Getting the butterflies back?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Labster, Mar 4, 2006.

  1. Labster

    Labster OT Supporter

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    My gf of over a year says that she doesn't feel the butterflies when we kiss like she used to. We've sat down and talked and she wonders if we'd be better off as friends because we kind of skipped that stage. We went from meeting to dating in a matter of a week and a half. Anyone ever experience this? I think that maybe it's because of her stress level with school and work and juggling a relationship so I'm hoping that her spending Spring Break with her friends will help take her mind off things. I've had other relationships but this one was different, she seems like she could be the one but now I'm not so sure. We haven't broken up yet but it looks like things might be headed in that direction. I'm just preparing for the worst and hoping for the best.
     
  2. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    How old are you both?? It's normal to lose the butterflies after time. No relationship has the butterflies for forever. Eventually you get into a comfort stage but if she's not sure then chances are it's probably time to let go. Someone who loves you doesn't let you go. There are lots of different types of loves. If she insists on looking for permanent butterflies you might as well wish her a long happy single life because she's never going to find that.
     
  3. Kinks

    Kinks Sup. OT Supporter

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  4. YogiBird

    YogiBird New Member

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    1.
    Well, i must be the exeption to the rule, as i still get butterflies with my girl

    after 13 years together. And vice versa.

    Okay, not every day, but still very frequently.

    Maybe it's cos we still never take eachother for granted and are thankfull

    for what we mean for eachother allmost every day.

    2.

    Though i understand what you try to say; sometimes love is just not enough.

    You can love someone, but be unable to maintain a good relationship with

    that person.

    I have broken up relationships with girls i still loved(and some still do), but

    just didn't feel enough common ground to live/be with.



    Don't get me wrong; i agree with your comments from a general perspective,

    but just had to mention some nuances and tell there are people who are

    able to keep the butterflies flying.


    It is a pity many people see the comfort zone as a stage where you just

    can hang and stop making efforts to please eachother.



    Yogi
     
  5. toeshoes

    toeshoes Guest

    she's found someone else that makes her hot
     
  6. Labster

    Labster OT Supporter

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    We're both 20, so relatively young. My brother said the same thing. And no there isn't someone else in the picture for her. As for her letting me go, that hasn't happened yet. It's just all so confusing.
     
  7. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    So you are still young. That could be a lot of it. Relationships can be confusing.

    All I know is... every relationship I've ever been in eventually the butterflies... for the most part went away but that didn't mean I wanted to give up on the relationship. Didn't mean the sparks weren't there and I agree a lot with what Yogi said but no matter how it changed I still loved them and wanted them to always be there.

    Love doesn't always stay the same. There are so many levels and twists and turns to it but giving up on it should never be an option just because the chemistry changes a little. If that is an option then it's probably not meant to be. That puts you in a very vulnerable situation and you deserve to get back from your relationship no less than you put into it.
     
  8. Icuradik

    Icuradik Guest

    Some people have far too few breaks in their post, while you have far too many. Also, do you see anyone else signing their post. We can see who wrote it right over there
    <--------------------------
     
  9. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Was that commentary really needed here? No, not really.
     
  10. Pr0phecy

    Pr0phecy Guest

    I read this in a magazine (Not teen fashion or crap like that) so take it how you will.

    Love is done by chemical reactions in the brain as you surely know and after a year, the hormones that make butterflies calm down. If you want to keep them, both you and your partner have to keep suprising each other (I don't mean jumping out of a 2006 Ferarri) but like popping out of nowhere and saying I love you and stuff like that.

    But here's my advice for your situation. A girl that really loves her man will do anything to stay with him. Yours is asking to go apart...See where I'm going with this? She probably found someone else to make her happy, sorry:(
     
  11. Labster

    Labster OT Supporter

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    well things are over. Right now she just has a lot on her plate with school and work and doesn't feel that she can give a relationship 100% and she's the type of person that can't half ass anything. I can understand her position. We talked a lot last night and she's not looking for a replacement for me because she said that she'd make their life a living hell because she would compare them to me constantly. Maybe there's hope for us in the future but for now we're going to try and be friends. Thanks for the input guys but as for the someone else in the picture, it's not true. She's never lied to me and don't believe that she is now.
     
  12. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I still get butterflies with my husband at times. That feeling definetly does not last forever (as meaning constant feeling of butterflies or that dreamy 'in love stage' you first go through), but I honestly don't think that the feeling will automaticaly 'die out' after a certain period together.
    That's just my opinion though.
     
  13. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Well I saw you broke up, sorry about that. Here's some input for next time:

    This is a red flag that she threw. She's trying to make excuses to end things. This is a warning sign. It means something happened and you're not the same guy you used to be. Either you got too boring, too smothering, too lazy, too angry, or something, but you were not the same guy who was flirting, joking, and being sexy with her.

    Stage? Again, another excuse. Another red flag. By dating you became friends, and she knows it. By saying she wants to be friends she just friendzoned you - and she knew it. She's probably been feeling this way for a few weeks.

    By the way, if you sit down and talk "therapy" a lot, it's boring. Women hate that. A fight would be better than a talk because it's got more passion and energy, and you can at least have make-up sex later. ;)

    Yeah, and we're getting married in November. It's a lot more common than you seem to think. People meet, they go on dates, they get together, etc. That is how the world works... She gave you some BS excuse to get rid of you, and you fell for it. For shame. :sadwavey:

    You want my opinion? She's single now, and wanted to be single for Spring Break. Dirty and sad, but true. At least she's not a cheater.

    Yeah, she was getting ready to write you off, and now I bet if you look back you can see red flags and hints to that fact. She's probably been unhappy for weeks, if not months, and has slowly been pulling back to try and get you to dump her. When you didn't she had to try harder and finally had to do it herself. She really wanted you to do it, I suspect.

    So next time pay attention to maintaining the relationship, maintaining yourself. Flirt, joke, be yourself, don't be too serious all the time, go out as often as you used to, etc. Of course, you did not give us much details, so it's hard to pinpoint exactly WHY she dumped you, but maybe you can tell us so we can give more feedback.
     
  14. Solus Emsu

    Solus Emsu ****** U N R A T E D ! ****** -----THAT'S HOW I RO

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    Wait Wait.

    She is 20.
    Going to go on Spring Break with her friends.
    Can't find time for you.
    Want's to stay friends.

    1. 20 and going to spring break with friends. This should tell you something.
    I am thinking she doesn't want to be tied down at this moment. She wants to go take some time to go wild without having to worry about hurting someone or a BF not approving. C'mon. I mean right before spring break.

    2. She can't find time for you. No one can put 100% into a relationship. If everyone could, there would be a lot of unemployed people out there. If she truly cared about you, she would find a way to balance her schedule and life to include you. Doesn't sound like you are very important to her. Sorry to break it to you dude.

    3. This is the final one that gets me and always does. She wants to stay friends. Ok. Let me point out something to you. She doesn't have time to be your GF but she has time to be "friends". Doesn't make sense to me. Since she has such a busy schedule and can't find time to make a relationship work. What I see happening is she will be a friend when it is conveinient for her, not for you. Basically she will be a "friend" when she needs something from you.

    Everything she told you was just to let you down easy. I'm sorry to break it to you, but this appears to be the truth. If I were you, I would "go on a spring break of your own", if you know what I mean.

    Enjoy being single now that you are.
     
  15. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    No, don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say that they die out all together. I'm trying to emphasize the "at times" part. For the most part they aren't there all the time. :) Relationships go through phases. That's all I'm saying. It's not going to be the same as it is in the beginning. Any relationship is going to fizzle without chemistry. That's a given, but you can't expect a relationship to not go through natural phases rather than stay the same forever.
     
  16. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    :) That is exactly how I feel. I just interpretted your post different.
     
  17. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    Not really anything I don't agree with.
     
  18. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Nice double negative. Hello????? Engrish? :mamoru:

    I guess you agree?

    (Just messing with you. I had to read that like three times to figure out what the hell you said.) :wavey:
     
  19. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    By the way, I like write many word and sentence, it fun movement be? :noes:

    (You can tell I spend WAAAY too much time around ESL writers :hsugh:)
     
  20. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    No... absolutely not :rofl:





    yes I agree.
     
  21. Labster

    Labster OT Supporter

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    Yea, I've kinda thought about everything that you guys have said before writing this. I think that she did start to find me boring. Things did change in the last couple of months. I grew too comfortable in the relationship. I did stop doing a lot of stupid sappy things that I used to. Maybe that's it. I do regret it but we'll see what happens. As for staying friends. A friend advised me to distance myself from her because if I don't then she'll have nothing to miss. We'll see, I'm not writing things off completely but I'm definately not going out searching for another relationship now. It's just not the right time for that.
     
  22. DragSpeed213

    DragSpeed213 New Member

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    It's rough man, same shit happened to me in November only we were going out for 2 years. I'm doing the same thing as you and just chillin out for a while. I dont feel like going out and looking for relationships. Me and the ex still talk and shit and hang out every once in a while. She fed me the same lines about having alot of shit to do and trying to work it out. The best advice that I can give you is DON'T CALL HER. Him me up on aim sometime if you want too DragSpeed213.
     
  23. Labster

    Labster OT Supporter

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    Thanks a lot man. It doesn't help that we now go to the same school and live in the same complex. It makes ignoring her harder than it would be if I went to school somewhere else.
     
  24. Solus Emsu

    Solus Emsu ****** U N R A T E D ! ****** -----THAT'S HOW I RO

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    It's official. You must start dating other girls. You have to start getting out and meeting new women. Do this for many reasons.

    -To get your mind off your ex. Start thinking about someone else other than your ex.
    -To help develope ways to deal with relationships. Nothing helps like experience.
    -To possibly make your ex a little jealous. Not the whole point, but works as a bonus.
    -To finally enjoy yourself. Most importantly.

    The last thing you want to do is sulk and ponder about your ex and what she might be up to. Think about yourself and enjoy the fact that you are once again single. Make the most of it. You are in college right? Enjoy being in college. Grab a few beers and nail a few hotties. Go wild while you can and enjoy it. She is.
     
  25. The Pikey

    The Pikey You don't know anything, so don't ask me questions

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    Great advice.

    I'm not trying to throw salt on any open wounds, but...don't be surprised if she just "happens" to meet someone new, even though she's supposed to be too busy for a relationship. People always find ways to make time for things they want or care about, and will find any excuse (but the direct truth) to avoid things they dont want.
     

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