GF broke up with me but isn't sure why

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Insert, Sep 2, 2008.

  1. Insert

    Insert Active Member

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    Backstory: Been dating this wonderful girl for 7 months now and everything has been going great. We've never really had a fight and get along great. About a month ago we started bickering a bit, just light disagreements that we both just shrugged off and went on with our days. We only get to see each other on the weekends due to our school and work schedules so we usually make the best of of what little time we have and stay in touch through texting throughout the week.

    So this weekend everything is going as usual and we end up laying on her couch. I noticed that she seemed a little distant and I'll admit I wasn't in the best of moods due to recent things happening in my life. I ask her what's wrong and she tells me nothing, but there obviously was something bothering her. She then asks me what's wrong and I tell her that she seems a little different today and I know something is up so I'd just appreciate it if she'd be honest with me. She tells me that she just isn't as excited anymore when we are together and that she isn't really sure why. Now I know you will all probably say she's getting tired of doing the same old things over and over but we constantly do something different each week whether it be camping, air shows, concerts, or things of that nature. There probably hasn't been a 3 week period where we have done the same things repeatedly.

    So at this point I start asking her what has changed between us that she isn't happy with and could change the way she feels about us. I covered a wide range of topics and she said that none of those were it and she really doesn't know why. Her main point was that I am a really great and stable guy and she loves me to death but she isn't sure if that's what she wants right now. So then I ask her what she would change about me if she could and she said there wasn't anything she would. She also claims that she wouldn't date anybody else but me if she had the opportunity and isn't interested in anyone else. I'm pretty confused at this point and she tells me that she is probably more confused than I am.

    After a short talk she lays out options for me of breaking up but being friends, breaking up and not being friends, or taking a break so she can figure out what she wants. I told her it was up her to her to pick as I wouldn't personally chose any of them because I didn't see her point in breaking it off. She chose taking a break so I left shortly after and on my way home I received a text from her saying "I shouldn't have done that." It's been three days since then and we still talk but it isn't the same. Whenever I tell her I'm out with friends she gives me little hints that she's jealous and even once came out and said that she wishes it was me she was hanging out with.

    After talking to her tonight I asked if she had made any progress in figuring things out and she said she should know in 12 days which confuses me because I'm not sure how you can put a timestamp on a matter like this.

    So basically I am confused as hell and not exactly sure what is going on in her mind. I don't want to lose her and she claims she want's to make it work so that's why I'm here for advice on what to do.
     
  2. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    :rofl:

    I'm not even going to pretend I have any clue what the real reason is, but believe me when I say this:

    SHE KNOWS.
     
  3. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Your mission, should you chose to accept it, is to figure out a way to get her to tell you without hounding her directly about it.

    Assuming that you want to know, then you are obviously going to have to jump through hoops to figure it out.

    In my opinion, it's not worth it. I would suggest cutting all contact and moving on with your life.
     
  4. Insert

    Insert Active Member

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    I questioned her on it when she told me because I said the same exact thing but she told me it was just an estimate and she really doesn't know. In her defense I think she was going for 2 days ago + 12 = 2 weeks. Still don't understand it though and don't understand any of it in general.
     
  5. Insert

    Insert Active Member

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    See the thing is her mom and I are pretty close and even her mom is confused. Plus she still lives with her mom and combined with school, work, sports, and homework she wouldn't have any time at all to cheat on me or something of that nature. And her mom thinks I'm the greatest thing ever and she's even said that if something like that were to happen she would let me know right away because I'm to good to her to be lied to like that.
     
  6. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Maybe that's the problem. :dunno:
     
  7. Insert

    Insert Active Member

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    Doubtful, but I get what you're saying. She had a pretty bad childhood and will start crying if you raise your voice at her. Her last boyfriend was a real asshole apparently and would yell at her, threaten her, and all this other worthless crap so I'm hoping her not being excited isn't somehow related to her always being treated poorly and is too used to it.
     
  8. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    maybe the all the romance was sucked away and she felt like it was becoming more a friendship? it's hard to articulate something like that, maybe that's what she's feeling.
     
  9. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    DING DING DING!
     
  10. uwofrost

    uwofrost New Denver Crew

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    12 days means someone else is involved some how. and in 12 days the issue will be known.
     
  11. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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    she knows
     
  12. Insert

    Insert Active Member

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    I highly doubt the whole 12 days theory. Maybe it's just because I don't want to believe it, who knows though. I just don't see what possible event could be happening that would be solved and make or break things on that date.
     
  13. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    i agree

    there might be some event taking place in those 12 days where she will see the other guy, have a chance to hook up with him and then if he doesnt want her, go back to you

    its one thing to take a break in a relationship. it can be a positive thing and work out well. this doesnt follow the same pattern. if you really want to be with her, tell her she can get back together with you today, or its done completely
     
  14. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    As I always say, the answer to your own questions or dillemas are almost always buried within the post themselves.

    You want to know what the 12 days thing means? It's a CLUE. She didn't say that to send you on a wild goose chase or as an estimate or to fuck with your head. There's a REASON she said it.

    The fact that you are not asking her about it, probably means that you suck at communicating with her, which could also be a part of the problem.
     
  15. fray

    fray New Member

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    I disagree. I don't think she consciously knows, but subconsciously I think she's just feeling like it just isn't there. You're a great guy, but the chemistry is lacking. Logically, that's confusing, so she's having trouble putting her finger on the problem.
     
  16. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Ok, just for strict clarification here:

    What was her EXACT wording of this?

    Did she specifically say "I'll know in 12 days" or did she tell you "I'll know if a couple weeks" and you assumed she meant 14 days and posted this thread 2 days after she said it?
     
  17. Insert

    Insert Active Member

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    Here's the text message convo:

    Me: So have you figured anything out yet?
    Her: No I've been busy with homework and swimming.
    Me: Aren't you always going to be busy with homework and swimming?
    Her: Yea but not on the weekends (only time we see eachother) but I just haven't had time these past few days because of all the family parties and such. No updates yet.
    Me: So you're probably planning on taking like 2 weeks at the minimum then?
    Her: Barely, I'm still organizing it in my mind. It's been two days, I think 12 more should do it.

    After reading it again I'm pretty sure it's like I thought in the first place, just 2+12=2 weeks.
     
  18. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    I wouldn't be surprised at all if there was another dude in the picture and she was testing the waters to see how things go before she makes a clean break with you.
     
  19. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Don't ever ever ever allow someone to "take a beak from the relationship" with you. You're either together, or you're not. Letting her pick to take a break says "Go ahead and try to find someone better, but if you don't, come on back to me".

    Allowing it is disrespecting yourself. You do NOT deserve to be someone's second choice.

    Theoretically, you've given her a 2 week window to sleep with a bunch of other guys, then get back together. You wouldn't ever be able to hold it against her, because "you were on a break".

    Sorry to seem so bitter about this, but "taking a break" in most cases is horribly horribly weak.

    And realistically..."needing time to figure out what she wants" means "being with you isn't right for me at this time". Fine. If it's not right, end the relationship, she can try to get back together with you later if you are single.

    But do not just sit around and wait for someone to decide if you are right for them.
     
  20. TofferZX3

    TofferZX3 OT Supporter

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    i have an idea but i can't tell you until 12 days from now? bullshit headgame. shit's got high school written all over.
     
  21. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Wow, after reading that who cares about the 12 days thing?

    Let me translate her side of the conversation for you (bolded):

    Me: So have you figured anything out yet?
    Her: No swimming is more important than our relationship.
    Me: Aren't you always going to be busy with homework and swimming?
    Her: In fact, family parties are more important than our relationship.
    Me: So you're probably planning on taking like 2 weeks at the minimum then?
    Her: Let's see if I can string you along to buy some time. How about 12 more days?

    Look, I understand she has a life. But a failing relationship is a pretty important thing WHEN YOU CARE.
     
  22. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I mean, when you break up with a person you really care about, DESPITE how busy you are, it's ALL you can think about.
     
  23. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    and thinking about what you want to do about a relationship is normally done while you are doing other things. if she wanted to work on things, it would be in the back of her mind constantly. and she should know by now what she wants to do. things like this do not take 2 weeks to think about

    my gut says another guy is involved, or she is doing something in those 2 weeks that she doesnt want you to know about

    and matt is right. dont let someone else string you along like this. you will spend 2 weeks hoping she comes back to you, scared that she wont. thats a miserable way to live
     
  24. Insert

    Insert Active Member

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    Those last few replies really put things into perspective for me. I've been to blinded by the whole thing that I'm not seeing all these little clues and things you're all pointing out. I'll confront her on it later tonight and see how she responds.
     
  25. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Make sure you accuse her of fucking multiple guys and then beg for her back while crying.









    Oh wait I meant don't do those things.
     

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