SRS Gf coming up ... great. But...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by JohnJohnJohnson, Apr 11, 2006.

  1. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    My gf is coming up to stay with me for 9 days at my college. !!!!!!!! This is awesome. I love her and the long distance is terrible, so this is a great break from missing her.

    There always seems to be chemistry between her and a suitemate of mine. The suitemate is pretty blah about her ... and when asked about his thoughts on her generally speaking, he made a complaint that was very in character for him. She finds him to be an asshole, someone who tends to hurt your feelings without thinking twice. The guy is very tall but kind of grossly skinny, with a weak body and an average face. In terms of looks, I have him very much beat.

    It's just that in conversation she gets very engaged with this guy. He is his usual self: snide and occasionally funny. She responds to his dialogue with a huge amount of energy, honestly with at least as much enthusiasm as she has with me when I play with words. I can't place the reason, but it bugs the fuck out of me. This guy has slept with a lot of women for someone our age; that doesn't help. I think he also comes off as someone who would enjoy dominating a woman in bed, which she's into.

    (To those men here who subscribe to the asshole = alpha belief, just to be clear, I am often seen as an asshole by peers, and have been called a vindictive asshole by my gf on one occasion for that reason. I am not actually an asshole in the relationship. Nor am I some waifish pussy who is too timid to tease his gf on occasion.)

    My gf cares about me immensely, to the point of being clingy, which I actually enjoy, and openly let her do. Honestly I'm not even clear as to what pisses me off about the situation. In large part, I suppose it's that, generally, she doesn't react to anyone as strongly as she does to him (other than me of course). I guess I should just sit tight and try to ignore my irrational reaction to all of this. As usual, any thoughts would be appreciated.
     
  2. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Do you suspect she is capable of cheating? Do you suspect that your mate is capable of doing something like that to you?

    My take on it is a few things. One, I want to say that I do NOT suscribe to the whole "asshole" theory. I think being a jerk is NOT a way to get women. HOWEVER... I do believe there are a lot of things that A-holes do correct. An a-hole is a challenge, he doesn't lay down for her or anyone else. He portrays self confidence and self respect. Women, especially good looking ones, are used to have loads of guys fawn over her and try to get her attention like little children, and then you get a guy who is a jerk who doesn't do that. Unlike those fawning followers who are no challenge, this guy has self respect, and confidence. His time is too valuable to fawn over some dame. Also, his opinions mean something to him, he isn't afraid to state his opinion and risk her disagreeing with him and possibly upsetting her. To him, who cares. He stands by his opinion and if a girl doesn't like it, tough luck. That kind of confidence is attractive, especially when you look at the alternative. A guy who is infatuated with a girl, does anything she wants, doesn't challenge her, is afraid that she might get mad at him and goes to lengths to appease her so this won't happen, etc.

    So what I am saying is that your mate obviously has opinions, states them, and could care less what hers are. She probably isn't used to this, is probably more used to guys at her school who are wimps, who agree with everything she does, etc. Boring. Then this guy gets into debates with her stands up to her, etc. It's more exciting, fun, etc.

    I don't know your girlfriend, but this could be completely safe between the two, but if you sense something, you are probably right. I never have those doubts about my girlfriend, even if she and a friend tease each other. Use your judgement here.
     
  3. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    So do you really think it's chemistry, or just two people interacting well? You think he's going to make a move on your girl? You think she'd let him?
     
  4. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    He would never make a move. For one thing, he has a gf. It's not even that there is a true threat, in the sense of something actually happening between them. It's just for some reason infuriating to me. Probably I'm far too jealous a person.
     
  5. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    This may be correct. Maybe not ... she comes from a public school in Brooklyn, NY, where assholes are abundant. From the way I carry myself and dress, she was concerned that I could be an asshole when we first started dating. She's been with a number of assholes, but she had terrible sex with them and didn't feel anything emotional. Fortunately I am not truly an asshole, I just say what I think, so there was nothing to fear.

    Although honestly now that I think about it, while I never let her get away with bullshitting, I'm never actually offensive like this guy is, except once in a while when I lose my temper. Still, like I said, I get just as much of a rise out of her as he does in conversation ... it's just that I don't like the fact that he does too.

    Also, lastly I would like to confirm that the 3 guys I know who get the most ass, hands down, more ass than this suitemate of mine, are not assholes at all, just very confident men who are very at ease about their lust.
     
  6. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    Probably just idle jealousy. Personally I'd worry about a relationship where there wasn't a little well-meaning jealousy. Just don't let it be debilitating.
     

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