SRS G/f can't seem to get her life together, v. whatcanIdo?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by SyKrash, Oct 5, 2005.

  1. SyKrash

    SyKrash New Member

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    Basic backstory. My girlfriend was diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder and depression about almost two years ago. We broke up because of her inability to maintain a working relationship (had many symptoms of borderline) but remained close friends.

    As she got better, got herself to therapy and went on medication we decided to give us another try. I myself was diagnosed with OCD at a young age, I am a type A personality and a workaholic so I definately know I have a skewed vision of the world sometimes.

    Beginning in June, we moved in together, basically because I was homeless because of a roommate situation gone sour (long story). She however was getting her life in order, she managed to stay in school, find another job and was just getting better in general.

    However, now..

    The fall quarter has started and she can't even get out of bed to file paperwork dealing with the previous quarter (she took it off). She sleeps until 3-4 in the afternoon barely making it to work. She has yet to register properly for a single class or even attend.

    If I try to suggest she get her day started, she accuses me of trying to be her father, or being a jerk etc. When I try to be stern or even get her out of bed, she throws a fit. If I'm too nice about things, she wont get anything done. I find myself cleaning the entire apartment all the time, waking her up so she can get to work in time, and every little thing that needs to get done.

    None of this should be my responsibility, I feel like I'm taking care of a small child and I'm just stuck as to what I should do. I take school and work very seriously, and having a girlfriend who obviously doesn't see those things as very important is definately a factor in any relationship...

    What should I do?
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    She clearly is in a rut, she needs a different attitude that is more realistic, instead of hovering above the earth like she does now. Indeed she is right she can go and what she pleases, however you have to educate her a good sleeping pattern , if you goto bed and she stays up ask her to goto bed together with you (under the exuse that you get lonely or something). She is living a ghost life. Being awake at night and sleeping overday. Its her way into avoiding problems ,however God wants us to bring order in Chaos, and this is exactly the task that awaits her. Instead of her vampire lifestyle ,she needs to replace it with a normal lifestyle as good as possible. going to bed 10 pm max, waking up 8 in the morning. It sounds tho that she does nightshift work, so im not sure how to combine it, i would try to keep motivating her and to show her that a normal lifestyle is a preferred lifestyle. However old habits die hard, so its going to be a long breath into changing them for the better.
     
  3. RotiEatter

    RotiEatter New Member

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    ^
    good post, listen to that guy
     
  4. individual

    individual New Member

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    You cannot change a person, they have to change themselves. I have learned that way too many times.
     
  5. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    exactly... imo, you should get out while you can.

    communicate why you need to split up. let it be known that the two of you are completely different people with different desires and goals. don't let her bring you down!

    this seems like a cycle. as you have seen, she's not going to fix herself unless she wants to do it for HERself. hopefully she'll come to the realization that she's wasting her life away. if she does come out of this, i wouldn't get in another relationship with her. to me, it seems as though she is looking for someone to take care of her, and that's where you come in. she got better after the two of you split, and now problems are creeping up again.

    she needs to want to change her life for herself, and she won't learn that with you by her side... :(
     
  6. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    You're right, none of this is your responsibility. What is your responsibility is your own happiness, and that is something that you can do something about. If a woman like this isn't the type of woman that is going to make you happy, then end it and move on. When you find someone that more matches your tastes, you will be a happier person. Put YOU first. Do what works for YOU.
     
  7. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    It's not his job, nor his right to try to change her. She is the only one that can do that, and every attempt by him to motivate her has backfired, and it's making things very hard on him. This isn't the first time either, he's been through this with her before. This is who she is and it's obvious that this struggle will always be like this. I personally wouldn't tolerate it anymore. It's time to find someone new whom you can respect.
     
  8. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Man, I made a post about this somewhere else in here, that is almost the same.

    Consider taking her to see a psychiatrist. She may have a physical chemical deficiency and simply needs to take some meds. My GF had to go on Wellbutrin and Seroquel and the difference is like night and day. As of last week, she has started cleaning the house, making dinner, and for the first time in 2 years she washed the dishes. :eek3:

    Nothing to be ashamed of, and she's a whole hell of a lot happier.

    For the record, I am a psychology major, and I ABSOLUTELY resisted the idea of her taking drugs. I pretty much forced her to NOT see a doctor for the entire time I have known her. What an idiot I was. Now I can see clearly that I was totally wrong. Don't be dumb like me!
     
  9. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    I'm glad that worked out for you, but to be fair, she just started. Before you broadcast your girlfriends change as the end all be all route to take, I think we should at least see some lasting effects.
     
  10. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Nah, that's a bit extreme. For the past 5 or 6 months I've been busy enough that my schedule is going to bed at 2 AM and getting up at ~8:30 AM to repeat the cycle. Most days I don't start until either 10 AM or Noon as far as classes and work, but that other time gets spent getting "ready" to go, and checking/replying to email and etc.
     
  11. johan

    johan Active Member

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    She's already being treated by medical professionals. Your duty would be to get her to seek treatment, if she weren't already doing so.

    She throws a fit if you try to encourage her to do things like get up out of bed and go to work/school...well, stop trying.

    Stop babying her, you're just feeding her cycle.

    What should you do?
    Talk to her. Tell her you're very concerned about her. About her health, about her life. But ultimately, she determines the pace, quality and substance of her life. It sounds like you two just run at a different pace, with different goals and aspirations.


    YOU have plans for your own life don't you? Don't let the pussy mesmerise you (or the emotional pussy either).

    So after you've had a talk, and you realize that she is not going to change one bit, then you must leave. Let me say that again: YOU MUST LEAVE.

    You might want to do yourself a favour and start scanning the apartment listings a few weeks in advance. No doubt it'll take several weeks to months to finally extricate yourself from this mess.
     

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