G/f has low self-esteem issues

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Halcyon, May 14, 2008.

  1. Halcyon

    Halcyon New Member

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    So, I'm dating this girl that I've been with for 8 months. To her, I'm the best thing that has ever happened snce I take her places and do a bunch of cool stuff. Her, on the other hand, had a boring childhood with parents that never go anywhere. Her mom is a depressed boring stay-at-home mom that just talks. And talks and talks. Her dad is even more boring, and the issue I have with him is he never shows feelings, so if he's proud of her, he never tells her or he will never say that he cares or loves her. She says that doesn't reall bother her, but I beg to differ. Her issue is is that if somethng negative happens to her, she becomes depressed and takes awhile to get over it. Me, on the other hand, can bounce from depressed to happy quickly and I can take negativity fine. It hasen't really increased, in fact shes is getting a little better as time goes. I can dea with it, but I wanna speed up building her self-esteem because its getting close to graduation, and noone in college or a job will deal with it. Her attitude is an obvious low self-esteem issue and I wanna solve it so we can all be happy. Any ideas?
     
  2. matsuya

    matsuya Active Member

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    You won't be able to fix it and don't try to. Have her seek professional help.
     
  3. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Is she in therapy?

    If she really has any other issue other than low self esteem, you're not gonna be able to solve it, or solve it quickly.

    BTW, are you aware that you come across as looking down on her and her family?
     
  4. fray

    fray New Member

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    I don't think you're really going to fix it with any active attempt. It's one of those things that she's going to have to realize on her own and time will change. Just continue to be supportive, but don't push to try to force her to "get better" because it's not going to work. Possibly even make her feel like she's not meeting your expectations and make things worse.
     
  5. XxvODvxX

    XxvODvxX New Member

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    I'm with him. I did what you are doing with an ex of mine. And to tell you the truth everything i did mad her happy but it never resolved her issues. She ended up having to take a long hard look into her life and fixing her own issues. Good luck though. And if you love her stick by her and be there for her as she does it.
     
  6. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    Ive been on both sides of this. Ive been with one girl whos issued dragged me down with her, and with another who I was able to actually help in a positive constructive manner for a lasting difference.

    one thing that struck me about your post is that you didn't really support your claim of low self esteem that well. Everyone reacts to things in their own way. Some people can bounce back right away, and others take some time.

    What kind of thing does she do that leads you to the conclusion you have come to?
     
  7. 2angelmd

    2angelmd New Member

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    Suggest she see a psychologist and a psychaitrist.

    Then bang her 'til she's happy.
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Unless you have a degree you should just send her in the direction of therapy.

    /thread
     
  9. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Dude, don't even fucking bother! TRUST ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I've known many girls very well that have had insecurities and self-esteem issues. My ex whom I dated for years had horrible problems with self-image, depression, trust issues, etc... mostly all steming from the way her parents were as well.

    You cannot "fix" them.. and as much as you want to think that you can be that guiding light that helps them, you can't. They need to deal with that on their own, and unfortunately most people never address it. It might even seem like you're making progress by attempting to be the "perfect boyfriend", and making a point to counteract her known insecurity issues.... but one slip up and it's IT'S ALL DOWN HILL.
    In my ex's case, she started taking advice from friends who "thought" they were confident and secure, when in reality they were just as insecure as she was... so the problems just manifested themselves in other ways.

    Get her real help, or get to steppin'
     
  10. Fish Taco

    Fish Taco Ass Man

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    Depends on the level shes at..but.....

    People are effected/influenced by those around them a great deal and if she has fallen into the role then she could just be stuck there.

    You'll be spending a lot of time with her and I think I can safely say you care for her if you're trying to make a difference. So, go for it.

    Ive done it. And all it takes most of the time is reassurance. Let her know all the good traits she posses . Express how she makes YOU feel. If she thinks a lot of you, you also need to make sure that you make it clear to her; that if someone as good as yourself chose to be with her she must be a great person. Build up her confidence with truthful/believable compliments. As time goes on if shes receptive the compliments will grow, she will begin to feel better about herself. Then you can move on to more logical methods of improvement.

    The above is not manipulation.
     
  11. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    You can't speed anything up, only she can..... if she chooses to, therapy or not, she can do it on her own, its a choice and she has to want it.
     

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