SRS Getting a life in 2007

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Jadey, Dec 29, 2006.

  1. Jadey

    Jadey Guest

    Okay, here's some tips for those of you who have no life. Some of this is from experience, some from friend's experiences and some just for fun. :hsd:

    1st, get some friends. When you're out having a good time with friends, nobody accuses you of having no life. So how do you get friends? Try starting with co-workers or other people you interact with every day. Don't just invite them all to your place suddenly- that's creepy dude. Build up to a bigger outting. If co-workers are talking about going to lunch, ask if you can join. It's unlikely they'll say no. If they refuse, don't take it personally- maybe those few are having a business meeting, have shopping planed or having a secret affair. You don't know. If you get refused, ask again next time, or ask some other co-workers. You never know who could be a good friend. After a few friendly lunches, then see if anybody goes out for drinks on Friday and see if you can join. Again, don't take it personally if they refuse. Just ask another group of folks. Going with a group at first is best- so one person doesn't think you're hitting on them. Don't ask the same group forever. If one group of people doesn't want your company after a few invites, move on and don't worry about them.

    If your coworkers or other folks you hang out with daily are dead ends for friendships, try some other methods. In many cities there are meet-up groups, specifically for people looking to meet other friends. You can meet in a big group in a public place for safety and chat it up. If you're into a particular sport, join a team. If you're into computers, join the local user group, etc. There are lots of ways to meet new people and any one of them are potential friends.

    So now you have a few acquaintances, how do you make them friends? 1st thing: don't stiffle them. Being too clingy will turn anyone off from the start. You don't have to hang out with a friend every evening, have every lunch with them, or see them every weekend. Your friends may have many other groups of friends- don't take it personally if they don't mix one with the other, that's their preference and it doesn't reflect on you. A good friend will send you a card on your birthday, try & cheer you up even if you think what they're feeling is dumb and is fun to hang out with. So your parents kept you in a cage & fed you only broccoli when you're young- this is an issue you talk to with a really really awesome, lifelong friend. Not your football night buddies. Keep it light, for quite a while.

    Studies show that social interaction is important to mental health- so don't discount the importance of having friends or even hanging out with casual acquaintances for a drink on Friday nights.

    K, so you've got a group of friends, now what about a girlfriend/boyfriend? One of these will give you a life for sure- a sex life! That's the best kind of life. In your group of new friends, is there anybody you're attracted to? Being friends first is a good place to start a relationship. If not, it's time to meet even more people. Work is not the best place to start for this, although it happens. I have a few friends who are now in serious relationships with people they dated online. Scoff if you want, but it does work, although be prepared to date several people before you find someone you like. Even then, it may not work out. Don't beat yourself up over ones that don't work out. Move on. Some people aren't compatible friends, some aren't compatible couples and in both cases, that feeling may only be one-sided, but thems the breaks.

    I have a friend who looked for a girlfriend for years and was always unsuccessful because he was looking out of his league. He wanted a super hot chick, but he was an overweight TV addict. Sure, you can say you want someone to love you for who you are- even if you're the comic book guy, but it all starts with physical attraction. If he/she can't look past your beer gut to start, how is that person gonna fall in love with your personality? Fact of the matter is if you want a hottie, what makes you think that another person isn't looking at YOUR looks to start with too? You don't have to be a supermodel, but take pride in your looks. Diet, excersise, dress nicely, get some hobbies more interesting than TV. You'll find this does your mental health a world of good and you'll be helping yourself while attracting new people at the same time. Never say you don't have time to exercise. Break down what you do in each day: 15 minutes to shower, 30 minutes to commute, 15 minutes for coffee breaks, 30 minute lunch, 1 hour of WoW in the evenings, etc. If you don't have 20 minutes in a day to get some exercise(even going for a walk) you need to change your schedule. Fitness is also extremely important to mental health.

    So you're attractive enough that you've got some dates- make them casual at first. A few coffees out is fine. The theatre is overboard. Once you find someone you like, try extended dates- one where you can have conversations- again try & keep it light. Call when you say you will, but not every night or you're the clingy person again.

    Now you have friends AND you're dating. This is a life.

    What else?

    There's hobbies. Yeah, World of Warcraft is fun, but what about something that gets you up & out? Photography, sports, cooking, concerts- whatever interests you.

    There's work. By definition, workaholics have no life. If you are one, you have to make a decision to stop that shit. Either you're avoiding social contact for some reason, or you're terrible at time management or your job is so insanely busy that your company needs to hire someone else to support you. In any case, you can change this habit.

    There's habitat. Unless you're a student, move out of your parent's house. You won't understand what true responsibility is until you have to pay rent & hydro. Plus your parent's place isn't the more respectful spot to have your 20 something year old friends over. Also, it does NOT impress the ladies. Even if it's small- get out on your own, even if you need a roomate to help pay the rent.

    What if you're SO terrible at interacting with other people that even asking if you can join them for lunch scares you? Seek out a lifestyle coach. There are professionals who can help you interact with other people easier and even dating coaches.

    Don't be afraid of rejection. Not everyone you try & become friends with will want to be your friend. You may not want to be theirs- it's a 2 way street and you can't force them. You will find people you get along with. :)

    Friends, girlfriend/boyfriend, hobbies, and your own pad... now you've got "a life". Enjoy. :bigthumb:
     
  2. Roddy

    Roddy Guest

    Nice post man, Thanks! :)
     
  3. Electric_Church

    Electric_Church New Member

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    FUCKING A + Post

     
  4. johan

    johan Active Member

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    I rarely say this because I wait till it's merited, but this one is an EXCELLENT POST.

    Well done.
     
  5. fixthe fernback

    fixthe fernback New Member

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    All I have in that list is friends, now i need I need a hobby and a girlfriend...
     
  6. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    I disagree with needing a boyfriend/girlfriend. Especially at a younger age, having one can actually hurt your chances of having a fun life. Depends on each individual of course, some people feel the 'need' to have a gf/bf.

    Friends and a hobby are a must though, I'd also add in some form of sport and/or regular exercise (I know you had that as a hobby, but I think it deserves it's own section :)). Healthy body, healthy mind.
     

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