SRS GF doesn't want to have sex before marriage.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by dazed, May 8, 2006.

  1. dazed

    dazed New Member

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    Hey guys,

    Here's the situation. I'm dating this girl that I am completely in love with, we've talked about it and I am going to marry her. But not yet, we both want to finish grad school (Business for me, Med for her).

    She doesn't want to have sex before marriage. That's going to be atleast 6 years since we started dating with no sex. How do I talk to her about this? I understand that it's her decision and all, but I mean, 6 years?

    We've done everything else, except the actual intercourse.
     
  2. Indrew

    Indrew New Member

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    Well if you love her..... maybe dress your hand up in a skirt, or give it some make-up

    That'll be rough.
     
  3. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    if you love her then wait. it isn't that hard.
     
  4. Clix

    Clix New Member

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    I see it this way, if you really love her and its something she really wants. You can wait.
     
  5. Triglav

    Triglav Guest

    6 years is nothing, unless you can't control your hormones and your sexual activity.

    The more you wait, the sweeter it will be when the time does come for intercourse.
     
  6. RedDawg

    RedDawg Well-Known Member

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    convince her that anal doesn't count and buy stock in KY?
     
  7. johan

    johan Active Member

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    How old are the both of you, and do you two have definite plans for marriage. If so, when? Be specific.

    We need to know if her putting this off is a case of putting YOU off, or of saving it for marriage. The two are not the same thing.
     
  8. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    unless you think you can change her mind, in which case, obviously, don't wait.
     
  9. SICK GUY

    SICK GUY 69, DUDE!!

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    sex is a huge part of a relationship, imo. love is great, but unless there is some intimacy in there, whats the point?
     
  10. spook

    spook OT Supporter

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    I agree.

    Squeeze one out and chill
     
  11. Grouch

    Grouch Guest

    You dont talk her out of it. And at, at least 6 years away from even the potential from being married, you dont really know if she is the one.
     
  12. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    You should respect her wish, i think she is doing it from a religious point of view, you can give it a try tho , id be amazed if the relationship would last 6 years to begin with, but you never know and then again you can enjoy another person on different and various kind of levels during the relationship, and if this is what you really want, and if you think she is really worth it, then its worth giving her and yourself the time to graduate , before engaging into marriage.
     
  13. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Not true. Depends on her reasons ... if it's b/c her parents have, for example, put Catholic Guilt into her, you can definitely talk her through it. if she's afraid what other people will think, talking to her will help her get past that problem.

    most people use religion as a smokescreen reason for not wanting to have sex before marriage when in fact it's really b/c something is making them uncomfortable about the whole thing ... could be society, their parents, their sense of shame, w/e.

    my gf was opposed to sex before marriage, at first, but i changed her mind by discussing it. there were a few fights, but eventually she realized that she was letting shame get the best of her. we started having sex and things just went uphill like i cannot even tell you. after a month it wasn't even a topic of discussion, she was just like, "yeah, I remember back when I had issues." *shrug* we were together for many months before she had to move away.
     
  14. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    dazed, you sound like Clinton. So why don't you just get married now.
     
  15. svetlanalemon

    svetlanalemon A little blood and vomit on the car seat...

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    six years is a long time

    you shouldn't push her, though
     
  16. Triglav

    Triglav Guest

    That's not talking to a person, that is what I call INDOCTRINATING a person. Maybe she should have talked to you, about keeping your blood out of your penis and inside your brain.
     
  17. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    yeah ... indoctrination into reality ;)

    no but i mean it wasn't pressure ... i just talked about it, explained why it made sense, and she agreed after she thought about it for a while. it was a really really sensitive subject at first but that's b/c she had so much shame about it. :wtc: i don't know why people's families subject them to so much pain. i mean i do know why but u have to be fucking retarded not to realize that repression isn't ... fun. to say the least
     
  18. machibear

    machibear New Member

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    I think you should wait. If you waited 6 years then a little longer shouldn't be to bad. What type of intercourse is she against? All? Vaginal? Does it have a religious backing? This the information we may need before really giving a full assessment.
     
  19. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    You have to weigh things for yourself. Just because you love her doesn't make you a jerk if you cannot wait. It doesn't mean you don't love her either.

    For me, even if I love someone this is a huge deal to me. Sex IS an important part of a relationship-a VERY important part. For me, I would not marry someone without experiencing a good sex life, just as I wouldn't marry someone if they were selfish or unreasonable. There are a lot of important parts of a happy and good relationship and I could not blindly walk into marriage without knowing first whether or not we were compatable sexually.

    What if you got married and she simply had no sex drive? What if she gave it to you once a month? Once a year? Can you deal with that? I couldn't. No matter how much you love her, you do have a decision to make here. For me, I would leave if I could not have sex before marriage. It's too important to ignore.
     
  20. Triglav

    Triglav Guest

    Pain? I don't see any pain in following tradition and what her family wants. I'm 20 years old, and still a virgin, and plan on being one for many years until I get married. I have no shame or pain whatsoever. It's quite disturbing to live in a society where the absence of sex means that one is somehow ashamed of sexual activity. It simply means I follow a certain path and am able to control my hormones.

    I also do not understand why people have the need to talk to traditionalists and talk them out of not having sex and somehow, although I do not know how, explain that sex before marriage is good. I see nothing good in it.

    Patience is the best virtue one can have. Too bad not many have it.
     
  21. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :nuts: I can't do this with every repressed person out there. It's too frustrating and too small an issue.

    Suffice to say to the thread starter, yes people can learn, they can change, they can grow. In my opinion, you don't want to be opening this can of worms with every Triglav you find; it would be a waste of time and take far too much energy. But spending energy is never a waste of time with the woman you love, and it sounds like you really love this one.

    Talk to her about her obligations regarding "Virginity." Point out the little (or large) fallacies present in her thinking, and see what happens. If it looks to be a deadly fight, back off. But if you're not rude about it, if you're compassionate, she will probably respond in kind and begin thinking.

    Triglav, best of luck to you. You know your own virtues.
     
  22. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    :rofl: Indoctrination into WHOSE reality?? And what reality might that be?? I guess what I'm curious as to what exactly makes vaginal sexual intercourse such an important thing in a relationship... as opposed to sticking with oral and other types of sexual intimacy in a non-married relationship? I don't understand how you can classify being sexually active (vaginally) as being a "small issue" when it has so many more possible side effects than any other form of sexually intimate behavior (e.g. pregnancy, higher STD risk, etc.).
     
  23. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I don't know why sex is so much more intimate than "other types of sexual intimacy." I suppose it must be the same reason that oral sex is more intense than holding hands. Whatever the reason, it certainly is important! ;)
    It's true. Vaginal sex makes some practical demands: monogamy, and the responsible usage of birth control. Always talk to a doctor if you have any concerns or are uninformed about the health/pregnancy issues.
     
  24. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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  25. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    You know, it's funny ... after my gf decided to have sex with me ... that's exactly what happened. To the T.

    I will call u when the baby is delivered, ok, if the AIDS doesn't kill me first.
     

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