SRS getting mixed signals from the GF *long*

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by whelen1, Sep 14, 2006.

  1. whelen1

    whelen1 New Member

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    A little back story:

    We met through our work a little over a year ago when I started working at a local university. Things were going well, the normal flirting and joking that goes along with starting a new relationship. She had an asshole of a bf for about 1.5-2 months who treated her like absolute shit, they broke up and our relationship was getting a lot stronger.

    Fast foreword to 4 months ago when I finally asked her out (couldn't ask her earlier due to other work constraints), went on our first date to a decent high end restaurant and had a GREAT time. Went on a few other dates, she started spending the night at my apartment and it grew into a great relationship. It was one of those that, you know they are the one from the get go, we both said that from about the 3rd week in.

    Fast foreword 3 weeks and its graduation time. She finally completed her BS and of course had to leave the school. She went on a little road trip and managed to come back for my birthday before she went back home.

    She left on May 31st and I didn't get to see her again till July 3rd, where we spent until July 18th attached at the hip doing the normal relationship things. Now we have been seeing each other for 3 months and have spent 6 weeks together by this point.

    July 22nd comes and she leaves for a 6 month internship on Hilton Head Island, she won't be back until January 2007. Through all the time apart we would talk constantly to each other 2,3,4 hours a night, it got to a point where I could tell her mood over the phone just by listening to her laugh. The "I love you baby, I miss you baby" was a nightly occurrence with those phone calls, emails, etc etc. Hell we even talked about marriage. We ALWAYS tell each other what was going on, no skeletons in our closets. Things went great, relationship got stronger over the first 2 months away and we both went into this knowing it will be tough, but if we survived the 2 months apart - 6 months would be easier.

    2 Months later, September 4th I was able to get 4.5 days off from work and scheduled a trip down to see her for 5 days 4 nights. Trip went great, she got a hotel room for the duration of the stay. Cooked dinner for her, went out to eat, attempted to walk on the beach but the weather that week sucked! But we were able to occupy ourselves :drool: Trip went great, no fights no downsides except for me having to leave to come back to work.

    Now here is where the issue comes in:

    Ever since I got back it’s like a 180* change in her personality. We used to talk on the phone 2-3x a day (I’d wake her up, she call at lunch and after work or I’d call before I went in), miss you baby, love you baby; never had an issue keeping a conversation going or finding things to talk about, etc.

    NOW, we talk maybe 1-2x a day at night for prob no more than 90 minutes total, don't ever hear the love you baby, miss you baby on the phone.. well, maybe the occasional "babe" when she wants to ask a question, the conversation seems to die quickly and I struggle to keep things moving and the worst of it all she seems distant in the conversations. The mood is totally different. All of this in like a 1-2 day period. The txt msg's that we send back and forth are full of the "hi baby, love you, miss you" stuff that we are both used to.

    After my trip she told my best friends GF (all a close group) that she had a great time and that she wasn't going anywhere.

    I know she loves me and cares for me, and I know she won't be going anywhere. But after a routine changes drastically after working successfully for 4 months in a short amount of time, it definitely throws up red flags and I start to think, well ok ... worry.

    She hasn't told me if anything is bothering her so I don't know if it’s her, if it’s me, if the distance is finally getting to her - I really don't know. Could this be an adjustment period between seeing me everyday for a week then not, maybe. Could I have said something or done something that pissed her off, who knows...she isn't the type to just let things go by the wayside. I guess I'm just lost, I don't want a pattern to develop here and have to work 2x as hard to pull her out.

    I left her a msg today that I just wanted to talk about it so we will see tonight what the deal is. So we should be talking soon.


    :sigh: /rant :sadwavey:
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Well the LDR definitly poses the problem of not being able to check up on her to see what's really going on underneath that skull of her. She might just be feeling down, or worse she has second thoughts on staying with you and wanting to get back to that ex that treated her like shit. You see what im worrying about is that you treating her like a princess means that you are boring and by no means challenging and that the ex who treated her like trash is quite a challenge to conquer. That's just a bit of a nightmare scenario, you know communicate with her and do exciting things find out what is worrying/bothering her and check out if she really still feels as strong as in the beginning of the relationship. Carefulness is adviced.
     
  3. whelen1

    whelen1 New Member

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    After broaching the subject tonight with her she told me that, "her mind has been busy lately and won't slow down". She isn't getting a lot of sleep, or quality sleep. Which is the same thing that I told her when I was getting depressed about her leaving for 6 months. A few more days and I should have the full answer.

    As for the ex. I know for a 100% fact that she won't go back to him. First because she is calling him, "A mistake" and none of her friends like him very much, and she values her friends input a lot - trust me I know.

    Im attempting to find out whats bothering her, though she is a harder nut to crack then I was at that time. We'll see though. She said it wasn't anything I did/said so thats a good thing.

    :hs:
     
  4. 5secstrtcar

    5secstrtcar Spot you 10, give you the move and still hand you

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    I just had my heart ripped out then shit on and all I can say is play it cool.....she may be a lil stressed.
     
  5. whelen1

    whelen1 New Member

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    Well it seems as though she is getting into the same rut that I was in for a few months about her leaving. She said that she is thinking long and hard about us and about where both our careers are headed. I told her that because she is wanting to go back for her masters, her education is more important to me. I already have my BS and a job that pays the rent so thats not the matter.

    She also said that she is getting depressed about me coming down for a week and having a great time and then leaving, she wants me back down in SC BAD! Also homesickness is coming into play. She has been really strong through alot of what has happened to the point where she has impressed me on how well she is handling things, now she is starting to crumble and is having a tough time holding everything together. This is totally understandable and I was there. She even recognized that she was pushing me away and that wasn't her intention but she saw that she was and told me this in a looooong conversation last night.

    My mind is at ease, but now that im feeling better I have to assume the strong role and make sure she is ok. Which sucks from 1000 miles away
     
  6. big 1

    big 1 New Member

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    I htink you need to relax and give her space...trying to keep tabs on her and call her EVERY DAY for 6 MONTHS when shes away is going to keep her stressed out and annoyed.... give her space to do the relaitonship work when SHES ready...thus giving you a break and her a break as well.
    Obviously you care for her and i hope things work out, but at the same time its unrealistic fior you to expect to keep up the same amount of contact now that shes away.
     
  7. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Dude, talking for 90 min a day is STILL a lot. That kind of stuff happens during the honeymoon period. I promise you it won't always be like that down the road.
     

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