G/F can't orgasm with me, or herself....

Discussion in 'Archives' started by BlackWRX02, Dec 20, 2002.

  1. BlackWRX02

    BlackWRX02 OTs Cingular Guru

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    So the girl I'm with now hasn't had an orgasm durring sex with me. I thought it was just me doing something wrong, or not knowing what she in particular likes.

    Well we had sex last ngiht, and again she didn't orgasm. I felt like shit...felt selfish cuz she didnt get off and I did. So today I asked her about it and what I need to do different and she tells me she's NEVER had an orgasm with the other guy she's been with, or by herself.

    She lookd into it and i guess its common. Has anyone ever dealt with this and is it possible to find a way for her to reach orgasm? Kinda sucks, cuz i still feel selfish. She said sex feels great, but she just doesn't get far enough to orgasm, no matter how long i last or what posistion we try
     
  2. oct678

    oct678 Guest

    It is very common.
     
  3. dbman96

    dbman96 Active Member

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    Does said girl own a vibrator? Have you spent at least 45-60 minutes performing oral sex on her? If not, quit your bitching and get to work.
     
  4. SkyNex721

    SkyNex721 Guest

    I had a g/f like that once. Once I learned how to work the g-spot, she was having orgasms no problem. :lick:
     
  5. bitsplit

    bitsplit Guest

    Check out anorgasmia on the web, it's a medical condition where someone can't have an orgasm. Usually it's psychological, but sometimes anatomy or physiology are involved as well. But I agtree, learn a lot about oral sex, do lots of foreplay. Try some massage oils before sex, like a real deep muscle massage followed by erotic massage. Lubricats will certainly help make it feel a lot better, whether it's erotic massage, toys, or penetration. Try some alternative erotic activities. One of my favorites with an ex was having her undress (helping her was nice), sitting her down in a comfortable chair, blindfolding her with a soft scarf (silk is nice but a little expensive), and teasing her with whipped cream and strawberries. Use it on her body and lick, teasingly feed her the strawberries (other small fruit can also be sexy in that way), kiss her with one in my mouth, then remove the blindfold (you can also ask her to close her eyes, if she's likely to freak out about the blindfold), and start the massage, make it a relaxation massage, not anything sexually stimulating (i.e. no touching the genitals). Once she is dying for it with anticipation and all excited, do oral on her. I mean sweet gentle oral. Read up on your oral on the internet, books, the like.

    Most cases of problems with orgasm are either about trust, or self image/esteem. Make her comfortable, help her be able to trust you completely. When she is, try this stuff out, or other stuff like it. Make the sex a nice loving pleasurable experience for her. The fact that you are concerned and want to help her have an orgasm is a good sign that you might be someone to help her with it. My ex sure thanked me for it.
     
  6. vudoodoodoo

    vudoodoodoo Guest

    Check if you girl is broken or malfunctioning.
    Might still be under warrenty.
     
  7. BlackWRX02

    BlackWRX02 OTs Cingular Guru

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    Thanks for a serious reply :)
    I agree with the trust/self image thing. She has told me that she trusts me completely. She is, however, VERY shy and self concious sometimes, so maybe that is a factor in this. No matter how I assure her she looks good, is good, whatever..she does not believe me :dunno:

    time to start reading up some more i guess
     
  8. diranged

    diranged Guest

    Though I have only been with 1 woman (and am currently looking for advice too, a few threads up.. lol), here's my take on this. Every woman likes different things in bed. However, I think 1 common thing is comfort. If she is uncomfortable in any way (including with her own body) then it will be very difficult to make her orgasm because she isnt relaxing and enjoying it.

    Don't ask me how to make her comfortable - I'm dealing with a girl like yours, who wont listen to me when I tell her she's beautifull :confused:
     
  9. bitsplit

    bitsplit Guest

    If she's self conscious/loathing, then some therapy will probably be necessary. Be as suportive as you can. A lot of girls and women now a days are bombarded with images of commercial super beauty, and if they havea complex to begin with, it is easily reinforced by that (my opinion, not fact). Be supportive, as much as you can. Try to be honest with her, and if her self loathing/consciousness becomes more of an issue, to the point where it is more annoying and frustrating and makes you center on your frustration rather than her self loathing, try to be as patient as possible and stay focused.

    Set aside some time, and tell her you have something very important to tell her (when you are already sitting, don't say you have something to tell her and then leave her hanging, cause in her state she will probably think that you want to leave her, or that you don't like her, or something like that). Tell her what you think of her, spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. Make her feel secure in herself. Force her to realize that she is valuable, beautiful and that you love her, and she will feel better.

    Again, this is all advice, not telling you what to do, and opinion not fact. Try to be a bit immaginative as well. One thing that might work, and trust me it worked for me, try to think like a woman. What would you feel like? What would you like? Try to think like her, and try to surprise her with things she likes. Make her feel safe and comfortable. But above all things, be supportive. And do your research. back your emotions and your feelings with your expressive ability in bed (be good at evrey aspect of sex, not just the sex itself). maybe in helping her, you feel better too, both physically and emotionally.
     
  10. Soren

    Soren OT Supporter

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    Don't feel selfish. I don't think girls feel selfish when some can get 5-6 orgasms in one session like most of the woman on here do.
     
  11. Filmboy44

    Filmboy44 Guest

    :wavey: same problem ...I'll also take that advice, thanks :)
     
  12. My gf was a virgin before me :naughty: and she had some big problems letting herself let go. Fortunately she is quite orgasmic (if thats a word?), she can usually orgasm within 10 minutes (or less) of starting foreplay/sex.

    So when she got a little more comfortable sleeping with me she couldn't help herself. :o

    But BlackWRX02, you know its not what you're doing, its down to her - so don't feel bad. Just think of all the things you can do to her "to try to get her to orgasm". :naughty:
     
  13. Ardore

    Ardore Guest

    Didn't have my first orgasm until I was 23 I think...(almost 26 now).. Still haven't had one with a guy.. I've kind of given up on it. I still really like sex, and I do completely agree that it's psych.

    Also, guy I was with from the time I was 17 to 24 had never been with any other girl. Which kinda sucked to me... I always felt in control of our sex life. I was a lot more independent I guess. I usually initiated, and there were times that I might have been getting close, but he didn't last very long...

    I've read hundreds of articles on it... One thing is making sure that she's not worried about anything.. (Pregnancy usually)... I can't think of any of the other things right off the top of my head... relaxation.. comfort.. Read up on it... you might be able to help her.. never know...
     
  14. BlackWRX02

    BlackWRX02 OTs Cingular Guru

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    Wow, some more good replies.

    We talked about it some more, and I asked her what feels best that i've been doing. She was pretty close to orgasm the last time we had sex, but it was through oral sex instead of intercourse.

    And in reference to bitsplit's post, she's not THAT bad. She is just very shy. Things are getting better between us, we haven't been dating for that long, and I'm only the 2nd guy she's been with. She said she trusts me 100%, but I feel she still is holding back because of how new the situation is between us. I'm hoping that the progress continues, and within the next week or two, i'll be able to post in here about her finally getting the big O :bigthumb:
     
  15. jackwrx

    jackwrx New Member

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    This issue really is about comfort. Another thing to consider BlackWRX02 is there is an outside chance something happened to her in the past that makes it difficult for her to separate herself from that situation.

    If a girl was in a strange scenario at any point and it was sexual, there is a good chance she has a lot of work before she can get over it and relax. This may have absolutely nothing to do with you.

    In fact, it may be harder for her to acknowledge what's really going on and deal with it than the actual orgasm.

    Lots of compasion on your part and starting the foreplay early and making it last is probably the key.
     
  16. MikeandCIN

    MikeandCIN Guest

    its all about comfort!!!!!!!!
     
  17. BioWeapon-X

    BioWeapon-X New Member

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    do some research on fingering and oral
     
  18. SweetAsCanBe

    SweetAsCanBe Guest

    From a womans prospective...she needs to get a vibrator and take the time to learn what her body likes. She can not expect you to be able to know, if she doesnt. IMO, women cut themselves short when they dont explore their own bodies first, before allowing someone else to. Why dont you buy her a vibrator???
     

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