finances i have worked out.. she would just need to limit the extras, and follow the balanced budget that i worked out. leaving us with spending/living money, and payin everything on time, now i agree with what ya said.. she doesn't want to let the kids down anymore than she already has , and that is noble , but it just was not the right way to go about it, esp when we are so far in the hole as it is.. yes she has been loyal to me so far. and i don't think she is being unfaithful to me now.. its just a shitty situation to be in at the moment.....
     
  15. Avenger97

    Avenger97 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2002
    Messages:
    601
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Johnston , RI
    just as kind of an update to all this...

    its been a shitty week , hard not being around her all the time, like i have become so used to , however every day its getting a bit easier to deal with. She still calls me several times a day, basically just to bitch about how hard things are and in general looking for me to feel bad for her and give her money. She may not see it as that , but thats all that its , there is no " how are you , i miss you " or " i love you ,thanks for helping me" or anything its just tellin me how hard it all is , and how much work she has to do for this camping trip.

    I still see her making very poor choices in how to run her life , for example, left her kids with a 16 year old "live-in babysitter" around 11:30 PM the other night to run to the store to get milk, and make a weed pickup for a friend, took like an hour or so , cause she was on the phone with me most of the time , where she could have ran 3 mins down the road to get milk , and been home with her kids.. not out pickin up weed. hearing and seeing these kind of things just makes it easier to stay away and not feel sorry for her

    she is running down the path to self-destruction , she is borrowing money from everyone , just to try to cover this camping trip , that seems to be more important to her, than makin sure there is food in the house, and the bills getting paid.

    i think she still may love me ,but i dont see any signs of her trying to make it work with us , i have made several offers to just come over and try to talk out the situation , and she has no desire to even try it, she just keeps sayin she is too busy with this camping trip, i dont feel like there is any respect or apprication of the effort i put in over the past 9 months of running this house and supporting her and her kids 100%. Personally i feel that she is still trying to keep me around by calling all the time , makin me feel like we are still together , just so i dont get mad at her and totally screw her ( ie: call the landlord and tell him she has people living there who are not on the lease , which is a major violation of the lease agreement and grounds for eviction, or take the car from her that is mine ) though im not vindictive like that , as all it will do , is hurt the kids who really are innocent in all of this .

    Right now , i'm just trying to take it one day at a time , and not feed into her at all , just do what ihave to do .. and focus on things that make me happy now....
     

Share This Page