Getting past an Ex without eliminating her completely?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by DTR rex, Apr 28, 2008.

  1. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Quick back-story, I dated a girl for several years and last year she broke up with me. We were broken up for ~ 7 months, or which 4 months were spent still hanging out frequently and fooling around.
    We decided to give it another chance and just last night she tells me that she is not happy, it's not working out, and she wants to end it for good this time.

    I am not really sure how to feel about this because ever since we got back together I have had second thoughts about it all. She was different and did many things that bothered me and annoyed me, and I considered ending it a few different times. Of course, I never did and now that she has broken up with me (despite the fact that I wasn't even sure if we should be together) I am pretty torn up about it.
    We didn't get along half the time we were together, I wasn't happy half the time, and couldn't stand a lot of the stuff she did. The other half of the time I was completely head-over-heals for her... Kinda strange I guess.

    Anyways, I was with her for nearly 7 years and now I don't know what to do from here on out. I need to get her off my mind and I really need to move past her. I have to come to that definitive realization that we just didn't work well together (at least for the last year of the relationship). I don't want to go and delete all my pics of her that are on the computer, and I don't want to go burning pics, etc.....
    She was a HUGE HUGE part of my life (I was with her for nearly 1/3 of my whole life) and I don't WANT to forget her completely. I love her and have so many awesome memories with her.

    So how do I move past her and get over her without completely eliminating her from my past? I plan to put the photo albums away, take her off my facebook friends list, etc..

    I guess I just don't know how to push her out of my life "now" so I can get over her, but not actually get rid of the memories because I do want them still.
    And it doesn't help that we have many mutual friends and her brother is one of my best friends :rolleyes:
     
  2. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    I wish I knew too, bro.
     
  3. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    :hug:

    It sucks man. It's tough getting over someone you love as it is, but it's even more confusing when you know you need to get her out of your life to get over her and be happy again and not have that empty feeling inside... but you don't want to try so hard to forget about her that her memory doesn't mean anything anymore. :wtc:
     
  4. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Make sure you're completely over her before you get into a serious relationship with someone else.
     
  5. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Haha, where did this come from?

    I JUST barely 12 hours ago got out of a 7 year relationship. I can't imagine getting in another serious relationship. I can't go more than 2min without thinking about my ex, let alone even consider giving another girl attention.
     
  6. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    I'm a little over a year out of a 6 yrs relationship. I haven't contacted my ex in 10 months. The first few months was really tough. I randomly cried a few times because I missed her so much. At the same time I knew what's best for me and I would not let her in my life. I dated a lot of girls in the past year and none I can honestly say I have feelings for. I'm better now than last year but I still think I have a while to go. It does get better but very slowly.
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You already know the answer, now you just have to follow it.
     
  8. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    it just takes time. the memories may hurt for a long while since 7 years is a really long time, but it will come eventually

    dont make it worse by staying in direct contact with her. i know it might be hard to 100% avoid her based on close ties with everyone around you, but do not directly call her, email her, text her, etc. thats not going to help you move forward, its just going to keep you stuck in the past.

    i dont think there is any reason to delete pictures from your computer, she was a part of your life for a long time, and someday, you may want those pictures. just file them away in a place you dont often look. put all the pictures and gift in a box and put it in your closet.

    you are already a step ahead by knowing you arent right for each other.
     
  9. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Yeah, the first time we broke up (for that 7 months) I was a fucking wreck! It was pathetic. I am hoping this time will be easier since I kinda felt it coming and was expecting it to an extent... but who knows.

    Have you been on the total defensive with girls you have been dating since the breakup? Like not opening up to them, putting up a wall for your emotions, etc?
    I already see this being a problem for me in the future, lol.
     
  10. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Yeah, last time we broke up we tried the friends thing... It was WAY too soon, and the standard complications arose.

    I don't plan to directly contact her at all. Seeing as her brother is a best friend of mine, I know other members of her family and we share mutual friends I expect to run into her eventually... I am just hoping it will be relatively painless, and ideally (after a long time of moving forward) we can be friends.

    But anyway, yeah..... I don't plan to keep contact alive at all. I just don't want to erase her from past though. I know a lot of people that burn pictures, delete stuff, throw stuff out, etc.. and regret it years later.
    She's a good girl and is an important part of my past life.... I want to be able to remember the good times someday (without feeling like shit of course).
     
  11. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Then don't throw any of it away, but keeping it at least out of sight is obviously for the better. You know what you need to do. You already learned before that still trying to stay frends didn't work out because you two are far from over each other so the same rules pply.

    Try not to go into a depression. Try to realize why this breakup is a good thing, why it happened and learn from it. You don't have to necessarily get out there and date if you don't want to or certainly not jump into a relationship...but getting out there can't hurt.

    You know you two can't be friends until you are well over one another.
     
  12. TwistedMind

    TwistedMind New Member

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    BEST way to get over a girl is to get under another bro.

    Don't destroy your memories, put them in a box stick them in the top shelf of a closet and leave them there for a few years, go out meet new girls and people in general and just have a good time.

    From the sounds of it you have never really " dated " so I would advocate getting out there and playing the field a bit. Don't stick to what you think is your type either.

    You see a cute girl ask her out even if she isn't what you would typicly consider your type, because honestly you probably have no idea what your type is, and if left to your own devices you are going to end up with the same girl just a different package.
     
  13. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    it will be easier this time. just remember to not give in and start contacting her again.

    as long as you completely cut her out of your life (no contact of any kind, minimal mention of her by your friends), you'll get over her eventually. you'll know you're getting better when you begin to gain interest in other women, and that's a really good feeling.
     
  14. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    .
     
  15. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :werd:, except don't expect the sex to be as effortlessly compatible.

    focus on deriving pleasure from the girl's hotness, while you're doing her, more than her knowledge of your intricacies, or from her technique.
     
  16. -=Likwid=-

    -=Likwid=-

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    i removed my recent ex from facebook friends. eventually shared friends from her side. she started deleting photo albums which hurt, so i just removed photos from my profile altogether.

    i still feel crappy. i zipped and archived all photos including my ex, and just tucked them away in a portable HDD.... i can't bear to look at any of them for a long while.

    i doubt we'd get in touch with each other again, but eliminating completely in this sense is a major step in actually getting past the hurt.. for me at least.

    good luck man
     
  17. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Luckily I JUST got an new laptop and no new photo's are saved on there yet. I DL'ed the ones from my old laptop which are mostly of her and plan to keep it on a disk until I am ready to look at them again.

    I am all over the place as far as my ability to deal with this goes. Last night I was fine, this morning/afternoon was pretty terrible. Huge empty feeling inside, started thinking about how bad life will be without her, had no appetite at all, got pretty scared, etc...

    Then in the early evening and most of tonight I was fine. I was studying, reading, went and took a midterm exam, felt pretty good about my new prospects of growing and being single.... and came home and ate a huge meal.

    Pretty strange. I can depressed and lonely one minute and on top of the world the next :rofl:

    I guess it's better than what happened last time we broke up.... I just stayed in my room sulking and not eating a damn thing for nearly 2 weeks :rolleyes:
     
  18. ImDrunk

    ImDrunk New Member

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    ugh

    I remember all this...
     
  19. Joybang

    Joybang New Member

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    Lol. I broke up with my GF of almost 7 years about seven weeks ago. It was rough as hell for the the first week or so...it wasn't a complete surprise and I guess thats why I took it "well". Its weird at first but when you get out there and realize everything is an option for you its almost a sigh of relief that you are out from a relationship that wasn't right anymore. :hsd:
     
  20. limniscate

    limniscate OT Supporter

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    Remove all photos, emails, etc. and give them to a friend for safe keeping. Do not accept any calls or communications from her. Keep busy with hobbies, and hang out with good friends. Other than that, it's just going to take time.
     
  21. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    DATE OTHER PEOPLE
     
  22. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    I came to the realization that I am not even missing what we've had recently, the only thing I miss is what we had YEARS ago... which seems pretty sad.

    Since we got back together..... more or less over the last 6 months or so, our relationship sucked aside from a 2 weeks span that was awesome. Seeing as we lived an hour apart and she was obsessed with pleasing her friends and always being involved with her social circle I hardly saw her. I didn't see her on the weekday, and when I would see her on the weekends she was always running late, or would have to cut it short to go to a friends Bday party, etc...
    So between that, me working and both of us having to study our quality time was non-existant.

    Even on the weekday, she would call me in the morning and complain about friends/school for 20min and then she would bump into a friend while talking to me and then say we will call me back. She would never call though, all I would get would be periodic texts apologizing, and 75% of all of our communication was text based.
    Then I would ask her to call me after leaving the library so know she got back to her place ok (walks home at midnight alone) and she often wouldn't... and I would worry and the next morning I would just hear about how she feel asleep or her friend came back to her place with her to crash.

    How can ANYONE miss that? I certainly don't. I spent most of that time being bitter and desperately trying to deal with it KNOWING that a relationship should never be like that. It was right in front of my face the whole time! WE WERE BOTH IN LOVE, BUT SHE DIDN'T HAVE THE TIME OR DESIRE TO DEVOTE TIME TO ME LIKE SHE SHOULD HAVE.

    So I am realizing that when I start feeling empty again and actually do miss her it has nothing to do with missing what we recently had or even missing her as she recently was. I miss the way things used to be a couple years ago. When she called me because she just wanted to her my voice (not to complain or fill a quota of calls), when she loved seeing me and didn't have to pencil me in around her 20 friends that also needed her weekly attention, and when she was devoted to our relationship just as much as she was devoted to herself.
    That's what I miss. Yet, that all went away about 1.5 years ago and every other part of our relationship since has more or less been a disaster. I was so desperate to get things back the way they were, but it just wasn't possible. I think a part of the problem was that she didn't want them like that again.
     
  23. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    This is my exact thought too. I usually miss my ex when I think about the things happened years ago. Anything recent make me glad I don't have to deal with that anymore. I miss the person I was with years ago, not the person that is in the present. That's why I don't bother to contact her because no matter if I see her or talk to her now, it's not the person I want to see or talk to.
     
  24. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Exactly.

    She's still a good girl, but the way she is now isn't even remotely right for me. I really wish things could have stayed the way they were before, but people change I guess; and with that so do their priorities (partying, friends, miss-independence attitudes, etc..)

    I am almost relieved to be out of what our relationship was recently. No more worrying about her at night when/if she doesn't call, no more getting crazy frusterated when she prioritizes her friends and I have to act like it doesn't bother me, or when she complains about those very friends to me for 45min on the phone everyday.

    It's just those fleeting memories of how we used to be that really get to me. It makes me mad that things couldn't stay like that. I guess the point to take from that is to try and find a girl that can provide that. It sucks though because my ex was AWESOME for 5 years and then changed when she switched colleges and met new friends and moved out. I don't want to get fooled like that again.
     

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