FS Interview: Sparklwazngurlie

Discussion in 'Archives' started by sparklwazngurly, Oct 7, 2008.

  1. sparklwazngurly

    sparklwazngurly New Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Sacto
    Name?
    Hailey

    Age?
    27

    Gender?
    T-Girl

    Ethnicity?
    White/Asian = wasian, nick name given to me about 10 years ago. (sparkl WAZN gurlie)

    Where raised?
    Southern California, Orange County

    Level and place of education?
    Currently a sophmore in College, attending a CC. I have well over 110 units from my training as a nuclear reactor electrician in the Navy, but none of it, not the nuclear theory, engineering, chemsitry, caluclus, none of it, is transferable... except for 2 PE units.

    Occupation?
    Student

    Hobbies?
    Photography, Anthropology, Fashion Design, Cosmetology, and lots of kinky fun,

    Sexual preference?
    I love women.

    Measurements?
    I am 6' 2", 190 lbs. Not my ideal weight but working
    on it. I went from 6' 145 in the military to what I am now,
    need to find a satisfying middle. Not fat, but like most
    girls unhappy with my body. Gotta love my corsets. Nice
    ass, Breasts should get better with HRT. Good Skin, great
    hair. I like to take care of my body, drink lots of aloe. I
    pretty much wear an Express/Urban Outfitters/Banana
    Republic/Forever 21 style day to day, but I do love playing
    around gothic and punk. I am cute and sweet, though tall.
    I make a pretty girl and can't wait to make transition. about 36B breasts, size 9/10 Juniors bottoms, Medium tops, and size 9-10 1/2 shoes.

    How many/type of toys?
    Not nearly as many as I did before the divorce started. Currently: Cuffs, Collars, Rope, floggers, vibes, dildos, plugs, clamps... best toy is probably the Steel NJOY plug... so comfortable... can wear it for hours. being metal, its great for temp play... put it in the freezer first, or cool it/heat it up with a heating pad/ice while wearing it. Flogger is pink leather, not heavy, pretty light. Rope I have is Japanese silk rope, though I have taken a recent interest in the bondage tape... that stuff is very nifty. I have regular leather cuffs, fuzzy cuffs, a pet smart dog collar and leash, and I have some beautiful custom leather and lace collars to match my Gothic Lolita and Maid costumes. Vibes are generic purple water proof, 7" and 9". The dildo is about 9" long and 2" inches wide, pink on an inflatible base. clamps are typical alligator teeth clamps. Most of my toys are gone since the wife left.

    Favorite toys/instruments/equipment for use on self and on partner?
    Oh boy... um, favorite thing to use on a partner... Male - the Aneros Toy, Female - A Hitachi wand

    Likes & dislikes on an FS level?
    Very few dislikes... scat and blood really... oh And I don't like being dominant, I am a subby through and through... Doesn't mean I can't do the other and that I haven't done it... It just makes me feel rediculously uncomfortable, same with playing the male role, makes me sick to my stomach, I don't use that appendage.

    Best and worst experiences with FS stuff?
    Best experience... being a performance slut, servicing and being fucked in front of audiences/groups of people, or being required to demonstrate my submission in front of others. It's really humbling, but the psychological and all other rewards are the best.

    Fantasies?
    24/7 TPE, long term puppy and pony play. Dollification/Objectification. I often fantasize about being in a 24/7 slave relationship to a dominant. That release of control would be so incredible and a struggle for me. I've done alot of puppy play, but always for no more than 3 or 4 hours at a time. I'd like to carry that further and experience a longer term session of that, caging, more walks, grooming, etc.

    Tell us about your childhood.
    Spent 10 years running and hiding form my father who was trying to kill my mother and I. Have a scar from where he shot me when I was 3. Raised mormon, quit the church at age 12 after a group of the other mormon boy scouts held me down ripped off my clothes and whipped me with fused nylon ropes. Had scars for 4 years. similar abuse happened throughout school. Held down spit on, beat in the locker room. Dragged into bathroom by some of the girls, stripped and shaved. All for being more feminine than not.

    What do you think contributed to your like/dislike of the FS?
    Long childhood.... all behind me. My involvement in kink and alt things, my submissiveness was my coping with what happened. Submissives have the real power in scenes, the control is really theres and they can call it when ever need be. So it allowed me to take back what was taken and control and deal with my past.

    When did you get an attack of the freakiness?
    If you mean an interest in it... 13 or 14 y/o. If you mean involvement, I was 22.

    Are your siblings freaky?
    Not in the slightest, not sure me teenage siblings even know what sex is.

    How open minded are you?
    Extremely

    Have you ever been involved in a 3some? orgy? a gangbang?
    Been in a few 3somes, Never an orgy, and I have been gangbanged once. I was trying to figure it out and I've only been with 4 women, but because of that gangbang, I can't remember how many guy's I've been with.

    What do you look for in another partner?
    Intelligence, Dominance, Sensuality

    Are you a swinger?
    My stance on relationships is this. Cheating is inherently dishonest. If you negotiate things then it is not cheating. If we are in a relationship and you want to sleep or play with others, please do, just discuss it with me before hand, or do so within limits we have established. In the end the most important thing is who you go home to. Short answer yes, but it's tough to find partners interested in me as a girl and not my excess appendage. Sometimes people just want the penis, and I don't use mine.

    Have you ever considered swinging?
    Yes.

    Have you ever been to a lifestyle establishment? If so, how was your experience?
    I have, but it was at the very beginning of my venture into the lifestyle, so I was nervous, our trip was very short, pretty much just browsing the store so to speak. Would love to go back and participate. Another place where single Males are frowned upon, though usually they are as welcoming to TGirls as they are genetic girls

    Have you ever been to a house party? If so how was the first one ever attended?
    I have attended a house party. It was wonderful to serve and be used. To please my dominants with my various acts of submission. Sub Space is incredible and I love every second of it, so a whole night submitting to a group... amazing

    Do you think a persons promiscuity or lack there of has to do with their childhood?
    Yes and No. People are products of their upbringing, environment, and peers, but it is rhetorical none sense to say this is always true. One of the great human abilities is to adapt and the will change. For many this is truth, for some it is not.

    Have you used online sites for the sole reason of getting sex? Paid sites? Dating sites?
    It's not about sex for me, I get more out of the scenes and acts of submission then a few minutes of sex. I am a girl and playing the boy role as a boy is repulsive to me. I will not use me penis, I will use a strap on to please a lover, if that kind of thing is required. I use ALT.COM to find other dominants and friends. But not for just sex no.

    What's your fav. body part of the opposite sex? same sex?
    My favorite male body part... is a toss up, cuddling against a nice firm, not so hairy, chest is amazing, but I do like pleasing and being used by a nice hard cock.
    My Favorite female body part in the context I believe this is asking... neck and shoulders...

    Any fetishes?
    Soooooo many...
    24/7 (Total Power Exchange)
    Anal Sex
    Asphyxiaphilia (Breath Play)
    Ass Play
    Biting
    Blindfolds
    Blood
    Bondage
    Branding
    Breast/Nipple Torture, Clamps, etc.
    Bukkake
    Candle Wax
    Chains
    Chastity Devices
    Chinese Balls/Ben Wa Balls/Anal Beads
    Cling Film
    Cock and Ball Torture, Clamps, etc.
    Collar and Lead/Leash
    Confinement/Caging
    Cross Dressing
    Cuckold
    Cupping (Suction of the Skin)
    Dacryphilia (Arousal from Tears) - In the context of the scene only
    Defilement, seeing a partner dirty or wet
    Depilation/Shaving
    Dildos (Handheld & Strap-ons)
    Discipline
    Domination
    Electrotorture (EMS TENS units)
    Exhibitionism/Sex In Public
    Fire Play
    Fisting
    Food Play
    Gangbangs
    Hair Pulling (OMG isn't this a requirement during sex/scene)
    Handcuffs/Shackles
    High Heels
    Humiliation
    Klismaphilia (Douching/Enema)
    Knife/Needle Play
    Lace/Lingerie
    Lactation
    Latex
    Leather
    Making Home "Movies"
    Masks
    Masochism
    Massage
    Master/Slave
    Masturbation/Mutual Masturbation
    Nipples
    Oral Fixation
    Oral Sex
    Pain
    Pantyhose/Stockings
    Participating in Erotic Photography
    Piercings
    Pinching
    Play Piercing (temporary, shallow skin piercings)
    Podophilia (Foot Fetish)
    Pony Play (IMHO the best of the pet play, but sooooooo expensive)
    Power Exchange
    Puppy Play
    The Rack/Medieval Devices
    Retifism (Shoes or Boots)
    Rimming
    Role Playing
    Rubber
    Sadism
    Scent (the way cetain lovers smell... mmmmm)
    Sensory Deprivation
    Sex During Menstruation
    Spanking/Paddling
    Talking Dirty
    Tickling
    Toys
    Transvestism
    Urolagnia (Water Sports/Urine)
    Vibrators
    Voyeurism
    Whips

    Favorite outfit for a partner?
    Im a sucker for everything, pvc latex, leather, satin, silk, and lace, But a hot pair of heels or boots are probably my big soft spot. A favorite submissive act of mine is to worship my Dominant by their feet, cleaning the footwear, lacing up those long thigh or knee high boots... mmmmmm so nice.

    The term BDSM covers a lot of ground. What's your scene?
    B&D - Bondage and Discipline, D&S - Domination and submission, S&M - Sadism and masochism, All of it and more!

    How do you identify?
    I'm a submissive/sub

    If asked, how would you explain your role (Master/slave, etc.) to a novice? If you're a novice, tell us what you know or have learned so far.
    The freedom allowed by submission to another, brings me
    some of the most peaceful moments of my life. In those moments,
    its not about money, bills, etc., but a focus on pleasing
    my Dominant/Top. Though some of the items are technically
    physical, I think in the submissive context they are more
    psychological, tests of my submission. How far am I able
    to go to serve another? The rewards come not only physically,
    but again psychologically when you know you didn't
    break, you know you've pleased the Dominant. It may
    be as simple as "Good Girl" but sometimes thats
    enough to reduce you to a quivering orgasmic puddle (hope
    you had permission...)

    How big of a role does BDSM play in your life?
    It's my life but not my job.

    How many years of experience do you have?
    4

    How "out" are you about your BDSM lifestyle?
    I am not "in the closet" about my alternative
    activities, but I don't rub it in anyones face. I am
    greatly angered when someone does that to me with their
    religion or politics or anything. Happy to have a discussion
    if you're open to the fact your beliefs and ideas may
    be wrong, misguided, or just plain ignorant.

    Tell us about your participation in the "cyber" scene versus the non-virtual ("RL") scene?
    I've participated actively in cyber activities for
    alot longer than I've had any formal RL BDSM activities
    outside of the amatuer practice my wife and I had in our bedroom.
    Had lots of cyber time, now I am trying to increase my RL experience.
    Wife is gone now, so things will be different, just have
    to see how.

    How did you learn about the BDSM scene and how have you learned and developed your skills?
    I can't really remember how I learned about the BDSM
    scene, other than enjoying being a tied up damsel in distress
    more than the other kids seemed to. I think as access to fetish
    and BDSM material has increasingly eased over the 15 years
    I've been online, I have become more and more enthralled
    and my fetish list has expanded incredibly. Most of what
    I know I get from discussion with other lifestyle members,
    online periodicals, and books.

    How many years of experience would you like your partner to have?
    It does not matter to me.

    What are your thoughts and experiences with introducing people to the BDSM lifestyle who do not have any experience with or in it?
    Be gentle, Don't rush them or push them to hard. It can
    be overwhelming. I do believe you cannot just tell someone
    what their fetish is, that they must discover, through
    time, research, and experience what they like. As a general
    rule, I subscribe to the you cant say you dont like it if you
    dont try it, though I do have hardlines of my own... SCAT,
    Children, and a couple others. Basically, be a guide, not
    a conveyor belt. Let them feel welcome and safe, not out
    of control.

    What factors are most important to you when looking for a partner?
    Ability to be discreet, Creativity/Kinkiness level, Experience in a certain role (Top/bottom; Master/slave), Honesty and trustworthiness, Intelligence, Personality and how we get along outside of play, Physical attraction, Sexual appetite, Sexual experience, Similar fetishes, Willingness to freely discuss and try anything

    What types of toys are excluded from your scenes?
    Firearms.

    What type of scene activities are you active in or would you be interested in exploring?
    Asphyxiaphilia (Breath Play), Biting, Body worship, Bondage, Branding, Breast/Nipple Torture, Chastity Devices, Collar & Lead/Leash, Confinement/Caging, Cross dressing, Dacryphilia, Defilement, Depilation/Shaving, Electrotorture, Enemas, Fisting, Food Play, Foot/shoe worship, Genital torture, Hair pulling, Hot wax, Kidnapping, Knife play, Mummification, Needle play, Physical humiliation, Piercing, Power Exchange, Role Play, Sensory deprivation, Slapping the face, Spanking, Suspension, Tickling games, Urolagnia, Verbal humiliation, Voyeurism, Whipping, Puppy/Pony, Maid Play

    What types of scene activities are OFF LIMITS to you?
    Adult baby, Coprophilia

    What type of roles have you played or would you be interested in exploring?
    Boss/Secretary, Cop/Prisoner, Doctor/Patient, Hooker/John, Married Spouse/maid, houseboy, Master/slave, Nurse/patient, Owner/pet, Priest, Priestess/worshipper, Rapist/victim, Teacher/student, Vampire/victim

    What roles are OFF LIMITS to you?
    Brother/Sister (or vice versa), Father, Mother/Nanny, Parent/Child

    Have you ever videotaped or taken pictures during a sexual encounter or scene?
    I've taken and been in a few naughty photos.

    Describe what you experience physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually while participating in a BDSM scene.
    The freedom of submitting completely to another, is almost
    meditative if its quality for me. The physical sensations
    are incredible. But the psychological experiences...
    are hard for me to describe.

    What location(s) do you fantasize about for a scene?
    An airplane, Bar/nightclub, The beach, A bed, A castle, A church, A cinema, A dark back alley, My desk at work, Different time period (past or present), A dungeon, Lift/elevator, A medieval torture chamber, The middle of a park, Ruins, A shop dressing room, A swimming pool or hot tub, Under a waterfall, A vehicle (i.e. car)

    Using one of the location(s) you chose as a fantasy setting for a scene, tell us (in detail) about an encounter there. Fact or fantasy?
    Being put in a situation where demonstration of my submission
    is required, in a public place, such as an airplane, store,
    etc. The humiliation would be devastating and incredibly
    intense. To have my limits tested in front of others. I know
    this isn't really consentual on the part of the observers,
    but it is a fantasy.

    Would you be interested in scenes/play with multiple partners?
    The more the merrier!

    How do you prepare your home/physical self for a scene?
    I'm always "on." I was in a nearly 24/7 femdom lifestyle., I use a variety of costumes and accessories., I will redecorate whatever room I'm using., I have an excellent imagination., Prep? Tie me up, spank me and fuck me. That's all I want., I'm learning my play skills. I'll work on the aesthetics later., Someday, I'll have the budget for the preparations I have in mind., To get things started, small talk is a good place to start.

    What's your comfort level in talking with a partner about play/scenes?
    I'm somewhat comfortable explaining what I want or don't want to do.
    Do you believe in using safe words/signals?
    Yes, they are crucial to BDSM play.

    How detailed would you like scene negotiations to be?
    I just want to set boundaries and limits. Things can be negotiated, but many things should be understood before hand.

    Do you believe in using contracts to have a written agreement (non-legally binding) that states what both partners are committed to doing during play or a scene?
    Only required in a 24/7 lifestyle, but anyone who wants to, go ahead.

    Where do you stand on being under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol during play?
    It's never a good idea. It's just not safe.

    How far do you push the extremes - how into edge play are you?
    With the right partner, I would be willing to try almost anything.

    Have you ever had cybersex?
    I've done it so many times that I've forgotten how to type with two hands. :)

    What toys do you enjoy using for insertion/penetration?
    Anal/Climax beads, Ben Wa balls, Butt plugs/probes, Clit stimulators, Cock ring, Dildos/Vibrators, Fruits/veggies, Office supplies, Strap-ons, Vibrating eggs or bullets, All of the above and more! Strap ons, pretty much any insertable, coupled with restraints....
    amazing

    What food items have you used in play?
    Breath mints, Carrots, Cucumbers, Good 'ol ice, Grapes, Ice cream, Popsicles, Whipped cream

    What food items are you interested in using for play?
    Bananas, Breath mints, Carrots, Cherries, Chocolate sauce, Cucumbers, Frosting, Good 'ol ice, Grapes, Ice cream, Jell-O, "Popping" candy, Popsicles, Strawberries, Whipped cream

    How do you play with food during sex?
    Usually as insertables.

    How much enjoyment do you get from receiving oral sex?
    I much prefer giving oral... ALOT!

    What are your thoughts on anal play?
    I always enjoy anal play.

    What's your take on fisting?
    On occasion, I think fisting should be introduced into play if the partners are open to it.

    What factors are most important to you when looking for a sexual partner?
    Ability to be discreet, Agreeable to a commitment free sexual relationship, Chemistry, Creativity/Kinkiness level, Experience in a certain role (top/bottom; master/slave), Honesty, Intelligence, Open to menage a trois and/or orgies, Personality, Physical attraction, Same/Similar fetishes, Sexual appetite, Sexual experience, Willingness to freely discuss and try anything

    What other channels have you used to find out more about BDSM?
    Books, Classes/Lectures, Counseling/Psychiatrist, Friends, The Internet, Magazines, Porn Movies

    Are you involved with the BDSM Community in your area?
    On and off

    Describe any BDSM community events you participate in or have participated in.
    Munches

    Tell us what you think about public perceptions of the BDSM scene.
    I think public perception is skewed. The average exposure
    to BDSM I think is on TV, in the negative context through
    shows like Law and Order. When the public sees these shows,
    the victim's is an unwilling participant in a serial
    killer or rapists game. They will use words like Bondage,
    Dominatrix, etc, but not give anything the due respect
    or explanations they deserve. This serves to reinforce
    the negative (perverse) conotation BDSM has in our societies.

    What kind of nightlife do you enjoy?
    Gatherings in my home with close friends, Going to the movies, Just lounging around the house with family/friends, Raves, Regular Bars

    Where do you buy your props and toys?
    Adult bookstore, Craft stores, Online, Pet stores, Specialty Boutique, Everywhere and anywhere

    What kind of porn movies do you enjoy the most?
    Amateur, Anal sex, BDSM, Fetish, Gay, Lesbian/Women only, Soft, It depends on my mood.

    How do you enjoy your porn?
    Online

    What is/are your ideal BDSM relationship(s)?
    Activity pals, Collared, Fuck buddies, Long term, Play partners, Polyamorous, Short term, Long term

    What would be your dream BDSM lifestyle living arrangements?
    Femdom relationship with me a collared submissive, maybe
    even slave. Children makes 24/7 impossible, but I'd
    still like to be able to engage in the Pony play and Puppy
    play. I enjoy playing maid and slut. I would love to have
    a beautiful Gorean style steel ring collar around my neck
    24/7 with "braclets" to match.

    What's your dream job?
    Photography, and fashion design. If I could make some of
    my fashion designs and fetish designs and then participate
    in regular and fetish/erotic photography, I would be so
    immensely happy with work.

    What's your dream vacation/getaway?
    Japan. My favorite place in the world, with Europe a close
    second.

    If you could do anything what would it be?
    A beautiful submissive/slave girl to a wonderful Domme
    in a polyamourus situation.

    What's the best advice you've ever been given? Who gave it to you? Why should anyone who reads this take this advice to heart?
    Don't stress about all the little things in life, or
    else when something big comes around that really is a crisis,
    it'll kill you.

    How do you handle set backs to your dreams?
    Ooh Ooh I'm getting divorced so I know his one! Re-evaluate.
    What do you want, what do you need, what do you have. Approach
    it resonably and logically, make a plan, and go for it.

    How important is it to share the same dreams as your partners?
    There needs to be a commonality. You're gonna have
    problems with your relationship if one of you wants to join
    the peace corps and head to South America, while one is chasing
    the corporate ladder. But if your goals are more like, have
    a house someplace we like... that's quite managable.

    What actor/actress might play you in the movie of your life?
    Angelina Jolie... Brad Pitt... Seth MacFarlane? Iono...

    Where do you see yourself in a few years?
    Out of Sacto, preferably in the Bay Area or the OC, making
    over 50K well into my HRT and even maybe finishing SRS.

    Generally speaking, how daring are you?
    I'll try anything once. I love the adrenaline rush.

    What words best describe your personality?
    Cautious, Curious, Daring, Funny/humorous, Honest, Insatiable, Intelligent, Loyal, Outgoing, Sarcastic, Sensitive, Trustworthy

    What qualities do you look for in a partner?
    Curious, Funny/humorous, Honest, Intelligent, Loyal, Outgoing, Realist, Sarcastic, Sensitive, Spontaneous, Trustworthy, Wild 'n Crazy

    Tell us what things in life are most important to you and why.
    My son, my friends, having a home and education, not being
    alone as a TG/TS, a chance to play my submissive role.

    What is your favorite clothing style(s) during the day?
    Casual, Classy, Trendy, Urban

    What is your favorite clothing style(s) during the night?
    Casual, Classy, Goth, Punk, Trendy, Urban

    How do you dress up for special occassions?
    Depends on the occasion. What ever is called for really.
    Professional situations (court, etc.) I do the suit and
    tie, haven't done HRT yet so womens business clothes
    just aren't quite right. For parties and play, well
    it depends on the party. I would love to play the submissive
    maid or slut in my ornate dresses with petticoats, but I
    love latex and lingerie too (who doesn't love a school
    girl)... whatever the situation calls for.

    Describe your most attractive feature.
    o_O

    What body part do you first notice when you meet a person?
    Hair

    What physical feature do you notice when you meet a person?
    Clothing Style?

    How much does physical appearance matter to you in a partner?
    Not as much as personality and openess to my being Transgendered.
    If someone is hot but a bigot what does the hotness matter.

    How important is physical attraction to you in selecting a partner?
    It's a factor thats all. Not the most important, not
    the least. Just a check box.

    What do you wear for underwear?
    Low rise... Thongs first, Bikinis second, and occasionally Boy Shorts

    What do you think about tattoos?
    Body art is beautiful

    What do you think about piercings?
    I have one or two piercings

    How is your body decorated?
    I have several tattoos., Both ears are pierced once., My tongue is pierced,. Both nipples have been pierced three times so far.

    If you have tattoos and/or piercings, tell us about them. Where and what are they? What do they mean? If you don't have any, why not?
    My favorite tattoo so far is a tramp stamp on my lower back,
    in beautiful arabic script, and it means "submissive
    whore". I want to get Dorei and Chattel, each on one of my ankles, both mean slave, the first is Japanese, the second is French.

    Do you exercise? How?
    I run. I am afraid to do muscle building before starting
    HRT and discussing it with my therapist. I do not want to
    build up, just slim down more.

    What is your sexual health status?
    STD free (tested regularly)

    What type of television shows do you enjoy watching?
    Arts & Entertainment (A&E, Food Network, Home Improvement, etc.), Cartoons/Anime, Documentary/Learning/History, Dramas, Movie Channels, Sit-coms, Soft Porn, Variety/Stand-up/Comedy

    What are your favorite television shows?
    Burn Notice, Psych, Monk, Heroes, Sarah Connor Chronicles,
    Chuck, Life, Penn and Teller's Bullshit, Fringe,
    Swingtown, Bones, Taboo, NCIS, Smallville, Dexter, So
    You Think You Can Dance, Who Wants To Be A Superhero, that's
    all I got right now...

    What kind of movies do you enjoy the most?
    Action, Anime, Comedy, Cult Classics, Documentary, Independent, Romance/Love Stories

    What are your favorite movies?
    Princess Bride, Mannequin, Zoolander, Accepted, Secret
    of my Success, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Dirty Dancing,
    Leon (The Professional), Bourne Identity, Die Hard, Fifth
    Element, Men in Black, Wild Wild West, Independance Day,
    Casablanca, North by Northwest, Indiana Jones and the
    Last Crusade, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Sabrina, The
    Rock, Face/Off, Broken Arrow, A Goofy Movie, Aladdin,
    Finding Nemo, Army of Darkness, Dogma, Gross Pointe Blank,
    Hi Fidelity, Say Anything, Shallow Hal.... on and on

    What kind of music do you enjoy listening to?
    Alternative/Indie, Classic Rock, Classical, Electronica/House, Folk Music, Jazz/Blues, New Age, Oldies, Opera, Pop/Top 40, Punk, R&B/Soul, Rock 'n Roll, Show Tunes, Women Who Rock

    What does listening to music do for you?
    It's relaxing, It's inspiring, It helps me get my anger out, It's great for dancing, It's good background noise, It gives me time to sing, It's how I express myself

    What are your favorite musicians or bands?
    I can't even begin....
    What are 5 albums you can't live without?
    ooooohhhh I have to think about this.

    Tell us what you're reading now.
    My Husband Betty

    What do you like to do in your free time?
    Spend time with my son and friends. Photography. Dreaming.

    What are your favorite sports/teams?
    I don't like professional sports. I hate watching
    it on TV, though I will go to see a game on special occasion.
    I think it's pathetic these assholes whine about ONLY
    getting 10 million a year while kids have to pay 200, 300
    and even 400 dollars to "enjoy" the same sports
    in an organized setting. Why the fuck should they get paid
    so much for their talents while an artist may struggle to
    sell a painting or photo for 50 dollars for rent. Idiocy

    What best describes the pace of your life?
    Go with the flow

    How much time does your job take up in your life?
    I'm a student

    Describe what you do for a living.
    I am a student and Navy veteran.

    How often are you online?
    I'm on several hours a day.

    What kind of place do you live in?
    Apartment

    What do you like about where you live?
    My son is here and I have 2 great friends here. Thats it, I
    hate the rest.

    What is your current dating situation?
    I'm in the middle of a divorce.

    What types of relationships have you had in the past? Share your story with us!
    Been engaged twice, married once, now I'm getting
    divorced.
     
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2009
  2. OakleyTodd

    OakleyTodd New Member

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    Very detailed enlighting interview.
     
  3. TigreTek

    TigreTek omega member OT Supporter

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    I usually have one up at a time.
     
  4. sparklwazngurly

    sparklwazngurly New Member

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    Thank you, I tried to include as much as I could think of, that might be of interest in FS. At the very least its an interesting read :)
     
  5. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    Thank you for filling that out and also adding those awesoem questions to it....

    Will you be going through full transformation to be a fem? I see you don't refer to you penis as something pleasurable to you and it is an "appendage" to you.

    Have you always identified as female?

    What brough you to the point of living feminized (i know your marriage was also a 24/7 Fem dom/ t-fem sub situation), but were you considering it or living it prior to your relationship?
     
  6. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    How do you identify to your son? male/female/other?

    Gender, being a spectrum, is quite varied, where do you put yourself/where do you want to be?

    What kind of sensorial play do you enjoy best? least?

    What kind of food is your fave?
     
  7. sparklwazngurly

    sparklwazngurly New Member

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    I will be going through with a full transformation. I am very detached form my penis and the male role. I have always been different, but I didn't understand or identify as female until 3 years ago. The concept was not something I really knew. It's easy to see in retrospect that I did identify that way, I just didn't know it. I wasn't considering transformation before my now ending relationship, because like I said I didn't really know about it. But in the relationship I was submissive and she was dominant and she enjoyed femininzing me, inclined with her preference for females. the natural dom/sub context of our relationship is what led us into BDSM, and through the lifestyle the transgendered issue got a name. It progressed from there.
     
  8. sparklwazngurly

    sparklwazngurly New Member

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    For my son, I am daddy, i will always be daddy. My wife and I had an interesting fight about that. When he doesn't make eye contact with whoever he is talking to, he says mommadaddy... well, when my wife went hyper manic this was a trigger for her and she started yelling at me, the day she left, that I was sick and was screwing up our kid, because he said mommadaddy and I was in a dress. She said I was confusing him. I said that was silly because it implies that his understanding of gender is based upon clothing alone. And if that were true, it would not only be wrong, but then according to that logic she should always be in a dress. She said that didnt make sense, since girls wear pants. So I asked how is it not confusing then if we are both wearing jeans and tee's. She didn't like that answer and left.

    As for gender... I am female. I don't associate with being a male, the thought of being someones boyfriend or man or husband, I can't even form a picture in my mind anymore. Taking the male role in sex and using the penis makes me sick to my stomach. I live, dress, act, identify, with being female. I use the female restroom, I don't own male clothes, I take so long and work very carefully to be as passable as possible to make it easier for others to identify me as female. I don;t usually have problems. I am usually called ma'am or miss. Losing the penis is not the defining moment for me or when I will be female. I already am female. The penis is just like a mole or cyst I will need removed.... though it definitely messes with my panty lines. :)

    Sensation play, ooooh.... I love temperature play, and hate it at the same time. I have the most trouble staying still with fire and wax play, and I am disappointed with myself if I am unable to refrain from struggling in my bonds. I want to get into knife play... I really wanna do some pics with a needle play corset. I think those are sooo gorgeous and want one.... I think I like tickling the least... not because its not great, but because it's somewhat confounding to me. It doesn't hurt, not like the most of the sensations, but I still struggle and fight more against tickling than the worst flogging, caning or electricity play I've ever had.

    Favorite food... I'm half asian, and I love my foods.... My favorite restaurant of all time is this amazing ramen place at home in So Cal.... for anyone who doesn't know about ramen places.... a great ramen place in japan, the wait line can go around the block... and it is alot of work, the noodles are hand made and not like the top ramen noodles, and the broth takes almost 36 hours to make.

    Thanks for the questions! More are welcome, hope this is helpful and informative.
     
  9. DUCY

    DUCY New Member

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    I have some extremely n00b questions, so I hope they're not inappropriate or anything.

    If you don't really enjoy your penis, what makes sexual activites satisfying for you? When you're with somebody do you get any physical pleasure from the encounter? I assume you're taking female hormones? Can you maintain an erection long enough to have an orgasm? What will you be "equipped with" when your penis is removed? Will there be anything there at all? Will you be able to orgasm without a penis? What about the cum?

    I know that's a ton of questions but I'm interested.
     
  10. HouseLing

    HouseLing When masturbations lost its fun you'r fucking lazy

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    where is it and whats it called?
     
  11. sparklwazngurly

    sparklwazngurly New Member

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    No worries about the questions, happy to answer them. I enjoy the BDSM activities more than the sexual activities. The acts of submission provide in many ways a much greater release than I achieve through simple orgasm. I do get physical pleasure from encounters, but I am happier to provide service and orgasm to another. If I orgasm, thats it, it's over and nothing special came of it. That's the way I feel anyway. I can have an erection, I can have sex, and I can orgasm... but I feel nauseous being the penetrator, being forced into that role, so even with orgasm, the joy is removed.

    After SRS, Sex Reassignment Surgery, for M2F, thats Male to Female Transexuals... a Neo Vagina is created from the penis, the details can be found here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginoplasty and allows for normal female sexual function. The nerve intensive tissue is used to form a clitoris and vaginal walls. Even before the surgery however, many M2F transexuals in the course of Hormones Replacement Therapy (HRT) stop having male type orgasms, and have more centric and repeatable female type orgasms. The desire for intercourse by male means dwindles and the desire for stimulation by insertion (anal in lieu of vaginal since that doesn't yet exist) increases. After SRS, nearly all transwomen experience normal female orgasm through clitoral stimulation and vaginal penetration.

    Sperm production is ceased during the HRT process and so the cum doesn't occur. Right now, I prefer release by milking, which in itself provides a different kind of orgasm for me than what I would feel through penile stimulation.

    Hope this answers the questions. Feel free to ask any others you may have. :)
     
  12. sparklwazngurly

    sparklwazngurly New Member

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  13. HouseLing

    HouseLing When masturbations lost its fun you'r fucking lazy

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    how was being in the navy, considering your feeling yourself woman?
     
  14. sparklwazngurly

    sparklwazngurly New Member

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    Put simply... Awkward. The first falling out my wife and I had was two years ago when I was supposed to start Hormones. The result was the wife being arrested for assault. This of course wouldn't escape the attention of my superiors, so I had to come clean about being transgendered, and they completely didn't understand. One of my supervisors respose was, "So what does that mean, like you don't play baseball good and play like a girl?" I never fell in line with the Military mentality so I was always on someones radar. For one thing, when I became supervisor, I ran things in a way many disagreed. My philosophy on being a supervisor, is that I never wanted to have to order anyone to do anything. I wanted it to be so that all that was required was a request. I respected my kids, treated them like more than just a rank, and in turn they respected me. I never asked them to do something I wasn't willing or going to do with them. Because of that I had the most cohesive watch division. Both of these factors resulted in my discharge from the navy. They sent me to the base psych who diagnosed me with an NOS (Not Otherwise Specified) personality disorder with paranoid and narcissistic tendencies. They couldn't just say it was for being unconventional and transgendered.

    I really hated my time in the military. Was always isolated because of my secret. But without the navy, I wouldn't have my son, and may never have made it to therapy to understand I was transgendered.
     
  15. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    Hmmm, what to ask, what to ask…..

    What are you taking in school? Are you continuing with the nuclear reactor stuff or something different?

    What type of photography do you like? Do you have any of your work that you would share here?

    Once your operation is complete, will you have a preference for men or women or will you still classify yourself as Bi?

    Does your Pre-op makeup make dating difficult? By that I mean, do you have guys that hit on you, then you tell them you have a dick (for now) and do they freak out and run or is it not much of an issue?

    Are you actively looking for a partner right now or are you waiting until you have STS?

    I would love to see a photo of you (either here or privately). I am curious the difference. As you pointed out, you have a very feminine body, but I always find that MTF seem to still look rather masculine…however, for some reason, I suspect you are different. :dunno:

    Mind going into what lead to your divorce a bit more? Was it your desire to get the operation or not feeling you were actually male?

    Your costumes and collars sound GREAT!

    You stated your favourite toy to use on others…what do you like on you?

    LOL, Lovely is a complete Sub as well. I tell her ‘okay, you be dominant’ she says ‘right…okay…well…what would you like me to do?’….lol I suspect you are similar?

    Are you submissive with both men and women? I presume yes. Can you tell me a bit more about your ‘performance’ thing and demonstrating your submissiveness in front of others?

    Hmm, I like some of your fantasy stuff. You have a very interesting set of things; none that I have done or may do (maybe) but still interesting.

    Wow…very interesting and scary childhood….scar from being shot….wow :S

    Do you feel your childhood has shaped your preferences and personal feelings about yourself? I know you started to answer this, but was wondering if you wanted to expand on it further and just do some critical thinking and hypothesizing.

    Lovely LOVES her subspace….it is apparently a very different feeling.
    Will have to address your BDSM interview later :)
     
  16. Drunken Karnie Midget

    Drunken Karnie Midget In Yeo We Trust, All Others Pay Cash OT Supporter

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    I haven't read all of your's yet, as it's a lot to read, so i'm picking it up in chunks. One thing i did notice, is that you exclusively reject firearms as props in your play. Why is this?

    :uh: nevermind... while a firearm that's been cleared, and handled properly is no more dangerous than a hammer, or a paper-weight, and even less so than a knife, i can see why you exclude it. Something like that can be EXTREMELY traumatizing as a child, and would only dredge up bad memories if brought to the forefront during play...
     
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2008
  17. TigreTek

    TigreTek omega member OT Supporter

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    not to derail this thread but while i'm extremely pro gun, a firearm has no place in play
     
  18. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    I do? I didn't know I said that....but yes, I do. If you want to take an unloaded gun and play, maybe, but never a loaded gun. As Tigre mentioned, guns have no place in play. Unlike Tigre though, I am anti-gun ;)
     
  19. TigreTek

    TigreTek omega member OT Supporter

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    you're canadian. your opinion on guns is entirely irrelevant.
     
  20. Drunken Karnie Midget

    Drunken Karnie Midget In Yeo We Trust, All Others Pay Cash OT Supporter

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    uh... i think i need to clarify... my original question was to sparklwasngurly, but then i read Bubba's post, and noticed that the answer was right there, thus i quoted him to correct myself in the edit.

    As far as guns go... if it's cleared, and properly handled, it's no more dangerous than a hammer, or a knife... with the latter even less so. It can bring a level of excitement into BDSM play that you may not be able to achieve otherwise... But it's an argument that'll never be resolved based on the deeply ingrained firearms safety rules, #1 of which is "treat every gun as if it were loaded" which is where the stigma against using a firearm (even cleared, and verified) during play comes from, because during play you're going to be treating it quite differently. I don't want to derail this either... Sparkl, no need to answer my question, bubba pointed it out for me.
     
  21. Drunken Karnie Midget

    Drunken Karnie Midget In Yeo We Trust, All Others Pay Cash OT Supporter

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    :nono: the canadians are about to have a firearm appreciation day. something we'll never have here in the states. :wtc:
     
  22. TigreTek

    TigreTek omega member OT Supporter

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    I live in florida, every day is firearms appreciation day.
     
  23. Drunken Karnie Midget

    Drunken Karnie Midget In Yeo We Trust, All Others Pay Cash OT Supporter

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    :rofl::rofl::rofl:
     
  24. sparklwazngurly

    sparklwazngurly New Member

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    Hmmm, what to ask, what to ask…..

    What are you taking in school? Are you continuing with the nuclear reactor stuff or something different?
    Before the split with my wife I was an anthropology major, wanting to go for an ND, thats a Naturalist Doctor and teach at a state uni. But now that we've split, I do not have the money or time to pursue that. I need something more immediate, so I have switched to communication/business while taking a bunch of programming and photo classes. I have some friends at a big silicon valley company and hoping to get in with them. Have to worry about whats best for our son and not just what I want to do. Cannot do the nuclear stuff anymore... it was unbearably stressful, drove me and most of the people on my boat (mobile chernobyl) nutty.

    What type of photography do you like? Do you have any of your work that you would share here?
    I really like burlesque and erotic photography, I know, I know big shock.
    I don't actually have any work... nothing that isn't my kid or my kitty cat. But when I do get some of my ideas on camera, I will post.

    Once your operation is complete, will you have a preference for men or women or will you still classify yourself as Bi?
    I don't have an answer to that. There are many Transwomen that prior to the hormone therapy, felt attracted only to women, and then during the course of the therapy, became solely attracted to men. I suspect that because I am Bi now, it will not change much.

    Does your Pre-op makeup make dating difficult? By that I mean, do you have guys that hit on you, then you tell them you have a dick (for now) and do they freak out and run or is it not much of an issue?
    I have lots of guys hit on me, pretty constantly, but while I may flirt a little, I haven't really let any of it get anywhere. I won't lead someone on with a lie about who I am. I may be a girl, but not explaining the situation would be greatly misleading for me, and I don't do it. I had a woman hit on my pretty heavily, the last time I went out with friends as a male... and because I am used to faking the game, I did flirt with her, but I stopped myself pretty quickly and just told her flat out what the situation was. We still talk actually, but nothing sexual or romantic came of it. I have chatted some with someone online over the last couple days, and his open mindedness really surprised me. He told me that it wouldn't bother him to have a girlfriend going through transition, that the occasional dirty looks wouldn't get to him, and that he wouldn't have a problem with the somewhat limited range of sexual activities of enjoying oral service by me and only having anal available for fucking. Like I said, my jaw was on the floor. He really impressed me and his openness got me a little hot, flushed and panties wet.

    Are you actively looking for a partner right now or are you waiting until you have SRS? I am not actively looking no. I am still getting divorced and I wouldn't want to disappoint anyone. It seems that as a general rule, possesion of a penis requires you to use it in most relationships. Since this makes me sad and a bit queasy, I am not actively looking. Doesn't mean I won't find anything, as I mentioned the sweet prospective individual in the previous question.

    I would love to see a photo of you (either here or privately). I am curious the difference. As you pointed out, you have a very feminine body, but I always find that MTF seem to still look rather masculine…however, for some reason, I suspect you are different. :dunno:

    ask and you shall recieve... I hope its okay to put pics here.
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    Mind going into what lead to your divorce a bit more? Was it your desire to get the operation or not feeling you were actually male?
    The cause of the divorce was no one single thing. In my opinion and based upon past experience with my estranged wife... Her bipolar disorder is the biggest reason. I am sure she went into a hypermanic episode because she stopped taking her meds about a month prior. So the nature of her condition is that what was okay before, wasn't now. This happened two years ago, but that time she was arrested for assault and we were apart for about 6 months before reconciling. This time yeah she went hypermanic, decided I was now sick and screwing up our child, because he calls both of us mommadaddy when he doesn't make eye contact with whoever is addressing him. She said I was confusing him because I was wearing a dress (which is nothing new). I said that was totally lame, that it would mean that his concept of gender is based solely upon clothing, and that if that were indeed true... she should have to wear a dress at all times to keep him from being confused. Her reply was that women wear jeans and tees too. I said how is it not confusing then if we are both wearing jeans and tees based upon your theory that gender is determined by clothing. Thats about when she walked out. As far as the transition... she has almost had me convinced that I wasn't trans, but just a crossdresser. But as soon as she left, it all came back, all the old feelings, and I realized it was just her influence as the Dom and my submission that was holding me back from doing what I started to do two years ago. Sorry for the length there.

    Your costumes and collars sound GREAT! Thanks!!

    You stated your favourite toy to use on others…what do you like on you? I like everything my top/dominant wishes to use... I love my NJOY plug and being forced to wear it for long periods of time, especially in public. Suprisingly I have never been gagged, though My wife would make a bit and bridle from the silk rope for our pony play, but I would love to be gagged, with a ring gag, with a bit, a ball... with wet panties... I love collars and restraints. I would love to find a dominant that would collar me with one of those gorgeous gorean ring collars and cuffs, always wearing them... mmmmmmm so hot.... I love to feel the flogger and paddle, whip and cane. I like the electric wand.... I am thinking I would like to prevent and more stupid erections with a CB3000 or CB6000, until I go through with SRS. Dildos are great, love the aneros, the rabbit vibe, and the hitachi wand... I really dig bondage tape too, and clamps... my nipples are super sensititve, I've had them pierced each 3 different times.

    LOL, Lovely is a complete Sub as well. I tell her ‘okay, you be dominant’ she says ‘right…okay…well…what would you like me to do?’….lol I suspect you are similar? I tried being dominant once with the ex... It was so awkward, she ended up throwing me around the room and pinning me until I submitted to her, that was before we even really knew about BDSM. Ive been a sub since and I love it.

    Are you submissive with both men and women? I presume yes. Can you tell me a bit more about your ‘performance’ thing and demonstrating your submissiveness in front of others? Yes I am submissive to all dominants, except those that would harm me. Part of the control that belongs to subbies! I love being asked to demonstrate my submissiveness in front of others or in public. It is very humbling. It can be like when engaged in puppy play, and taken for a walk outside when puppy needs to pee. It may be kneeling next to the table my dominants are eating at, maybe going into the bathroom to insert an object inside myself, maybe a plug or ice from their glass... leaving a humiliating wet spot in the panties and pants or skirt. Have had once my wife go to the bathroom with her glass and fill it with pee which I did drink at the table (watersports, I miss so much). The thing about the scenes, is that even with an audience, if I go into subspace, I am gone... I don't even realize anyone is there.

    Hmm, I like some of your fantasy stuff. You have a very interesting set of things; none that I have done or may do (maybe) but still interesting. All you can do is try... One of my philosophies is that I never want to say "ah man I wish I had done that" when I am no longer able to do things.

    Wow…very interesting and scary childhood….scar from being shot….wow :S sorry if it bothered you guys. It went like that all through school, elementary, middle, and high school. It made me who I am... I can share if you really want, but I don't like forcing the experiences on anyone. :wiggle:

    Do you feel your childhood has shaped your preferences and personal feelings about yourself? I know you started to answer this, but was wondering if you wanted to expand on it further and just do some critical thinking and hypothesizing. The experiences have brought me to where I am, but I wouldn't change any of it. Everything has happened has led me to where and who I am, changing anyone of those things could lead to me not having my wonderful son. I don't play the rhetorical what if games, they just lead to stress that know one needs. You make decisions good or bad and they affect you and others for better or for worse. You have to accept them and deal with the outcome. As far as the submissive nature and what not, I feel that my submissive participation (and shaman training) have let me overcome the past trauma and abuse. Like I said submissives have the real power and control... and the physical experience is euphoric, better than drugs when in subspace.

    Lovely LOVES her subspace….it is apparently a very different feeling.
    Will have to address your BDSM interview later :)

    look forward to it!!
     
  25. sparklwazngurly

    sparklwazngurly New Member

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    Actually I didn't even think about the connection to being shot. I have firearms myself, but I don't keep them in my house, not with my kid here. I have some rifles, a handgun, and an AK-47, yes real, no not an SKS. I've never had them in play, I didn't think about the reason it might bother me. I have seen some very HOT pics of girls... 'using' guns. Wow... thank you all, love those epiphanys!!! kehehehe
     

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