SRS Get back with boyfriend?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Kcomps, Oct 28, 2008.

  1. Kcomps

    Kcomps New Member

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    So my ex boyfriend and I dated for about a year and eight months. We broke up about two months ago and haven't talked since the day of our break up. Today I got up the nerve to send a simple text of "hi". He answered me back, and we have been talking for most of the night.

    I do still have very strong feelings for him as in I want to be with him. Even though our relationship was messy for the most part I still loved him dearly and still do to this day.

    I am not sure how to go about this. I did mention in the beginning texts that I still cared and loved him very much, but he gave me no response back of I still love you to or I still care. I didn't take it to heart because I mean this was our first conversation since the break up.

    He asked me why I decided to text him and I said I just am in a new place in my life, happy, content and just have been thinking about him a lot, more than just what is he doing, or is he okay. I told him that if he wanted to be left alone I would respect his wishes and not contact him, but he said he well he cant do that now since he text me back, and that he really didn't want to answer my text but I haven't received a reason why, but that is not a big deal. I am just happy we are talking again. :bigthumb:

    So he sent me a text after he got to work saying:
    "Just don't expect me to jump at it because you want to try. If you intent is to get back together then leave me alone, if not then keep talking."

    I replied with:
    "No, not at all. I mean if it happens it does. I don't expect it or even push for it. I mean shit, we just started talking again."

    His reply:
    "Yeah"

    I replied:
    "So I am just taking my own advice and its just go with the flow. Let it just happen if it does and expect nothing."

    Sorry if this is all hard to understand but I would like your opinions. Honesty please...no b.s or sugar coating. Thanks.
     
  2. Ridonkulous1

    Ridonkulous1 New Member

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    it sounds very much like your ex just simply does not want any sort of a relationship at all right now. I don't know if this is the way he usually talks to people but he comes off as really curt and apathetic and really couldn't care if you never talked to him again. I suspect in that 2 months he's either found somebody new, moved on, or both.
     
  3. Kcomps

    Kcomps New Member

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    He already said that he isn't in a place to have a relationship with anyone, and I am in the same arena. We have been texting each other pretty much for the past two hours and have agreed that we are just going to go with the flow, see what happens and expect nothing.
     
  4. Ridonkulous1

    Ridonkulous1 New Member

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    when I said any sort of relationship at all, that's what I meant. Not just like boyfriend/girlfriend romantic relationship, but like any sort of relationship. It seems like you're feeding him your ideas and thoughts and even hopes and he's feeding you one word responses or negativity. He seems geniunely disinterested in whatever you're trying to get at (be that friends or bf/gf or whatever)
     
  5. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    let me get this straight. you were with him and the relationship was "messy" and (reading into your post) you weren't in a good place, not happy, not content.

    now you're apart and (now quoting your post) you're "in a new place in my life, happy, content."

    and you want to go back to "messy" and *not* "in a good place" and not happy and not content?

    why?
     
  6. Lateralus

    Lateralus New Member

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    He doesn't seem interested at all, I would honestly just stop while you're ahead, cut off all communication and move on with your life. You're just going to end up getting hurt.
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Gotta love how people rely so fucking heavily on texting important conversations via text message. Pick up the phone.

    Oh yeah, don't get back together. Why would it work now? Because you are lonely and willing to forgive all the past shit?
     
  8. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    its only been two months, its too soon. like others have said, if you are in a better happier place, just dont have any contact with him. you can wish him well and not talk to him all the time.

    you know what you are getting yourself into if you are saying you are just going with the flow. everything will be all nice, you will wonder why you broke or think you can make it work this time and get back together.

    this is why 2 months is too soon. the wounds are still fresh. you are just setting yourself up for a 2nd heartbreak
     
  9. Kcomps

    Kcomps New Member

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    He is not much of a talker in general which is the reason for the one word response. Plus he is at work so I cant expect to have a wordy response. I told him that I am not expecting anything but am just going with the flow, and he replied "just go with the flow"....so I am just not rushing, taking it easy, not smother him or get my hopes up...just go with my heart and not listen to friends, because listening to friends made the mess in your relationship..
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    How did the friends mess up the relationship? My bet is they are thinking with their heads instead of their hearts (like you) and would tell you you are an idiot to get back with him; which friends are usually right since they have your best intentions.
     
  11. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    exactly. friends are a very good mirror. i would listen to what they say. they can remember clearly why you guys broke up, which it seems like you cant at the moment
     
  12. eXyle

    eXyle ׂ

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    not everyone is the same. some people may not be comfortable talking over the phone. i know of people that have a hard time opening up via phone or in person, but are quite open through electronic means when they have time to think about their responses.

    heck, i've talked to people on the phone about important stuff only to have them say they don't want to talk about it right now. few minutes later, they text me what they couldn't/wouldn't say over the phone.


    now back on topic, i agree, why get back with him? unless you two have changed and improved (being that it's only two months, unlikely), how are things going to be any different? things will be okay for about 2 weeks, then it'll be just more of the same.
     
  13. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Why would you want to get back together if the relationship didn't work out the first time?

    You both only want to hook up now for the "convienent sex". Which is fine, but don't act like you both can become bf & gf again and everything will magically workout.
     
  14. Kcomps

    Kcomps New Member

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    It worked the first time, just we both had a little bit to grow and I feel we were not able to do that together. So since the break we both have done a lot of searching, focused on our goals, and I dunno, it has only been a day since we started talking again. I am not expecting us to get back together soon or at all, if it happens it does. I am not getting my hopes up.
     
  15. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    you seem to think "Going with the flow and see what happens"" will ultimately result in you guys getting back together, while he seems to have zero interest in you whatsoever. Spare yourself the agony and quit talking to him.
     
  16. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Wow, a lot of permanent change and searching done in 2 months? :hsugh: :mamoru: I have to laugh because everyone rationalizes that way, but good luck to you two.
     
  17. Kcomps

    Kcomps New Member

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    No, just you can do a lot of searching in two months. Different people do different things.

    Also I do not feel that just going with the flow will get us back together.

    I feel that I made a mistake posting on here, not because "Your not telling me what I want to hear", but this is how I got into fights and arguments with him before, by "listening" to other people and not going with my gut. thanks for the advice but again my boyfriend is right still and has always been with "other people dont know about us and how we deal with things, so fuck em, they don't know shit"...


    fuckem em...:fawk:
     
  18. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    except he's not your boyfriend anymore and doesn't want to get back with you!! :o you need to not get yourself invested in a situation where you're going to get hurt again. if a guy is as blunt as he was it means something.
     
  19. Kcomps

    Kcomps New Member

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    oops sorry I didnt mean to put boyfriend its habit, or was. But yeah we are talking right now and its more than just one word, I know I am right, I am going with my gut. Also, I am not setting myself up, because I am not takling about a relationship or anything, just talking. I also went into talking to him knowing that nothing can come of it, and hey, maybe I just need this for closure?
     
  20. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :confused: How throughout this whole thread do you keep saying that you are "just talking" when you're also saying you think you will get back together if you "go with the flow." You're not fooling anyone (well, maybe yourself), it's pretty obvious you are hoping to get back together with him so saying you aren't getting your hopes up is kind of silly.

    How old are you two?
     
  21. Kcomps

    Kcomps New Member

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    both are 21, well he just turned 22 and I turn 22 in December.
     
  22. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    "Just don't expect me to jump at it because you want to try. If you intent is to get back together then leave me alone, if not then keep talking."

    this said it all, imo...

    he was completely honest with you. it seems as though you're in denial. you say that you don't want to get back together with him, but it's clearly obvious that you're hoping the two of you will.

    while i agree that it's great to remain friends with people you've dated, it's nearly impossible to start a friendship immediately after you've broken up. the wound is still fresh, and feelings are still there. i'm sorry to say that i highly doubt you've moved on after 2 months. :sad2: you're fooling yourself if you think you have.
     
  23. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    It's taken me 2 years to do some serious "searching" and I am only just now beginning to see the results of said "searching".

    But I really don't think you want our advice? I think you are just looking for somebody to cosign on what you've already made up your mind to do.

    So I'll cosign on it and say "sure, go ahead."

    Just know that it won't end well. :dunno:
     
  24. notsousual

    notsousual New Member

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    You have been responding for half of this thread with "we" as if you guys were one entity. And now with him being your boyfriend, not your ex.

    He clearly stated in the text after he got to work that he wants nothing to do with a relationship with you. You're still WAY too involved in this to even be his friend.

    Give it more time, what will it hurt?
     
  25. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    :rofl:

    All of the above is 100% correct. OP still has some delusion that "her boyfriend" didn't break up with her and that they're still together. Reading her posts it's clear that she expects him to "come back" and she's just waiting. In her mind he never really left. I wouldn't be surprised if, for weeks after they broke up, she was still telling people they're "on a break."
    Have you read your posts and texts? You most certainly ARE talking about a relationship. You're not coming out and saying those exact words, but everything about what you're doing is leading you that way. You're telling him
    I mean if it happens it does. ... Let it just happen if it does...
    The filler stuff about "not expecting it" is crap. You know if you come right out and say "I want to get back together" that he'll stop contacting you. Pursue him if you want, nobody here will try to stop you. But at least admit what you're doing.
     

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