FRK Funny Sex Stories

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Bubba Atlantis, Sep 7, 2007.

  1. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    So I am bored and thought it might be fun to have one of these again. Do you have a funny (?) sex story? Post it. I will start.
    Luckily this one does not involve me (later ones I post will).

    A friend of mine was telling me that she had an argument with her bf and than they went and had sex....she was still pissed off, so they were right in the middle of sex, she was riding on top. She looks down at him in the eye, and with a bit of a scowl on her face goes "mooooooo!" at him. :rofl::rofl::rofl: He got soooo pissed off, tossed her off and that was the end of that romp. I find it so funny for a few reasons. One, the sex must have not been that great for her to have the mind to stop part way through and say that and just the image of her sitting up there and suddenly stopping and saying mooo haha, so funny :mamoru:
     
  2. Blade

    Blade Time to swolercize

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    The wife and I started getting all sexah and what not. We had pulled out the dolphin vib. put it on me, I layed down and she got on top. We were going at it for a while, and the the bullets started to die a little, no biggie, we figured because it was on max and we had been using it for about 30 minutes on old batteries they were just dead....WRONG...I guess from our movements we had pulled one of the wires loose from this thing. We both got zapped, I got sapped in the nuts and she got zapped on the left labia...I was like :eek3: WTF WAS THAT. We both laughed it off though.

    It was pretty fucking funny, but damn it, that hurt.
     
  3. Lovely Atlantis

    Lovely Atlantis Luscious Lovely Lady!

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    LMAO wow... I haven't laughed that hard in a while. Thanks I needed that :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
     
  4. Blade

    Blade Time to swolercize

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    We both jumped of each other like we were on fire, lol, I was scambleing to get that thing off my dick. :o
     
  5. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    Nothing too funny, unless you were there of course. Rolled over to change positions and ended up on the floor instead. :mamoru:
     
  6. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    meh, was funny to me.


    I am on the floor with my face buring in her, trying to get this girl off, Tongue is going numb, hand is hurting (injured wrist so any long sessions of anything is painful), finally get her going. Moaning, grabbing my head, playing with my arm, telling me not to stop :naughty: then cough cough cough cough cough

    oh wtf ? I couldnt help it just buried my face in her thigh to keep from laughing out loud. Didnt get the job done that day:o


    Same night before that above, she moved her leg and her foot rubbed my cock by accident :eek3: I ask her to play footsie with it for a bit because it felt great. Then my goofy ass just had to start thinking. Holy shit, what if this chick has athlete's foot. How do I explain that one to the doctor :mamoru:
     
  7. N.A Honda

    N.A Honda New Member

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    One night my gf and I were in the 69 position. The lights were off so we were in the dark. Things were getting intense so both of us started to moan and groan.

    She was really into it, so as she was giving me head her slurping noises got louder as did my moaning. Next thing we both hear is a "GGGGRRRRRR" My gf stopped and looked up and there in her face was my dog sitting there.

    We had no idea my dog had sauntered into the room. I guess my dog thought that I was being hurt lol..I thought it was so funny and started to laugh but my gf was kinda pissed. She immediately kicked my dog out of the room. Thankfully she came back to bed and we continued on :big grin:
     
  8. THT

    THT The easy way is always mined

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    Girlfriend and I are having sex in the missionary position on top of the covers (it was spur-of-the-moment-sex). I'm about 10 seconds from orgasming when her little beagle/terrier mix dog hops up on the bed and sticks it's cold, WET nose in my ass! I leap off my girlfriend and shimmy under the covers as fast as possible. My girlfriend, flips over to ask me wtf happened and before she knows what's happened, her dog does the same thing to her!

    We now kennel the dog or have sex under the covers.
     
  9. sassy2424

    sassy2424 New Member

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    :bowrofl::bowrofl::bowrofl: Thats hilarious!!
     
  10. Bugalu

    Bugalu OT Supporter

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    Anyways, my first time was at some random girls house. I went over there with a friend to fuck this girl who was a virgin just like me, while he fucked her friend. Met the girl, all said HI, and then it was GO time. I'm nervous as fuck, since this is my first time, I dont know the girl, and I dont wanna seem like a doushebag. We decide to go into the bathroom. It's only a half bath and it was carpeted. I lay down and we get to playin a little slap and tickle.

    Im ready to go, so we both get ass naked. I'm layin on the carpeted floor and she puts the condom on. She jumps on top, and we awkwardly get it in. Starts getting a little rythem going on and I'm thinking bout baseball, old ugly nuns, and naked grandparents, ANYTHING I can to pervent a romance explosion too soon.

    Doesnt work.

    I'm crossing the finish line within 15-20 seconds. I don't tell her, hoping she won't notice how shitty that excuse for sex was. Just about then she says,

    "I dont think we should do this"

    to which I reply,

    "thats ok, I'm already done"

    She gets the most discusted look on her face and jumps off faster then I'd ever seen her move. We clean up and walk out like nothing ever happened.

    Never did hear from her again.
     
  11. curt698

    curt698 New Member

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    when my wife and I were first dating she had moved back home to save up the last few thousand she needed to get a down payment together on a condo. We are at her parents house watching a movie and by the time the credits roll her folks have been asleep for an hour or so. We start fooling around and next thing you know the wife (then gf) is giving head on the livingroom couch. Well she did the little flip thing to get hair out of her face at just the wrong time and I unloaded in her hair. Now she is quite good at oral so I really unloaded.
     
  12. Zak8022

    Zak8022 New Member

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    That line was awesome. Well played.

    Some hilarious stories in here... tho, i cant think of any of my own i can add. :wtc:
     
  13. Dethfat

    Dethfat New Member

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    hahahaha thats fuckin awesome
     
  14. Lovely Atlantis

    Lovely Atlantis Luscious Lovely Lady!

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    oh man that would be a mess to get out! Reminds me of the time I got shot in the eye. I was giving him head in the shower and he was ready to come and was going to come on my chest but at the last second I moved and it came right in my eye. Hurt like hell and my eye was all red and puffy for the day.
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    This is so weird....I know a guy who was angry at his gf, so during sex he went "baaahhhh" like a sheep while she was on top. She was pissed and got off. We used to think it was the most hilarious thing ever.
     
  16. Hoser

    Hoser Good day to be lifting these huge triangular weigh

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    The same thing happened to my wife the day of our gift opening after getting married. She had to sit in her parents living room in front of all our family and friends with a puffy splooge eye. She told everyone she had allergies.
     
  17. Stargazer

    Stargazer New Member

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    :rofl: That's hilarious!!!
     
  18. Way_fast_Whitey

    Way_fast_Whitey Cause I Can't Stand To See You Treated Bad, I beat

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    HAHAHAHA
     
  19. MR. Marti

    MR. Marti New Member

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    HAHAHAHAHA
     
  20. ElChupacabra

    ElChupacabra we should have fucking shotguns

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    One night our son was somewhere else and our daughter had been asleep for hours, it was about 3 am and I'm plowing my exwife (wife then) and I feel like we're being watched. I turn around to see out 12 year old daughter tip toeing away from our door. We're on the bed without a sheet or blanket or anything, she was looking at ass n balls when she walked in. :o We finished, then mom went to have a talk with her.
     
  21. Lock Jaw

    Lock Jaw Custom Title OT Supporter

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    My girlfriend just got a new kitten and we were going at it missionary.. Out of nowhere I feel something soft rubbing against my legs, and next thing I know my feet/legs are getting attacked like there's no tomorrow. I start laughing, meanwhile my girlfriend has no idea whats going on.. She looks up, sees the cat spring off the bed and starts laughing too..
     
  22. Black of Night

    Black of Night New Member

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    There's been some funny shit in here, but that wins hands down.

    I gotta say, why would she have thought you were doushebag if she was willing to fuck you without knowing you either?
     
  23. Tannaholic

    Tannaholic New Member

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    One time I was in the movies with this guy. Well, I went down on him because there wasn't many people in the theater. I told him to let me know when he is going to cum. Well, he didn't and instead of me swallowing it all I end up backing off right when he cums. Shit got all of my neck and part of my face. I thought I had cleaned it all up but turns out I missed some right under my ear. He finally tells me after we've left the theater and I've walked past about 100 people :o
     
  24. Bugalu

    Bugalu OT Supporter

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    lol thanks.
     
  25. Sadly I can say that I've only had sex once... I didn't cum after 70 minutes of thrusting :sad2:
     

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