Gf and I broke up v. crossposted from asylum

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by niquesuave06, Sep 17, 2006.

  1. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    She said she thought we both needed space and to be individuals because we were becoming like one person. I agreed (regretfully, at this point) and we ended it. She says she still loves me, and that she's really having a hard time getting through it. I still love her and to say I'm having a difficult time is an understatement. I really hope we get back together, but I don't know. I can't stop thinking about her and I don't know how to stop. I'm still completely in love with her and it hurts so badly right now.

    What should I do? More importantly, how should I do it?

    I'm making myself sick over this.

    What's worse, is it's obvious she still cares. Last night, we had a text convo:
    her- Are you feeling alright?
    me- Yeah
    her- Please don't make yourself sick. You should be doing something fun tonight.

    I didn't reply to that for awhile, I got it late.

    her-Fine, if you ever want to talk let me know.
    me- I'm sorry, I just got the text. I'm going to do something, I just came back and napped for awhile because I didn't sleep much last night. I hope you have a good evening and have fun tonight.

    Also, I was at her dorm (yeah, we're college students) because ALL of my friends live on the same hall. I walked in and she was sitting in the hall talking to some people, and she wouldn't even look at me. Then I got her attention and asked how her night went, found out she was kind of drunk, and asked how she got home. "I drove." So then I said "You know you can call me if you need a ride." and she was just like "No...."

    I went outside, and apparently (according to a mutual friend) she got like a 'hollow, empty' look in her eyes and asked where we were all going and pulled one of my friends aside and was like "Please don't let Nick smoke. Please don't let him do it."

    I think it's obvious she still cares, but how do I deal with it? Do I give her space and hope she comes back to me? Do I just move on and try to forget about her (so far that hasn't worked at all, although it hasn't been long since we broke up).

    And we dated almost 1.5 years. . .would have been 1.5 years a week from Tuesday.
     
  2. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    Any advice would be appreciated. :hs: I'm having a really tough time right now.
     
  3. mattz87

    mattz87 Active Member

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    Not what you are going to want to hear, but my experience with girls that say they need a break, or space, means they are bored with the relationship and want to go have "fun". Now, this means for some girls they want to talk to other girls, or they're already talking to other guys. And for other chicks it seems to mean they want to go out and party and be irresponsible. Not sure what kind of advice to offer, because I know you are probably hurting, and you probably wouldn't listen anyways, and I don't blame you.
     
  4. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I've had girls do stuff like that to me before, and I still haven't figured out what it means. But chances are, it's one of the following:

    1. "omg I'm getting too attached and it's scaring me" - this probably isn't the case because you said you've been together for 1.5 years. If this is the case, she'll probably contact you fairly soon and tell you she misses you and wants to be back with you.

    2. "I still love you and care about you but I'm just not digging you the way I used to and I'm not strong enough to tell you, so I'm saying 'I need space' to try and spare your feelings." - Yeah, this sucks, and girls do this because they never know what they want.
     
  5. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    well when u have that many options i guess ... :hsd:
     
  6. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    chick is bored with you. time to move on. focus on the future, not the past. ignore communication attempts from your ex. hang out with your friends, alot. talk to as many chicks as you can. if she sees you, portray the image that you are very very happy. fake it if need be.

    DO not let her pity you. fuck that bullshit. she dumped you, she doesnt want you anymore. ok well thats it with her, you WILL find someone that appreciates you more. but first you are going to work on improving your self, your self esteem, and your self worth.
     
  7. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    agree with abomb

    you let her interest level drop too low, and now she doesn't want to see you

    But, in typical female fashion, she continues to contact you via text to toy with you. But then when you see her in person its totally different, she doesn't want anything to do with you.

    Ignore all texts from her and do not respond to any texts under any circumstances. All you will do is get more wrapped up in her and hurt yourself even more. You are a man and you don't need her sympathy or her trying to "mother" you through your time of pain.

    If you really want her back it can be done but in my opinion you need to move on and get over her. And cutting off all contact is the best way to do this, but be prepared for her to come crawling back to you because nothing spikes a woman's interest level quite like having nothing to do with them.

    Oh and when you see her in person, no more eye contact. Fight fire with fire. Don't even look her way. Then of course because you ignored her she will try to get your attention.
     
  8. mattz87

    mattz87 Active Member

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    I agree, best thing you can do is cut all contact with her. Talk to other chicks
     
  9. rich a

    rich a New Member

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    Gotta agree with this. Couple of years ago, my girlfriend of 4 years came to me with a similar statement. She's my ex-gf now. No matter how hard I tried or how many changes I made, she simply was bored with me and wanted to move on. I spent alot of time trying to change and be the person she wanted me to be. That was the biggest mistake of my life. Don't let that happen to you.

    Now is a great time to do things for yourself, whatever that may be. If you want to meet some new girls, do it. If you aren't ready for that yet, spend some time hanging out with your friends. Concentrate on other things that only you like. Either way, after some time, you will forget about her.
     
  10. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    I met some new girls the other night, and they were fun and everything but none of them were 'dating' material by any means. And if we stay broken up, I'm really not looking for anything serious for awhile.

    All of my friends live on the same floor as her, so I'm over here a lot whether it's to see her or not.

    She was supposed to be my 'model' for pictures I have to take for a class presentation on Wednesday, and this morning she texted to find out if I found someone to replace her. I said I hadn't, she said she wanted me to know that if I needed her help she would be happy to.

    I thought "everyone is saying to stay away and break contact" so I told her I wouldn't be needing her help. She got upset and said that she didn't want to just drop all contact with me.

    I walked down to her room, put on the smile, and said "Look, we started out as friends and I'd like to be friends if we can't date. I know that's going to be more difficult than just making a clean break but I value your friendship and I know you value mine"

    She started crying, ran up and hugged me, and said that she misses me. I told her that the break was for the best and I've realized that. We agreed if we get back together we need to wait. I need to find myself and get back to doing things that make ME happy, instead of focusing on her. Which I've already started doing. . .going to the gym here in a couple hours, starting playing basketball with the boys again, going to start playing the guitar again.

    things are looking up, and I've realized that even if we don't work out that I have some great friends who are here for me
     
  11. mattz87

    mattz87 Active Member

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    Good luck being friends, that very rarely works out for people who break up.
     
  12. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    :dunno: We were best friends for a long time before we dated, I'd like to be friends again. It would be tough. . .I'm kind of protective over my female friends, and her being a very meaningful ex might lead to some ass kickings :o Which would probably ruin the friendship. . .
     
  13. mattz87

    mattz87 Active Member

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    Yeah, but that was before the mushy stuff you guys did when you went out. Now you'll find yourself still wondering what shes doing, jealous over guys she talks to, and wanting more than a friendship when you're together. You can't just turn it off.
     
  14. notsousual

    notsousual New Member

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    Yeah, being friends really doesn't work. The only times it does, in my opinion, is after a long amount of time has passed. Otherwise, the friendship is still just playing on emotions you had from your romantic relationship, and that's cheating both of you.
     
  15. suckafuhreak

    suckafuhreak New Member

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    its better to act like strangers than thinking there is hope. just move on. a girl who wants a break is not worth keeping.
     
  16. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

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    She moved the hand from the cock to the balls.

    Don't let her squeeze on.
     
  17. gkremian

    gkremian New Member

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    :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl: rofl. Distance yourself, that's all I could recommend. I'm not going to touch on how to get her back or if you should get her back. Just play around with your friends, do fun shit.. get used to normal life and have fun. Things will work out the way they are supposed to work out, no matter how they are supposed to work out. :)
     
  18. Isamu

    Isamu New Member

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    :werd:
     
  19. turbo_babe

    turbo_babe Guest

    Well this sounds almost exactly like what I went through a little over a year ago. My boyfriend of almost 3 years decided to end it because it was getting to be too much for him. He said I needed to focus on me and getting my life together. But he also wants to travel the world and we are both very opposite people. I was still so madly in love with him. When he told me it was over, and I went home and started to sob i could actually feel my heart breaking. I couldnt breath and my heart ached so so bad.
    It took me a very long time to get over him. He always texted me asking me how I was doing and if we were ok. I had arranged a couple of "meetings" with him, just to talk about things and that was really hard. So my advice is to stop contact for a while. You are going to think about her every minute of every day and it's going to hurt like hell. But just give it time. That was in June of 2005. Now I am in a healthy relationship with someone that I love even more. Oh yeah and I was 19 he was 21 when the breakup happened.

    And about dating other girls. I started "dating" someone a week later and was left feeling empty and lonely because it was not my ex. Do not start dating yet. It will waste your time and trust me sub conciously you will try to have those feelings for someone else that you had for your ex and it will just fall apart in the end. Give yourself a while before you're ready to start another commitment. You don't want to hurt the other person involved. You have to wait until you are ready emotionally to give 100% of yourself to the other person. I went through about 10 guys and I knew in one date if anything was going to come of it. You need time to see what it is you truly want from yourself and from someone else.
     
  20. JJM Enterprises

    JJM Enterprises New Member

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    As a bunch have said here, if she wants a break... there could be a bunch of reasons. If it's possible to stay friends, that's great for you - but can you picture being her friend and seeing her close to another guy?

    For the time being, just relax and have fun. Go out, hang with friends, and meet new people. Have a blast... that's what friends are for - and a good reason why a relationship should never replace good friends.
     
  21. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    No, I don't have a temper with girls, but with guys I have a short fuse. If I saw her with another guy he'd be lucky to not go to the hospital.

    But I have an update! So she offered to go on that date thing for the speech. And I was desperate (the only other girls who wanted to go were. . .whores. . .and I wasn't going to waste cash on dinner with them). So we went out to dinner and ended up talking about our 'problems.' We're kind of back together, we're kind of not.

    She told a mutual friend (in confidence :naughty: her true loyalties lay with me though) that she wasn't ready to move on, didn't want to move on, and was going to 'follow her heart' and be with me. BUT. . .the kicker. She isn't going to just jump back into the relationship. She wants to get back into it gradually.

    What does this mean, you ask? It means that we spent 3 hours laying in bed today, wrapped around each other asleep, and when I finally tried to kiss her after that I got a "that's not what friends do." :wtf:

    Yeah, friends don't spoon either.

    I'm not sure what the hell is going on in her head. It was a casual kiss, not a tongue-down-the-throat-I'm-going-to-rape-you kiss.

    Some good news though. . .the speech class I gave the date speech on is like 18 girls, 3 guys. I had 6 girls come up after class and tell me they're glad guys like me still exist and that they loved my speech :naughty:
     
  22. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    dude, thats what you shoulda fucking said to her

    friends dont spoon either.
     
  23. Dysfnctnl85

    Dysfnctnl85 IT/Apple/Rotary/(D)SLR Crew

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    Dude, RIDE THAT OUT. That is the kind of thing you need right now in her absence. You need to remind yourself that you are independent and are capable of doing anything you want to. And that's the truth. It's empowering to get positive reinforcement from (mostly) total strangers.
     
  24. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    Yeah :cool: I'm in the same dorms as a couple girls in my speech class, and by the end of the day I had other girls in the dorm asking me about it. It was nice :eek3:
     
  25. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    She used you bro. She needed some cuddles and she straight up used you.

    In the future, reserve cuddling for women who have earned it. Its a privelege and you shouldn't just give it out like candy.
     

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