GF feeling guilty... WHY? (serious post)

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by David02, Apr 28, 2005.

  1. David02

    David02 Guest

    Lengthy post - Cliffs at the bottom.

    I think I know women pretty well... but every now and then something throws me for a loop.

    Yesterday my GF had to go out of town for work with one of her older male co-workers (who is married and has a kid). They were supposed to leave bright and early and be back in town around 8pm. He offered to drive, and since gas prices are so high she gladly let him.

    She called me several times during the day and it sounded like they were having a productive trip. Well after they were finished with their work, her co-worker asked if they could have dinner with a few of his friends that lived in the city they were visiting. She said yes.

    Dinner evidently went pretty well... it was on the company dime, so everyone had a nice meal and a couple of drinks. She said that his friends were nice, and that they all had great conversation during dinner. It wasn't until after dinner, and his friends left and they got back in the car to come home that things went took a turn...

    They got back in the car togther, and began heading out of town... he asks if she wants to stop at a bar and have one more drink just the two of them. She says its getting late and they need to get back home. He says that it was a tough day and he needs just one more drink and pulls over at a bar. They go inside, he has his drink and they leave. Well then he says that now its really getting late and they wont make it back home until really late so they should just stay there in a hotel and drive back in the morning. Of course she tells him no.

    She says he wasn't rude or abusive, just that he was pushy and kept asking her over and over if they could stay the night there.She ended up faking being sleepy and pretended to doze off in the car just to get him to shut up. Thankfully she got home safe...

    Now here's the part that upsets me... she feels like this was all her fault! She blames herself for going in the same car with him and having dinner and drinks with him and his friends. She feels like those things somehow led him on and made him think he could hit on her like he did.

    I have tried to tell her that it is absoultely not her fault, and that in no way should she feel guilty about what happened. I know she is being honest with me, and it doesn't sound like she said or did anything that could be taken the wrong way. It was all him... how do I get her to understand this and not feel guilty?

    Also, she refuses to tell her supervisor at work about this because she is afraid the she will be thought badly of, and rumors may start around the office about her. I've told her that if this guy made her feel uncomfortable then their supervisor needs to be aware of it... no matter what. It's silly for her to think that her supervisor (a female!) will think badly of her for something that was out of her control. My GF's own guilty feelings are keeping her from being able to tell someone about this!

    What do you guys think??

    CLIFFS: GF had to go out of town with an older, married male co-worker for work. He hit on her a lot and she feels guilty and wont tell her supervisor about it.

    Thanks for your advice everyone!

    David
     
  2. hi2u2

    hi2u2 New Member

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    she doesnt really have to tell her supervisors, but she should talk to the guy if he tries anything again.

    if anything, she needs to know it wasnt her fautl. they guys married, just because you have a drink with him doesnt mean you want more. She was being hospitable, and courteous b/c he offered to drive, so she let him go see his friends and stop for a drink.(and still let him drive? thats the scary part)

    Shes the nice one here, she handled her self well i think. I wouldnt tell my supervisor unless he tried it again.
     
  3. WhiskyDent

    WhiskyDent Je l'ai fait tout pour le lols

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    she's got no reason to feel guilty if that's the whole story, and I hope it is.

    but the drinking and driving... :nono:
     
  4. David02

    David02 Guest

    I'm pretty confident that she has told me everything. We have been togther for quite a while and she has always been very honest with me. I just don't know how to make her see that it's not her fault. I just can't understand why she feels responsible.

    About the drinking and driving thing... I totaly agree. Supposedly the guy only had 3 Bud Lights in 2 hours so he was ok to drive. :ugh:

    Thanks for your advice everyone!
     
  5. Mikey

    Mikey This one, this form I hold now, so Wide eyed and h

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    you seem very cinicle(sp). Had relationship trust issues in teh past?
     
  6. WhiskyDent

    WhiskyDent Je l'ai fait tout pour le lols

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    a few. I trust my wife completely, but she's earned it and proven that she can be trusted.

    In the past I've had girlfriends that I've just had to say "fuckit, if she's doing something behind my back then there's nothing I can do..."
     
  7. Toxicity

    Toxicity New Member

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    Bro, shells get over it, dont worry, but i would really have a talk with the guy
     
  8. David02

    David02 Guest

    He's some old dude... as much as it pisses me off that he said what he did to her, I would feel weird going up to someone my only a few years younger than my father and saying "back the fuck off!"

    If it happens again though I will not hesitate.
     
  9. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    As far as im concerned nothing even happened, he may have had intentions but considering he didnt voice any or provide any evidence of them then "nothing happened"... He could have simply truthfully wanted to spend the night at a motel b/c he didn't feel like driving, even though its not probable...

    Not her fault.... not a big deal either.
     
  10. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I think it's probable that he really did want to get a hotel for innocent reasons because older guys just can't keep up very well. But he might have wanted to see if she would be interested. She gave him the right answer which was no. Tell her to imagine if you were in that situation and your female coworker hit on you. Would she think it was your fault?
     
  11. Big Red

    Big Red New Member

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    i have been in a similar situation, except it was my old boss, and he was a married military man. we didnt go out of town or anything together, but when i was 7 months pregnant he told me has a fetish for pregnant women because they are more sensitive, blah, blah, blah. and he had made comments in the past, but i was always been able to ignore them. Well i talked to my hubby about it, adn he was enraged, he filed a report. It was a big drama, and something that i really didnt want to happen while i was working there. She probably was just venting to you, and if she is confident he wont try it again then leave it alone.
     
  12. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    Kidnapped in the holy land ehh? If I were you I'd kick their asses.

    Not quite the right context, but you get the picture.
     

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