fucked up... took a girl's virginity.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by jackjohnson, Jan 28, 2009.

  1. jackjohnson

    jackjohnson simple as something nobody knows OT Supporter

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    So recently I've been talking to a girl. We had known who each other were for a while through mutual friends, and at a wedding we made out. We started hanging out a few weeks later, and things start to get physical real fast.

    Prior to us having sex she opened up and told me she was raped when she was 19, (25 now) and that she was trying to wait until marriage before having sex again.

    Well in our next session things got way heated and we end up having sex. We've had sex a total of 3 times over the past few weeks. I could sense that something was up and after a few half-hearted talks she finally opened up in an email telling me how she wanted to wait, how she told me she didn't want to have sex with me and was clear about it, and was upset with herself and me. She was also upset for not being able to communicate with me on this.

    Now I really like this girl and of course I feel like complete shit now. I have no idea what I can do about it and everything is kind of up in the air right now. I'm pretty sure it's ruined.

    I know what the majority of OT thinks about religion and waiting and I really don't care to hear more of it. She's a genuinely good girl and I totally should have respected her beliefs. I took something that wasn't intended for me, and due to her past I've done more damage. This is easily the worst thing I've ever done to another person :wtc:.

    Anyway I don't know what I'm going for in this post. Just need to vent because I can't talk to my friends about it because I'm trying to keep this private.
     
  2. MCohen

    MCohen #NotMyPresident #AmericaIsAlreadyGreat #GoSolar OT Supporter

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    The best and probably only thing you can do is apologize and tell her you really like her and if you do, tell her you really see a future with her. If you two do get together, take it slow and don't let her or yourself rush into sex again. Be supportive and understanding and give her some space if she requests it though.
     
  3. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    you didn't take anything from her.



    did you rape her, or was she a willing participant in the matter? don't beat yourself up over her guilt and inability to communicate at 25.
     
  4. Joybang

    Joybang New Member

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    If things just happened and you didn't pressure her then its not fair for her to guilt you into feeling bad. She might feel like shit because she didn't hold up her commitment to herself but that has nothing to do with you. Considering her inability to communicate and her past still having a large effect it might be better for you that nothing comes of it.
     
  5. MCohen

    MCohen #NotMyPresident #AmericaIsAlreadyGreat #GoSolar OT Supporter

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    I think you all need to put yourself in her state-of-mind
     
  6. jackjohnson

    jackjohnson simple as something nobody knows OT Supporter

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    trust me she was more than willing. Maybe I'm being overdramatic and I really haven't got much input from other people. I agree about the bad communication and I brought that up with her and how she did stress those beliefs but another night she said "do anything you want with me". But we all do stupid things in the heat of the moment.

    I on the other hand do feel like I should have communicated better with her prior to having sex with her. I should have stayed away like everyone always recommends and not just because "the sex sucks" or "get ready for a stage 5 clinger"
     
  7. Joybang

    Joybang New Member

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    Not only once, they had sex two more times. :rofl::rofl: If she made a mistake the first time then she didn't have to come back two more times. She feels guilty so now shes trying to guilt trip him.
     
  8. giz

    giz Active Member

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    While I can understand feeling like you disrespected her wishes in some way, it's backwards thinking! Seems like not only was she willing, but she pushed for it... several times. Don't let her guilt trip you at this point.
     
  9. jackjohnson

    jackjohnson simple as something nobody knows OT Supporter

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    I know I'm not at complete fault here. But there are things I could've done better. Yes her communication sucks. Yes I'm not a mind reader. Regardless I can't help but feel shitty in this situation. Not only because we ruined a good thing, but also because I hate seeing someone in such turmoil.

    We did have sex a few times and I think we both just got caught up in feelings and emotions and didn't have our heads on straight.
     
  10. Joybang

    Joybang New Member

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    I'm just getting at the point that it seems she is putting unfair guilt on your shoulders for decisions she made. I understand how you feel about feeling bad about her turmoil, though there isn't much you can do about it so don't let it drag you down.
     
  11. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    Dude, you did absolutely nothing wrong. Even if you only had sex once you did nothing wrong. But 3 times solidifies that. She is just trying to justify it to herself that if you are the one at fault she can feel better about herself, because then it wasn't her that made the decision it was you.

    This is kind of a weird example, but it is like when a girl cheats on her husband 90% of the time it'll somehow be the husbands fault. He didn't give her the attention she wanted, he didn't do this, he did that... whatever. That way she doesn't have to fully face the consequences because it wasn't her fault. It's the same shit here.
     
  12. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    What everyone else said about her being a willing participant

    ... AND why do you want to be in a relationship with someone who would guilt you?
     
  13. giz

    giz Active Member

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    :werd:
     
  14. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    how can you take her virginity when the rapist already did
     
  15. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    just like everyone else has said, you did nothing wrong. even if she did tell you she wanted to wait until marriage, its not your place to police her virginity and its not fair for her to try to shove that responsibility on to you. she knew what she was doing all 3 times she had sex with you and she did it because she wanted to, simple as that.

    you didnt hurt her by having sex with her, she hurt herself buy changing her mind about it all.
     
  16. giz

    giz Active Member

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    rape doesn't necessarily involve intercourse. could be other types of penetration... fingers, oral
     
  17. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    well thread starter???? was it vaginal or fingers
     
  18. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    You need to bitch slap yourself. You're allowing yourself to feel guilty about nothing. You didn't take anything from her, unless you forced yourself on her when she told you no. But you make it sound that the sex was mutual. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Religion is what is making you feel guilty about a natural fact of life.
     
  19. jackjohnson

    jackjohnson simple as something nobody knows OT Supporter

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    this is a good point
    when she was raped? I dunno I didn't delve for more details on that one. vaginal I'm assuming
     
  20. jackjohnson

    jackjohnson simple as something nobody knows OT Supporter

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    I need to resist the urge of pulling a bunch of quotes and emailing her
     
  21. Madeinchinamic

    Madeinchinamic New Member

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    :werd:
     
  22. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    no need to email her. nothing you say will convince her to feel differently. we are just trying to make YOU feel differently.
     
  23. jackjohnson

    jackjohnson simple as something nobody knows OT Supporter

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    well thanks. it helps a lot. Haven't even been able to sleep much and shit :hs:
     
  24. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

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    Religious girls love pulling the guilt trip bullshit with you. They see they haven't been true to their religious beliefs and followed natural instincts and feel bad about it.

    Happened to me. Just don't buy their bullshit. If a girl says "fuck me, fuck me now" and you do, then she can hardly turn around and then blame you. Especially after another 20 times.

    Never get involved with religious women.
     
  25. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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    it happened not once, but three times

    .
     

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