fuck breaking up sucks v. last emo thread for a while

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Falconer, Jul 8, 2009.

  1. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    It finally hit me today :wtc:

    I have one-itis so bad. My ex was literally perfect (aside from the communication issues we (she) apparently had).

    19 months of pure bliss.

    Never before after a breakup have I ever had the thought that "I don't think I will ever find someone whose personality, interests, and intellect so exactly match mine." Not to mention tons of physical attraction and sexual compatibility. And pure, sincere sweetness like I've never experienced before.


    I'm trying to avoid thinking about her, thinking about her with other guys (not sure if she's doing that but that's how some people cope), and thinking back to all the stuff she said to me that made think we would be together forever.

    And trying to not email/txt her.

    I've had the following thoughts with regard to contacting her:

    - tell her i'm moving on (and moving), goodbye
    - tell her i love her and miss her
    - be C&F and tell her she misses me :mamoru:
    - propose* :rofl: :wtf:
    - email her best friend (I know this would be HUGE catastrophic failure but I'm being honest here and the thought did cross my mind) and be like "look, you know her, what's going on, am I wasting my time?" But of course she'd tell her and I'd look crazy and blah blah.

    Right now I'm in this bullshit fucking limbo where I'm secretly hoping she'll realize how much she misses me...

    ...and I know eventually she will. She's going through the same thing I was going through when I pulled away/broke up with my first LTR. A bit later I regretted it, and I regretted it for years (until I met her, actually).




    *this idea came from my parents' past (yes, IWYWB, my parents with the perfect awesome relationship :mamoru: ). My dad was in the Air Force and moving all over and my mom was getting annoyed with it, so one night she calls him up and basically says "hey... we either need to get married or end this." I guess you know how it ended.

    So I have this romanticized idea in my head of just being like "hey, I'm moving to SF. I love you. Come with me." and giving her a ring (obviously a CZ in case she says no so I could return it :rofl: )

    I keep thinking that's a good idea. Here's why: It would yield one of the following results:

    - Happy ending
    - Absolute closure

    But that would be repeating the same mistake I made before... forcing her into a decision.

    I just wish I wasn't so in love with her.

    I actually kinda hope she goes on some dates (but doesn't fuck the guys :mamoru: ) and realizes that none of them compare to me. Cuz I know that's what's gonna happen with anyone I date anytime soon.


    And I'm visiting my parents and I don't have any/can't smoke weed here.
     
  2. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    You know what? Even though it's been like almost 3 years since I separated from my ex, I STILL have that same lingering thought that one day she is going to wake up and realize how much she misses me. :mamoru:

    Not that I want to get back with her, but it WOULD fulfil this little dinky desire I have to reject her. :mamoru:

    So, I think that part of a break up is normal.

    And, Jesus, man, you were with her for 19 months? It really doesn't seem like it was that long at all. I can still remember when you first started talking about going out with her. Damn.

    Pick up a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook and give it a read. Doing some of the exercises might help you, bro.
     
  3. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I wonder if I romanticized this, too. I was actually thinking that we were some sort of soul mates and that nothing could break us up.

    I believe in true fairy tale love :hs:

    Viper, I don't want her to realize how much she misses me so I can reject her. I want her to realize how much she misses me so we can be together.

    It's like she used to love me SO much. Her eyes would dilate every time she looked at me. She'd always tell me how much she loved me or was missing me or whatever. And it's not that I liked that so much for ego reasons, but because I felt the same way. That's why it was so great.

    Maybe she changed and she's not the person I fell in love with anymore.

    Viper do you have a pdf version of that book?
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You think?
     
  5. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    So what happened? Is there a previous thread in your profile talking about why you broke up?

    No, I don't have a pdf of that book. Best I can do is point you to where you can buy the ebook:

    http://ebookstore.sony.com/ebook/russell-friedman/grief-recovery/_/R-400000000000000125592
     
  6. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    And here we go. Again.

    Seriously, you need to STOP thinking about this shit all day, and find something else to occupy your time. You over think things anyway, and if you keep doing this you are going to drive yourself insane.
     
  7. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    that's pretty much what I said in my post.
     
  8. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I disagree. I think he needs to think about it as long as it takes to move past his grief.

    I obsessed over my ex for a good 18 months before I started moving on. I'm still sane (debatable, I know :rofl:), and doing better than I ever have in life.

    Let the man grieve. It's threads like these that really help. I know they helped me. Granted, people get sick of hearing about it, but whatever. Let them hit the back button and move on.
     
  9. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    It's a long story. There's a thread but it's like 50 pages.

    Cliffs Notes:

    - I probably messed up but she has communication issues and could have prevented everything by bringing up an issue ahead of time instead of keeping it inside. I don't know if she didn't because she was losing interest or because she was scared or didn't know how to. I noticed a change in our relationship dynamic (her pulling away) and freaked out and started over analyzing everything and finally basically forced her into a breakup. PM me if you want a little longer version.

    lol I don't buy ebooks. Thanks tho.
     
  10. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    Like I told you before, you didn't mess up. She did, and she mind fucked you into thinking you did something wrong, when you didn't, so she could deflect blame for her own actions. You might have over analyzed things, but your initial instincts were right.
     
  11. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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  12. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    It makes me lose faith in relationships AND less likely to trust people.

    I mean, I'm thinking "if something I was this confident in ended up blowing up like this... how can I ever expect a good relationship won't randomly blow up in the future?"
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You wont ever have a good lasting relationship with your views.
     
  14. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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    .
     
  15. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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    :bigthumb:
     
  16. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Holy fuck, I made it 24 pages into that thread (mostly reading Falc's posts and skimming some of the others)....So, beyond the whole admission of her grinding up on some other guy, is there any other pertinent information on this breakup?

    Because, Holy fuckinb bejesus, it looks like you created your own self fulfilling prophecy right there man.

    We need to stage a good ole' fashioned intervention. This relationship should be proof to you that using PUA techniques to try and sustain a relationship will fucking fail every time. PUA is good for one thing: getting chumps to get the balls to approach women and get sex. THAT'S IT. You can't carry PUA shit into a relationship or use it to try to fix a relationship problem or lack of interest.

    Sorry man, but that's my too little, too late rant on reading 24 pages of that horseshit. :rofl:

    For now, let's get you away from the PUA mindset and into being authentic and real.
     
  17. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    Have you gotten in ANY contact of any kind with her? Or has she just kinda disappeared?
     
  18. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

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  19. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You've got to read the rest of the thread man.

    But for now, thanks for agreeing with all my former points :bigthumb:
     
  20. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    There was no PUA until the last few weeks of our relationship, AFTER things started getting weird.

    It probably was a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    BUT none of that changes the fact that I needed her to say "I love you and want to work through things with you."

    The fact that she didn't say that shows that she was done. And no PUA or non-PUA would have changed that.
     
  21. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    I have the same question...falconer? any answer?
     
  22. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Think about that, man.

    No PUA. Then suddenly you start USING PUA techniques, and a few weeks later it's over.

    You want to know what your issue was (and hers too)? COMMUNICATION. Instead of putting it out on the table and working through it, you both shied to your respective corners and started second-guessing each other. That's not how a healthy relationship works. When you get 19 months deep into a relationship, a simple thing like saying "Hey, I notice a different vibe about you lately. Let's talk." shouldn't be such a chore.

    But hell, live and learn. I've been there. We've all been there.

    Only in your mind. Do you realize how manipulative that is? How manipulative you were in those last few weeks? You needed her to be something to you, so you set out on some mission to get her to react the way you wanted her too instead of asking her to communicate to you how she felt.

    It didn't end due to a lack of interest. It ended because of a lack of communication. And when the communication stunted, you reverted back to manipulation to try and grasp at any straw you could.

    Realizing this will help your growth in leaps and bounds. You don't have to abandon those old PUA techniques, but this is definately a hardcore example of how PUA will only take you so far. Beyond that, authenticity, boundaries, and communication are what's going to keep you going over the long haul.
     
  23. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I texted her a few times and she replied back pretty quickly. Nothing eventful. It was probably stupid of me.


    There's really nothing I can do other than ignore her and give her space, is there.
     
  24. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I did say that. She was mostly unwilling to talk about things.

    I gave her TWO WEEKS to sort out her feelings. I was goings NUTS during this time. And I was responding to her in kind. I didn't keep texting her all the time like we used to because I didn't want to smother her. I was giving her space.

    After two weeks, I brought it up again.

    "What's going on with us?"

    She wasn't really willing to talk about it.

    I need some communication.

    I need "I don't know. I love you. Give me some time to sort through my feelings."

    Or "I don't know baby, but I love you and I want us to work through things."

    I got neither of those.

    My other option was to tell her "ok, well I love you and I'll wait here for you as long as it takes" :ugh: ...which I may have even been willing to do if I had gotten something from her.


    Not really. I was actually really AFC (read: honest and openly communicating my feelings without holding back or playing games) in the end. And AFC is usually over-communicating. If I was using "manipulation" then I would've just sat there and not said anything or ignored her.
     
  25. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    And even so, even if I ultimately royally completely FUCKED UP communication in the end, I still need her to say "this sucks, I don't want to lose what we had... let's work on things."

    Forgiveness. While I strive for perfection I do occasionally screw up.
     

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