GF and I thinking of moving in together

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by baldyguy, Jan 21, 2005.

  1. baldyguy

    baldyguy Deep, but not Profound

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    I've been with my GF for 6 years now, and things have been good. We get along great. She currently lives with me at home, and now that I have enough money saved up, I'm thinking of relocating to Las Vegas and she was going to go with me.

    The house in Las Vegas will be under my name, and I will be making the payments. She will help pay for the other stuff. I've been reading alot of stuff about cohabiting, and how alot of unmarried couples who cohabiting either end up breaking up or getting a divorce in 10 years.

    I think I may have a problem, and I want to ask you guys and this is serious, and hopefully you guys can help me out. I've been with her for 6 years and I haven't really thought of marriage, only because, in the past I didn't have money to buy a house, financially steady and have a career. But even after three years, I've been able to pay off all of my debts and I have more than enough to down on a house. Do you think that this is a good idea? I dont know if it will help me think differently and take this relationship to a new level.
     
  2. calilynne

    calilynne New Member

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    Can you give us more detail? How old were you when you two started this relationship? What are your career goals? Have you talked about marriage (the only time two people should move in is if they have big future plans) How old are you now?
     
  3. AngelsWing

    AngelsWing New Member

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    It is true that moving in together before you are married can cause some issues in some people's minds.... However, I feel that it is better to know the person before you decide to take the leap. After being with someone for six years, I'm sure you know quite a bit about each other, however living with someone can show you even more about that person. The only problem I can forsee with your proposed arrangement, is that you will be moving (correct?) out of state together? This way, if things don't work out, she will be stuck in a different place, not knowing anyone. One of my friends is going through this right now, her boyfriend of 3 years and herself decided to move down here (out of state) and move in together because he got transferred.... Well, to make a long story short, 6 months later, he broke up with her, leaving her here stranded with no family, or basic support system that would have been there to help her bounce back and regain her life. (FYI - they were living together before they moved down here...). Not sure if this helped or not... :dunno:
     
  4. johan

    johan Active Member

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    It is true that, statistically anyways, couples who cohabit prior to marriage have a lesser chance of being together after several years of marriage.

    This is where you need to CAREFULLY interpret statistics. It doesn't necessarily mean that cohabiting together is what caused a problem in the marriage.

    It could just as well be that couples who refuse to co-habit, for religious reasons, or personal reasons for example, are also the ones who believe divorce is wrong for various reasons (usually religious or moral) and therefore do not get divorced. Even though they wish they could. This obviously skews the statistics, in a sense.

    But frankly, its more accurate to say that statistic tells you nothing about their levels of happiness within the marriage, only whether or not they remained married. The two things are related but not equal, and not causative.

    Do you see what I'm getting at here?

    If you feel strongly about her and have examined the basic realities of living together (house payments, $ structure, etc) then I see no reason why you shouldn't take this further step in your lives together.
     
  5. BlondieAMC

    BlondieAMC New Member

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    I think for you to even consider being married, you might want to say, DO i love this woman? Not once in your post did you say you love her....only that you get along great....getting along great doesn't make a happy and lasting marriage.

    Just something to think about.
    Good luck either way you decide.
     
  6. Laurel

    Laurel New Member

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    My boyfriend and myself are living together after 2 years, and it's going wonderfully. We originally moved into the house with 2 other roommates, and I had my own room, but haven't yet slept in my bed since we moved in. I think that knowing that I have my own space that I can go to if I need makes me very comfortable.
     
  7. BTA

    BTA New Member

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    Like any other situation it depends on the people involved.
     
  8. Altered_Ego

    Altered_Ego (+.+)(-.-)(_ _) ..zz

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    take it from me..if you have been with her for this long and marriage is not in your mind and you want to move in..there could be a problem...how old are you?
     
  9. mkevaldz

    mkevaldz New Member

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    You've been with her for 6 years, it sounds like she's been with you through thick and thin, it sounds like she WILL continue to be with you in such situations, for better or for worse...you sound like you've gotten your shit together, are financially stable enough to be ready for it...I'd say she's been waiting for you to ask her for a while now. Congrats man
     
  10. baldyguy

    baldyguy Deep, but not Profound

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    Sure,

    I was 20 when we started the relationship. She's exactly 30 days younger than I am. I'm 26 right now. As far as career goals? Well I'm in the IT field, and I have been in this field for 6 years. I have lined up some prospective employers now, so that when I do move there it shouldn't be too hard. I just want to be able to talk to them and let them know my situation ahead of time. I think that 3 months should be a good time frame to work with.

    We have talked about marriage here and there, but it's been hard to talk about it because of my current living situation. I make decent money right now. But my salary alone can't get me a decent house in a desirable area in the SoCal, Orange County area.

     
  11. baldyguy

    baldyguy Deep, but not Profound

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    Yes, we know each other quite well. She's lived here at my dad's house for about 3 years now. It's just kind of hard because of the housing situation, but if i really really wanted to, I could find a way to find a house here in SoCal.. but everything is just really expensive. Yes I'm going to be moving out of state, and it's going to be in Las Vegas. Well, worse case scenario, since Vegas is about 4 hours away, she can just move back. I dont know if this is heathly, but her and I, we try to look at all of areas of what are pros and cons of moving together. We also know that anything can happen and say if we do break up it happens. I don't want to be surprised and think that I want it to fail. Basically, we both want to be aware of these things.

     
  12. baldyguy

    baldyguy Deep, but not Profound

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    Yes, we been together for a long time, and i was thinking about that this morning. She's been with me when I was broke, and things were going good. Your right.

    Yeah I've gotten better financially. Before I was really in debt. She actually helped me out when she had a job. As of today, I'm clear of car payments and credit card debts. All I have now is expenses.

    I think that moving to Vegas will ultimately tell me and i'm sure the same for her that if marriage will be for us or not. If not, then we go our seperate ways. We've talked about that before.. i know that if I'm going to marriage her, I want to work out some problems first before moving forward. If i don't then it's going to suck having to work those problems out during the marriage.


     
  13. calilynne

    calilynne New Member

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    Balldyguy, I am sure this is no shock to you when I mention that the statistics for couples who have dated exclusively starting so young are low when it comes to survival rate. Clearly, the choices we make at 20 are far different that the ones we make at 28 and even 30 years old.

    I would advise for your girl friend to be financially dependent from her parents and live on her own before ever moving in with you. That kind of experience is necessary prior to having an adult relationship between two people. You need her to be independent so that she is not moving directly from one dependency (her parents) to another (you). You will never be able to evaluate whether she is making a healthy decision to be with you unless she has supported herself and is already making her own decisions.

    It looks really good to move in with a guy when you're moving away from mom and dad. However, this is not the key to happiness and often masks underlying issues you may not know about.
     
  14. calilynne

    calilynne New Member

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    Baldyguy, you may want to turn into Tom Leykis on 97.1 FM talk between 3 and 8 p.m.. He has a lot of great insight for males your age.

    Or else, you might already know and hate him b/c he speaks completely against what you are chosing to do.

    I would give it a shot anyway.
     
  15. baldyguy

    baldyguy Deep, but not Profound

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    Yes, I do agree. I feel that we both matured together.

    She is financially dependent right now. For a couple of years, she was living on her own.

    Here is something, I didn't tell you guys... she actually was looking for a place to live and she was going to stay w/ her sister. But it didn't work out because the housing here in socal is very expensive.

     
  16. baldyguy

    baldyguy Deep, but not Profound

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    Yeah, I listen to him everyday in traffic when I go home from work. He's great. He does have great insight. The 25 years old rule that he has is great. But between her and I, we both matured as we grew up. I'm still old fashioned in a way, not like people are today.

    Even though, I listen to him daily, I don't agree with everything, and I do think that I'm an exception to some of his rules. But then again, the general population are stupid like he says. I've set goals for myself since I graduated from college, and each goal I've set, I've accomplished.

     
  17. calilynne

    calilynne New Member

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    Judging from what I have read from you thus far, you do seem to be not his typical demographic. Knowing that she has lived on her own already puts you in a much better place than I thought you were before. All people need to experience that before they move in together. That way, nothing is missed experience wise before you decide to move in.

    I live in southern California as well and I understand what you are referring to when it comes to the cost of living here. Make sure that is not the main reason you are moving in together.

    One thing in your favor here that I think is important: you need to live together before you ever consider marriage - which sounds to me where you are headed. I know Leykis refers to test driving the car before you buy in a sexual reference but it can also be applied here when it comes to living together. That way, on the level of cohabitation, you work out the minor things in your personalities prior to tying the knot forever.
     

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