GF has insecurity problems

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Bleed, Mar 9, 2006.

  1. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    its gotten to a point where im really getting over the relationship. she wont even change in front of me, she tries to keep as much clothes on as she can during sex, she always holds me super close so i cant see her body or any private parts, etc. is it bad if i jump ship on this because im not really feeling satisifed with the sexual part of the relationship. i can feel myself going down the road of settling for just being in a relationship and im starting to want out. i want to bring this up, but im not sure how she will take it since shes insecure about herself anyway. heres the kicker, shes 5-3 115 and she has issues about her weight......... she keeps talking about going back to her high school weight of 105....then proceeds to eat a whole bunch of chocolate and junk food but thats a whole other thread. :hsd:
     
  2. notsousual

    notsousual New Member

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    Ahem, no offense against you, but I hate it when guys want out of a relationship for sexual reasons. There is so much more to a relationship than that. And if there isn't...then there isn't a relationship worth mentioning.

    I think you should try to talk with her about it and try to work with her before you just abandon the relationship though. Have you tried talking to her about it at all? Does she even know this is such an issue? Because I don't think it's very fair to her if she doesnt know, and you're basically checking out of the relationship because of a problem she isn't even aware she should fix. Now if you've talked about it, that's a completely different thing.
     
  3. ally

    ally awh kittah

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    I was in a similar situation with my boyfriend in regards to the insecurityand low self-esteem. I even did the same thing as your girl and was eating poorly and not doing as much activity as I could have been. But half the time I didn't even realize that I was acting so silly! The bf brought it up that if I was so concered about my self-image that I should quit talking about it and do something! Although that sounds harsh sometimes people need a little kick in the butt to realize what is going on! Or if she is more sensitive suggest that you two do more active things together. The boost in physical activity will help out the ol' self esteem and maybe you'll get some :nx:

    Also gentle reminders that you find her very attractive/sexy/cute or even just telling her that she is looking good might boost up her self-image. :dunno:

    If you are in it for just the sex then I wouldn't bother with her and just break it off. Too much emotional stuff to deal with if its "buddy" type relationship. Good Luck to you either way!
     
  4. Vailripper

    Vailripper Daywalkers have feelings too.

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    Normally self-esteem issues aren't just noticed during sex...they carry over into all areas of a relationship. It also brings up trust issues, if she is afraid to show herself to her SO, it will make the OP feel like they aren't trusted.
     
  5. notsousual

    notsousual New Member

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    true, but the OP focused on not being satisfied w/ the sex due to this (unless I misread, which is possible) that's why I said that. But low self esteem as a whole is a very negative thing, I agree
     
  6. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    talk to her about it. if she doesnt want to change you have every right to leave
     
  7. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Sex is an integral part of any healthy relationship. She's acting like a child, in my opinion. I'm a proponent of the "You're acting like a big baby" talks, as harsh as they are. After the initial shock, the results can be impressive.

    If she whines about her weight and then eats chocolate, tell her that you don't want to hear about it any more until she starts eating better.

    Me, personally, I would not be happy with a woman who acted like that, and I would let her know that if she wanted the relationship to work she needs to seriously think about how she is presenting herself to me (and other people) because it's just not going to work. I want someone who is on the same page as me.

    No one is perfect, but to act like that is crazy.
     
  8. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    EXACTLY!

    Yep.

    I had these same issues in a past relationship, though she was a bit thick, but I liked her that way, she looked every bit as hot as I wanted to see, I mean truely, she was hot in my eyes, but she wouldn't even let me see her during sex, day time sex was almost strictly off limits, and then it was only missionary, so that it would be more difficult to see her body.
    In the end the relationship ended, not based soley on the lack of satisfaction from sex, but it did weigh heavily in the break up.

    My experiance is that just about every woman that I get with seems to have thesze issues, they are never satisfied with thier weight, shape, breast size/shape, skin tone, hair placement, eyelash length, belly button look, etc.

    Is it wrong to bail on the relationship, for these reasons? I say no, but only after trying to help her see that she is beautiful and truely help her get some self esteem. If after a true attemt at proving to her that she is not how she perseeves herself, then bail. The only problem with that is, that it will further dwindle her self-esteem and start blaming her appearance again as the reason you split, when in fact it will be her lack of self confidence/esteem.
     
  9. Justin636

    Justin636 Active Member

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    Im having almost the same issue with my gf. She weights about 105lbs (at her highest), but she eats like crazy. Anyways, she is very insecure of her breasts and stomach (very tight body IMO), but something makes her think that she is unattractive. I constantly tell her that she is beautiful...

    I think its a comfort thing and since we have only been seeing each other for 2 months, im planning on giving it more time. Ive already told her that im a very open person and she is going to have to learn to trust me and know i would never judge her...

    She has already started to open up more... i just hope it continues :big grin:.
     
  10. EmiB

    EmiB New Member

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    Dude you need to take care of number 1 and thats you. Not satisfied? then move on, simple as that.

    Are there any other issues, like her not being able to make up her mind?
     
  11. skelm

    skelm New Member

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    If you want out of a relationship because of this then really you lust for her more then you love her..
     
  12. skelm

    skelm New Member

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    See maybe that is part of the problem.. When my Girlfriend felt like this I couldn't understand why she couldn't feel beautiful when I told her.. The answer was simple, she felt like i would think that no matter what, so thus she needed someone else to tell her instead of me...

    I pulled back a bit, told her little things that I thought were cute, hot that she did and made her not only feel beautiful physically but also as a person...
     
  13. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    its kind of driving me to a point where sex is not really enjoyable for me at this point. i think sex is a big part of a relationship. i haven't had a chance to talk to her about it yet. she has been studying for midterms and i didnt want to upset her so i've kept it in for now. she is on vacation with her family and will be back next week so i'll talk to her then. i'm not looking to run out of the relationship, but if some dude always wore his shirt and socks during sex you'd get annoyed too. girls look for more emotional relationships, guys look for more physical stuff - it's nature.
     
  14. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    so i read the entire thread. good to hear opintions from both sides of the story. just to let you guys know, we are going 10 months now so its not like i'm just about to jump ship right away. i'll talk to her about it and see what happens. thanks for the input OT as always....i'll keep u guys updated
     
  15. Dim

    Dim I'm Lost, Help Me OT Supporter

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    My girlfriend was really shy about her body when we first started dating. I did two things to help the situation. First I walked around naked a lot to set an example, and second I spent a lot of time telling her how hot she is. After a few months she opened up and is fine now. Hope this helps.
     
  16. Jennipher

    Jennipher Dontcha know OT Supporter

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    A lot of women have insecurity issues unfortunately.

    I've been told my entire life that I am attractive, and still I have dealt with some insecurity issues.

    IMO I think you should try to help her open up. She probably feels ashamed or that she is not good enough. Let her know you find her attractive and that you appreciate her body. There are many ways that you can do this; compliments and affection are good ways to start, also let her catch you looking at her, let her see that she turns you on, insist you find her sexy and would love to see her naked during sex.

    I realize that sexual fulfillment is very important to most men. Its not being shallow at all, a good sexual relationship is something that most men NEED to be happy in their relationship.

    If your relationship is going well otherwise, I would encourage you to be patient and give this some time and effort. I think it can be worked out.
     
  17. djskaw

    djskaw OT Supporter

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    yes but if you can only have sex with that one person it better be good

    but yes talking about it would be good
     
  18. notsousual

    notsousual New Member

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    it better be good, or else!..? I feel sorry for your gf if you hold sex over their head like that. If you dated me I'd break up with you in an instant if you did that shit. Oh wait...
     
  19. djskaw

    djskaw OT Supporter

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    i wouldnt hold it over their head saying it better be good, but that is one factor into how happy i am with the person
     
  20. notsousual

    notsousual New Member

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    You wouldn't? And just one factor, or the only one? Hmmm
     
  21. djskaw

    djskaw OT Supporter

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    just one factor

    just like if she is a bitch that is another factor, no matter how good she is in bed
     
  22. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    yeah that's hard to do....here's a typical convo....

    ME: "I like your outfit, it looks great on you."

    HER: "I've worn it before and you didn't say anything. Did you think I was fat then or something?"


    It really is getting annoying.... Like last night I found a bunch of chocolates in her room and I said, "I thought you said you were going to stop eating chocolates? "

    Her reply, "Are you saying that because you think I'm fat and I should stop eating those?"

    I mean she always says it jokingly, but you know its partially what shes thinking if the same answer comes up over and over again.
     
  23. Devilish

    Devilish Remind me AGAIN

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    Does she have any reason to feel insecure? Past issues? Or is it just a self-esteem thing?

    You can help boost her self esteem as the others have said, but if there is some underlying factor why she feels so insecure then she is going to need to deal with that first.
     
  24. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    I don't know. She is skinny, big boobs, hot, and has no problems with guys asking her out.

    Yet she is really insecure around me. :hs:
     

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