SRS getting worried

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by s34s0ns, Sep 26, 2007.

  1. s34s0ns

    s34s0ns OT Supporter

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    I guess i go through this in every relationship.

    with my current one, we have been reasonably great for the first six months, but i can feel tensions starting to build. I don't know what it is but i always seem to hit a point where my relationships turn from annoyances once a month to once a week to every day.

    Now, i want this one to work and i think that it can... i just don't want my bad habbits getting in the way of that. Any advice on not overthinking and continueing the carefree nature of a new relationship?

    thanks
     
  2. Animall0versist

    Animall0versist New Member

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    Thats difficult...maybe you're just not right for most of the people you've dated
     
  3. s34s0ns

    s34s0ns OT Supporter

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    you're probably right, i just don't want to admit it.
     
  4. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

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    Stop thinking if your relationships are going to work in the future.

    Make sure it's going to work now. You are overthinking the process.
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Can you actually detail what you are worried about I have no idea what the actual problems are....
     
  6. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    Seems like you're creating a self fulfilling prophecy. Once you get past a certain point in relationships, you get so worried about all the little annoyances and what they mean for the relationship that you get stressed. Stressing yourself out makes the little things more annoying because you're already on edge. Something little happens, you freak out even more, increasing the tension/stress in the relationship which makes you more likely to flip out about something small again and again.

    Just try to relax and enjoy the relationship.
     
  7. s34s0ns

    s34s0ns OT Supporter

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    spot on.

    i just can't find my "off switch"

    i've been doing more things in order to relax lately in order to try and tone my stress down, but i still find myself overthinking.

    wish i could get my mind to slow down.

    (without using substances :mamoru:)
     
  8. s34s0ns

    s34s0ns OT Supporter

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    i understand, sorry man i'm so busy i don't have much time to detail it out.

    the basic thing is there is No problem, i just seem to be creating them in my head.

    which in turn creates actual problems... so, my goal is to get my mind to shut up and take it easy in order to just enjoy what i have rather than worrying about it.
     
  9. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    Have you talked to your GF about this? Communicating would probably help you relax and be confident in the strength of your relationship.
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Ok, I understand even without more details. That's a pretty common problem, especially when you are younger. It's kind of a tough thing to get over because it's all in your head. Like verdiocchi said, a self-fulfilling prophecy. You've been going out for 6 months...are you in love with her?
     
  11. s34s0ns

    s34s0ns OT Supporter

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    i have told her what's going on with me... she listens.

    it still doesn't solve anything.
     
  12. s34s0ns

    s34s0ns OT Supporter

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    i have a hard time admitting it to myself let alone her (which i havent), but yeah
     
  13. deviant critter

    deviant critter New Member

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    have had similar-ish problems...

    to distract yourself: running, or other exercise (make happy chemicals too); some kinda hobby you can really get absorbed in that has nothing to do with your gf

    Whatever current worry you are on, make yourself whittle it down to one question you could (theoretically) ask your gf and the answer could be short and sweet and either confirm / totally dissipate your worry. If it seems ludicrous to even bother asking, you'll feel a lot better. If it doesn't feel ludicrous, ask it. Guarantee the answer will make you feel better if the problem is just in your head like you say. Repeat this a few times, be reassured, and feel better :)
     
  14. s34s0ns

    s34s0ns OT Supporter

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    thanks guys

    i've been feeling better the past few days, hopefully it will keep up... if not, at least i have good advice to listen to :wiggle:
     
  15. s34s0ns

    s34s0ns OT Supporter

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    meh, got in a fight last night.

    i think it's hard to keep communication at the right balance... when it's overly open, every little thing comes up and nothing goes anywhere. When it's overly closed things boil and things go unpleasant.

    i need to find that balance with her.

    after our little arguement last night i talked to her and she said she likes to call things out right away. Which made me realise why we get upset at each other, i like to think about things for a few seconds and try to figure out or change the way i feel for the better. When she says something right away i'm not prepared and the arguement escalates.

    so, i asked her to give it a little time before she calls me out on being "upset." Hopefully this will give me time to work it out on my own.
     
  16. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Have you stopped to think that maybe you two just aren't right for one another? The reason I asked if you were in love with her earlier in the thread is because I think it makes a big difference. I know you tend to psyche yourself out sometimes in relationships, but if you aren't feeling strong love feelings in the first 6 months then maybe it's your conscience telling you something more important...like you are just not meant for each other. Just a thought :dunno:
     
  17. s34s0ns

    s34s0ns OT Supporter

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    i do love her, the words just haven't been spoken.

    ...we might not be meant for eachother, but i want to give it my best shot before i give up.

    i guess i would rather put in extra effort to work through things rather than move on and find someone else.

    at least for now.
     

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