Getting out of the friendzone after 17 years? Is it possible?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Sybian, Nov 29, 2009.

  1. Sybian

    Sybian She's with me...

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    I only come in here when I am truly stumped.

    So I've known this chick for 17 years right? Super attractive. Totally my type. I chased her for a looonnnnng time, only to ultimately fail. We maintained a fully friendzoned relationship for many years and fell out of touch about 6-7 months ago.

    She happened to remember one of my best friends' phone number and literally stepped over him to get to my new cell phone number. Mind you, she's known this dude just as long as me and barely spoke 2 words to him. It was, "Hey how are ya, what's Sybian's number?".

    Anyhow, he gave it to her and she called me about 10 minutes later. I ignored the call because he gave me the heads up. At this point, I'm pretty much like, "Fuck you, we're never gonna take it to the next level, so forget you." So she leaves a message and sends a couple picture messages. I listen and didn't really plan on calling her back.

    The next day she calls me early in the morning while I'm at work, so I take the call. We say our "How are you's" and I kinda brush her off because I needed to get back to working. I tell her I'll call her back but I never do.

    So Friday she calls again. Really early. This time I'm sleeping so I ignore the calls again. When I wake up, I'm like, "Fuck it. Let me call her back". She invites me to this comedy show. So I accept, thinking hey, let's give this one final try.

    So later that night we meet. She looks stunning. As beautiful as I'd ever seen her. We hug. A nice long hug. I mean a good one. I jump in her car and we head to the venue. Conversation is good. We wind up at a restaurant bar. More conversation, and a few shots. She tells me all about her failed relationships and some of the loose ends she's tying up and about an hour and a half later we take off and start heading to the show.

    On the way she says, "Will you hold my hand?" So of course I do. Mind you, this is all very strange to me, because we've always been just friends, but at the same time, I felt like I was on a genuine date, that was actually going quite well. So we get to the show, find our seats and all the way through it I've got my arm around her, her hand is on my leg. Bizzare. I never expected it to go this way.

    So the show ends, we drive back to where my car is parked. I get out, she jumps out behind me, and gives me another one of those long hugs, but at the end of this one, she plants a kiss right on me. Now it wasn't a long one. Just a nice, full peck, leaving me totally confused.

    On the way home I thought to myself, "Maybe I should have pulled her back in and went for more", but the confusion kept me from thinking agressively.

    Turns out that I left my cell phone in her car so I call her the next day from my land line and ask her if I can come get it. She says okay, so I drive out to where she lives and meet her at a bookstore. She gives me my phone, explains that she has to run errands for her mom and tells me that she's "always accessable"...

    Now, since that moment, I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. I haven't called, and I'm not sure what the next move should be. Should I stay aloof as I've always done and wait for her to come to me, or should I dive on it and let her know that I want to go to the next level with this?
     
  2. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    actions not words
     
  3. Sybian

    Sybian She's with me...

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    So what does that translate to in the Alpha Dog handbook? Set a date, get her out there and then take what I want? If that's what you're saying, I understand totally.
     
  4. Fachh

    Fachh New Member

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    I think you should go for it, I definitely would because I don't mind getting hurt if there is a chance

    stop thinking
     
  5. Sybian

    Sybian She's with me...

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    You're right. I have this concert coming up next Monday. I'm going to ask her to it. See what happens from there.
     
  6. Shroomy

    Shroomy OT Supporter

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    My following recommendation is contingent on whether it has been well-established between the two of you that you chased after her for an extended period of time and that she ultimately rejected you. If you chased after her and she was not aware, then feel free to ignore what I have to say. Also, I'm assuming that you read her signs of interest towards you objectively and accurately. There is a risk here that due to your prior interest in her which appears to have existed for an extended period of time, that your perception of her actions may be distorted due to some level of limerence having rekindled after seeing her again.

    First, remember that she's the one that turned you down. She has to face some sort of backlash for having turned you down previously, otherwise she won't respect you. You want to make sure she understands that she fucked up and that things will not be just as they were without some work on her part. The last thing you want her to think is that you will always be available to her. Don't be that guy.

    Secondly, people want most that which they cannot have.

    Based on the aforementioned principles, you should do the opposite of what you are proposing - you need to continue making her chase after you. Appear hesitant towards her advances (not excessively so or you'll risk her giving up), but show some interest to keep her hoping that you'll eventually come around. This cycle appears to have already been set and thus far you have responded appropriately by ignoring her a few times while she was chasing after you with the phone calls. How you tread from this point is the hard part.

    Sorry for the rant. I'm drunk.
     
  7. Sybian

    Sybian She's with me...

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    Not at all dude. Great advice here. Now look, when I say chase, I mean, I've always flirted with her. I've never outwardly asked her out or said, hey, be my girlfriend or any shit like that. I've always hinted at the fact we should be together, but I never said hey, do you want to date me.

    Which is why it was so strange when she just asked me out. She's always expressed how "handsome" she thought I was and even that her mother thought I was cute, and that she always asked about me, but I never took her seriously. I always just laughed it off and didn't think much of it. I never moved forward so there was never really any rejection.

    This is why I'm so confused. The fact that I've never been that guy who's always available I think is what caused her to finally say, "Maybe he's worth it."

    I think I will ask her out though. Just to see what she says. At some point you've got to stop playing the game.
     
  8. Fachh

    Fachh New Member

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    Do it up man!
    Gluck
     
  9. cura

    cura New Member

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    This. Plus, worst thing that can happen is that she no longer talks to you anymore. Which is basically where you were at beforehand. Just ask her out and see where it goes. Whatever you do, make her work for it a little.
     
  10. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

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    +1

    From the sounds of it, you weren't ever in any serious pursuit of her, but instead, sat on the backburner as a friend.

    Now that she is getting old (17 years, really?) your beta male politeness and kindness is actually attractive. I'm assuming you guys are in your early 30s.

    Be direct in your courtship of her and see if it goes anywhere. If you are rejected outright, REJOICE because then you are truly and forever free of having to hear or think about this woman ever again.

    and if you don't get rejected. Well... that's not bad either.

    Either way, you don't want to be stewing away in the friendzone any longer... if you have any respect for yourself that is.
     
  11. Sybian

    Sybian She's with me...

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    Its not like I sat there agonizing over whether or not I'd ever be with this woman dude. I'd talk to her every now and again, listen to her problems and leave it at that. I never called. Never initiated conversation, but yes, I always wanted to have sex with her. Still do. I guess I may have overstated when I used the word "chase".

    You are right, I'm not an "Alpha dog", never will be. And that's fine with me. You're also correct that I would rejoice if she says no, but she won't say no. This girl looks at me as one of her closest friends and now as a potential lover, so I doubt she'll say no. She loves to be around me. What I'm trying to determine now is if that's as a good friend, or as a mate.

    We'll see.
     
  12. wakeboarder071

    wakeboarder071 I'm classy

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    Keep us updated, I'm interested to see how this turns out. (kind of in the same situation)
     
  13. Hegemon

    Hegemon New Member

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    I came in here to say "No" and was beseiged with serious posts. :hsugh: If you go through with this, though, you might as well play the lotto that day, just in case it's your day. :embd:
     
  14. Sybian

    Sybian She's with me...

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    I will. I'm interested too! :rofl:
     
  15. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

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    If that's the case, i'll be really happy for you if you two get together.

    I'm always a big fan of when people manage to beat the odds in regards to the "friend zone". Seen it happen a few times, and each time it still amazes me.
     
  16. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    Hey if your looking for something to regret for the rest of your life then please, go ahead and don't ask her out and then you'll never really know how she feels. Just ask her out.
     
  17. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    a decent amount of time apart filled with you improving your physical looks, confidence, and wallet size can always overcome a friend zone.... but you gotta ask yourself..... is it worth it?
     
  18. Sybian

    Sybian She's with me...

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    Asked her out. She was delighted. Going to the concert Monday (12/7)...

    More news to come.
     
  19. MossMan813

    MossMan813 New Member

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    No pressure...but you need to fuck her that night. No beating around the bush, no more thinking, no more worrying about your next move. Bring her to concert, listen to music, drive her home, pulverize her. Post pics.
     
  20. BobG

    BobG Fuchs.

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    This. /thread
     

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