Gf is going to prom with another guy

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by AaronJ, Mar 9, 2006.

  1. AaronJ

    AaronJ New Member

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    Alright, so I have been dating my gf for about 3 years. We have a pretty serious relationship and care about each other alot. Prom is comming up, and of course we are going together. Problem is, some douche decides he is going to ask my girlfriend to go to prom with him (he lives in a diff town, so prom is on a different day). This guy used to try to get with my girlfriend, but it didn't happen. She calls him her friend, and hangs out with him every now and then.

    We have talked about it 3 times, and on each occasion she gets really mad that i don't want her to go. I understand that they are going as "friends", but this guy really pisses me off. Honestly, does he not have enough respect to even talk to me before he asks her? I really hate that fact that she is going, and I think about it all the time. I mean, it is our own night, where we both get dressed up, look all good and stuff, just for one night for each other. But for her, she is doing it with another guy later, and I feel like i am having to share this with another guy.

    What can I do about this, is there really anything? I really hate what is going on and i just want to tell her that if she goes i am going to be really pissed off. I am also letting her know that this really bothers me, but everytime i do things get turned around and she ends up mad at me. She absolutely will not budge on this, and i think it would be easier for me to talk her out of prom with me rather than prom with him.

    Sorry for the long post...This is just really worrying me right now..
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2006
  2. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    Break up with her if she is going with this fool. Lack of respect for you. Put your foot down.
     
  3. AaronJ

    AaronJ New Member

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    I just can't do that, i love this girl to much to break it off with her. We have gone through some pretty crazy stuff, and we have strived hard for where we are. I just don't understand why she wants to go with him so bad..I just wish she wouldn't go
     
  4. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    You're obviously young. Maybe she feels a little tied down having been with you for so long and only being (maybe?) 17 years old.
    My boyfriend went to Homecoming with another girl. He claimed the same thing but it certainly didn't stay an innocent thing during the night.
    IF your girlfriend had any respect for you at all, she wouldn't go.
     
  5. AaronJ

    AaronJ New Member

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    No, i know that she does. If she didn't she wouldn't be with me right now. I should have added earlier, i know my girlfriend isn't physically attracted to this guy, and I am not worried about anything "happening". It just isn't cool with my that i have to share something like this with another guy, plus the lack of respect from him, and the lack of concerning me from her. I just don't get it, she is THE nicest person in the world, and I just think she would have felt to bad since he wouldn't be able to find anybody else to go. But she is to naive to notice that he is into her.
     
  6. Improvolone

    Improvolone New Member

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    It's prom, it's not special.

    Do you trust her? If yes, you shouldn't care that she is going to another prom, not missing yours, with a different guy.
    If you don't, then clearly dump her.
     
  7. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    Have you tried talking to her about your feelings? Base your actions on her response.
     
  8. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Prom isn't special? Is that why girls spend hundreds of dollars on dresses and makeup and a hairdo? Is that why guys spend tons of money to rent tuxes and limos?
     
  9. NJGuy

    NJGuy "Fuckmefuckmefuckmefuckmef uckmefuckmefuckmefuckm OT Supporter

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    :rofl:

    I come to these forums jsut to hear comments like this.

    Listen up guy...
    The 2nd post was right.
    You need to be able to put your foot down.
    If you cant your relationship is over anyway.
     
  10. AaronJ

    AaronJ New Member

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    I see her going to prom with this guy as being equal to going on a date. Its called a prom date isn't it?

    This is the thing, it just came straight out of left field with this. I would never imagine her to do this. She told me that she feels sorry because he can't find anyone else. (why the fuck does he have to ask MY girlfriend.) I know he is just taking advantage of the fact that she won't say no. Is it wrong for me to want to knock this guy out? Keep in mind I haven't liked him even before he pulled this shit.

    The thing that frustrates me, is that if this situation were vice verca, I know i would be in the dog house. When i told her that she was like "oh noo no no, i would be perfectly fine with it."

    It pisses me off so much when i hear him call, and they are talking about tuxes, and all the planning and shit. It almost feels like i am just a friend and he is her boyfriend.

    And just for future reference, I will not break up with her, that is just not an option. I was looking for some opinions on getting her to see my side, and to understand that this truly does hurt and bother me.
     
  11. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    Well she's not gonna be with you on prom night, now is she?

    Unless you two have an "open" relationship, I can't see being cool with your girlfriend dating other guys. Maybe I'm missing some of your logic here.

    You're damn right you would. And think about this: if the roles were reversed, what would you want to do? Go with your girlfriend or leave her hanging while you take some other chick to prom? (Just as friends, of course!) You would choose your girlfriend over stranding her in order to be "nice" to some random chick for no good reason.

    ...Probably.

    I mean, think about what your attitude toward her would have to be to make the opposite choice - well, that is her attitude toward you right now. And she gets MAD at YOU for not liking it! Can anyone tell me what's wrong with this picture?

    You want her to see your side, give it to her. Be firm. If she gives you shit and refuses to bend, you might as well break it off right there, because things are only going to get worse from here on out.

    I highly doubt she has a problem understanding your reaction though, unless she is an incredibly oblivious person. Consider the possibility that she is not a total idiot, she realizes this hurts and bothers you, but she doesn't care. Yes, that is incredibly shitty to think about, but you can't dismiss it just because it would suck if it's true. Don't blind yourself to reality and rationalize it as "love."

    FWIW your viewpoint is exactly the same as mine once was with my ex. It snowballed to the point where I nearly forgave her outright for cheating on me with 3 different people, so don't think I don't understand how hard it is to let go of someone. I've been there worse than most. "Breaking up is not an option" is mistake #1... breaking up is ALWAYS an option, and must remain so. Otherwise you get walked on.
     
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2006
  12. God of Thunder

    God of Thunder New Member

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    winner.
     
  13. aaron33

    aaron33 New Member

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    Always remember, it is not the guy's fault for asking. It's your gf's fault for agreeing to go.
     
  14. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    Agreed, also why should he ask you whether it is ok to ask her out? He's her friend not yours right? So he (imo) doesn't need to ask how you feel.

    The "blame" rests entirely on her for agreeing and not listening to how you feel about it. If it were me and I knew there was no chance of her being attracted to him I'd have no problems with the situation. Sure the guy may be into her but you gotta trust your gf.
     
  15. Vailripper

    Vailripper Daywalkers have feelings too.

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    You're getting walked on. You need to (like everyone has said) make it very clear how you feel, and that if she does go with him you will break it off. The fact is she is disrespecting you, however you want to spin it. If she sees she can get away with this, where does it stop?
     
  16. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Wow.

    What can I say here that hasn't already been said? How about this? This is, of course, just my opinion, so take it as you will.

    You're being a SUCKER and she's possibly about to dump you, and you don't even see it coming. You don't have enough self-respect and no backbone if you let her go and don't do something about it. Think about it like this - during all this talk you have not once said "Well shit, I'll just take some other chick, that'll show her." Why haven't you said that? Because you CARE about her. You REALLY like her. And you understand that it would be *TOTALLY* disrespectful to ask another woman out. You know that if you spent time with another woman, it would show your GF that you don't care about her. And you know that she would get the clue and probably be upset, maybe even dump you.

    What happens when she starts going out partying with this guy next Friday night because she feels sorry for him? What happens for valentines day next year when she goes out for dinner with him? What happens when she doesn't come home one night? You gonna be okay with that, Sparky? Hell no, you're going to be pissed.

    She is testing you, in my opinion, to see if you will fight for what is right. She can't just do whatever she wants with complete disregard for your input. She is your GF, she is your partner, you are a TEAM. Women do not want to make all the decisions all the time, and you're letting her do it with this big one that you KNOW will screw things up. Why are you letting her do this to you?

    Because you are afraid you'll lose her. Right? My money is on the fact that if you DON'T warn her that you'll dump her if she goes (note: don't forbid her to go, tell her the consequences of what YOU will do) the she will not respect the fact that you don't care enough to do something about it. She'll be mad at you, but she's going to stick around. If she doesn't, well shit, better you found out know than after you are married with kids.

    Wow, the whole concept of you letting her get away with this makes me furious. :mad:

    You should read this article I wrote, because it's about to happen to you:

    My GF wants a break, is it really over?
    http://www.friendzoned.com/forums/showthread.php?t=4

    Here's a small quote:

    Even if you discuss this and she argues with you and says you are crazy, you DON'T have to accept that. You know how you feel, and you have to tell her "This is the signal you are sending to me. You are seeing other men. I take that as asking for a break up. If you go out with him to prom, pack your bags and take it with you because you will NOT be coming back. I will NOT be treated like that." Be CALM, COOL, MATURE about it. Then tell her "End of discussion. It is not open for debate." and don't talk about it any more. If she brings it up, you tell her exactly the same thing. "It's not open for discussion. If you go to the prom with anyone except me, you're not coming back. Period. End of discussion. Do you understand? I care about you and respect you a great deal, and I expect you to respect and care about me just as much. If you can't, then you're making a decision to end it and I am not so stupid as to not see that coming from a mile away."

    If you tell her that, you better bet she's going to get upset, cry, beg, call you nuts, whatever, but it's all a test to see if you have the backbone to stick to your decision - and you KNOW it's a good decision.

    Now, you say you don't understand why she wants to go with this other guy? It's SIMPLE.

    In my opinion, you *MAY* have become too serious, too boring, too predictable, or too unstable/argumentative. Basically, I believe men have to be a gentleman to keep a woman. A gentleman is not the kiss ass like you are being when you let her go, and it's not the jerk you are being when you tell her she can't and get into a fight about it. A gentleman would handle it with aplomb, would be calm, cool, collected, and mature about it. He would tell her his position, and stick to it. There are some other articles on my site that you might also want to read BEFORE it's too late (most of these are written for guys who have already been dumped, you're in the foretunate position of still having a chance.)

    Such as:

    Help! My GF won't have sex with me any more. She says she's too tired, etc.
    http://www.friendzoned.com/forums/showthread.php?t=5

    How do I win my GF back?
    http://www.friendzoned.com/forums/showthread.php?t=2

    Your girlfriend is sending you some VERY big signals, and a VERY big red flag. She *MAY* be about to dump you because of something you have been doing wrong. Kissing her ass and not standing up for yourself, being a wussy boy, is probably right up there on top of the list. Do you do that? (Obviously I don't know, so I am just guessing. ;) ) Letting her get away with this is why most guys I talk to have problems with women. You *may* lack confidence and you lack humor when dealing with women. If you had confidence in yourself, you would understand that her actions are indicative of her not being happy with you because you've fucked something up. Especially if you have been with her for three years, she knows who you are.

    Now, I am not saying this is the right thing to do, and I don't know your ages, but if you have not proposed to her she's probably looking for someone who will. Is that a possibility? :dunno: If she is so sweet, why haven't you proposed? She is also seeing this other guy, probably for some excitement. And this other guy is feeding her lines of shit to get her to dump you so he can have a chance. Little does he know he's probably already friendzoned, but that's another story. :mamoru:

    My fiance cares for me a great deal. She knows that she can flirt with other men. She also knows she CANNOT spend time with them alone, out of my sight, nor can she touch them sexually (so she can shake hands, hug, kiss on cheek in public, etc., but not grind on a guy, wrap her arm around him/his arms, sit on his lap, etc.). She understands there is a limit. She also knows the best way to get me to dump her would be to spend time with a guy alone, and not invite me along. (I bet money that if you asked to go with your GF and hang with him sometime she'd refuse; if she accepted they would not talk in front of you - both a bad sign.) And I also do the same in return - I can flirt with women, but no touching, etc.

    Now your whole thing about her being oblivious to this ... :rofl: what a load of SHIT! Women are VERY careful and VERY aware of other people's feelings. She KNOWS that if she does this it will upset you. If you were hanging out with me I'd :slap: you right now. Give me a break. You are making excuses, and you're going to make excuses all the way up until she says "You know, it's not you, it's me ... we need a break." and you're going to wonder what happened as she walks away. :sadwavey:

    What I would want to know is how things are in your relationship. Do you go out, have fun, laugh, joke around, flirt, have an active sex life, free from arguments, have an equal say in decisions, etc? Or do you have fights and not talk to each other, or spend time apart, or are always at home watching TV or sleeping or playing video games and ignoring her or something? What is the reason that has driven her away? My money is that you've done something that you may not even be aware of that is making her look elsewhere.

    No matter how pathetic this other guy is, if you are more exciting, more mature, more confident, and more challenging she'll want to stay with you. But she isn't doing that ... why?

    Bottom line: If she goes with him, let her know she's not coming back. Then you need to figure out how you drove her away and not do it again.
     
  17. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    meh, as long as you are her date to your schools prom, and you trust her, i dont think its a big deal. i went to several proms, cause i was friends with diferent guys and they needed a date. it wasnt romantic, it was necessity. no one likes going stag. i really wouldnt read much into it, as long as she isnt after partying or going home with him. :dunno:
     
  18. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    It doesnt matter....

    The way it appears from your posts, the relationship will be over shortly anyways. Just enjoy it while it lasts and dont be heartbroken when you hear from her friends what she did on prom night.
     
  19. Improvolone

    Improvolone New Member

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    Prom is something that people put way too much stock into. Wanna spend money and make it a night to remember? Fine. It should be special because you are there with the person you love, not because of anything else. You ARE SITLL GOING WITH HER. Why the hell do you care if she'll be going to another prom with a friend. She is not missing prom with him.
    She is going to a friends prom who goes to another school where the prom is on a different day.

    For God's sake people, he's the one making it out to be a date, she is only friends with this guy.
     
  20. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    poco for the fucking win
     
  21. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    prom is just a way for girls to show off to their friends. serisously.
     
  22. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    how are they showing off? EVERY girl there is in some expensive dress and 99% of them arrive in a limo.
     
  23. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    or perhaps they are just keeping up the the joneses. eitherway, its overrated. its a dance, nothing more.
     
  24. Justin636

    Justin636 Active Member

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    Wow this sounds a lot like what i went through in school... fuck that shit man.

    Stand your ground as hard as it may be... you will regret otherwise later if you dont...
     
  25. NJGuy

    NJGuy "Fuckmefuckmefuckmefuckmef uckmefuckmefuckmefuckm OT Supporter

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    If you AV was in color it would allmost be as great as mine :o
     

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