GF and her male "friend"

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Apothis, Nov 22, 2005.

  1. Apothis

    Apothis New Member

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    Ok, my current GF has a little bit more of a past than I would have preferred but that's alright. There is one main thing that bothers me though. She has a male friend, her "best friend" even. It's known that he likes her as more than friends and always has. He has also taken advantage of her once when she got drunk. She says she doesn't even remember it and he claimed he didn't know she was drunk.

    I call a big fuckin :bsflag: on that.

    If she was so wasted she doesn't remember, there's no way he didn't notice. He took advantage of her. He raped her as far as I'm concerned. Did this end the friendship? Nope, she's still close to him to this day; still talks to him and hangs out sometimes. I haven't met him, but I suspect I'll want to violently destroy him if I do. She's said she won't stop talking to him and that really pisses me off.

    I'm really not a "controlling" person, and I don't wanna be that guy who would even dare tell her who she's allowed to talk to. But I can not be ok with this, with him or her continued close association with him.

    She also has an ex-husband whom I don't care for (the "real" father of her kids vs me-thewannabe). But I'm coming to not mind the ex-husband so much though and it's just a given that he has to be in the picture anyway. I would prefer that the ex be out of the picture too, as he rather complicates things. That's kind of another matter though and I can accept him still being around. But this rapist friend of hers ...this just isn't acceptable.

    I can't demand that she never talk to him again, but I have made it quite clear how uncomfortable I am with the situation. She thinks "I don't trust her" and she's upset about that. I do trust her, for the most part anyway. Who I really don't trust is him, and she shouldn't either. I'm 100% sure that a piece of shit like him would take advantage of her again if he got the chance.

    I'm quick to admit that I am a jealous person, but so is she. It's something we have in common and can generally be considerate/respectful of. But I feel like she's violating that in this case. I can accept that he was part of her past and what happened happened. But I want him to stay in her past and not be a recurring factor in OUR present/future. Am I being unreasonable in wanting her to no longer have any associate with this "friend" of her's?
     
  2. 46&2

    46&2 Self ******

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    I'm 29 and going through the same thing.

    If you figure it out let me know. :hs:
     
  3. dirtysouthboy

    dirtysouthboy New Member

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    I think that She is the problem. Her "friend" is just trying to hook up with her eventually. If she respects you she won't hang out with this guy anymore. If you can't trust somebody fully the relationship won't work out IMO.
     
  4. armond

    armond New Member

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    The other day I was told that when a woman is ready to commit, she will drop anything/everything that could cause a problem. A friend is a friend, but someone who wants to be more than friends and can create an uncomfortable situation between yourself and your girl.

    Ann told me this(the lady in my thread who is my interest), so I take it as truth. She has kept all her Exes as friends. But now she has been slowly removing them from her life. She knows they want to be more than just friends, but she wants nothing more to do with them in that aspect. I am not sure if some of it has to do with me, or she has come to realize that having these men around will complicate things for herself later.

    I like to think that perhaps she is thinking of me for the future a bit. But that is just speculation on my part.

    If she understands your concern and truly can see your side, that this man is a problem, then there would be no question as to what to do.
     
  5. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    She knows her relationship with him bothers you, and she doesnt seem to care.

    It just sounds like you 2 have conflicting personalities, and in the end it just won't work out. I could be way off base there though.

    I really have never been in that situation, but it just sounds like she would be hard to trust around him, and in the end something is bound to happen. Bad overall situation for you. I wouldnt expect her to change, or stop talking to him, or even talk to him any less...either YOU need to change, and get over the situation or just move on. Its not that you are in the wrong at all here, but its better for you to change or walk away then to come off as trying to control her life and building resentment within her toward you.
     
  6. Apothis

    Apothis New Member

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    UPDATE:
    She called me here at work a little while ago and had news for me. She apologized for this morning, first off. We had started a discussion that we didn't have time to finish due to going to work. It was a kind of "don't go to bed angry" thing, only in this case, to work.

    She also let me know that she called him this morning to let him know that she wouldn't be talking to him anymore. She doesn't want anything to get in the way of us.

    I was amazed that she actually did that and I thanked her. But she said she didn't do it just for me. I've told her that she's been too much of a doormat, too willing to forgive/take back people who did her wrong, and when I said that, I was including this guy. So she finally agreed with that apparently. She said "you're right, if he was really my friend he wouldn't have done that".

    She's earned some serious brownie points now. We've been doing well together and probably the most important part of that is that we have good communication. We believe that we should pretty much be able to talk about anything, and thus work through things and stay strong. This has been a good testament to that, I think.

    I :love: my GF.
     
  7. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    :rofl: uh huhhhhh:hsugh:
     
  8. Mikey

    Mikey This one, this form I hold now, so Wide eyed and h

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    congrats! the other red flag would have been the fact that he was her "best" friend, but you never got to meet him.
     
  9. Apothis

    Apothis New Member

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    She knows I won't tolerate lies, and she's a really sincere person anyway, so I'm inclined to believe her.
    :wiggle:
     
  10. Apothis

    Apothis New Member

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    I most likely could have if I'd wanted to, instead of expressing my wish to do life altering damage to him.
     
  11. okita1

    okita1 Great spirits have always encountered violent oppo

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    dont let your guard down too quickly my friend
     
  12. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    alright, you know her better than any of us. Good luck:bigthumb:
     
  13. quid

    quid I Piss Excellence OT Supporter

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    hehe i had the same situation, after i got angry about something she did with her "friend" (non-sexual as far as i know but in retrospect i dont believe that either), she "stopped hanging out with him"

    then i she started doing it again, i got angry again, i started picking up my stuff and walking out of the room, she came crying to me about how sorry she was and she doesnt want anything to come between us and so on and so fourth.

    i told her im not forsing you to do anything, but im not going to stick around to deal with this. basically its him or me, but in nicer words.

    then about another 8 months go by and everything seems to be ok, until we break up because she was lieing through her teeth the entire time we were together.

    good luck to you, but i would run for the hills.
     
  14. armond

    armond New Member

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    agree here, you would know her better than any of us. hoping for the best here!
     
  15. Apothis

    Apothis New Member

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    It's an interesting situation. I used to have a policy about not dating chicks with kids, but in this case I'm all for it. They add a whole new factor that actually works out in my favor. She really really doesn't want to mess things up in the relationship, not just for us, but also for the kids. I'm ready and eager to be a family-man these days, and her family happens to be in need of that role. If need be, I could still walk away and my life would go on. But me leaving is the last thing in the world that she wants to happen; both she and the kids are too attached by now and she'll probably do anything to keep me around. She has too much at stake to not care about about driving me away.

    That day that she said she wouldn't stop talking to him just really surprised me though. I got that anxious sinking feeling in my gut. He had left a message on her phone and she returned the call when I was driving the family to the movies. She could tell it bothered me and said something like "I can return his calls when you're not around if you prefer, but I'm not gonna stop talking to him". Then things were uncomfortable the rest of the night; we (I) hardly talked at all. Then when we did eventually talk about it, it was left unresolved/worse ..and that brings us to the beginning of this thread.

    I'm just glad the matter is supposedly settled now. It hasn't come up anymore and things have been good.
     
  16. okita1

    okita1 Great spirits have always encountered violent oppo

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    like i said, dont be too quick to let down your guard

    good luck man
     
  17. sharper4

    sharper4 New Member

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    The last girl I was with that had a "guy friend" ended up calling him to sleep with her when I couldn't show up on a night that she said she needed someone to hang out with b/c it was her anniversary with her almost ex-husband. So it was like a double wammy - but I caution you about girls being "just friends" with guys they used to have sex with.
     
  18. bigmick

    bigmick The plane takes off OT Supporter

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    Girls don't "just be friends" with guys they used to/want to/or know the guy wants to have sex with. Period. There is some ulterior motive.
    I asked my GF not to be friends with a guy who tried to convince her to have sex with him WHILE WE WERE TOGETHER and she wouldn't do it. Fuck that shit.
     
  19. Icehouse69

    Icehouse69 New Member

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    Dude, she wasnt drunk, she liked it. Thats why he's her "best friend".
     
  20. Apothis

    Apothis New Member

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    The way I put it to her during that dicussion was this:

    1. she was so drunk as to be basically incapacitated ..and he took advantage of/raped her.

    2. the booze didn't make her do anything she didn't want to, it just eased inhabitions. in that case, she did desire him and just got sauced enough to go for it.

    Either way, it didn't exactly inspire confidence about her association with him. She said she doesn't see him "like that", but whatever. Anyway you cut it, the story never added up to anything acceptable in my book.
     
  21. V!

    V! New Member

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    I'm making no assumptions about YOUR g/f, but every time i have heard of this situation, yes, it happens to alot of people, the friend in question still remains a part of that persons life.

    It simply moves to the background, she talks to him at work instead of home, she says she's going to a friends house to have dinner with him

    I've seen it happen to alot of my friends, and sometimes It was my friends that were doing it

    Friends can hook up one drunken night and say "That's fun, but we can continue being friends with it not happening again"
     
  22. sharper4

    sharper4 New Member

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    Exactly! Go with your guy here Apothis.
     
  23. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    As a female... I completely disagree
     
  24. Apothis

    Apothis New Member

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    Of course you would.
    ;)
     
  25. The Secretary

    The Secretary My domestic skills will rock your socks off!

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    im friends with a guy and there is completely no sexual attraction toward him. Ive never thought of him in that way, we went to high school together and then went to our first year of college together and then we both moved back home. He has gotten married but ive been friends with this guy for about 5 years and dont have an "ulterior motive" in the friendship. People have asked me if I thought of him like that and all I say is "eeeeeeewwwwww no".
     

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