Getting back into the dating scene after 6 years.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by oneslowz28, May 28, 2008.

  1. oneslowz28

    oneslowz28 New Member

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    Ok first off some background on me. I am 24, have a bachelors degree in Business Administration from a major university and just got an associates degree in fine arts from a local tech school. I own my own photography studio and have my own place. I own my own vehicle (3 actually (07 silverado, 94 z28, 07 ninja 650R)

    My problem in that I have not dated anyone in over 5 almost 6 years. About a year ago I caught my then g/f of 5 years in bed with my so called friend. Well I took it kinda hard and pretty much shut down my social life. I concentrated on my last year at the tech school and keeping my business in the green.

    Needless to say the past year has been lonely in the love life dpt. I have had a fuck buddy for a few months but she isn't one I want to date. Thats where I am right now. I want a relationship. Someone to have feelings for and who can have feelings for me. Not some random hook up on a Friday night. I have went to bars (the bar scene here sucks) and a few night clubs but keep getting rejected. I have tried the buying her a drink thing and it works until I ask for a number. I keep my self in shape and do dress nice. I am sure that my main problem is that I lack "game". My problem is I have no idea what this "game" I am supposed to have is. When I was in my last relationship we only hung around other couples and all of my friends were either losers or were in long term relationships.

    My problem could also be that I go for the ones way out of my league. I don't see a problem with wanting to date a good looking woman. I mean just because I am not some "frat boy asshole" or an "in love with my self gym rat" does that mean that I have to settle for fat or ugly chicks?

    So what would you do?
    Any advice for me?

    Oh yea btw. I have been lurking around here for several months now and I guess this is my first post.
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Wow, apparently everyone in the Vag dates for 6 years?

    Anywho, sorry for the situation you had to run into, but the good news is you're now rid of a bad person before your furthered your relationship with her :dunno:

    These are some good threads from the sticky from people who are/were also in your same position-showcasing tips on how to move on.
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3422135
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3449501
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=1800010
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3169400

    But generally the best advice is to just put yourself out there. Most poeple make excuses when they have to start from scratch and that is why they get nowhere. I know you say you are putting yoursef out there but maybe you are doing it at the wrong places. Some people here would debate that bars and ckubs are the worst place to meet quality women, others would say you can try meeting women in places that interest you.

    I'll wait for the PUA guys to come in here with "game" advice, but I will say you most likely are too picky. If you are only going for the 9-10's and shutting out the 8's then you are in for a much harder road and maybe you should think about actually looking for a connection, instead of "oh yeah, this bitch is hot, I can't wait to show her off."
     
  3. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    my brother is in that same situation. it breaks my heart that he cant find someone.

    i guess the best thing would be to not give up. i know my brother has been meeting girls at all sorts of random places these past 6 years (he just hasnt found a girl he 'clicks' with) but he will start conversations with girls everywhere. at the juice stop. at the gas station. in the book store. bars and clubs are included in there as well. he just makes some random comment about their car, the book they are looking at, asking what they recommend to get to drink, etc. some girls blow him off immediately and he just goes on with his business. others flirt back. he has met a ton of women by doing this
     
  4. Joybang

    Joybang New Member

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    I'm in the 6 year (or was) club also :mamoru:.

    What other hobbies do you have outside of work? I doubt you are going to find a serious relationship from a bar or club...just my opinion. Like IWYWB said, get out there doing things you like and don't put the unnecessary pressure on yourself.
     
  5. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Do you consider yourself an intelligent person?

    Does asking chicks for their numbers at a night club sound like the best way to meet and date the woman you eventually hope to share your life with?

    She gives you attention briefly because you are providing with free alcohol. That works for HER, but I don't see how it works for YOU.

    It does not advance you towards your goal.

    I think your problem is that you don't understand the process involved in finding a relationship-worthy woman.

    You start by understanding the process of finding the single one woman you want to invest your time and attention in.

    Logically, what are the odds of the first woman you meet and date being the right woman for you?

    Low.

    In order to meet the right woman, it will be necessary for you to get phone numbers from many woman.

    Let's say you get 40 numbers in 6 weeks or so. About 1 per day.

    Of those 40, you will find that you are unable to contact about half of them.

    (this is normal - many women will give their number when they aren't interested, rather than reject you outright. or maybe she gets back with her ex, who knows?)

    So of the 20 you get on the phone, a portion of them will not agree to your date invitation (by saying they have to check their schedule, or by trying to negotiate the date into something of their choosing, or any other number of excuses - and you will generally get excuses instead of "no's").

    Lets say half of the 20 enthusiastically accept your date invitation.

    40 numbers yields 10 first dates.

    Of the 10, perhaps 4 will suddenly become busy and unavailable after the first date.

    That leaves you with 6 women to go on second dates with.

    If you follow this process to its conclusion, most likely you will be choosing between 2 or 3 women to be your partner in a romantic relationship.
     
  6. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    Most people who were in a LTR feel like this including myself. Obviously if a relationship has lasted that long, it took many sacrifices and hard works. When it's over all that devotion and effort seem like a waste. I find myself very skeptical on relationships in general. Like it or not, all your relationships will fail except for the last one. Who knows which relationship is ever lasting? So I feel like the higher you do, the harder you fall. Most people are willing to get hurt over and over, I for one am not one of them.
     
  7. UrbanKnight

    UrbanKnight Good, Bad, I'm the guy with the gun

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    You sound very materialistic in your post......

    You mention your degrees, your studio , your cars, etc. Who gives a flying fuck... all that shit just tells the kind of person you are, which in the snippet of you life that you gave, makes you sound like every other conceited male asshole on the planet, which generally ='s you failing with women who want real relationships.. You also mention wanting to date beautiful women, which also makes teh vanity aspect of you shwo through to....

    If you want someone to like you, it shouldn't be for what you have, or how much crap you flaunt, it should be about who YOU are, not the material...

    Get in touch with that first. When it comes to game, there is no real game about it. If you are honest about yourself, no games need played, shit falls into place, and all the singing fairies, dancing elves and all that happy ending crap come into play.....

    Sorry about the rant,
    UK
     
  8. oneslowz28

    oneslowz28 New Member

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    I cannot post a decent reply right now. I am in between sittings and only have about 4 min to type.

    To UK--- I did not post my background to sound conceited. I posted it to show that I am not some love at home with mom, no education, broke ass, no vehicle looser. I do not just chase the 8-10's I am attracted to anything a 5 and above.

    To Yail--- I do consider myself intelligent. I read a post by you about over analyzing the situation when it comes to women. I will confess that I have done that in the past. Most notably a few weeks ago.

    Ok my next sitting is here. Ill post more later.
     
  9. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    I was also 6 years :noes:


    Maybe that is the definitive make it or break it time. A huge majority of friends that were in serious (and by serious I mean likely to get married) LTR's had it end in that 5-6 year area.
     
  10. Aronomy

    Aronomy Get your COME ON!

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    You have to be realistic about the looks thing. You can't expect to have an inshape girlfriend if you're not willing to be inshape yourself. The levels are usually about equal, so yes, it is unrealistic to want a girl who is bounds ahead of you physically.
     
  11. oneslowz28

    oneslowz28 New Member

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    Who said I wasn't in shape? I jog 4 miles every morning and am very strict about what food I eat. I don't smoke, drink caffeine, or do drugs. I am 6'2" tall and about 180 lbs.
    I will admit that I am not ripped with muscles and I do not have a 6 pack. I am however not a fat slob. I just do not have the time to spend hours a day in a gym.
     
  12. Aronomy

    Aronomy Get your COME ON!

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    You should expect your partner to be on the same level. You mentioned in your first post you shoot wayyy over your level. I'm saying you're unrealistic to expect a knockout girlfriend if you're average. That's all.
     

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