SRS Getting rid of self consciousness

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by korverftw, Apr 27, 2010.

  1. korverftw

    korverftw New Member

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    I've got to be the most self conscious person I know. People terrify me. All I think about all day is what people think about when they see me or hear me. This is really obvious to everyone because it makes me speak, walk, and pretty much do everything awkwardly because I'm always so nervous and self conscious. Even when I'm playing shows in my band, I know people watching are jealous and would love to be in my spot, but I look at the ground and barely move because I think I look weird or awkward.

    It's gotten slightly better since high school when I was a nervous wreck constantly. I still manage to be pretty happy and have friends and stuff, but I think I'd enjoy myself and life a lot more if this problem disappeared.
     
  2. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    I used to expose myself to crowded places as a sort of immersion therapy to try to keep my tolerance for social situations up. I'd go to the mall or some other similar place where I could sit down & play a game on my phone or read a book. It helps to have a goal to focus on & let the social aspect of the situation fade into the background.

    Besides that, post high school ecstasy use really helped me understand that I was capable of feeling COMPLETELY different. I had no idea I was as depressed & anxious as I was. I don't advocate it, but I recognize that it served me well ... welll ... the first few times were useful. Beyond that it was a waste of brains.
     
  3. Ann

    Ann Sono stupenda!!! Vedi la mia roast beef?

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    I used to have the same issue. It took a lot of work for me but I started to think of the interesting things about myself and started to think more "who cares what other people think about me." I looked at the fact that I had good friends, dated frequently, enjoyed my hobbies etc. I started to realize that these were the important things, not what strangers thought. And little by little I came out of my shell. It took a lot of effort but it was worth it.

    You already have the base, you said you seem happy, you know people look to you in certain ways when you are performing etc....just keep those things in the fore front and the rest will come.
     
  4. fluentinsilence

    fluentinsilence New Member

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    I'll use a personal example that might have some relevancy. Sorry for the length; I tend to elaborate when explaining. I listen to an online comedy radio show that is highly interactive with the listeners, almost like a family; they bring them onto the show as guests, they (hosts and guests alike) hang out together often, etc.

    Anyways, every April, there is a big comedy show and multi-day event in NY that the hosts and their comedian friends (also regular show guests) put together. I went to this past event. I've been listening since the beginning years ago, so I have a lot of knowledge of the show, the guests, etc. Here are 60+ people who fly to NY for it from all over the world plus all the regular comedians and entertainers. Pretty nerve racking right? I am a bit of an introvert, so trying to be socialable and not standoffish to this huge group had me sweating bullets. A few drinks later (helps, but not required) and we're all buddies laughing and sharing stories.

    We saw each other of course for the same events over the next few days and all-in-all, it was a great time. Met new people and would see them again down the line.

    Now, we all had something in common (we were all listeners of the show), so why the hell should I have been nervous? I had an icebreaker before my plane even landed.

    Thing is, even though some people can conceal it well, a lot of these people, hell, most of them, are just as clueless as you and don't know what the hell they're doing. Some people truly do not care about what others impression of them are and that can be considered a luxury. However, I don't think that holds true for most people. They're also concerned with how they will come off to you, whether they're saying something stupid or how much they should reveal about themselves, and so on.

    You say you play in a band. The audience just wants a good time, a good show. If you're capable of that, you've already won them over. You say you look down while you're on stage - how about being a little more animated? It raises peoples enthusiasm and energy level when they see the entertainers/musicians/artists are enjoying themselves just as much as the crowd is. Trust me, you start moving around a bit more and the crowd will respond favorably.

    Also, most people, they really do not care about all the details of you that you're concerned about. Hair not right? Clothing out-of-date or frumpy looking? Are you walking correctly? Are you saying the right thing? If you're walking down the street, people may make mental judgment calls, but 1) You won't know about it, and 2) They're so quickly made and over with, it's not even worth considering. "Oh, this guy, look at his hat..." And they pass you and it's over.

    You've probably been told this before, but you have to put yourself in a social situation. Being closed up in a house is only to drive your self-consciousness deeper. I am not saying go into random places and just start talking to people (although, in some circles it might help), but just exposing yourself to others. You're going to quickly find out that no one really ultimately cares what you wear, what you say, etc. It's only when you have an intention (i.e. hitting on someone, asking about a job, inquiring about some kind of business deal, etc.) that people might analyze but if you know what you want, then it shouldn't be an issue.

    I know I will see these new people I met again and I won't have to reintroduce myself. I'll walk into the room and instantly be recognized (in a positive way of course since you can also be instantly remembered for being an asshole, it goes both ways). It's that kind of sociological reward that quells the little voice in my head saying, "They're all pointing and judging." It gets a lot easier after a while.

    Ok, this post was obviously way too long. It was just a stream of thoughts pouring out as I wrote this. Hope some of it helps.
     
  5. hypotenuse

    hypotenuse New Member

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    When going through life, just try pretend the other people aren't there. Ignore all but the few people that interest you.
     

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