SRS Gaining trust with an SO?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Burrito10, May 7, 2006.

  1. Burrito10

    Burrito10 New Member

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    hey OT whats up? i need some help with something, and im sure you all can. sorry for the semi long post, cliffs at bottom.

    The problem is that i can't seem to trust any girls. it all goes back to my EX. we were dating about a year ago, and she ended up cheating on me once, and i was stupid enough to keep her. well, big mistake. she went on winter vacation to another city, and ended up cheating on me again. so as you can see, I have a thing about trusting girls. now forward to this year..

    Just met this wonderful girl, and weve been going out for about 2 months now, and everything is fine. but i cant seem to 100% trust her. for example, the other week she met up with her old friend and she had called me and told me she was going to some older guys house (he was around 25, we are juniors in highschool) who buys younger teenagers alcohol and lets them drink etc. for some reason this whole idea pissed me off. she didnt do anyting with the guy, but i was still angry. so a few hours ago she texts me and says, "so i think you should hangout with your friends tonight, do whatever they want to do." which for some reason just puts a knot in my stomach.

    so my question is, how do I build up trust? i cant stand being like this, i keep telling myself that its nothing and just me being insecure.

    Cliffs: old GF cheated twice, i have no more trust in girls. new wonderful girlfriend, still cant 100% trust her.
     
  2. auero

    auero word.

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    It's hard to build trust. I don't even trust some of my friends completly. However if she decides to go to a friends house like that, why not tag along? You can always meet new people and make friends.

    You can't hold what your old girlfriend did to you against another person. Yeah, women are almost all the same but they don't all cheat.

    How well do you know this girl?
     
  3. Teh_Sponge

    Teh_Sponge Hey, I got a sub now...

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    I don't think anyone can trust someone else 100%.

    It's not human nature to trust anyone completely. It's survival of the fittest, and trust is detriment to surival. I'm kinda in te same boat as you, I want to trust my girlfriend when she's with her friends (who are mostly guys) but most of the time I can't do it.

    So I do what the poster above suggested, I tag along. And since we've started dating I've made friends with most of her friends. They're cool people and it helped to make most of my trust issues go away.

    I still can't trust her 100%, but I'm okay with that. If she cheats on me...well, then she cheats on me. My trust issues won't encourage or prevent her from doing so if she wishes, so I don't worry about it too much.
     
  4. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I disagree that women are almost all the same. That's like saying men are almost all the same, or whatever stereotype you'd like to fill in here.

    That being said, you CAN'T hold it against your new girlfriend. She wasn't the one who cheated so why should she pay for the actions of your past girlfriend? You have to realize there is a difference between the two people.
     
  5. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    I'm in similar stages with you. I had the same thing happen to me, but only a coulpe months ago and right now I'm trying to get better. But my ex just keeps putting in my face the fact that she hangs out with her exex and has more fun. Emotions are hard to deal with and I'm hoping it's only uphill from here. Either way I dont think you can ever trust someone 100%.
     
  6. Gladiator

    Gladiator Guest

    i have the same problem, its not about the girl, its about you, you're the problem right now, and in order to fix that you are going to have to figure yourself out. i dont 100% trust anyone for endless reasons, more particularly guys... but there is always someone out there for thats ACTUALLY willing to help you out with the trust issue rather than sit back and claim one day it will happen. Thats where the SO comes in, i say tell her how you're feeling and let her know that you can't trust her 100% because of your issues and hopefully she will be able to handle that and help you trust her more by doing things to make it better. (even though its nto really her fault) if you're worth it then she will do it. but its not just her part, you have to try too:) also, you should not ever expect 100% trust from anyone, because its not going to happen regardless of what they say, there are always doubts. just get some degree of trust in there. oh yeah and this relationship is still only 2 months in, so dont freak out.
     
  7. Burrito10

    Burrito10 New Member

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    thanks for the replys :). im glad to see that im not the only one with these kinds of problems. but i think youre right ladymg. its only been 2 months, so i think if im still feeling like this further in, we need to have a talk. thanks guys!

    hey pringles, if i were you, i would do something about your gf. it sounds exactly like my ex and I's situation. she kept telling me how she liked her old bf and all, and i just kept taking it and hoping nothing would happen. if she gets any deeper with that, i think you should play it safe and just get rid of her. it will be less painful in the longrun. it hurts like a bitch knowing when your SO cheats.
     
  8. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    I have the same problem.

    I was with a girl for four years. She cheated on me once, I took her back. We broke up, got back together, and found out that she cheated on me AGAIN, numerous times (after I had flown to Europe to be with her -- gotta love that luck of mine :big grin:). Finally done with that bitch. Shattered any notion of trust, love, integrity, whatever..

    My new girlfriend (we've been dating off and on for 2.5 years, this time on for almost a year) has never been anything but trustworthy. Yet, for some stupid, fucked up reason, I can't trust her. It's just something inside me that wants to SCREAM. I have a real bad feeling I'm going to completely fuck this relationship up as a result, and that feeling sucks, because I really like her.
     
  9. cgnmd0819

    cgnmd0819 New Member

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    I have the same issue.. but with my boyfriend.. I've been dating him almost two and a half years.. he cheated on me once..and it was while he was in his stage of "experimentation".. I took him back.. and right now I just have the hardest time trusting him.. I actually need some advice too.. how the heck do I build trust with him?!
     
  10. Tiger8

    Tiger8 Just Like Heaven

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    I don't think that once someone has cheated on you it is possible to fully trust them again but you really want it to work then you have to forgive him or else you'll just be bitter about it and constantly wondering where he is. If he really is sincerely sorry then you'll gradually trust him again, but if he's not that sorry about it he'll most likely do it again...
     
  11. i94tex

    i94tex New Member

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    She didn't have to tell where she was going and why. She could have lied to you. But she didn't.

    This is how you build trust.
     
  12. CastorTroy

    CastorTroy New Member

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    Don't hold old grudges against a new girl if she's done nothing to betray your trust.
     
  13. darnit

    darnit New Member

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    hmmm.. trust.. such a funny thing..First if I read right , your still in High school..
    and your worried about trusting a girl...
    DONT.. don’t worry about it either
    Just enjoy life:)

    Here are some simple rules for high school, teens, and early 20's relationships.

    1. Be Happy
    2. If he/she cheats.. move on, there should be no second chances at this point/situation in your life. There are plenty of cool honest people out there, why chase after anyone.
    3. Don’t judge others by your previous experience. Unless you have traveled the world, have absorbed other cultures, or just have been around the block a few times(that normally comes with age),you have just scratched the surface of life.. and you will judge some people wrong.
    4. If you do enter into a relationship.. be honest in all your dealings with them. You can not control others, you are only somewhat in control of yourself.
    5. Worry about school more than a relationship. This will become the corner stone of the rest of your life, do well in school and you help set up for the rest of your life.
    6. WEAR PROTECTION!!!
    7. Dont worry about finding "the one" at this point in life. You willfind that person in time, if you are supposed to.
    8. Be Happy

    Happiness is found within one’s self. Get your work done for the day, play and have fun.
     

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