GF is 10 years older..

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by jdog12, Sep 17, 2009.

  1. jdog12

    jdog12 New Member

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    I'm 24, she's 34. We've been together for a little over a month, known each other almost 2 months. I'm very happy and she seems to be very happy with what's going on. I've only been in one relationship in the past, and this one seems to be going a lot better, so far. My family is very religious and while they have not tried to get me to break up with her they are telling me to take it slow and be very careful as we are in different stages of our life. Me and her have talked about it too and she has shared that concern with me. She has basically told me that she is getting older and would like Kids soon, me on the other hand, I can't really start thinking about wanting Kids until I knew for sure I would want to marry her. That's not to say I don't want any.

    She is very sweet, we have a lot of fun together all the time, and I can see myself being with her for a very long time... when my sister or mom tell me about the different stages in life thing, it makes me kind of worried. I really have not found a girl closer to my age who has the same qualities that I love about her... Should I be worried?

    UPDATE: It's been over a year and I wanted to give an update to the situation, since I'm often bothered by people that don't update theirs.

    This has been the hardest, most depressing year of my life, it has been an emotional roller coaster for me. A little over a month after that post we found out she was pregnant (my child, of course; yeah, big pullout fail). She was excited about this and nervous as to whether I would stick around after this. I was scared as all hell, but realized having graduated college and working full time at a decent job with decent upgrade potential, that the costs were the least of my concerns and embraced the opportunity to have a child.

    Throughout this time, I felt lost and like I needed help. Growing up with a baptist minister as a Dad, and a very church involved family I had been always pushed towards the abstinence route, but I had never been very faithful. My family was a big help throughout this (telling them was a very hard thing to do). I started getting involved in the church again and it was a big help in my life. Me and her had been attending a big church where it was easy to blend in as it was so big. I started meeting up with my friend and going to church with him and my life felt so much better. My gf would come with me every once in a while, but often times found excuses to go and after a while was suspecting that i was only going because they were trying to push her away from me and find me another girl, which was far from true as they always wanted/invited her. She was a very jealous person, which would cause a lot of troubles. Through this time i felt pressured to propose and I did, but it never felt real and always felt like it was done for the baby.

    Through the pregnancy, she would always get weird pains, so her doctors visits tended to be sporadic and i missed our first ultrasound because she was having pains and went in a few days in advance, rather than on her scheduled day and i couldnt get off work. Throughout this time, we made plans to ask my room mate to move out so she could move in and not have to worry about things like rent, electric, etc (she had quit her job a while back because she didnt like it and was basically living off credit cards (that were almost at their limit and she was close to bankruptcy/eviction with no family in town to be able to stay with) until "she found another job" which she was either having trouble finding, or wasnt trying very hard.

    at the first ultrasound they heard a heartbeat (a heartbeat at this stages leaves you with a 7% chance of miscarriage, good odds for having a child). about a month later, a week after she moved in, the complications started and she was getting odd pains, bleeding, etc. This involved trips to the gynecologist and a few late nights at the ER, Everything was fine they kept telling us. Finally, on December 18, five days after I saw the ultra sound where our baby's was moving around, clear arms, legs, head etc (This sight changed my life completely and was probably one of the happiest moment in my life as I saw this and they told us it was going to be okay), I ended up having to call an ambulance because she buckled on the ground in so much pain that she couldnt get up, followed by very heavy bleeding.

    The ambulance came, took us to the hospital, in the ER she said she had to pee and when i noticed she had taken longer that expected in the bathroom i went to go see her, i heard her crying and screaming, she miscarried the baby in the toilet as she was trying to pee. They went and grabbed it out and as my gf was laying in bed, she asked to see it.... they brought our dead baby's body on a plate, twig size arms, to small to tell the sex, about 2 inches long.... horrible experience and I could only look for so long without turning away as it was too much to handle. I had never spoken to her mother as she lived out of state. The first time i spoke to her mother was that night on the phone as she told me to call her mother and tell her that it happened. This was also very hard, but i had to man up and do it. We took a road trip a week later to go visit them.

    Throughout this time my family kept assuring me that it was probably for the best as this would have been better than a stillbirth or having a child that didnt develop correctly which would need constant care their entire life.

    The next two months were very dark. Arguments over jealousy, financial matters started taking over. I saw what sex and moving so fast did for us and I told her I wasnt ready to have sex until we were married. I never really broke off the engagement, but we never really had a date set.. this was something she was pressuring me for, but I never felt like it was a real engagement and was not ready to marry her.

    We both knew it was coming to an end, I couldnt so much as kiss her on the neck without it being awkward. I realized that if I were to end it, she would be out on the street with no job and no where to live and thats when i realized i was still with her because I felt sorry for her and didnt want to see her in this situation.

    I went to go live with my sister as she lived in my apartment and then in feb. we finally broke up; she accused me one night of only being with her because i felt bad for her, to which i said no. that night on the way home she sent me a text saying that if it was coming to an end, it wasnt fair to either of us and i should just end it. I went back, crying, and finally ended it.

    She ended up finding a job and two months after breaking up, she finally moved out of my apartment (i had to "lend" her some money to do so, as she was not able to afford it (ive forgiven her for most her debt to me as she owes thousands on her credit cards, and I will eventually forgive her for the rest as I'm more worried about her making it through this until she can finish school and get a job) and i moved back in to my apt. Over the course of the next few months, we stayed "friends" and I kept "lending" her money as she wasnt doing well financially.

    It's been almost 9 months since we broke up and I find that little by little we are communicating less and less (a good thing). Seeing her and being a "friend" is awkward as being with her opens up all kinds of scars. I have no desire to be with her in a relationship.

    She holds a special place in my heart and I would do as much as I can to help her, but for a while there, i was starting to suffer financially from helping her out to pay for her new apt and stuff. I still cry on an almost daily basis. Seeing that healthy ultrasound changed my life for the good, only to be taken away. It never felt real before that.

    I never wanted a child and when I finally embraced it and became happy about it, it was taken away. I often times see this as for the best as our relationship/life would have probably ended in fighting and divorce with a child in the mix, which would have sucked. Whenever I start to see it this way, i feel a little better, but then I'm overcome with guilt as I feel as though i'm basically telling myself "its a damn good thing that baby died" and thats where a lot of the down time/depression in my life has come, a constant roller coaster of emotions.

    I dont know how/when I'll get over this. Part of me wants to cut her out of my life, while the other part of me wants to remain friends and help her, but I do know that once we get involved with other people, this will be too hard to keep up.

    CLIFFS ON UPDATE: I got her pregnant, engaged (although it didnt feel right), she moved in with me as she was a few months away from bankruptcy and using Credit cards to pay her stuff off, had a miscarriage, we started drifting apart i moved in with my sister until she moved out, I've helped her financially a few times until she can get on her feet and finish school and get a job.
     
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2010
  2. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    My brother is 10 years younger than his girlfriend.

    And they've been together for like 11 years now. from what I understand, they are having problems now, but it has nothing to do with age. They've always seemed like a decent match and the age thing never seemed like it was a big deal. :dunno:
     
  3. freckleface

    freckleface expose the raw nerve and get on with our lives...

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    .
     
  4. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    don't worry about it, you're happy. enjoy it.


    Hell, I've found happiness with someone 13 years older than me with 2-3 kids in the past.
     
  5. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    As long as you both are over 18, age is just a number. If you are happy with each other, that is the only thing that really matters.
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    She told you 2 months in that she wants kids soon....all I have to say is do not forget about this and proceed with caution.
     
  7. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    Yeah, this is the little detail that means a lot.
     
  8. 0ff

    0ff link OT Supporter

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    dude srls, she is 34 and have no kids ?
    healthy kids are being born by women aged up to 29 years old.

    do broke with her soon, because later it will be harder and will mess your life a bit. your are 24, till 26/27 you'll find a proper gf.
     
  9. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    :ugh::ugh::ugh: that was one ignorant/stupid of a statement.

    I agree with beer, proceed with caution.
     
  10. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    These older women crave you because you're young, but it's only out of passion. I know. I had all sorts of fucked up relations with a married 28 year old when I was 16-17
     
  11. busydoingnothing

    busydoingnothing A broken man too tough to cry

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    I'm going to have to take a realistic stance on this, and I know, I know, it sucks sometimes, especially when you find someone you really dig and things are going well. The "different stages of life" thing is big...that's how my last major relationship ended (and she was 5 years my senior). It was very true, though...she was in grad school, I had never been to college and I worked in retail. I didn't have my shit together. She was 23, I was 18. We were together for about 2 1/2 years.

    Now, you hit a point where age really doesn't seem to matter much anymore. I'd say that's right around 25. My girlfriend and I (both 26) have made a number of friends that are in their 30's, and even then, they still seem to be in a similar place in life that we are (for the most part). There aren't a hell of a lot of major life changes around this point. You get a job, you kinda settle in...you make friends, have your fun, etc. etc.

    So if you've got a job, you're pretty secure in your life and your emotions, and she's in the same place, then congrats, you guys can probably grow well together. But if you still have a bit of personal growth left (I'd see you growing more than she would), then you may want to reconsider.

    One glaring detail here is kids. That's HEAVY, and not to be ignored nor fucked with. Her clock is ticking, and you're still young. She's not going to wait around for that shit. She's working on a DEADLINE. If you honestly cannot see yourself having kids within, say, 2 years (AND BE HONEST), then tell her that. If she's not cool with that, that's the end. Move on. You're 24 and you've got nothing but time.
     
  12. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    i can see why she wants to hurry it up and plop out a kid.. she's 34. BUT, that's not your problem (well, i guess it kinda is. :o). it's only been 2 months... don't do it.
     
  13. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    RED FLAG

    The only thing a woman her age should want from a guy your age is PROTECTED SEX. No serious relationship. No babies. Seriously. Dump her, move on and live life.
     
  14. jdog12

    jdog12 New Member

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    I just graduated college, have a decent paying and stable job/dont think I would have trouble if I lost it, don't plan on wanting to go back to school anytime soon. I wouldn't call myself a workaholic either. As far as the "live life" thing, I'm not really desiring to go out and party and stuff like that. I think a big part of what made me consider her a "keeper" besides her being fun and we get along great is that I feel kind of a spiritual bond with her. As I said before, my family is very religious and that's the environment I grew up in. For the past few years my relationship with God has been astray and I have been attending a church, because my family does, not because i wanted to do so. Early in to it she told me she had gone astray for years and wanted to go to church with me and we have been for the past few weeks together (to a different church than i had been attending). For the first time in years I find myself actually paying attention and wanting to get active in my relationship with God and get involved in church and stuff too. I'm not saying I couldnt have done it without her, but she def. gave me somewhat of a push that I needed. I would say 2-3 years ago, a gf telling me she wanted childredn woulda scared the hell out of me, where as now it's not. (not that I want children right now, but the thought with her doesn't terrify me.) But yes, as panoptimist said, it's the little detail that means a lot.
     
  15. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    whoa! Why not?
    What if it's love?
     
  16. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    age aint no thang.

    (your view changes a bit when you work with a 26 y/o that's with a 62 y/o. going on 7 years :o)
     
  17. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    24 is not old enough to live life. People have plenty of time to settle down in their late 20's/early 30's.

    Live life = hobbies, travel, do whatever it is that you want to do so you can say you've done it.
     
  18. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    I think that's not necessarily true. I know many 24 year olds that have done many things to fulfill that 'live life' requirement. There are many factors that takes one person about 50 years to do while it can only take about 10 for another.
    Now, if you are talking about having long term relationships and things like that, then sure years will have ot take place, but then again sometimes being infatuated,smitten, and eventually in love can happen as early as possible. No point in having a person just throw everything away just because it is not 99.8% what other people do.
     
  19. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    Bob, its been 2 months for them and he didn't say he loves her
     
  20. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    I know, but I was kinda just being all devil's advocate on you :o and responding from the non-specific to OP sense.

    I agree he shouldn't be taking things really seriously but that is how infatuation rolls........he's just gotta learn to tone it down, control it and take the situation properly, but by no means should he be freaking out and doing anything rash.
     
  21. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    The problem with her telling you 2 months in that she wants kids soon is simply that she will start to rush you. It's early enough now where things are probably more light, you're enjoying each others time together and feeling euphoric...but this woman very obviously has a biological clock going off every hour that she's just hitting snooze on (for NOW).

    Once the honeymoon period is over she's not going to tiptoe around the subject of kids any longer and will instead turn into one of those nightmare women who bring up babies and pregnancy and commitment 24/7.

    Basically what I'm saying is around 8 months this woman is most likely going to be wanting a ring on her finger already and pushing for a kid at the same time.
     
  22. Emfuser

    Emfuser Nuclear Moderator Super Moderator

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    :werd:

    TS, understand that, from a strictly statistical standpoint, conceiving a child beyond age 35 gets substantially harder for women.
     
  23. OniMinion

    OniMinion ...recalls when this forum was actually about cars OT Supporter

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    Right, that is what I was thinking about. If she wants kids and you don't, that really is a problem.
     
  24. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    TS, what is in your av?
     
  25. PlutoBHG

    PlutoBHG New Member

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    Oldest ive dated was 31 when i was 24...she was amazing though.
     

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