Fucking asshole

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by cgarcia2182, Sep 28, 2009.

  1. cgarcia2182

    cgarcia2182 New Member

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    I don't get it. How can you have it all one day and nothing the next? It starts out like this...I started dating this guy literally 2 weeks after i ended my previous relationship (which lasted 3 yrs). Everything happened so fast. I meet his parents immediately, rush into intimacy close to immmediately and start the relationship "officially" immediately. We started dating in May of 2008. By November 2008, he tells me over dinner that we don't talk and it bothers him. I agreed and we decided to work on our communication. By the end of November '08 he broke up with me saying that nothing has changed and that he just didn't "feel it" between us. He said that we didn't have chemistry and felt like something was missing. The following Monday he contacted me and told me that he wanted to meet up to talk. I met up with him and he told me he was sorry and that he's sorry that he hurt me and that he missed me. I told him how he made me feel and was still hurt after what he said about our lack of chemistry and communication. I told him that if we got back together that he'd have to break down the walls he had up and open up to me. He agreed and we got back together. I noticed the change in him as soon as we got back together. He was more open, less selfish, more affectionate and overall more proud of our relationship. He started opening up to me little by little but still something was missing. I would deny it and so would he. What was missing was communication. We never really talked about our dreams, wants & needs out of live. We sorta would take things day by day. Increasingly i would become close to his mom. She became like a best friend to me. I trusted her and vice versa. She knew how much i cared for him and how much i appreciated the fact that i was there for her son. Over time i realized she got in the way. I would choose to hang out with her at his house while he did his own thing. He never seemed upset that we were close. He liked it alot actually. By May 2009, it was our 1st year anniversary & my birthday. He surprised me with a wonderful trip to Savannah. It was AMAZING. After the trip i relazed that things got better. He opened up to me and gave me a card that said "You're the one". I was happy and so was he. By June 2009, he was saying that he was really happy with his life and liked where he was. I wasn't. I hated my job. By July 2009, i got laid off. Immediately, things started to change. He wouldn't go out of his way for me anymore and just overall looked unhappy. I denied it too. We fought too. He told met that i lack motivation and that it concerned him. Yesterday, he broke up with me. I felt like it kida came out of nowhere. He told me that there was always something missing (same thing he said in Nov'08) and that he recently he didnt believe that him and i could end up together. He said he loves me to death. I asked him if he was ever in love with me and he said he didnt know. I began to tell him that what is missing from our relationship is communication. We didnt have it. We were never friends. I tried to make him realize that it's never too late to start trying to make it work especially when you really care and love someone. He didnt want to listen. He said it was too late. I feel like i've been lied to, and betrayed. I feel like he never was into me. Why would he put me through this again? When i left his side after he broke up with me he said "i love you". He told me that he wants me to still keep in contact with his mom. He said that it would nice in the future if him and i were friends too. Thing is i dont fucking get it. Does he not know what he wants? He's a year and a half younger than me. Did he feel pressured? I'm so confused and heart broken. I can't fucking believe that he did this to me a second time.
     
  2. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    I'm sorry, I know it hurts but to be honest this seems like you're beating a dead horse. It sounds like he wasn't that into you for what ever reason, most likely he felt you two just didn't click on that chemical level or truly get one another and probably the same reason the communication was lacking.

    He didn't really lead you on, he probably did miss you. You can miss someone even if you aren't really meant to be.

    It's best to move on.
     
  3. Infection

    Infection Guest

    That was horrible to read because of the punctuation.

    He broke up with you twice, move on.
     
  4. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    It sounds like jumping into instant monogamy was a rational decision. Not an emotional one. It's called "LTR by default." Next time go with the flow rather than forcing it. Make sure you decide on feeling not on habit or social mores.
     
  5. peoplescar

    peoplescar Guest

    how old are you?

    maybe even though he said he loved you he was just comfortable. he wanted to have someone instead of no one. Its hard to really evaluate what you are saying because you both seem to lack the dedication it takes for a relationship. you were going out for a little over a year. thats not very long and to have the problems you were trust me you are better off. Its not worth fixing if one side doesn't want to try and fix it. find someone else who can appreciate you for who you are. :bigthumb:
     
  6. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Communication is only good for finding your way back. For returning to something that was *already* there. It isn't good for creating something that isn't there to begin with.
     
  7. cgarcia2182

    cgarcia2182 New Member

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    Wow J. Johnson! Thanks for that. Think that's what he should have told me.
     
  8. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    :rofl: You're so pathetic, this may come on harsh, but take my words and read them again, and again.

    He realized into the relationship that it wasnt working. He tried to break it off and the inevitable happened when theres two insecure people in a relationship, you two got back together.

    After getting back together it sounds like you two really tried to make it work, you really did. After months and months of 'working' torwards having a healthy relationship, you finally obtained it, or so you thought. Your attachment to his mom allowed him to realize that he doesnt need you and infact was pulling away. The hardest thing for a guy to do is to break up with a girl who his mother loves (believe me, I know).

    You said you got laid off over July. Its September, I assume you're still not working? Maybe your lack of work, or even, your being around MUCH more often is bothering him? Maybe he's feeling smothered? Maybe he feels you're too comfortable with him + his mom, and are just taking things WAY to easy?

    What it comes down to is he doesnt see you two working out, plain and simple. He ended it once because he truly didnt see it working out and you two got back together, he sucked it up for a YEAR trying to make things work and he still couldn't. He ended it.

    Move on, seriously. Stop trying to feel bad for yourself. Dont allow yourself to believe that he 'betrayed' you, its a relationship, relationships do end 99% of the time. Thats why its so hard to find that 1% that actually works.

    Would you rather he stood with you for say.... another year, then broke up with you AFTER another year of feelings, emotions, and 'love' was developed?


    Move on. And the reason I said 'pathetic' was for you're use of the word betrayal, you just come off selfish. Its YOUR relationship just as much as its his, if you knew the WHOLE time like you said you did, that it was lacking communication, why did you let it get to this point?
     
  9. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Not to mention you got into this 'serious' relationship RIGHT after a 3 year LTR.
     
  10. saosko

    saosko OT Supporter

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    you weren't even friends before you started dating. rushing into a relationship ftl, friendship always comes first and love branches from that.
     
  11. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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    bullshit, or i would have a lot more branches of love
     

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