SRS GF does too much drugs?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by machine, Nov 2, 2008.

  1. machine

    machine Welcome to the Machine OT Supporter

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    Hey guys, first time Asylum poster here..

    I've been dating this girl for about 6 months now. We get along great, and everything is good except for this one issue.

    Our schedules are exact opposite (I'm in school, she works at a bar) so the only time I really get to hang out with her is on the weekend. She parties a lot more than I do, and it's nothing new. But lately I've found that she seems to be looking more forward to getting high than to spending time with me. Coke, shrooms, weed, whatever. I smoke weed, but that's it.

    Friday night was Halloween, and I didn't see her because she went to a rave while I went to a house party. (She wants to do E, I want to drink.)
    Last night we were supposed to hang out, but she got high and told me to come hang out with her friends instead. I dropped by around 1 when I was done my stuff, and everyone was just lying on the couch. We hung out for a bit, and I asked her to come back to my place. She said she was too high to even get up and come to my car. I got annoyed and left.

    I'll be seeing her tonight...I don't know what to do. I don't want to tell her to just stop doing drugs - I'm not her father, and I don't for a second think that it will get her to stop doing them.

    She makes good money and likes to spend it. Not worried about her using me for $, and I know all her friends. I know she's not staying out to sleep around. It's just to get high.
     
  2. grltechie21

    grltechie21 *insert something witty here*

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    Why are you two going out? Do you take her as possible "marriage material" or just a "girlfriend of 5 years may never turn into something more."
     
  3. machine

    machine Welcome to the Machine OT Supporter

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    I haven't thought long-term. I don't know if I'd ever marry her. I'm 23, she's 25. I guess it's not out of the question, but 6 months in it's too soon, I think, to start thinking about that sort of thing.
    I'm with her because I like her a lot, she's super attractive, she's fun. Like I said above, everything is great except for this one thing.
     
  4. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    so then you have to decide if the drug use is a dealbreaker or not.

    Me, I would have NOTHING to do with someone who used E.
     
  5. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    She sounds like a real winner. :ugh2: If she ever gets a normal job, I hope she knows that most places do a pre-employment drug screen.

    Find a girl that doesn't use drugs.
     
  6. machine

    machine Welcome to the Machine OT Supporter

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    This thread isn't about her career. And I smoke weed myself, so I can't exactly go around preaching a no-drug dating policy for myself.
     
  7. Xen0n

    Xen0n New Member

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    You won't stop her taking drugs - she will just feel like you are hounding her, so I wouldn't even try. sorry to say this, but this sounds like one of those things that are going to turn into a major problem between you.

    Hope you can both work it out.
     
  8. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    its perfectly acceptable to draw a line for hard drug use.

    As far as I know, pot can't kill you...E could.
     
  9. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

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    I dont smoke weed or do any drugs, never have never will. last girl i was in a relationship with was rich, a graduate of med school and very well read. We had just amazing conversations about everything and I couldnt believe my luck finding a girl that could keep up with me on an intellectual level. it wasnt till a few nights in that she described to me the depth of her drug use. i tried to accept it and live with it.

    about a month in she started using drugs to get back at me for petty things thinking that it would get to me. she would aslo do what your girl does and break plans with me to do drugs. it wasnt the drug use, it was her behavior towards me that eventually caused me to break up with her. I told her that I would come second to her career, her family, even her friends, but that I would never come second to drugs. Never did I suggest that she should stop or even voice negative opinion to her drug use.

    i feel like you should make it clear to her how you feel. i dont know if it will change anything but its worth a shot.
     
  10. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    how old are you both? you should try to see if it's more of a phase or if this is really the lifestyle she's chosen.
     
  11. Hym3n

    Hym3n New Member

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    A little off-topic, but I would LOVE to hear more about your philosophy on how you wouldn't date someone that has used ecstasy.

    I have never smoked pot. Not a single time. Ever. I have been drunk no more than ten times in my entire life. Never smoked a cigarette. Never used ANY drug at all--other than ecstasy. And the times that I have "rolled," have been purely therapeutic--not to get fucked up and go to raves. It is non-addicting, and MDMA itself is incredibly safe. Much, MUCH safer than alcohol or nicotine. It is the shit that it is often cut with that will kill you. If you ever need an aid with PTSD, I strongly suggest that you look into the use of MDMA in a therapeutic setting.

    Back to the topic at hand... if you have a problem with it, leave her. You two do not have the kind of connection in only six months of dating for you to ask her to stop doing it, and it is a problem that she clearly has no regard for fixing. Have a talk with her, if she doesn't want to take steps to solve it, leave. I'm sorry to be so callous, but that's just the way it needs to be. For your own sanity.
     
  12. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    .
     
  13. Justin Niggalake

    Justin Niggalake New Member

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    EVERYTHING about this post is correct.
     
  14. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    it sounds like shes choosing the drugs more over you so that should basicly answer your question
     
  15. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    lol you both are using drugs

    using illegal drugs is bad all in itself. when is too much really too much?
     
  16. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    Drugs are a part of society. Always have been, always will be. Some of us just cope with the fact better than others. Denial is one way, immersion another.

    Nothing wrong with walking the middle of that road. Moderation.

    Those who don't moderate probably don't want to. Escapist mentality. If you don't share it & can't/don't want to wrap your mind around it don't deal with it. It will likely lead to heartbreak. If you can deal with it & get on the same track, then good for you.
     
  17. notsousual

    notsousual New Member

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    I could never date someone like that. But I could never date someone who was an avid drug user anyway. Somehow I've lucked out and found people like me - not interested in drugs at all.

    You just have to decide whether or not you accept your place in her life...which right now, and for probably a long foreseeable future, is well below the high that drugs give her.

    I don't judge those who use drugs, but I would say someone that is that intense into drugs is not in the right place in life to have a truly meaningful relationship...she's not ready to give up what it would take to truly make things between you serious and move forward with it.

    I'd like to know what you did and how it worked out for you as soon as you do it though. :hug:
     
  18. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Sure. I choose not to date someone who smokes, or drinks heavily.

    Drug use (weed, cocaine, heroin, any of the other illegals), i choose not to date at all.

    Hope that answers your question.
     
  19. Hym3n

    Hym3n New Member

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    I see, and that makes a lot more sense now. I thought that it was just a problem you had with that particular drug, or other "hard" drugs.

    Like I said though, do not discount the use of CERTAIN illegal drugs in a beneficial manner. You will be hard pressed to find someone that can say that they've benefited from the use of methamphetamine, but there are entire societies of people that preach the word of psychedelics (for example...) in self-improvement (and no, I'm not referring to your stereotypical hippies).

    I have no intention of ever using any other illegal drug. MDMA, ecstasy, while not a "cure" by any measure, has vastly improved my life. Largely in part to the people that I've experienced it with, and their methods of assist me in my problems, but also in simply getting me to open up to the world and accept new people and new things without the anxiety that I was once filled with. That is all another conversation for another thread though. :)

    Threadstarter, please keep us updated on what happens here. We all feel for you, and having been in similar situations in the past, know how hard it is to just break up with someone over something that YOU or I could fix, but the fact of the matter is that it takes two to tango, and if your partner doesn't want to change, she isn't going to change. Best of luck man.
     
  20. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Oh, I'm not at all disputing that they can be used in a beneficial manner...but when 99% of the drug use you hear about is recreational, I assume that everybody knew that was the habit I referred to.

    I'm not gonna associate with people who use illegal drugs recreationally.

    And I agree with you about urging the guy to break up.

    I've kinda found that it's not worth trying to change people...better to spend that energy finding someone you won't have to change.
     
  21. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    killing people and raping them seem to be a part of society these days as well

    should we take that into moderation?
     
  22. shiba kesaigi!

    shiba kesaigi! New Member

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    she went to Hard Haunted House?
     
  23. machine

    machine Welcome to the Machine OT Supporter

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    Thanks for the responses. I brought it up with her, and we figured out that the issue was something else.

    She tells it like this:
    She only seeks me on the weekends, and has been having a hard time jumping from spending 3 days straight with me to not seeing me at all for the other 4....so she gets mad at herself for being upset over not seeing me, and tells herself she doesn't need to see me. By the time the weekend does roll around, she's got herself in the frame of mind where she needs to prove her independence by not seeing me when she has a chance. so she hangs out with her friends, who all do drugs pretty much every night.

    :ugh:

    I told her that her drug use was her choice, but that I won't come second to them. As long as they don't interfere with our relationship or other things, I don't care. She apologized and said she'd try to stop being psycho.

    I feel like breaking up would be too drastic, I dig the chick and this hasn't been an issue until the last two weekends. I hope this isn't gonna be a recurring situation.
     
  24. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    doing drugs is a dealbreaker, imo. hell, i wouldn't even date a smoker. i've been there, done that... it's nasty :( i enjoy kissing far too much to kiss an ashtray. :rofl:

    good luck with the relationship. it's interesting to see that some people don't care about this kind of stuff. i really find it intriguing. :hs:
     
  25. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

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    lets fall in love. we always agree.
     

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