LGBT Gay Men = Destined to be Sluts

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by Konowl, Jul 26, 2004.

  1. Konowl

    Konowl New Member

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    I live in a fairly large city in Canada with >1 000 000. We have, I think, 4 gay bars. And I see the same people all the time at most of the local gay "events". And I don't even go to the gay bars that much, as I basically despise the motives of everyone there - to me, it feels like a giant meat market. Which leads me to my point....

    I'm 27. My best gay friend and his boyfriend are splitting up - after 7 years (they are the same age as I). One of the reasons is that he "wants to explore other options". Basically he wants to fuck other guys.

    Is this as rampat as I think it is in gay world? Where do you guys meet other gay people who AREN'T sluts. I'm sick and tired of slutdom. Hell, if a guy tries to sleep with me on our first date, I generally avoid having a relationship with him. My last boyfriend, we didn't have sex until like the third week we were going out. It's not that I like taking things slow or anything, there WERE other reasons (he picked something up from his ex), but I just prefer to err on the side of caution.

    I don't know, this is turning into a bit of a rant. Waht do you all think? How many of you are in a stable relationship. How many of you WANT to be in a stable relationship, and how many of you just want to fuck as often as possible?
     
  2. Notorious R.I.E.

    Notorious R.I.E. Queen Bee

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    I applaud you then... I think people rush into sex to quickly these days... what's wrong with getting to know someone first as a person before you jump into bed with them.

    I think all people in general are becoming too casual with sex... Not just gay men. anyway hopefully you will meet a nice non-slutty boy out there somewhere... i know they exist they just may be very hard to find :)
     
  3. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    In answer to your question, yes it is as rampant as you think it is, in my opinion.

    I am not in a stable relationship and haven't been in 10 months. My ex broke up with me to "go find himself." Whatever the fuck that means. A few months ago, he admitted that he had no idea why he really broke up with me. My interpretation, he wanted to fuck around, and found my "friend" to be the source of greener pastures.

    Unfortunately, gay relationships are prone to breakup because of three reasons:

    1. There are usually no children involved.

    2. Marriage is not legal, therefore no messy divorce proceedings, etc.

    3. Since there is no children and no marriage, it's much easier to just assume the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, than it is to get up off your ass and actually extend some effort into making the relationship work.

    In general, yes, people are becoming more laid back with sex. It's more of a physical desire than an emotional desire these days.

    In the 10 months that I've been single, yeah, I've gone out and had a little bit of fun for myself, but in all honesty, I can count the number of experiences I've had on 1-2 hands. Given that it was over a 10 month period, I don't consider that to be slutty. Am I only interested in sex? No. I want the stable, long-term relationship with a partner that views a relationship with the same morals and values that I hold dear to my heart. I don't want to go through what I went through in my last relationship - spending 4 years with someone that shut down from me, stopped communicating with me, and because I had no idea what the hell was going on in his head, built up a pile of resentment towards me.

    I want the husband, the dog(s), the house, the white picket fence. I don't want to spend my life lonely and miserable and it will be a cold day in hell when I find myself stuck to the wall of a gay bar, like a lot of the other guys I see there over and over and over again.
     
  4. bioyuki

    bioyuki Ich habe Angst

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    That's exactly what I want :hs:
     
  5. Konowl

    Konowl New Member

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    Novajock, you put into words exactly what I was thinking. I also want what you desire, but quite pessimistically, I'm not sure if it's really attainable anymore for gay males under 40. Quite frankly, the only long term couples I really see are 40+, which is sad.

    I actually feel great lately. I'm not over my ex yet, not even close, but I started exercising again, eating healthy and shit. I'm just really not sure what I want in life anymore, and I'm relaly not sure if what I DO want is attainable. My ex wanted the commited relationship, but then he broke up with me cause he didn't think he was ready for a relationship.

    Weird.
     
  6. bioyuki

    bioyuki Ich habe Angst

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    I don't know if I completely agree with that, I'm only 19 but I have plans for long term relationships as do many of my friends gay or straight.
     
  7. Konowl

    Konowl New Member

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    bioyuky, I'm not trying to make a general statement that applies to all gay males even though it may have come across that way. I know lots of straight males who are also not interested at all in a stable LTR. It's just a general statement that I feel applies to gay men in general, not all of them. I mean let's be honest, it's harder for a gay male to find Mr. Right simply using the law of averages - there are a LOT more straight people than gay males (1 in 10, 1 in 100, whatever number you choose to use).

    Wanna move to Ottawa, Canada? :)
     
  8. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    this thread = complete generalization
     
  9. marxwa99

    marxwa99 Boom Squad

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    i think a lot of us here want to live that somewhat distorted american dream ideal (distorted, and i dont mean that negatively, since it'd be with a husband rather than a wife) but it is so hard to find in the gay culture.

    For me myself, i find it so hard to connect with people my age (21) because everyone is so obsessed with today rather than tomorrow. A lot of them walk around thinking everything will be served to them on a silver platter just because they are in college and taking classes about shit they will never utilize in the workplace (that's another story...).

    Konowl I commend (God, i love that word! :)) you for making the effort for being one of many happily single out there living their own lives. I am sick of people demanding to find boyfriends because they always end up with someone who doesnt deserve them and more depressed in the end. I always say you can't be happily coupled unless you're happily single first. I'm right there where you are though. I had trouble with my breakup last fall but i decided to be "selfish" and think about what i wanted for once. I got rid of my fairweather friends, focused on school and graduated with honors, found the grad school of my dreams, really got my fatass in better shape, and now have a lot of goals for the years to come. Whether they come with a man by my side or not, i'm 100% happy.

    So to finally answer your question, the best place to meet great people are through your friends who are great people themselves. Sure, you could find the occassional nice guy or two on gay.com, but you'll never go wrong goin out with your friend and bringin a couple of yours as he brings some of his.

    I'm one of these people that spent college on the internet looking for people because i lacked the self esteem and courage to go out in the real world and join organizations and meet people the old fashioned way. But now i realize that my best friends are like magnets. They attract all the good people and deflect all the assholes.
     
  10. bioyuki

    bioyuki Ich habe Angst

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    Not all of us are lucky enough to be remodeling a house with their SO :mamoru:
     
  11. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    I'm going to get flamed for this, but.

    I am the first man that my SO was with sexually. He came out of the closet 5 years before we met, and he dated a little, but wouldn't have sex. He got naked with one dude, but got nervous and stopped before they completed the act.

    We didn't have sex until our third date.

    He is the absolute antithesis of a slut.

    Which is not to say that he doesn't like sex. We've had sex three out of the past five days.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that not every man is a slut. And it's up to you to find those men that fit your needs. They are out there.
     
  12. Konowl

    Konowl New Member

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    Bah, why would you get flamed. I'm envious!
     
  13. Konowl

    Konowl New Member

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    Yeah, it is to an extent. The vacuum cleaner ate my pants... there is nothing I could do!
     
  14. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    Because some people(the cyinics) might think that he's with me because he's never been with anyone else...

    Or maybe I'm just stating one of my unconscious fears... :eek3:
     
  15. ExDelayed

    ExDelayed New Member

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    Show off. [​IMG] ;)
     
  16. Konowl

    Konowl New Member

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    I actually came to this realization last Monday... that I don't NEED a boyfriend or significan other to be 100% happy. I want one, but don't NEED one. I discovered that I was too nice and WAY too needy, without even recognizing that I was - even while those around me saw this in me and tried to tell me.

    I'm not into the casual sex scene at all - sometimes I may break down and have sex and then regret it, but it's been a while since I've done that.

    My problem is <dontflameme> I'm mainly attracted to younger guys </dontflameme> , younger guys who don't quite reliaze what they want in life.

    I just feel that I'm kind of at a crossroads in my life right now - I can't really put my finger on it. Since I've been with my ex and broken up, I really don't care who knows I'm gay or not, I really don't give two shits what people think about me. I just don't care what other people think anymore - and that's probably a good thing. I will still seak advice on certain issues and such, but their personal opinion of me and who I am really doesn't matter.

    On meeting people through my friends, I have a bit of a longer personality. Many times, I prefer to be in the company of just myself and not other people, as I find the majority of people uninteresting and "fake". So it's hard to meet great people through friends, as friends are something I do not have in great quantity... :)
     
  17. bioyuki

    bioyuki Ich habe Angst

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    Damn Gamgee must be one hell of a lay :eek3d:
     
  18. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    Wow, this is so true, and something I'm just now discovering myself.
     
  19. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    You GO girl!!!! :eek3:


    I'm jealous. :o
     
  20. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    I'd like to think so... :o

    I was the queen of slut-dom for about 18 months and I learned a lot of tricks.
     
  21. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    Z

    :rofl:
     
  22. Notorious R.I.E.

    Notorious R.I.E. Queen Bee

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    I think that is so great though...
    My g/f has only been with me as well. She's never even dated anyone else.. male or female. So alot of people would say oh well she's only with you because she doesn't know what else is out there or oh she's can't know that she is gay because she's never tried being with anyone else.. blah blah blah...

    but i see it as a very special gift. not many people out there can say that their significant other has ONLY been with them and never been touched by another person... Just consider yourself one of the lucky few ;)
    :)
     
  23. bioyuki

    bioyuki Ich habe Angst

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    :rofl: is that our new forum speak for *triplesnapabovehead*
     
  24. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    You got it! :rofl: :bigthumb:
     
  25. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    :rofl: I didn't get it until that description... :big grin:
     

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