SRS getting attached

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by c0dyblah, Jul 20, 2007.

  1. c0dyblah

    c0dyblah New Member

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    i guess i'll make this my first real post (beside in the noob section), i've been lurking for a while. i've been having a problem with this for a good while now.

    i got out of a serious relationship last year (4 years, n she cheated). and going out to meet random girls seems hard to do for me. but i have at least been sorta dating on and off, if what i do even qualifies as dating. but anyways then it sorta just dies down, and with each individual one. i get reaaaalllllyyy attached. like can't sleep/eat. always thinkin about the particular person and situation. then somewhere along the line of dating, it ends in a negative way.

    for example the last girl i was seeing wanted to focus on her career and she can't have anything in the way to accomplish what she wants. which is a respectable choice. we both are adults, and she said she didn't want to lead me on any more. which is damn confusing cause what we went through was pretty intimate. down to shared feelings and overnight stays etc. and then she moves on with her life. and then i just get stuck here, thinkin about her. and dwelling on what we had, wishing it was more, and i myself thought a bf/gf relationship would have come out of it. but no

    and everytime it happens, i tried my hardest to forget it and move on and find another one. which is what most of my guy friends tell me. but i guess i'm not as shallow as they are, cause im pretty sure they just see girls as objects of sex. and the most thing that pisses me off is that these are just girls that i'm SEEING, and not in a relationship with
    so then i turn to my hobby (cars). spending money on mods to make myself happy. but something like that can only keep you busy for so long, and then that feeling of wanting someone to be there for you comes back.

    i don't know if i'm sounding like a bish, but what is this forum for anyways then:bigthumb:

    so here are my questions
    1. why am i getting attached to people so easily? ( though i'm figuring it out myself that its cause i lost a long term relationship, and that im only use to that scenario) but its been one year, and to me now it seems pretty ridiculous, but i always find myself in the same place. could it be other things?

    2. how to get over it? what do you guys do? i honestly only have 1 main hobby, which most of my income goes to, if not all. and i've been trying to pick up other hobbies too. but along with the first one they can only do so much.

    p.s. i wish the "eternal sunshine for the spotless mind" mind erasing really existed :wtf:
     
  2. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

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    I think a change of scenery would do you good if it's that bad. Maybe where you live reminds you too much of your ex.

    The key is don't think too much and keep yourself busy.
     
  3. c0dyblah

    c0dyblah New Member

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    yea but the thing was, we lived quiet a distance. which prob caused the cheating thing i guess.
     
  4. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    Just a guess but you might be scaring these girls off by getting attached so fast...take it easy man don't spend every waking minute with a girl when you start dating her keep her guessing
     
  5. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    I'm guessing you're still trying to get on and move on from your last ltr and you were so used to having a close, intense relationship that you project that onto whoever you start dating in a rush to get back to the level of intimacy you once had. I started to date a guy a few years ago that had recently broken up with his gf of two years. He moved really quickly and it freaked me out. Turned out he just really missed being in love and having that commitment level so he pushed any relationship to try to reach that again. Not a good idea. Maybe you should try to stay single for a while until you're really happy with yourself and your life. Then add someone else to it. If you're happy on your own, you won't develop such a need/desire for someone else's attention.

    Stay busy! You don't have to spend a lot of money to keep yourself occupied. Spend more time with friends/family, work out, read, etc. Join a gym that has classes you're interested in taking like kick boxing. Basically the goal is to focus on improving yourself so that you won't feel the need to have an SO to complete you. You need to be able to feel complete on your own.
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    .

    The good thing is you are aware the problems are your own and not pulling that "I'm such a nice guy! Why do girls walk all over me?" bullshit. Because the truth of the matter is you are being a doormat. You are most likely not keeping any of these women's attraction because you're not very secure in yourself and are most likely too available. Women love a a confident man who has a life (or at least appears to). I saw you write that you only have one hobby, well I suggest getting out and trying new things. A long 4 year relationship at crucial ages in your life can be devastating to your social interactions.

    Maybe drop the idea of dating to be honest for right now. Focus on yourself and what you need to correct. Maybe not having women in your life will at least give you time to heal over your past relationship and the insecurities you have in women. Or at least if you do keep dating have a different mode of attack. Be happy with yourself. You don't need a woman to make you happy or to validate who you are. Meaning, if she's not around you need to stop constantly thinking about her, what she is doing, how she feels about you :mb:
     
  7. Ark

    Ark New Member

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    Everyone has a different length of time it takes for them to get over someone. So don't worry about taking too long to get over the past relationships. Like others have said you still haven't gotten over the past long term relationship and I would really suggest not dating for a bit and learn to be happy with yourself.

    I personally don't date anyone for a while after I break up with a girlfriend. It gives me time to think things through, be happy with myself and confident that I made the right decision. Best of luck and don't worry if you think about past relationships once in a great while it happens. Just don't dwell on it.
     

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