SRS gf got angry at me last night

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by JohnJohnJohnson, Aug 9, 2006.

  1. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    and said if i was going to hog her to myself i wouldn't have her much longer

    on the one hand, i want to shoot myself in the face. on the other, that doesn't even make sense, because in 12 days we will be officially single anyway ("have her much longer?"), and b/c i'm genuinely not possessive like that - i want her to have fun with her friends, go out, etc. (hog?) it doesn't make sense, so i think she was just saying it bc she was mad at me.

    it's all very educational. first relationship ftl. :ugh:
     
  2. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    I don't think she just said that out of nowhere. If I know women when they say things they mean them, or have been thinking about them. It's why they get so furious if we slip up and say something wrong, they get really worked up and want to know what you really mean, what brought you to say that, etc. They think that you really mean everything you say because women usually do. Guys are different and sometimes we just say shit, but girls don't seem to understand that fact. That's why I think this is a red flag.

    Besides, if a girl has a high interest level in you she wouldn't want to lose you, so she wouldn't be saying things like this over nothing. That's the second red flag. If this outburst came over something trivial then I'd think something was up. Her interest level isn't too high.
     
  3. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I was asking her to analyze why she needed "alone time" sometimes.

    I'm extraordinarily analytical, so I can explain why I feel a certain way or what I'm thinking with a lot more ease and a lot more specificity than she can. This has taken me a little while to accept: she's not holding back, she just doesn't necessarily know how to explain what she's feeling in the way that I do. I was basically demanding that she give me what I'll call JohnJohnJohnson-talk - and she's not JohnJohnJohnson. It was unfair of me and put her in a bad position.

    Meanwhile she was reacting to my self-evident and open desire to hang out with her as much as I can in the next 12 days; these next 12 days are the last we have together as a couple, before she goes to college. So she said it cuz she was frustrated at me and that is an obvious way to get my attention.

    I told her, in response to this comment, that I would leave the ball in her court. She knows how much I want to see her. It doesn't require me to actually say it, so if she wants to hang out, I told her she could call me. She objected to this, saying, if I wanted to hang out or do something with her, that I should say so, and that she in turn would know that she could say "no" without pissing me off or offending me. She ended the conversation by telling me above all not to have doubts. I agree with this last, which is why I hate coming to off topic sometimes. Whatever happens, confidence throughout is important. I know this from a similar experience my roommate has been going through with a girl in the exact same situation as my girlfriend.
     
  4. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    I dunno... it's just that my fiance', even after three years, ALWAYS wants to hang out with me. If she's going out to visit her friend friend at her house and she's gone for a couple of hours she calls and let's me know she misses me. That's why I am a bit hesistant when it comes to someone who getting angry over you "hogging" her if you only have 12 days left together. She should be wanting to spend as much time with you as she can.
     
  5. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    i know. there r issues here. the freedom she will have when she gets to college will allow her to stop feeling so claustrophobic, at which point she will hopefully figure out exactly what she wants from me.

    however, u don't think some people just need alone time sometimes?
    like, that's ur fiance. but each person is different
     
  6. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Ahh, but there's the rub. We all know that women don't use logic when it comes to matters like this, they use emotion... and not just any emotion, but "emotion free from reason." You can't ask her to analyze that, it's just not possible.
     
  7. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Yes, I do. I need alone time sometimes, and I like to get it because we are around each other all of the time. When I need it, she respects that and gives it to me. As far as her needing alone time, my fiance' does, and I give it to her when she wants it. She knows that. However if we only had less than 2 weeks left... I would expect someone who loves me to want to spend that time with me, and definitely not get "angry" over it. There are plenty of people out there who will want to be with you the way you want to be with her. If this girl isn't on that level then perhaps you would be better off finding such a person. Once you do, this won't even be an issue.
     
  8. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    See I think that's jumping the gun. I'm not going to assume anything about how into me she is in comparison to how into her I am. For one thing she's a little unstable - her behavior varies.
     
  9. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    From anger to happiness?
     
  10. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Yeah. Last night she was very playful and seeking my affection. She said "I love you," in that way after we finished making love - soft and heartfelt. Good conversation, lots of other little things ... there's good stuff there.
     
  11. PukeyCute

    PukeyCute New Member

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    Aagh. That would've sent me into a blind rage -- what it says to me is "I think you shouldn't be spending so much time away from me, so I'm going to ask you to think about why and tell me about it so I can say you're wrong," and I would get mad no matter how long we actually had. Some people need their alone time. It's very possible that she might be using her alone time to try and disentangle herself from you prior to the ending of the relationship, but ... it's ending anyway. Meh, I don't know. :/
     
  12. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    K that's great but you can't have a relationship where you go around afraid to ask your s.o. a question about what they think or how they feel. Hopefully ur boyfriend (if u have one) has the sense to tell you to calm down and stop being such a hothead. The problem here was that my girl literally could not have given me an answer that would have satisfied me, because I think in a certain way and she thinks in a different way... yet I was demanding such an answer.
     
  13. PukeyCute

    PukeyCute New Member

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    Uh, in other words, you were doing precisely what I said I would feel if my s.o. asked me that.

    If she loves you, she most likely knows you, anddddd most likely knows why you were asking. Yet you still think she's not justified in getting angry?
     
  14. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Your assumption about me was wrong. I would have accepted an analytical explanation of why people need alone time. I wouldn't have argued with it. I was going to refuse to come over and see her that night anyways, if she invited me, just to ensure that the point of the conversation wasn't misconstrued as exactly what you're saying. It wasn't an argumentitive attempt, it was an attempt to understand what was going on, because maybe it was her "trying to disentangle herself," and maybe it was "people need their alone time."

    You yourself just demonstrated that it could be either of those two things simply by stating them both. So, I sought clarification. Seeking clarification is not something that you should get OMG he's CONTROLling me pissed off about, and fortunately she was mature enough to know that that's what I was doing: seeking clarification, not trying to persuade her to see me more no matter what she said. She's not a combative idiot who sees every sensitive topic as a call to battle.

    The problem is that she basically had given me an answer to the question as best as she could. Further explanation was literally not within her capacity to give me ... yet I pressed for it anyway, which was unfair. The last thing she said to me before we got off the phone was, with tremors in her voice, that I was getting annoyed when she couldn't think as fast or as thoroughly as me. This means I am a jackass, but not for the reason you stated.
     

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