Fucking up a relationship..

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by hayte997, Jun 19, 2005.

  1. hayte997

    hayte997 Guest

    My GF has a bad past. She used drugs (not like an addict though) and slept around too much. I know the things she did because of a mutual friend but my GF doesn't know that I know she used to sleep around. The other night we were talking about sexual partners so I asked how many she had been with and she said 3 guys. That's a lie though and it bothers me. I mean one part of me understands that she wants to get away from her past and doesn't want me to know how she was but another part is bothered because 1. she's lying and 2. Since she's not honest about that I don't know the true extent of her sexual past.

    I know some of her ex's and she says she's never slept with any of them but I'm not sure I believe her since she used to sleep around. Hell, she could have had 20 partners and could maybe not even remember all of them.

    It took almost 3 months before we had sex and I'm positive that it took that long just because she didn't want me to think she was a slut. Since she was changing her ways.

    Her past really bothers me to the point where I have problems mainting an erection during sex if I start thinking about her past.

    She claims to be so in love and positive that I'm the one for her and I think I'm falling in love with her but I can't get over her past.
    Opinions?
     
  2. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    Wow, you have some serious issues. Bad enough where you might as well break up with her, so that she can find someone that will be trusting of her and she can be more open with than a judgmental BF like you.
     
  3. AmCo

    AmCo Haters goin' Hate

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    sounds like you cant deal with her past and it will only get worse from here on out. If you truly cant get past it you should break up with her now and save both of you a lot of heartache.
     
  4. Big Ol' Balls

    Big Ol' Balls New Member

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    :ugh2: at the responses.

    i think knowing a little about a person's sexual history is a relevant question. so i guess if she contracted herpes BEFORE they got together, that's off limits too... until he starts itching.
     
  5. Apothis

    Apothis New Member

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    What if she had kids or disease or whatever else? If he's going to be intimiately involved with her, he absolutely has the right to know about her past. If he can handle or not is another matter. If she's had a less-than-honorable past, lying about it certainly doesn't make her anymore honorable. If she can at least own up to the things she's done, there can at least be respect in that. If she's afraid of what people would think if the knew he past, she probably should have thought about that when she was doing it. If she wants to have serious relationships, then it's no longer just her life and her feelings that matter.
     
  6. Darrin

    Darrin Eat. Sleep. Arrest People.

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    my ex was obsessed with my past and would never let it go, and it used to PISS ME OFF. you either have to forget about it and deal with it or just finish it. i cant describe how annoying it was having her hold my past against me.
     
  7. Mechaniker

    Mechaniker DumbShit

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    very true.
     
  8. Ubisquo

    Ubisquo New Member

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    Who cares if she's sucked 100 guys, so long as she's clean and there's not a 102 while you're 101, that's all that should matter.
     
  9. Big Red

    Big Red New Member

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    well my hubby and i fucked on our first date, and i had way more than 20 partners before we got together. looking back, yeah it was stupid, although i consider myself quite lucky i never got any diseases, but he has never judged me. we met in the Army Res. and i had fucked around with some guys from there and he didnt have any issues with that either. he loves me unconditionally and i feel the same for him. why dont you grow up and stop being so damn judgemental. as long as she is clean and wants to move on with her future, quit delving into her past.
     
  10. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    Lamest reply I've heard yet.

    So the number of guys she's been with automatically will tell you whether she has a desease or not? If you have some secret calculation for this, let the rest of us in on it, since I'm sure there's quite a few people that would like to know.

    I know there are people out there that have slept with one person and have an STD, while I know (personally) a few people that have slept with well over 20 partners and do not have an STD.

    About the only thing I care to know about with my partners sexual history (besides not having an STD) is if they are a virgin or not, and what they like and don't like, but I don't need or want to hear details of how they came to know that they liked that particular thing or not.
     
  11. hayte997

    hayte997 Guest

    I guess most of ya'll are right, I mean I have a past too but I didn't sleep with just any good looking person on the first meeting (like she did). The thing that bothers me is the lying, I've been honest about my past.
     
  12. AmCo

    AmCo Haters goin' Hate

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    i understand your side as well as her. Maybe she doesnt want ppl to remember her as some sort of "slut". She could be trying to change her ways. Some ppl can't accept the total truth until they get to know the person much more. In the beginning of the relationship i don't tell the other person i drink more than usual but i dont lie about either.
     
  13. Seoulmate

    Seoulmate New Member

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    well you're not being quite honest if you know about her past and not telling her that you know. maybe you need to confront her and tell her you know about her past. and then talk about it. communicate.
     
  14. sipherx

    sipherx Jamesl.info

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    I totally agree with the trusting posts, I do feel however he does have the right to know whether or not she has any diseases, I mean if she did then hes gonna fuck his life up anyway. I think you should trust her though, and maybe you 2 should go to a local clinic and get checked. I mean it would put both ur minds at ease with knowing, and if nothing turns up then I say stay with her but trust her, without trust you may as well just say fuck it. If you cant trust her then maybe she isnt the one for you. Also if you guys both end up having and STD I suggest staying with each other anyway lol, atleast you will have something in common.
     
  15. Miss Red

    Miss Red New Member

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    Dude, then why in the fuck are you with her?
     
  16. Takumi

    Takumi New Member

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    Why is knowing what happened before two people get together off limits?

    A person's past helps determine the person they are now. You shouldn't make your entire judgement of them based on their past, but I think you need to at least know about it.
     
  17. Nosmas

    Nosmas New Member

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    Ya gets whats ya paid for....Now that you cannot get an erection with her, how 'bout giving a real man a chance....PM her number, and I'll take care of this problem.
     
  18. ISO9002

    ISO9002 New Member

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    I'll try to make my response simple!

    I think knowing is better.
     
  19. grady27

    grady27 New Member

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    first thing is you have to realize that the problem you have with her past is coming from your insecurities. Its hard to hold that stuff in sometimes but its also not fair for you to bring up her past. Lots of people have skeletons that they want to keep buried and lie about them not only out of embarrassment but also out of a desire to just forget about it and move on. If you trust her , let it go . Dont bring it up to her. And always remember DONT ASK QUESTIONS THAT YOU REALLY DO NOT WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO !!!
     
  20. TGrant

    TGrant New Member

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    Bad pasts and relationships are not compatible. You can't concetrate on tomorrow...if you keep thinking about yesterday.

    I would say leave it or forget it.........it's the only safe bet.
     
  21. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    Anyone who says you shouldnt consider someone's past is a complete fool. People are only a cumulation of thier past decisions.

    Now taking that into account people can (but rarely) change. However to change they have to admit that they need to. If she is lieing about her past then she is trying to run from it, not change it. She will eventually get tired of it, it will catch up with her, and when it does it wont be pretty.

    A relationship is all about honesty. Telling someone all about your past is part of knowing someone. You cant really love someone until you really know someone. Of course people always think that thier SO will never find out about the things they dont want them to know...it isnt possible right? Its odd that it happens all the time then. It really does always catch up with you, believe it or not.

    Also how could you be with someone who you couldnt reveal everything about yourself to? I couldnt love someone when I felt I had to hide something from them! That just causes inner conflict and will also end up destroying the relationship.

    I would say you need to sit down and talk to her. If this bothers you, then she should have no problem discussing things. I dont see why people seem to have such a hard problem discussing things with people they say they love.

    I know there is nothing my SO could say to me about her past that would change the way I feel about her. I also feel that she is the same way, and she has shown me that time and time again. Believe me, there are things about me that if other people knew they would never accept. However if we didnt have that, we wouldnt be together.
     
  22. cfordhere

    cfordhere Guest

    sadly i think youll have to end it with her. one thing id like to point out is this

    people exxagerate people lie to make themselves look better some do it to look worse.

    unless you were right there with her while she was "sleeping around" and know for a fact she was fucking the guy then maybe just maybe she wasnt lieing.

    get over yourself if you cant trust her get out of the relationship and i agree with most of everyone here. past shit is ok to talk about if you guys agree its the past and are adult enough to know that.
     
  23. BADASSADOR

    BADASSADOR New Member

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    But what if your SO said "I've slept with over 20 guys, most of them were one night stands and I can't even remember all the people I've slept with because I was high or drunk most of the times."

    As you sit there and think about how she was, you look at her or lay in bed with her and think... She allowed someone she didn't even know to lay here in the same spot I'm lying in and have sex with her. Would that not bother you?

    I do have some insecurities, it's obvious. I can hardly bear to think about my GF with past boyfriends. Just the thought that she might have felt the same way with me as she did with someone else at one point or that she's had sex with other guys, really does bother me. It never did this with ex GF's mainly because I don't think I ever truly cared for them but I see my current GF everyday, and I think I'm falling in love so it does bother me since I actually do care about her.

    It just seems so weird that people have loved other people before you and ate dinner in the same restaurants with their EX's who at the time they loved.

    I mean, I know it's normal. I've had sex with other girls, but it just seems weird. Almost to the point where I think a perfect world would be where people fall in love with their first bf's/gf's, marry and lose their virginities to that person.
     
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2005
  24. StuDLei

    StuDLei Death before Dishonor

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    First of all I didnt read every post. BUT i definately have my 2 cents worth.

    My ex slept around in her past. 25 guys. okay that alone bothers me...i think it would bother anyone to some extent if they themselves were with 1 before her. the problem is if shes slept around that much in her past whats to say she hasnt gotten that itch out? im sorry but if a girl has slept around that much she probably has problems. my ex could be the sweetest most mature girl in the world. she could also be a fucking attention whore. i think it was a self esteem issue. she started crying and felt really bad about her past when i asked her the number. i felt bad and i tried to comfort her and all of that fun stuff..i honestly just wanted to know. it really never bothered me..her past that is. its more so how she was when i was with her...and i think HER PAST had something to do with it. like she couldnt quite let go. she was 25 too. its gay. its an attention and self esteem issue i think.
     
  25. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    You dont know what she has told me, and honestly I dont think you could imagine the half of it. We came from such different backgrounds that noone thought we would work out when we first dated. But she was honest about everything, even when I didnt understand why she did all the things she did.

    It sounds like you do really have some personal problems you need to work out. And if you cant handle a girl that slept around before you, then go find yourself a virgin. Sad thing is, those are few and far between unless you are looking for a 12yo these days. Its sick, and it sucks.

    A perfect world will never exist in any way, shape or form, in any part of any person's life. To many people just want the easy way out, and just want what feels good without working for it.

    It really sounds like in this situation you are the one with the serious issue's. I dont know the situation fully, so im not judging (who cares if I am right? lol), but I think you just need to start talking more to your SO and working through YOUR insecurities with her. If not, you are destined for failure.
     

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