SRS FWB? open relationship? i'm not sure

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by kutenk, Jun 3, 2008.

  1. kutenk

    kutenk OT Supporter

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    newbie here, had an interesting time lurking and reading all the threads, figured i contribute a thread of my own and look for inputs.

    I've been "casually" dating a girl for almost a year now. I'm a very open and straightforward person so I told her on the first date that I'm not looking for a relationship. At this point in my life, I don't know what I want and I think that it'd be wise for me to establish a career before any relationship. I told her all this and she shares the same views I have. So for the past year or so we been having fun; we would call each other whenever either of us are bored and we would hang out. Although we're very physically attracted to each other and have sex every chance we get, we do still enjoy each other's company and just hang out in general. It's not just a FWB thing, I don't believe it is because we do have feelings for each other. You'd be a cold person not to have some sort of feelings with someone after being intimate with them for a year. It's just that we control our feelings so that neither of us get too attached. It's kinda like an open relationship I guess. I actually encourage her to go out with other guys she meet. She doesn't know what she wants either and personally, i think the best way to figure that out is to date around. She once asked me how I would feel if she does go for another guy and I told her that although i'd be a little sad (I do have feelings for her), I would not feel betrayed and would definitely still be her friend.

    The problem is that in a couple months, we'll be working together. I'm afraid that things will get complicated due to us spending more time together. I honestly value our friendship more than the physical attraction we have. Logically I know I SHOULD end it and establish a solid friendship, but I don't WANT to end it because I like what we have. I talked to her about this last week and asked if we should continue this thing we have. She shares the same concerns I have and the same views. Basically we're letting this continue because neither of us can/want to decide. Keep in mind I tell her all of this.

    Sorry if I sound incoherent since I didn't organize my thoughts as i'm just writing whatever comes to mind. I guess I just wanna hear from others that may have experience something similar to this and how it turned out.
     
  2. bigballofyarn

    bigballofyarn OT Supporter

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    I don't understand why you believe working together will be hazardous to your relationship. You already hang out and see each other on a regular basis. How will working together make it difficult to maintain that? It's not like she was a one-night stand who you now are forced to face everyday. She is a friend of mutual infatuation. I think working together could possibly bring you closer. Either that or it will give you both a better understanding of what you want from each other. Even if you get sick of each other and decide not to continue your relationship, that's fine. At least you won't waste any more time, and you'd be able to move on.
     
  3. kutenk

    kutenk OT Supporter

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    Currently we see each other once a week or every other week. I guess at this point in my life, I don't see a future with her (I never told her this cuz it's harsh). She's more of a friend to me, even though I am attracted to her. I like what we have, but I also like the idea that I'm free to pursue other females should I meet them. I know that makes me sound like a jerk but I don't think I am. I genuinely do care for her, that's why I share all my thoughts with her. I'm just afraid of leading her on.
     
  4. aim2kill

    aim2kill New Member

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    as long as she knows, she could be gauging you about your willnigness to commit to a relationship by asking you about other guys. some women think diffrently. just an angle. :coolugh:
     
  5. bigballofyarn

    bigballofyarn OT Supporter

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    Eventually this will have to come up in your relationship. You will end up finding someone you actually want to spend your life with, or someone you enjoy more than her. You both already seem to have an understanding that it's okay to date around. I assume she doesn't go home at night, tape your pictures to her wall, and start planning your wedding. From your post, it doesn't seem like she sees you as a life mate either. You said you tell her everything, so you should have open and honest communication with her already. What are you afraid of losing? Her friendship, or a nighttime companion? I believe it would be unfair to be misleading in any form. So it might be best to just get this conversation over with. I don't exactly know how you should bring it up though.. Maybe when you're having one of your good talks, mention that you found some girl you might like to take out, and see how she reacts.
     
  6. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    She definitely has feeling for you. No girls can sleep with a guy for a year and not feeling attached. I don't have any great advice for you because I'm in a similar situation. You can't prolong the inevitable. I suggest go out there and start dating to find the one right for you. You two are holding each other back to find somebody else.
     

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